Jisung was nervous. A few weeks passed since Chan asked Jisung to move in with him and since then, Jisung's anxious feelings hadn't gone away. The three of them eventually found a small house that was big enough for all of them. It was halfway between where Jisung lived and where Chan and Changbin lived, making it a rougher place for Jisung but a much better place for Chan and Changbin. Jisung didn't mind that so much, he grew up in a worse place before his parents died, but everything else was stressing him out.
Chan and Changbin noticed his change in behaviour and comforted him to the best of their ability. They told Jisung that he didn't have to move with them if he wasn't ready, he could join them when everything was in order and set up, but Jisung insisted on being a part of the process. Despite his nerves, moving out was a thing he needed to face and he wanted to push through it as strongly as he could.
"Are you ok?" Chan asked Jisung as they stood outside the new building. It had a nice exterior, two-storey, red bricks and windows that weren't smashed in like they were in many other places in the area. There was even a front lawn with freshly cut grass that the spring sun shone directly onto. Jisung liked it a lot, but it wasn't enough to calm him entirely.
"Y-yeah, I'm ok," he nodded, readjusting his grip on a box full of his belongings before advancing forwards and going to meet Changbin inside. Chan was unloading all of their boxes from the moving truck they had hired while Jisung was carrying the boxes inside and Changbin was trying his best to organise. That was their plan but they didn't know how well it was working out yet.
"Thanks," Changbin smiled at Jisung as he took the box out of his shaky hands, "Is everything all right?" He asked when he noticed.
Jisung's eyes wandered around the room that would be their living room. It was a nice size, big enough to fit at least one sofa and an armchair plus the TV that Chan had brought with him. The walls were white and the floor was a light brown wood, it didn't look too different from his aunt and uncles living room which comforted him more than he thought it would. "It's nice," Jisung mumbled.
Changbin nodded in agreement, "I'm glad you like it. Do you want to go and get another box?"
Jisung nodded before scurrying off to collect another box from Chan. When he reached the elder, he realised all of the boxes had been emptied from the truck and Chan had managed to pick up three of them at once, starting to carrying them towards the house. Jisung suddenly felt very weak as he could barely manage one, but nevertheless, he followed behind Chan with a smaller box in his own hands. He was almost panting when he placed it down by Changbin's feet.
Chan chuckled at him, "tired, baby?"
"N-no," Jisung mumbled, already up to go and grab another box to prove a point but Chan wrapped his arms around his waist before he could and pulled him into a back hug.
"It's ok, I'll get the rest," he said, pressing a kiss to the back of Jisung's head before going off to collect them. Jisung stayed put in the living room, not wanting to carry any more boxes anyway. He watched Changbin who was kneeling on the floor, sorting through the boxes and trying to figure out what room everything would go in. There were three bedrooms in the house, one big and two box sized ones. Sleeping arrangements hadn't been sorted out yet, but Chan said he had an idea in mind which involved putting two double beds together for the three in the big bedroom and using one of the bedrooms for Yena when she stayed over. The other room didn't have a use yet.
Changbin looked up at Jisung and grinned when he noticed him staring, "this is so fucking domestic, isn't it?"
For the first time since stepping inside, Jisung let a smile crack across his face as he knelt beside Changbin. "That's not really your thing, is it?" He said, peering inside one of the boxes that contained Chan's music equipment. He wondered where he would set it up.
"Not at all," Changbin shook his head, "but...I don't mind doing domestic things with you."
Jisung looked down at his hands, the smile expanding even further on his face, "I don't mind doing domestic things with you either."
"Do you mind not flirting and helping me?" Chan asked the two when he walked back inside, another three boxes in his arms. The other two chuckled at him as he placed them on the floor. Jisung pulled one of the boxed closer to him so he and Changbin could 'sort through' it which was ultimately a pointless job as nobody knew where anything was going yet and Changbin was merely examining objects before putting them back in the box, but at least it made them feel helpful.
-
The furniture in the house was being moved in by men who had been hired to do the job. Jisung was sitting in the corner of the living room, on the floor below the window, watching them hesitantly as he played with his hands and hoped Chan or Changbin would appear soon. He didn't like being left alone with strangers.
"Is it ok here?" One out of two men asked, standing in the centre of the room as he held up the sofa from Chan's old apartment with the other man.
Jisung nodded in response, unable to get the word 'yes,' out of his mouth. Despite it seeming so simple, his words had got lost in his throat somewhere and the men didn't look very impressed by that. They looked at Jisung as if he was being rude which Jisung knew he was, but he wished he wasn't. The look they gave him made him feel even smaller as he pulled his legs up to his chest and felt his breathing becoming more and more unsteady as the men placed down the sofa and more men entered the room, holding furniture that had become a blur to Jisung.
"Not now, please not now," Jisung mumbled to himself under his breath, which only drew more attention from the men. Subconsciously, he started to rock backwards and forwards as he squeezed his eyes shut and desperately tried to practice the breathing exercise Chan had taught him over the past few weeks when they'd been going through the stress of moving. It didn't work this time though. When Jisung opened his eyes, he saw the two men staring at him as if he was crazy and a tight feeling expanded across his chest. It was hard to breathe and Jisung felt as if he was being choked.
"Hey, mate, are you ok?" One of the men asked which only made Jisung worse. He didn't want to talk to a stranger, he couldn't. He wanted Chan because Chan always knew what to do, but Chan wasn't in sight. The man turned to his friend, "do you want to go and get that blond guy and tell him his friend is freaking out or something?"
'Freaking out...' those words hurt Jisung more than he thought they would. Was he freaking out? Was he being irrational? All Jisung knew was that it was getting harder and harder to breathe. The tears that started falling from his eyes were inevitable and when the man stepped closer to Jisung, he cowered away, letting out a small whimper and backing himself as far against the wall as he could.
"Hey, it's ok, I'll deal with this," Jisung heard Chan say, which brought him some comfort, but it was mostly a feeling in the back of his head and not something he could focus on. All he could focus on was his panic and distress.
He barely processed Chan walking towards him and the other men leaving to get more furniture until he was kneeling in front of him. "Jisung, can you hear me?" He asked. Jisung could hear him but he couldn't respond, he couldn't even bring himself to nod, but he managed to let out another small whimper and Chan knew that meant he could.
"It's ok, baby. Take deep breaths," Chan said before starting to guide Jisung through the breathing exercise he'd found when he was researching panic attacks in the psychology books at the local library. Seeing Jisung in so much distress was what brought about his visit there. He hadn't been there much before, but he wanted to better understand what Jisung was going through and how to help him better so the library seemed like a good place.
It took a while but eventually, Jisung's breathing had calmed and he was only mildly hyperventilating with far fewer tears streaming down his face. Chan wiped them away with his thumb and pressed a soft kiss to the tip of his nose. "I know this is a stressful time for you but I'm so proud of you, baby. You're so brave."
Jisung sniffled, "I-I'm pathetic."
"No, no," Chan quickly shook his head, "don't you dare say that; you're far from pathetic. Right now you're the strongest person I know and I love you so much."
"Y-you love me?" Jisung's tears came to a stop at once. He stared up at Chan but Chan was smiling back at him as if what he'd said wasn't a shock to Jisung.
"Of course I love you. Why are you so surprised?"
"I just...nobody has ever said that to me before," Jisung realised, "not...not since my parents died anyway."
Chan leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Jisung's lips. It was only a few seconds long but it still made Jisung's heart flutter. "So I beat Changbin to it then, did I?" Chan asked as he pulled away but kept his forehead pressed to Jisung's.
The corner of Jisung's lips turned up into a smile, "you beat Changbin to everything. He's slow."
"Hey!" Chan and Jisung turned to stare at the figure in the doorframe who was now glaring at them, "I am not slow!"
Jisung and Chan started laughing as Changbin crossed his arms over his chest, pouting. "I think you annoyed him," Chan whispered to Jisung who started giggling. "I better go and give him a hug before he gets all sulky," Chan said as he got up from the floor. Jisung grabbed his hand before he could leave and Chan turned to him with a curious look.
"Chan, I...I love you too," he whispered so quietly that he thought Chan hadn't heard until the elder knelt again and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
"I know you do," he winked.
-
The bed hadn't been set up by eleven that night and all three boys were too tired to try and attempt putting it up. There was a mattress on the floor, pushed up against the furthest wall and it was just big enough to fit Changbin and Jisung on it if they lay side by side. Luckily, Changbin liked to cling to people or objects when he slept so he'd pulled Jisung as close to him as he possibly could and now Jisung was practically lying on his chest, which left room for Chan who came into the room half an hour after them. He'd been setting up a few last-minute things in the kitchen and had told the other two to get some rest.
He smiled as he lay down next to a half-asleep Changbin and an awake Jisung, who was smiling back at Chan. "Do you like it here?" Chan asked, lifting the duvet that had been kicked to the end of the mattress and pulling it over all three of their bodies, prioritising Jisung and Changbin over himself.
Jisung nodded, "I do. I'm still getting used to it but it's nice. It'll be even nicer when we put the beds up!"
Chan chuckled and leaned forward to press a kiss to Jisung and Changbin's foreheads. "We can do it tomorrow but tonight we'll have to suffer on the floor."
Jisung smiled, "ok, goodnight, Chan."
"Goodnight, Jisung and goodnight Changbin."
Changbin grumbled something in response, too tired to form coherent words as Chan switched off the lamp that they'd set up beside the bed. He moved closer to Jisung and Changbin before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.