( I feel like this is starting to go nowhere, but I'm trying hmmnhggggg,, thank you all so much for the support!! 💞 it means a lot )
chapter twenty-five
Rigby woke on the forest floor, and it was dark. His breath rattled in his chest, so much to where it felt almost hard to breathe, like he had just got done running around the House five or six times. He gasped, and wheezed, and then Mordecai noticed him for a second. His deep eyes were filled with concern as he raised his head to look at him.
"Dude? Are you... nevermind. Dumb question, probably," he chuckled, half-heartedly, and Rigby gave an annoyed look.
"Why are we laying in the dirt?"
"You passed out. I laid next to you, for a bit. Hey, you wanna see something cool?"
Rigby opened his mouth to protest, to say that they didn't have time to see something cool. But he stopped when Mordecai seemed to be on edge, and a bit uncomfortable. Rigby wasn't sure why. But looking at his friend in the darkness of the night, crickets chirping all around, he gave in. "Alright."
Mordecai grinned. "Sweet." Then, he laid down again, his head rested right next to Rigby's. And he leaned in close to him, and pointed at the sky. "What do you see?"
Rigby looked up, and saw the trees. It was harder to see them in the night, but he could see them, leaves fluttering slightly under his gaze. He squinted, trying to see past the leaves, trying to see what Mordecai could be talking about at such a dire time.
"I see stars." He wasn't lying. He could see the tiny dots of stars as clouds rolled passed, lights in the sky that were now noticeable as he looked up. His hands were shaking.
"Yeah!" Mordecai smiled, "Aren't they epic?"
"What? They're just stars. How is that cool?"
Mordecai turned his head and looked at him, and Rigby looked back, frowning. "Stars are super cool, dude. Did you know that every star you see in the night sky is bigger and brighter than our sun?"
"What? But that's impossible!" Rigby sat up, but kept his gaze on Mordecai, "Then how come our sun is so big to us? And it literally hurts to look at?"
"Because the sun is closer to us, dude."
"Oh." It felt dumb when it left his mouth.
They were silent for a moment, and Rigby could still tell Mordecai was uneasy, uncomfortable with his surroundings. He would fidget his hands, and avert his gaze downwards before looking back at the sky. But before Rigby could ask him why, the blue jay started to speak again.
"We should stargaze more often. Like, just lay out a blanket and look up. And then I can tell you more of my lame star facts." He gave Rigby a lopsided smile as the raccoon laid next to him again, his head starting to throb from sitting up. It felt better to lay down. Especially since Mordecai was laying next to him.
"Yeah, I guess. Hey, are you okay? Why are you so... nervous looking?" Rigby asked, a little too hastily.
Mordecai softened, and he let out a small breath. "I..." his voice grew quiet, "I talked to Skips. And he told me about the demon, and how it's real. And I feel bad, dude. I pushed you away because I didn't believe you. I thought you were going crazy. But now I know--" he turned his head to look at him again, "--you're unhappy."
"I... it's okay, man." Lies. He doesn't feel bad. He is just trying to get to you. He thinks you are really crazy. "I should've explained what I saw..." Rigby couldn't finish his sentence. The voice continued to work in the back of his head, louder than ever.
He tried to push it away, but this only seemed to make it stronger.
Nobody will ever love you.
Your parents never cared. Why should Mordecai care, too? Your secrets will not stay here forever, Rigby.
You are worthless. Give him fear. Give him fear.
Rigby reached out, and grabbed Mordecai's arm, startling the other. "What... what did Skips say?"
"He... said we had to fight the demon, dude. Together. And that we're sure to win."
Lies. Lies. Rigby wanted to scream at the voice. He wanted to curl up in the crook of a tree and never be seen, ever again. He wanted to drown. Tears stung in the back of his eyes. "We can't," it came out as a snap, making his hands tremble at his sides.
"What?"
"We can't fight the demon. I saw him, Mordecai. I know what he's capable of. We'd never win."
"Dude, I...I..."
"Come on," Rigby rose to his feet. For some reason, he was fuming with anger. At Mordecai. For lying. The nasty voice in his head only coaxed his anger more, and he started walking back towards the House, trying to blink back the tears welling in his eyes. But this only tempted them, and he felt them slip down his cheeks. He heard Mordecai following after him.
Bring him to the pond. Show him what the demon is capable of. Then he will change his mind about everything.
Give him fear.
You have the power to destroy. Destroy your friendship, and maybe the demon will leave.
Rigby stopped. He couldn't seem to go much further, and Mordecai came to his side, reaching for his arm. "Dude, look. We need to talk. About everything. And actually come up with a plan because--"
"I know! I know but I can't," Rigby snapped, and his breath hitched violently.
"What do you mean?" His voice was soft.
"The voice. It's always talking to me. I can't make any comment about anything with that nasty snide and-- and--" The tears fell faster, mainly out of frustration, and anger, and everything negative.
Mordecai casted his gaze downwards for a moment, and his beak clamped shut in small thought. The crickets around them continued to chirp, and as Rigby looked up at his friend, he could see him in the darkness of night. His eyes were solemn with thought, and his hands were shaking slightly in a strange way. But he kept his calm, and that's what Rigby needed the most, it seemed. Then, his head turned to the other.
"How about this, dude. Where is your favorite place to hang out in the entire world?" He asked.
"Uhhh..." Rigby mulled this question over in his head, amber eyes glistening in the dead of night. In the back of his head, the voices worked, but his thoughts seemed to counter against them. "I'd say... the roof." The simple answer surprised even him-- he was one for a crazy arcade or an awesome amusement park. But the roof was his down to earth, honest answer.
That was where he went to drown in his thoughts. That was where he went to joke around and throw pebbles at Benson when he passed by. That was where he went when he kissed Mordecai.
"Let's go there, then." And the blue jay grabbed Rigby's arm, pulling him through the darkest parts of the forests, guiding him towards the house.
And when they got there, and travelled up the stairs, quietly, and pushed their way into their messy room, Rigby was already beginning to forget about the voices.
Mordecai opened the window, and the two climbed out, helping each other gently make their way to the edge to sit down. Rigby's gaze instinctively drew to where the pond was on the hill, and he could see what Thomas had been talking about-- darkness shrouded over the water, looming like a cloud, and he could see a figure through the mist. Waiting. Watching. For some reason, the smells of blood lingered in Rigby's nose, and an icy chill chased down his spine.
He felt a hand on his face, gently turning him away from the pond, and Rigby was met eye to eye with Mordecai. He had a small, comforting smile.
"Hey. It's okay, Rigby."
Rigby didn't realize his breath had grown so heavy after seeing the pond, and he tried to relax, his hands shaking as he reached for the other's hand on his face. Searching for comfort. Searching for purpose.
He seemed to find it when Mordecai kissed him gently on the lips.