December 24th: Tamaras apartment
This Christmas is the first one I celebrate without my family so I'm a little nervous: on the one hand, I want everything to go well, I want everything to be perfect but on the other hand, I'm afraid, I dont want this Christmas to be better than the one I spent with my family, it would be like betraying them
We ordered the meal because the guys and Tamara didnt want to cook, however, I insisted on baking the yule log cake. I did this with the help of the best kitchen clerk ever: Leah. Even though all she did was tasting all the preparations, she had fun and that's the most important thing. The apartment is filled with Christmas songs ranging from Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas is you" to TWICE's "Merry and Happy", passing through José Feliciano's "Féliz Navidad". The apartment is full of life and you can hear everyone's laughter every five minutes. We all dressed in Christmas colors: red, white and green, because Tamara wanted us to literally wear the Christmas spirit in the photos. Speaking of Christmas spirit, we will all spend the night here to be with Leah when she discovers her gifts on the twenty-fifth morning after Santas passing.
I'm very excited about the secret Santa. I'm sure the person I'm going to give my gift to will love it! You're wondering what name I've drawn, aren't you? Well, you're going to wait like everyone else! I'm just going to tell you that as soon as I read their name on the paper, I already knew what gift I was going to give them and I'm sure that person will love it!
Around 7 pm, the dinner begins. The turkey we ordered is delicious, even more so when eaten with the accompanying gratin. It's so good that we all have second helpings. We then move on to dessert, and Im not trying to boast but, it's one of the best cakes I have ever eaten. My friends seem to share my opinion because at the first bite, Tamara turns to me and exclaims:
-Ana! You've outdone yourself! It's SO good!
-"Did you really make this cake?!" Eric asks with a stunned look.
-"Yes, yes," I reply with a proud smile.
-"And I helped her!" little Leah who has already painted her face with the chocolate of the log, adds.
Tae Il cleanses the little girl's face by adding:
-It's really good, the best log I've ever eaten!
I put both my hands on my cheeks, put on a shy look on my face and say:
-Stop~ you're going to make me blush~
Understanding my joke, my three friends burst out laughing and I join them soon after.
At 9 pm, it's time for Leah to go to bed but it's hard to make a little girl go to bed on her own will when she's having so much fun... Therefore, when Tamara utters the fateful sentence, Leah's lips begin to tremble before she bursts into tears:
-I don't want to sleep!
Tamara takes her daughter in her arms and while cradling the little girl says to her:
-My dear, you have to go to bed to give Santa time to drop off your presents...
-really?
-Of course.
The little girl stops crying and after a few seconds thinking about her moms words then asks her in a voice made trembling by her crying:
-So, can uncle Tae to sing my song?
Tamara looks at Tae Il as if to ask him if he agrees. He gets up, takes Leah in his arms and walks to the little girl's room. A few minutes later, guitar notes rise, and Tae's voice Joins them:
" Nuneul gamgo naega haneun iyagiljal deuleobwa
Naeui yaegiga ggeutnagi jeone neoneun ggumeul ggul geoya
Little star, tonight
Bamsae naega jikyeojul geoya
Cheoeum neoreul mannasseul ddaen jeongmal nun-i busyeosseo
Neoeui misoreul cheoeum bwasseul ddaen sesangeul dagajyesseo
Little star, tonight
Bamsae naega jikyeojul geoya
[]
Nae sarang tonight
Bamsae naega jikyeojul geoya
Pyeongsaeng naega jikyeojul geoya*
"Close your eyes and listen carefully to what I say
Before the end of my story, you'll be dreaming
Little star tonight
I'll protect you all night.
When I first met you, it was truly eye-blinding
When I saw your smile for the first time, I felt like I had the whole world
[]
My love tonight
I'll protect you all night.
I will protect you forever"
Tae Il returns to the living room a few minutes later with his guitar. Tamara asks him:
-Is she sleeping?
-Yes, she was tired, she fell asleep after the second chorus.
-Thank you Tae...
-You know I don't mind.
Tae Il sits on the couch and starts to scrape lazily the strings of his guitar before asking me:
-Do you want to play?
-Uh...
-"Come on, I'm tired of listening to Tim break my ears!" Eric jokes.
I look at my friends one by one while turning the ring on my ring finger: I've never played in front of an audience alone. I've always played with Gwen, I've never dared to play alone in public except in front of my family... Since the incident, I have hardly touched my guitar. I tried to play several times in my apartment, but instead of making me happy as before, the sound of the guitar makes me sad. But then, will I give up this passion that I have always had forever? I dont want to Moreover, I know my friends will never judge me. I decided to make a fresh start and enjoy life as much as possible for my family, so, I only have one thing left to do...
I reach out for the guitar and Tae Il gives it to me. I tremble a little when I position the guitar and then I cross Tae Ils reassuring look, he seems to tell me: "It's going to be okay, take your time". I exhale all the air I didn't even know I was keeping in my lungs and start dragging my fingers over the guitar strings. I play and sing "Famille" by Jean-Jacques Goldman to make my friends understand how important they have become to me. When I finish, Tae Il and Tamara smile at me and Eric stands up and applauds while asking me:
-Pequeñita, is there one thing you can't do?
-There's a lot of things I don't know how to do my little Eric, but I'd rather let you think I'm perfect.
-Yeah..., what if we moved on to presents?
-"Good idea" Tamara says.
We all pick up our gifts and then decide playing "rock, paper, scissors" that I will be the first to offer my gift.
I hand out my gift to Eric and say,
-Merry Christmas my little Eric!
Eric opens his gift and discovers the collection of jokes I bought him. Upon discovering his gift, he turns to me with his eyes gleaming with excitement:
-Two hundred pages of jokes? You know me so well. Thank you! With this, Ill become the Joke King!
The blond giant then takes me in his arms and gives me a kiss on the forehead until the moment Tae Ils voice rises:
-Eric! It's your turn.
Eric detaches himself from me and stares at Tae Il, it's true that we almost never hear him raise his voice, I was a little surprised too. Under the scrutiny of our gaze, Tae Il passes a hand through his hair and looks away while clearing his throat. He's cute when he's embarrassed... Wait, what? Forget it, I absolutely didn't think Tae Il was cute... Why would I think that?
Once the little discomfort has passed, Eric hands out his gift to Tamara who opens it by tearing the gift paper like a little girl. When she manages to open the box, she exclaims:
-Eric! You bought me the RYZ 365!* Oh my god!
Tamara takes off her shoes and puts on the pair of sneakers at the speed of light:
-They're so beautiful. Thank you.
I've never seen Tamara so excited. Eric, proud of himself, replies:
-I am the best, I know.
When she finally stops looking at her shoes, Tamara hands her gift to Tae Il. Unlike Tamara, Tae Il unwraps his gift methodically, not to tear the paper down. It is a book to learn how to play the piano and the vinyl set of "When we all fall asleep, where do we go?", Billie Eilishs album. Tae Il hugs Tamara while thanking her for the present. He then turns to me and hands me my gift which I unwrap right away. It's a photo album. The photo on the front page was taken last week when we were at Eric's. The other pages are empty...
-"So you can fill them with new memories, so you can create a new story with us..." Tae Il explains to me.
Tears come to my eyes (again...). This gift is just perfect. I get up and hug Tae Il, hiding my face in his torso to hide my tears. After a few seconds I raise my head to cross his gaze and say:
-This is the best present someone has ever gifted me.
*"Little star" is a korean song by Standing Egg
*Nike RYZ 365: a pair of sneakers