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It was impossible to decide exactly what to do in that moment. Should she turn and run? Should she ignore Nola? Address her politely? Confront her? Yell?
Nola's eyes felt as though they were piercing through Carina's very being. With the heat of embarrassment creeping up the back of her neck, Carina was about to open her mouth to speak, when Nola seemed to decide otherwise.
"Hello, McGonagall." It was a voice Carina had heard so many times, but now her tone lacked all warmth, a hollow shell of the sweetness Nola's words had once held. Her words were not the icicles they had been in Diagon Alley, not sharp, harsh, and attacking - they were instead infected by a slow, consuming, aching coldness. Like frostbite.
Hearing her last name in that voice seemed less like a greeting, than a threat. An invitation for injury, for cruelty, for pain. Almost like an insult, simply waiting to happen.
"Hello, Nola." No matter how Carina felt, how much pain she endured from a person, how much discomfort she felt standing there in that moment, she knew one thing: she was not going to play that same game as Nola. She threw as much positivity and happiness into her words as she could, twisting them to be as bright and cheerful as possible. Pushing her fearful body into motion, Carina forced herself to move from the spot she had almost become attached to in those few agonising minutes she had spent standing, frozen in uncertainty.
She went to her bed, several over from the edge of the room where Nola's lay. All of her focus was put into keeping her breathing steady and staying calm, collected. Unbothered.
As she carefully scanned up and down her small set of shelves where she kept her books, Carina realised something. Her copy of A Guide To Advanced Transfiguration was missing.
She spun around to seek for it under her bed or in her school bag and stopped still.
"Looking for this?" Nola held up the textbook Carina had been looking for. The way it was positioned in Nola's hand meant that the spine was bent in a way Carina had been purposeful to avoid and the corners of the pages looked so much rougher and more dog-eared than Carina would have ever allowed it to become. Just looking at her book, being so carelessly handled by the other girl, made her blood boil in a way Carina did not normally feel. She wasn't an inherently angry person - but there was a building temptation in Carina's gut to dive over to the other girl, punch her in the face, and yank her book back.
Carina resisted the urge.
Shifting from foot to foot, she swallowed.
"I may have been. If you wouldn't mind returning that to me, that'd be lovely." There were cracks in the composure of her voice, but Carina managed to not sound too angry or upset. She focused on her breathing again. In and out. Everything was going to be fine.
"Of course." Nola threw the book at Carina - a move she wasn't expecting, and as Carina fumbled to catch it, Nola shifted her stance. As Carina looked up, clutching the textbook to her chest, she noticed any facade of warmth was gone from the other girl.
"Nice to know that you're an Animagus, McGonagall," Nola almost sneered. Carina stiffened - barely anyone at school knew, as she hadn't particularly made a habit of casually transforming around the castle, except for at the full moon, obviously. But she was registered as one, so what did it matter if Nola knew? Anyone could know if they saw the register. There was no shame, nothing to hide. So Carina just shrugged.
"Yeah, so?"
Nola's face seemed to shift at Carina's lack of a reaction, and Carina saw this too.
"It isn't exactly a secret, I am a registered Animagus." Carina turned her back to the other girl to carefully file the Transfiguration textbook back onto her bookshelf.
"Ugh!" The exclamation of frustration that emitted from Nola caused Carina to whirl around quickly in confusion.
The look on the Pureblood girl's face was one of anger.
"I swear to Merlin, why can't you just be more of a fuck up?!" The harsh words from Nola's mouth took Carina aback. It wasn't common to hear such common Muggle swear words in the Ravenclaw Tower - particularly from a Pureblood.
There were tears in Nola's eyes. Not of some melancholy or sadness. Of pain, and wrath.
"Do you know how hard it is to constantly be outshone by people my family consider filthy?!" The rage was flowing out of the girl now and Carina could do nothing but stay frozen in her state of fear.
"Do you know how my parents treated me because I was a Ravenclaw not a Slytherin, like every other person in my goddamn family? And to be a Ravenclaw, to supposedly be smart, but to be constantly beaten by people who are lesser than me? Did you know that before Sirius Black got disowned by his parents for hanging out with you and all those other people who aren't Pureblood - " Nola took a pause for breath and her lip wobbled as if she was about to burst into tears. "Did you know before that he was supposed to be betrothed to me?"
Nola was shaking in fury, gesturing wildly. Tears were streaming done her face and there seemed to be more to her fit than just anger now - a genuine upset and hurt under the surface.
Carina wanted to assure Nola that she was, in fact, a fuck up. How many stupid, irresponsible, and idiotic things had Carina done in the past year alone? And yet, she did not want to move a muscle and trying to console someone who wanted to make fun of you and treat you poorly for something by telling them everything they wanted, well, it seemed like a pretty stupid idea.
Nola collapsed onto her bed, sobbing now, leaving Carina standing awkwardly by her own bed, unsure of what to do. Despite everything the other girl had said - just then and every other day since that moment in Diagon Alley - Carina felt... Nothing. There was not a snarling beast of rage in her chest, no desire to cry just like Nola was. Nothing.
Well, not nothing.
Sympathy. Empathy. Pity.
Carina pitied Nola. She pitied her, not despite every word she had screamed at Carina, but with them, because of them. Those words, they did not actually ring true to Nola. Just looking at the crumpled form on the other bed, the reaction, Carina couldn't have believed that to be genuinely Nola's own thoughts if she had tried in that moment.
Nola may have had a full family and pureblood and everything she could ever have wanted as a child - but that was all toxic. Not real. To ever get another close to real love from those people, Nola had to be the perfect Pureblood in their eyes.
And Nola was not that girl.
Carina knew it.
In her heart of hearts, she had decided: the kind girl that she had become so close to at age eleven - that was the real Nola.
Some part of her, some cynical, deeply rooted part screamed that this was wrong, it was stupid, she was being naïve - but she didn't listen. She didn't want to listen. She didn't want to consider for even a moment longer that Nola was truly that girl who had sneered at her in Diagon Alley. Because not all Purebloods were like that. Carina knew so many lovely Purebloods - James, Pandora, Sirius. He was raised in a similar toxic environment to Nola and he didn't turn out cold, bitter, and prejudiced - and Nola didn't have to be like that either.
She changed once and Carina was sure she could change back once more. Because real Nola, kind Nola, sweet, beautiful, loving Nola - she still existed.
Walking over to the still slightly sobbing girl, Carina held out a tissue to Nola.
"Why?" The pureblood's tone was soft once more. Like the Nola of a year ago. Like the Nola with whom Carina was friends. The real Nola.
"It's not out of kindness. And you aren't immediately forgiven." The words came out slightly sharper than she had meant and Nola looked up at her, eyes welling up again. Carina took a deep breath in and sat down on Nola's bed, a few feet away from her. "But I do understand to some extent. I know family pressures. I know how difficult it can be. All of that trollshit you said isn't really you. But that doesn't make what you did right. You're so much smarter than that, or at least I thought you were. You're smart and funny and creative. That's why you're a Ravenclaw. That's why you're my friend. You don't have to be what your father wants for you. You don't have to be like your father. You just have to be you. And I'll be here for you. So will the other Ravenclaws. And many more people. You just have to actually talk to people about the problems instead of lashing out. Or trying to get other people in trouble."
At that, Carina turned her head and made very pointed eye contact, and once again, any mask Nola was trying to put up fell immediately.
"I just..." she tried get words out between sobs. "I made your life hell, I made so many people's lives hell," Nola cried. "I don't even think I wanted you to get hurt, I just wanted.."
"I don't know that it particularly matters what your intentions were, or what you think they were anyway." Carina paused, mulling over her words.
"That night at the concert...." Carina sighed. "It doesn't matter now that you told. I think I understand it. You wanted to get me in trouble and I get that... I know that you were out that night too. I know you were scared. It was something to do with... what's been happening recently, wasn't it? And you were trying to appease your family by telling on me, you were trying to be what they wanted. Hate those with Muggle blood, make them upset, treat them like less. But that's not what you're really like. You have a lot of empathy. I know you do, I've seen it. Don't suppress that. Please."
"You're... you're right. It's the old pureblood families - they've been meeting. They want to join... He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. They were trying to initiate some of us, the younger purebloods still at Hogwarts. They showed us someone... Getting this mark on their arm. It was horrible... They want to kill people like you. They want people like me to kill people like you and - "
"Shhh," Carina whispered to the girl to stop her from hyperventilating. "I understand. It's OK."
"No, it's not. I acted so awfully to you, but I've been so scared this whole time. I won't let them kill you. Or Dorcas. Or Lily. Or anyone else."
"I know. We'll stick together, and we can stop them. Together. And I... I forgive you... For everything. And I'm sorry for anything I've ever done that has hurt you." And Carina meant it genuinely. "Please don't believe your parents. You don't need to be what they say you are. Please... Just be you. We'll sort out your parents and we - everyone in Ravenclaw, the Gryffindors, all those who have been disowned or don't fit in with... people like your family - we will all support you and be there for you. No matter what."
Nola nodded between tears and for the first time since fifth year, the two girls hugged.
Reconciliation felt great - it was great.
But one phrase just kept replaying in Carina's head -
THEY WANT TO KILL PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
She knew that. She wasn't surprised by that. But the question was:
How long did she have before they began hunting people, people like her, down?
Carina almost didn't want to know.
And yet, she felt like she already knew.
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