"Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough."
- Og Mandino
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What do you mean, someone's snooping?" I asked Vin, who's sitting down at the monitors. He has a worried expression on, he turns to me and sighs.
"Some dove has been poking around the warehouses. If we're not careful..." He mumbled.
Vin looked me in the eyes. "Alright, your up, champ."
"Huh? Wait what!" i said quickly.
He chuckled. "Its not like he can tell your a hybrid. Hang around on the other side of the warehouses, to the empty ones, once he sees you, he'll ask questions."
"What do I tell him?" I'm getting nervous.
He grins and turns back to his monitors, i swear, he's on them almost half the day. He should get out more...
"This is what your gonna do. Doves love to invite people they expect are ghouls to lunch. They test them." He said, slyly looking over his shoulder at me with a growing grin.
He's crazy, but brilliant.
"You want me to lead him away, making him think at first I'm suspicious, then when he invites me to lunch, I eat without hesitation, and it'll be his treat." I said. It sounded fool proof, but no one except high doves know I'm out here. They'd never expect to find a hybrid.
"And since your not suspicious anymore..." He points at me to finish his sentence.
I smile. "The area isn't suspicious. Clever, You sly bastard you."
He shrugs. "I try. Now get going, or else he's gonna get close." He said, looking into the monitors.
. . .
Acting like I'm doing something suspicious was actually easy. All i had to do was seem i was following some coworker at the warehouses. The dove instantly saw this and followed me.
"Hey, I'd like to ask a few questions, if you will." He said.
He had a plain hair cut, color of black and a bit of grey here and there. He's maybe in his forties. He's a tall man that seems intimidating.
I give him my best fake smile. "U- um. I have stuff to do..." i said.
He glared at me, then put a hand on my shoulder with a smile.
"Just answer some questions. My treat?" He gave me a wink on that last part.
The restaurant.
"What will you be having today?" Asked the waiter.
He sat across of me, I felt exposed, i haven't been in a public restaurant in awhile. He watched my every move. His dark eyes were colorless, as if staring into an abyss of darkness.
I can't fail here! I have to trick this bastard!
I smile at the waiter. "Some lemonade and a BLT, please." I said clearly.
The man seemed a bit surprised by this, but he order his food and went back to glaring at me from over his news paper. He then put the news paper down and cleared his throat.
"So, my questions... What were you doing at the warehouse district?" He asked, one eye always on me.
I tilt my head. "Why can't I go on walks?"
The dove smiled slyly. "I don't believe you walk outside in this weather. It's freezing, about around thirty degrees." He said.
He has a point, it's close to winter. No one in their right minds would go out just to walk outside. Truth be told, i did, it cleaned my head.
I sigh, but I'm saved by the waiter with the food. He sets the food down, saying a short, "I hope you like it." I say thank you and grab the sandwich, the dove watches with interest.
I bite into it and flavor explodes into my mouth, I haven't had a good BLT in awhile. I eat it with great greed and gluttony, the dove glares at me, like he suspects I'm the best actor in the world.
"Gonna eat that?" I ask, when I'm finished, he looks down at his hotdog and smiles.
"I'm not hungry anymore." He said.
I take it without another word and eat that too, was it me, or could i eat a lot? Whenever i eat flesh i fill up quick, but with human food i have to eat like two servings. My stomach is weird.
After the meal we talk for about two hours, the precise time that it takes to digest human food, which if a ghoul allowed that, he'd grow sick, very sick.
The dove now knew I wasn't a "ghoul", so he seemed distant in the conversation. I smile as I stand, this gets his attention.
"Well, i hope to see you again, investigator. Your not the first one to pull me to the side like this." I said.
"You knew i was a investigator?" He asked.
I grin. "Next time be more involved with that conversation. You all dress the same." I walk away, leaving him sitting in the cafe alone.
I think i handled that pretty well, being the under cover guy. I think i should head back now, I can take the short way-
My thoughts are stopped by the sound of footsteps behind me. It's the dove, he frowns at me, he hurried after me when i left. His Suitcase at his side, staring at me.
"What do you need, sir?" I said.
He presses the button on the case, making it disconnect. What the hell, how did he know i was faking?! I showed the symptoms of a human, not a ghoul!
He grinned as he raised his quinque. It was the shape of a tentacle, rather plain from what I've heard. "You don't think I wouldn't know about you, Levin?" He said.
How the hell did he know my name? I didn't tell him my name, was he higher in the ranks than i thought?
"My name is Arata Hirato. Please call me Arata." He said while aiming his quinque at me. I give him a shrug.
"Listen, pal. I don't want to-" I start.
But the weapon of his is already slamming into my hip, sending me right into the wall of the alley. Pain spiked through my stomach, the wind knocked out of me. I gag for air, as he runs up to me and kicks me in the face.
My head shakes and my vision blurs, Damn, I can't fight a dove, I'm not trained enough! He steps on my back, laughing.
"They made you sound dangerous back in the briefing." He grabbed me by my hair. "What? am i angering you?" He asked.
I clench my fists and swing my fist at him, landing a hit on his chin, he lets go and i rush away, running down the alley and out into the warehouse district. He sprinted after me, and caught me in the leg with his quinque.
It wrapped around my leg and swung me into the air, and when i landed, I couldn't stand suddenly. I stared into the sky, he stood over me, smiling down at me. He aimed his weapon and my chest, getting ready to stab me.
Is this it? Seriously? Damn, I'm so weak. I closed my eyes, seeing an empty room. It was pure white, nothing there except me and two others.
. . .
Who are those two? One turned to me with a smile, his eyes showing that he's a ghoul, but... thats me? He has the same face. So did the other one, but he didn't have the eyes, he was human. They both smiled at me.
"Who are you two?" I asked, my voice echoing in the empty space.
The ghoul me smiled. "We're you."
"Halves of you." Said the human.
I squint at them. "Why am i here?" I asked.
The ghoul laughed. "This is just like before, you know. When they came for you and your family."
"You couldn't do anything when your father was slaughtered right in front of you, and your mother tried to protect you... your what? Eighteen? You could've saved her, you know." Said the human.
The humans voice was blank, and the ghouls voice was full of madness. Ghouls eyes were wide with excitement.
"Let me in more... and I'll make it so you can protect them." He said, slithering up to my shoulder, whispering in my ear.
The human offered a small smile. "I'm here for when you need me, accept him first." he said.
What are these two? My two personalities? I don't recall ever being mad, like the ghoul. Is that me as a ghoul? Who would i be if i was full ghoul?
I hold out my hand, and grab his in a hand shake. He smiles widely.
"Good. Now wake up. Let's give this guy a day he'll never forget." His eyes were full of madness, darting around like crazy.
. . .
Something tore from my back.
The dove jumped back, almost tripping from surprise. I rose slowly, staring at him. He flinched when he saw my face.
"Just the pupils... so it is true." He sounded worried.
I'm not fully up, I look behind me, what had come out of me... was a kagune. I smile as i see its shape.
"who exactly are you, Levin?" Asked Arata nervously.
I smiled at him, the voice in my head ringing out.
Kill him.
Kill him or he'll kill you and your friends.
I raised my kagune, two tentacles, it the shape of beautifully crafted bird claws. He backed up as i rose them in his direction.
"I'm just a Crow, protecting its nest." I said, staring at him in the eyes.
I charged, spinning in the air and slamming him into the ground, he blocked most of the attack with his quinque. The voice in my head cried out. Get rid of the weapon, it's a nuisance.
I grab his arm, digging the claws into him, he screamed in pain as he tried to bat at them with his quinque, but my other claw smacked it out of his hands, it skidded to my feet, and i picked it up with my real hands, looking at it from top to bottom.
"A ghoul you killed?" I asked, pointing st the weapon.
He whimpered in fear, was he afraid of me? Somehow, in the back of mind, that felt nice, him being afraid. But...
I let him go. He looked up at me in surprise. Inside my head, the voice of my ghouls side yelled at me in anger. that was our chance! Now, before h gets away! Kill him!
In my mind, I shut him up, not listening. Was i going insane? No, I'll never go insane, I can't, that means i can't protect them. I have to stay strong, but i can't do that by turning into a blind killer. I'll give him a choice.
"You can either die right here, Arata Hirato. Or you can walk away, if you don't tell anyone you saw me, and ignore the 11th ward." I said.
He spat at the ground. "Like I'd do that." He began to run, I'm about to grab him again, but-
Another kagune stabs him in the chest. I quickly turn to see Kurona at my right, her blank expression still there even as she killed a man. Why did she... I suppose she did it because she thought i couldn't, this angers me.
"I had that under control!" I yelled at her.
She glared at me. "No you didn't, you didn't kill him."
"I was going to-"
"No you weren't." She said, walking up to me.
I take a step away from her, the image of her got worse in my mind, she's a killer, someone who doesn't feel anything when killing. But part of me too... wanted nothing more than to slaughter him.
She was right next to me when she said.
"This isn't a fairy tale. Nothing in the real world has a real happy ending. No matter how hard you try." She whispered that last part.
Now i understood. She's trying to teach me that I can't always be the good guy, that I'll always be seen as a bad guy in their eyes, even if i don't kill.
I mumble. "Thanks." As we keep walking.
I look up as we're walking, and i see her face. She has the smallest smile on her face for a second, but it disappears in an instant.
"I don't see you as a killer, Levin." She said.
I see. She doesn't want me to become a killer, to become like her, emotionless and cold hearted. I catch up to her and walk side by side. For a long time, were silent.
then...
"Your pretty nice, Kurona." I said.
She flinched, and walked faster than me, quickly gaining speed and into the Nest. Did I make her angry?
I look back at the city parts of the 11th ward, today I'd almost killed someone. I won't let that... thing inside me take over again. I'm not a ghoul... I'm half ghoul, meaning i should have human still left in me.
I'm not a monster.