DISCLAIMER: Everything here does not belong to me, only the plot does. All characters here belong to the amazing Hideyasu Takahashi. All the pictures belong to their respective artists but I mostly get the pictures from Google Images.
Hi guys!!
Sorry for the long wait! I have finally completed this! Like I promised, here is a long one!
I am working on another update but I'm still trying to find the flow to write it. You guys can understand, right??
Anyway, I've held you guys off long enough, enjoy!
=+=
Hachi: Joker-san, we tried things your way.
Joker: No, we didn't.
Hachi: I did it in my head and it didn't work.
----------(•_•)----------
Joker: I feel like I've died and gone to heaven.
Hachi: I had that dream too but you go in the other direction.
----------(•_•)----------
Hachi: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.
Joker, to Spade and Queen: We could attack their pride instead.
Hachi: I stand corrected.
Joker: Just keep things in perspective.
----------(•_•)----------
Hachi, answering the phone: Hello?
Joker: It's Joker.
Hachi: What did he do this time?
Joker: No, it's me, Joker. It's actually me.
Hachi: What did you do this time?
----------(•_•)----------
Spade: Who the fuck-
Rose: Language!
Spade: Whom the fuck-
Hachi: No.
----------(•_•)----------
Queen: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism.
Shadow: And you came to me?
----------(•_•)----------
Phoenix: I think I figured something out. I got to go.
Joker: Aren't you forgetting something?
Phoenix: Uh... *hesitantly kisses Joker's forehead before running out*
Joker: No, pay your bill! Who raised you?!
----------(•_•)----------
Spade, to Joker: I trusted you!
Joker, eating the last KitKat: Why?
----------(•_•)----------
08:11 AM
<Joker> A theif.
<Hachi> Thief?
<Joker> Theif.
<Hachi> I before E except after C.
<Joker> Thceif.
<Hachi> No.
----------(•_•)----------
Spade: What are we doing?
Phoenix: Wasting our lives.
Spade: I meant for lunch.
Phoenix: Oh.
Spade: Joker is a bad influence.
----------(•_•)----------
Hachi: Is anyone gonna tell me what's going on here?!
Queen: It's kinda complicated, but Joker-
Hachi: Got it. Forget I asked.
----------(•_•)----------
Phoenix: What's your biggest fear?
Hachi: Being forgotten.
Phoenix: Damn, that's deep.
Phoenix: Mine is the Kool-Aid man but I feel kinda stupid about it now.
----------(•_•)----------
Queen: Hey Spade, is four a lot?
Spade: It depends on the context. Berries? No. Murders? Yes.
----------(•_•)----------
Phoenix, asking Hachi about Joker: Well, has Joker been wrong before?
Hachi: How wide are we willing to open this up?
Hachi: Before I do anything, I ask myself, would [B] do that? And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.
----------(•_•)----------
Joker: I'm sorry for all the stuff I said.
Phoenix, holding a towel to his bloody nose: And for punching me in the face?
Joker: No, you definitely deserved that.
----------(•_•)----------
Hachi: I made tea.
Joker: I don't want tea.
Hachi: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.
Joker: Then why are you telling me?
Hachi: It's a conversation starter.
Joker: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Hachi: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.
----------(•_•)----------
Joker: I did a bad thing.
Hachi: Does it affect me?
Joker: No, but-
Hachi: Then suffer in silence.
----------(•_•)----------
When passing by McDonald's with Joker
Joker: MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S!
W/ Hachi: There's food at home
W/ Shadow: *Pulls into the drive-through but only orders black coffee*
W/ Phoenix: MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S!
----------(•_•)----------
Shadow: Is there a word that's a mix between angry and sad?
Spade: Malcontent, disgruntled, miserable, desolated.
Joker: Smad.
----------(•_•)----------
Phoenix: I lost Joker, have you seen them?
Random Person: What do they look like?
Phoenix, crying: HE LOOKS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL ANGEL!
----------(•_•)----------
Hachi: I need you to be totally straight with me.
Queen, clearly gay: *nervous laughter*
----------(•_•)----------
(Medieval AU)
Spade, at his council: Something brought you here. Fate. Destiny.
Hachi, sarcastically: A horse.
----------(•_•)----------
Shadow: What is this!?
Silver Heart: That's the weight of guilt. Give in to the nice side. Help those unfortunate, and make the guilt go away, my friend.
Shadow: Ow! Make it stop!
Silver Heart: Surrender to your kindness, Shadow. It's nice to be nice.
Shadow: Your guilt is strong, my friend. But it is no match for the power of my selfishness!
----------(•_•)----------
Hachi: Love makes people do stupid things.
Joker, on a sugar high: I love everything!
Hachi: That explains a lot.
----------(•_•)----------
Joker: You hear that?
Shadow: I hear YOU. And I wish I didn't.
----------(•_•)----------
20:00 (8 PM)
<Joker> Silver Heart got himself in trouble again :(
<Shadow> and I broke my leg. anyway, what's he in trouble for?
<Joker> he hit someone with his car by accident. i don't know who tho. how did you break your leg?
<Shadow> someone hit me with their car by accident.
<Joker> ...
----------(•_•)----------
Hachi: Did you eat all the powdered donuts?
Joker, mouth full of food: ...no.
Hachi: Then what's on your pants?
Joker, without looking down: That's cocaine.
----------(•_•)----------
Joker: Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you don't know about. Be kind.
Hachi: I once saw you punch a Girl Scout because she didn't have any thin mints.
Joker: Exactly. That was my battle. Be kind.
----------(•_•)----------
Hachi: Can you both just TRY to see it from my perspective?
Joker: *gets on his knees*
Phoenix: *crouches down*
Hachi:
Hachi: I will strangle you both in your sleep.
----------(•_•)----------
13:13 (1:13 PM)
<Shadow> Why is blood so hard to wash off your hands?
<Shadow> I JUST REALIZED HOW BAD THAT SOUNDS. FOR THE RECORD, I HAD A NOSEBLEED, I'M NOT A SERIAL KILLER.
<Queen> But we both know that's not quite true.
<Spade> Hydrogen peroxide dissolves blood, just fyi.
<Joker> Do you think if you gave someone a huge shot of hydrogen peroxide straight into their bloodstream it would kill them?
<Hachi> This house is filled with murderers.
----------(•_•)----------
Joker: Based on statistical evidence, I think I'm immortal!
Shadow: Why?
Joker: I haven't died yet
Shadow: That's... not how this works
----------(•_•)----------
Rose: You don't know what I'm capable of!!
Joker: No offense, but I feel like I'm being threatened by a cupcake-
----------(•_•)----------
Joker: I SAID I WANTED MCDONALD'S.
Silver Heart: Yeah, and I bought you McDonald's.
Joker: I MEANT A BIG MAC OR SOMETHING. NOT THE ENTIRE COMPANY
Bonus:
Hachi: HE FUCKING WHAT-
----------(•_•)----------
Joker: *banging his phone on the table in anger*
Phoenix: Hey, don't be mean to the phone- how would you like it if I banged YOU on the table, hmm?
Joker:
Phoenix:
Phoenix: Don't answer that.
----------(•_•)----------
Spade: You're acting like a child
Joker: I AM NOT ACTING.
----------(•_•)----------
Joker: *taps table gently*
Shadow: *taps back*
Phoenix: what are they doing?
Hachi: morse code.
Joker: *aggressively taps table*
Queen: OOOOOOOOOH!!!
Shadow: *slams hands onto the table*
Shadow: YOU BITCH TAKE THAT BACK.
A Quick Translation:
Joker: [i went to joe's house yesterday]
Shadow: [lol who the fuck is joe]
I think you can guess the rest
----------(•_•)----------
(Highschool AU)
Phoenix, running into the room: HEY-
Hachi: ˢʰʰʰ ᵇᵃᵏᵘᵍᵒᵘ ⁱˢ ˢˡᵉᵉᵖⁱⁿᵍ
Phoenix: ᵒʰ ᵒᵏᵃʸ ˢᵒʳʳʸ
Hachi: ʷʰᵃᵗ'ˢ ᵘᵖ
Phoenix: ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᵒʳᵐ ⁱˢ ᵒⁿ ᶠⁱʳᵉ-
----------(•_•)----------
Joker, on the edge of a breakdown: hAcHi i hAvE a pRobLeM...
Hachi: Oh! Math or life???
----------(•_•)----------
Rose: So... I saw a bunch of corpses in the yard...
Rose: Did you have anything to do with that nii-san?
Shadow: Why do you automatically assume it was me?
Rose:
Shadow:
Shadow: Alright, fair enough.
----------(•_•)----------
Queen: Being this cute is tiring.
Phoenix, without looking up: That's probably why Joker is still asleep.
----------(•_•)----------
02:33
<Spade> omg i'm dying
<Joker> let me see
<Spade> what?
<Joker> what meme are you looking at?
<Spade> no, i'm literally dying
<Joker> lol tag me
<Hachi> Sigh.
<Hachi> I'll get the gauze.
----------(•_•)----------
Joker: I have an idea-
Hachi: If it involves you, Phoenix, Spade, Queen, Shadow or the soundtrack of Avatar the Last Airbender, then no
Joker: I don't have an idea
----------(•_•)----------
Shadow: Always remember you're someone's reason to smile.
Rosei: Awwwwwww!!
Shadow: Because you're a joke.
----------(•_•)----------
Joker: Hello Hachi, Yawning jerk.
Joker: You may be wondering why I'm glued to the ceiling-
----------(•_•)----------
Shadow: I don't want any friends.
Hachi: :D
Shadow: I'll make one exception cause he looks very polite.
----------(•_•)----------
Hachi: I need to talk to you Akai-san-
Phoenix: I SWEAR THE BOMB WASN'T MY IDEA, AND IT WASN'T THAT BAD IT WAS JUST RED FOOD DYE
Hachi: That's not what I wanted to-
Hachi
Phoenix:
Hachi: The
Hachi: What
----------(•_•)----------
Joker: Joe came down with ligma, updog.
Spade: What's ligma?
Phoenix: Who's joe?
Silver Heart: What's updog?
Joker, levitating: My whole life has been leading up to this moment.
Hachi, a previous victim: Sigh.
----------(•_•)----------
Hachi: You use humor to deflect serious trauma.
Joker: Thank you :)
Hachi: That's not a good thing.
Joker: What I'm hearing is that you think I'm funny.
----------(•_•)----------
Spade"s parents: I don't remember raising you like this.
Spade: I don't remember you raising me at all.
----------(•_•)----------
(This is a random AU so...)
Joker: We've won. Its' finally over.
Prof. Clover: *Slowly starts standing back up behind him*
Phoenix:
Hachi:
Phoenix: *starts pointing*
Joker: No. We've won. I'm not looking back at him. We've won.
----------(•_•)----------
Rose: Who hurt you?
Shadow: You want a list or what?
----------(•_•)----------
Joker: I overslept.
Hachi: It's 4:30 in the afternoon.
----------(•_•)----------
Hachi: What do we say when our actions disappointed someone?
Joker: ....hoes mad?
Hachi: Get out.
----------(•_•)----------
Joker: *sneaking into the airship with a huge coat*
Hachi: Joker-san, what's in the coat?
Joker's coat: Meow.
Joker:
Hachi:
Joker: Drugs.
----------(•_•)----------
Shadow: *gets hit by a car*
Hachi: Oh my god, are you okay?!
Shadow: G-Give m-me my phone.
Shadow: *opens twitter*
Shadow, tweeting: OMG YALL GUESS WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED.
----------(•_•)----------
Joker: Life is meaningless. Why am I even alive?
Phoenix: What happened?
Hachi: We didn't stop at McDonald's.
----------(•_•)----------
Hachi: I love sleepovers!
Shadow: This isn't a sleepover, I'm going to kill you.
Hachi: Truth or dare?
Shadow:
Shadow: Dare.
(A/N: At this point, if someone possessed Hachi, he would just say, "Okay, Imma go on a vacation. Good luck!". He's so done with life)
----------(•_•)----------
Hachi: Joker-san, I need you to think outside the box.
Joker, inside a cardboard box: nO-
----------(•_•)----------
Random villain: Hey, do you wanna talk to God?
Shadow: God is dead. God remains dead, and we have killed him. *grabs villain* Who will wipe this blood off us? What festivals of atonement- what sacred games shall we have to invent?
Random villain, backing away: I was just trying to sell you some drugs and you made it weird.
----------(•_•)----------
Hachi, praying: I need someone to be my mentor to help me get better and to help my village.
Hachi: Maybe send me an angel. The nicest angel you have.
Joker, emerging from a flaming building: *Laughing maniacally*
=+=
And finished!!!
Ah, I am so glad this is done!!
It took me a while to make this but I got my ass together and made it for you guys! The inspiration isn't fully back but I haven't updated in a while and I didn't want to leave this book for a month.
Anyway, thank you guys so much for reading this chapter! Thank you for being patient with me and I'll see you all when I update!
Buh-byyyyyyyeeeeee!!
(Editor!Alter: I swear to Truth, I sound like a YouTuber! What has become of me?!)