"And as you sit there, thinking of everyone's feelings but your own, you wonder if the moon comes up at night so the stars don't feel alone." -Rink
The first month of seventh year passed quickly as the leaves turned to stunning warm colors and left their trees behind to decorate the grass below. The time, however, did not pass without pain. The professors seemed to think that even with the N.E.W.T.s looming over head, that was not an excuse to let up on homework. If anything, they thought they needed to assign more work in the name of preparation. The group of seven were drowning between the course work and the extracurriculars and life in general.
James seemed to be dragging the most. Somehow, without anyone noticing, James Potter was handed the most responsibility of all of them. Between homework and being quidditch captain and Head Boy, he seemed to have received permanent dark circles under his hazel eyes.
The Head Boy in question was leaning against a wall of the corridors outside the library, eyes tightly shut. He had finished rounds not long ago, and he was waiting for Remus so they could study together. He wasn't sure he could make it through a whole study session without passing out.
"Hey, Potter, you alive?"
He didn't have to open his eyes to know who the voice belonged to. It was easily his favorite voice in the entire world; he'd recognize the sound anywhere under any circumstances.
"Barely, Evans."
He opened his eyes, no matter how reluctantly, to see her smirking at him. Her eyes softened ever so slightly, and she asked in a gentle voice, "Are you okay?"
"Just tired," he shrugged, heart warming at her genuine concern. "Always tired."
She nodded, understanding.
"How are you?" He asked.
"Tired," she sighed with a smile. "But, once I get passed this upcoming charms test, I'll be better."
He nodded. He wanted to say more, to talk to her more. He wanted nothing more than to keep hearing her voice, but he hesitated. Even though they were friends at this point and had been for some time, he was never positive he wouldn't say something that would upset her for the umpteenth time. He didn't want her to fall into her old ways of hating him; he wasn't sure he could take it if she hated him again.
"You've gone quiet," she noted. She tried to keep the disappointment from her tone.
He smiled. "Probably coming in and out of consciousness."
She smiled back at him. They both stared into the other's eyes with stupid grins on their faces, so oblivious of what was going on in the other's head. They were so engrossed in the other, they didn't hear someone else arrive.
Charlie smiled to herself. She was used to these moments; they had become more and more frequent over the past month. The pain with these moments had begun to dull, and she could never resent them for any of it. Hell, she had broken up with James for this exact reason. So, she pushed whatever residual pain was left way, way down.
"Am I interrupting?"
They both jumped at their new participant in the conversation. Lily smiled at her. "Of course not. You ready to study?"
Lily didn't wait for a response, she turned and made her way into the library.
"Mhm," Charlie answered, lingering behind giving James a smug, knowing look.
He glared back.
"You alright there, Prongs?" Remus asked upon his arrival a few moments later.
James nodded, biting the inside of his cheek.
"You sure?"
Again, James only nodded.
Remus sighed. "Prongs."
"Don't we need to study?" James asked, desperate to change the subject from anything revolving around how he was feeling.
Remus arched an eyebrow. "Yes," he smiled. "I think that's the first time I've heard those words for you."
"Humph," James hummed as he entered the library.
Remus followed after him and quickly saw a table preoccupied by Charlie and Lily. "Hey," Remus greeted.
"Shh!" Hissed Madam Pince, peeking her head around from a stack of books.
A look of disbelief crossed his face. "I wasn't even loud," he whispered as he lowered himself into a seat.
James took a seat as well looking slightly uncomfortable. Charlie smirked knowingly as he took a seat, leaning back in her chair hands clasped behind her head in a relaxed manner. James glared at her again.
"How do you two feel about this test?" Remus asked, careful to keep his voice at a low enough level for Madam Pince.
Lily shrugged. "Fine."
"Like I'm going to fucking fail," Charlie followed.
James smirked. "Join the club," he muttered.
Charlie groaned quietly. "I need coffee."
Remus smirked at her, pulling an empty mug from his bag. Charlie quirked an eyebrow at him as he tapped his wand against the ceramic and watched in amazement as it began to fill with a steaming, dark liquid.
"You can't conjure up food or drink," Lily whispered, eyes wide in disbelief.
Remus smirked with a small amount of arrogance. "I have a stash of it in our dormitory that I'm pulling from."
"Fucking genius," Charlie commented, still staring at the full cup. She took a sip and hummed as some much needed caffeine entered her system.
"This is why we keep you around, Moons," James winked.
Remus rolled his eyes. "Can we actually start working now? I'd like to go to bed at a reasonable hour."
The group of four studied deep into the night, until their vision turned bleary and their eyelids drooped. James and Remus left first, the girls insisting they could get through at least another hour before they collapsed. They were almost right; they made it through another ten minutes after the two boys left.
Their walk back to Gryffindor tower began quietly. But, Charlie was sleepy, and when Charlie was sleepy– or drunk– she was seriously, incredibly honest.
"You like James." It wasn't an accusation or a questions; it was just a simple statement. She said it as if she were declaring that the sky were blue.
Lily's eyes widened to the size of saucers. The blood began to leave her face very slowly, and her stomach felt as if it had left the interior of her body. "I-uh-wha-no-I."
Charlie snorted. "Breathe, Lils, it's not a big deal. It's painfully obvious, actually."
"Is not," she hissed, horrified.
Charlie rolled her eyes. "The only person it isn't obvious to is James and vice versa."
Lily whipped her head around, her deep, red hair coming to rest over her shoulder, as she grabbed Charlie's arm, tugging her to a stop. "What did you just say?"
Charlie stared into her wide green eyes. "Oh, Lily, sweetie, come on."
"What are you talking about?" Lily demanded.
"James is so totally into you, Lily girl."
Lily couldn't help but feel the smile that spread across her face. "You think so?"
Charlie rolled her eyes yet again. "Positive."
Charlie started forward, and Lily had to take a second. She didn't think her feelings were that obvious, especially to Charlie. She had been so careful around her friend. So particular about what she said or did because as much as she liked James, she would never cross that line if it wasn't okay with Charlie. Because in this case, she wasn't James' or her best friend, she was James' ex-girlfriend.
As Lily processed her thoughts, Charlie had gotten several steps away from her. "Wait!" Lily called as she ran after her.
Charlie stopped in her tracks, not realizing how far behind Lily had fallen behind. "Is he any good?" Lily demanded.
Charlie stared at her in disbelief. "What?"
"Is he any good?" Lily repeated, curious why her friend was staring at her like she had grown a second head.
"You mean like...in bed?" Charlie asked slowly, thinking over her words.
"Wha-no!" Lily responded with a nervous laugh, now aware of why Charlie was looking at her like that. "I mean as a boyfriend, you idiot."
"Oh," realization dawned on Charlie, as well as a little bit of relief. "Yeah, he was great."
Lily smiled and nodded. "Thought so."
Charlie let out a small laugh. "I thought you were getting freaky on me, Evans."
"Why would I ever want to know about your's and James' sex life?" Lily rolled her eyes with a small cringe.
Charlie shrugged. "I dunno."
"We are never going to discuss that, understand?"
"Right," Charlie said with a grin. "What if you need pointers in the future about what he likes?"
"Charlie!" Lily complained, but she couldn't help the laugh that escaped her lips.
Charlie let out a laugh. "It's all fine," she reassured her. "If, actually, no, when you and James get together, we'll pretend he and I never had sex."
Lily nodded with a smug smile. "I like that idea."
At this point, the girls had made it to the tower. They climbed the stairs to their dormitory wordlessly, arriving to their room to see two of their bunkmates already fast asleep snuggled deeply under their covers, and Marlene in the process of shedding her day clothes in favor of pajamas.
"Hey," Marlene greeted in a sleepy voice.
"Hey," the redhead and brunette echoed in equally sleepy voices.
Marlene blinked. "What have you two been up to?"
"We were studying," Lily said at the same time that Charlie said, "Discussing mine and James' sex life."
Marlene blinked again, but this times was slower, more confused. "Um, what?"
"Charlie," Lily hissed.
"Whatever," Marlene said with a small smile. "We can talk in the morning. I'm gonna collapse any minute."
Charlie snorted as she watched Marlene climb into bed, tapping the curtains around her bed with her wand. She knew this meant that her muting spell was up, and Marlene could no longer hear them.
"So," Charlie said as she stripped her jumper from her upper body. "We gonna continue our conversation?"
Lily gave her a look as she pulled on her drawstring pants. "What else is there to say?"
"Are you going to tell James?"
"Why would I do that?" Lily demanded.
Charlie sighed as she pulled on her cotton shorts. "So, you two can get started on being together already."
"What if you're wrong?" Lily asked, frozen in her place.
"About?"
"James liking me," the redhead said quietly.
"I'm not," Charlie made a face.
"How do you know?" Lily asked, sounding almost hollow.
Charlie turned to stare at her best friend, whom was half-naked and unmoving in her state of worry. "Because I know."
Lily huffed. "That's not a real answer," she muttered.
Charlie stared at her friend sympathetically and sighed. "I see the way he looks at you."
Lily stared at her friend and tried to keep the feelings exploding within her under wraps.
"You need to talk to him, Lily."
She shook her head stubbornly. "I can't."
"Why not?"
"I just can't."
Charlie let out a breath of air. "Fine," she stated simply. "You have a month. If you don't tell him, then I will."
"What?" Lily demanded, coloring draining from her face. "What did you just say?"
"You heard me, Evans."
"You can't do this."
Charlie smirked. "Watch me."
The brunette assumed that was the end of the conversation. She would give her friend the night to sleep on it before bringing it up again in the morning.
"Are you alright with it, Charlie?"
Charlie lowered herself to her bed, sitting on its edge. "Alright with what?"
Lily peeked at her from behind her crimson hair, almost fearful. "That I like James?"
"Why wouldn't I?" Charlie asked, eyebrows coming together.
Lily sighed, lowering herself to her own bed. "You dated him. You're one of my best friends, and he is your ex. Isn't there a rule about this or something?"
Charlie let out a humorless laugh. "Lily, would I bring this up if I wasn't okay with this?"
"Yes," Lily accused, and Charlie felt a stab of fear.
"Excuse me?"
"You're selfless," Lily said, almost as an accusation. "You aren't always exactly putting yourself first, Charlie."
Charlie lifted her chin with a sigh. "I am fine with it, Lily. I have no feelings for him. Promise."
Lily smiled. "Okay, thank you."
Both girls curled under their covers. Lily smiled into her pillow, feeling happy that Charlie had brought this up. Charlie laid there feeling guilt settle like a fucking rock in her abdomen because she said those words and thought she meant them, but she was kidding herself. As the words left her lips, she felt it. That swooping sensation in your stomach and tingling in your jaw– she knew what a lie felt like.