you sat in your room. not moving. just... breathing. you had already gotten ready for the dinner, which took a lot of energy. plus your mini outburst earlier.
💭why am i like this. 💭
then you heard your doorbell ring.
fuck.
this would be awkward. you got up and walked downstairs. you entered the living room and saw mattia. followed by his parents... and gian.
welp.
you tried to smile at them, but you knew it looked fake. you knew this time would come, to apologize sooner or later. your's and mattia's parents were great friends. of course you'd have to encounter them again. you walked towards them.
y/n: hi. i'm sorry. for everything.
m/m: it's all ok sweetie. we know what you've been through, and we don't want you worrying about anything further.
m/d: you're all good y/n.
you looked over at gian. you apologetically smiled at him. he didn't say anything. just awkwardly smiled back.
you couldn't bring your eyes up to look at him. you guys exchanged words, yes, but it still felt like you guys were hiding things from each other. like there was still unspoken words.
m/m: why don't we let these two talk?
mom: hmmm. i guess. when you two are ready come on in for dinner.
you dreaded this. mattia's dad moved so that you and mattia could walk outside and speak out on your porch. the door shut. and right then and there it was just you, mattia, and the jasmine flowers.
mattia: soo... we both fucked up.
y/n: yeah.
mattia: i'm sorry. i shouldn't have done what i did. i wasn't even that interested in her. i guess i was just scared to lose you, which i did. not in the way i would've thought, but it happened. and so i started talking to her. so that i wouldn't be lonely, i guess.
y/n: and in the end you ended up breaking not just her heart but mine too.
mattia: i know. i fucked up.
y/n: yes, you did. but i did too.
mattia: ok but you were crossfaded. i wasn't. that's what makes it even worse.
y/n: mattia, be honest. do you still love jenna?
he was silent for a while.
mattia: i don't know. but i do know that you're the only girl that crosses my mind everyday. like nonstop.
you knew he still had a little love for jenna. even though he acted as if he didn't, you knew he did. but you couldn't help it. you didn't blame him.
y/n: it's fine to say you still have a spot for her in your heart. you and her had a strong connection. i just, sorry. i think it's my insecurities getting the best of me right now.
mattia: can we just be good?
y/n: yeah. i'm sorry i hurt you while i was hurting.
mattia: same.
and like you expected, he hugged you. you missed his hugs. you missed being in his arms.
mattia: so what are we?
he said pulling back.
y/n: let's just start over. for real this time. like we said.
mattia: ok so friends?
y/n: yeah. i guess.
mattia: ok. but you have to act like it then. no ignoring me and shit.
y/n: yeah. ok.
he opened the door and followed you into the house to the dinner table.
y/s/n: sooo we all good?
way to make things weird.
y/n: yeah. i think.
everyone agreed. and for the rest of the night you guys dined. just like the old times. there was still that sadness holding you back. but you tried to ignore it for the sake of this dinner. then, like always, the parents decided to sip some whine and the kids went upstairs. gian to y/s/n's room and mattia to yours.
welp. things were awkward.
you sat at the edge of your bed. him as well, just far from you.
mattia: here's your uh... stash.
he brought out your weed shit from his pockets. you took it from him and put it back in your coat in the closet.
y/n: thanks.
you saw him staring at the coat in your closet. you quietly sat back down and went on your phone. him as well. then you saw your little brothers peaking in the room through the crack taking pictures of you guys.
mattia: what the fuck
you just ignored them.
mattia: fucking creeps
he got up and went to close the door but they fought back. you laughed at the sight. he eventually closed the door and went to lock it, just to realize there was no lock.
y/n: wow so strong.
mattia: what happened to your lock?! i swear you had one
you laid down on your bed.
y/n: got it taken
he eventually let go of the door and they fell into the room.
y/n: guysss leave
gian: why? what are you guys gonna do?
mattia: shut the fuck up
y/n: oh my god.
they laughed and went back to y/s/n's room. mattia came back and sat down on your bed. it was awkward as fuck and you didn't know what to do.
mattia: so... we have school tomorrow.
y/n: i know.
mattia: you ready to go back?
y/n: kinda.
mattia: i heard michael got jumped in juvy.
nikki had already told you that. he got jumped because word spread that he abused women. he abused you.
y/n: yeah.
mattia: glad his ass got beat. he deserved it.
y/n: yeah.
silence. then you felt him poke you, causing you to flinch.
mattia: talk to me. you've been dry. did i do something wrong? i thought we were "starting over".
y/n: you didn't do anything wrong if that's what you're thinking. it's just me. and i know, sorry. it's hard to start over after all the shit that happened.
mattia: what about you? tell me what's on your mind. what you're feeling.
you didn't speak back. you were hesitating whether or not you should open up to him.
mattia: come on.
he dropped his head, looking over at you.
'mattia!! gian!! we're leaving let's goo!!'
thank the lords.
mattia: alright. never mind then. bye.
he got up and before he left he said:
mattia: if i'm gonna be the only one trying to fix us then i don't want us at all.
and then he left. ouch.
later that night in the shower... you cried. which made you think about erika. you missed erika.
you were confused. you were still hurting, and trying to heal. and in the process you were hurting mattia.
💭why am i like this💭
but you were going to make things straight. tomorrow. you went to bed thinking about what you were going to say exactly, replaying stupid scripts in your mind. you tried sorting your feelings out but you couldn't. you ended up getting no sleep. again.