Nirvana had brought along a bottle of "water" for the Uber, but the clear liquid inside was actually vodka, and we'd sipped and winced, and sipped some more until we'd drained the whole thing.
If the driver had noticed, he didn't say anything.
It's crazy, the things you can get away with when you're young and beautiful.
Right before we spilled out of our Uber, Nirvana leaned in real close and pressed something very small into the palm of my hand.
"Some extra fun," she whispered, almost seductively, her black eyes glinting dangerously the dark.
I opened my palm ever so slightly and gasped when I saw the small, white pill resting there.
I had never tried any kind of drug. Never as much as taken a drag of a joint, even though I knew T&T did indulge occasionally.
Usually, I would have declined. My old self never would have as much as even considered this an option.
But as I looked into Nirvana's beautiful eyes, I realized that I actually wanted to do this with her. Deep down, I knew I shouldn't, but the restlessness I felt deep inside of me made me bolder, matching the dare in her eyes with a defiant smile of my own as I raised my palm to my lips and swallowed the pill.
She did the same and linked her arm through mine as we exited the Uber, passed everyone who stood in line and the bouncer. Nirvana simply winked at him and he untied the red rope that blocked the entrance without as much as a word.
It wasn't long before it hit me.
I felt unstoppable, and maybe slightly unstable. I wanted to text Gabe some things I would definitely regret, made me want to go to him right now and wrap myself around him, and never ever let go.
The pounding music felt like it was a physical thing gliding over my skin, and everyone around looked otherworldly. I felt my eyes widening trying to capture all the sights all at once. The beams of silvery and blue light that flashed around looked almost physical as though if I reached out, I could feel them beneath my fingers.
Nirvana pulled me to the packed dancefloor and we moved as one; I wasn't sure whether I mirrored her or whether she mirrored me but we were in perfect sync, as if we shared the same mind, only in two different bodies.
Some of her friends had joined us, and every time I finished one drink, someone replaced it almost instantly.
But the best thing was... I had succeeded. I didn't feel like myself anymore –I was someone else, something else. Among these people, in this dress, I felt alien and strange, detached from my thoughts, overwhelmed by the taste of alcohol, the sound of the music and the feeling of Nirvana's hands on my hips.
I felt happy, and even though somewhere deep down, I knew that it was a fake happiness, fabricated by the buzz of drugs, alcohol and the frenzied rhythm of the music, I still seized the feeling, let it submerge me, drowning out the despair that had clung to me in the last months.
But then, right as I dipped down, hands skimming along Nirvana's body teasingly, my heart nearly stopped as I spotted a familiar face in the crowd.
I pulled away from Nirvana, who looked at me quizzically, and didn't bother explaining where I was going before I dived into the crowd, following behind Aidan with a drug-induced fearlessness, pushed along by alcohol.
I wanted answers so badly –I deserved answers. I needed to know why he'd chosen me to harass. What had I done to him to deserve months of anonymous threats? What could I have possibly done to him? Was it because of some perverted obsession with Alexei?
I caught up to him right as he reached the bar, and impetuously tapped his shoulder.
He only turned his head to give me a cursory glance, his eyes going to my chest first and then peering up to my face.
He visibly blanched, and looked around nervously, as though he expected Gabriel to appear out of nowhere.
"What do you want?" he asked, and a barely concealed hostility tinged his words.
I glared at him, wanting to ask him so many questions and at the same time, not quite knowing what to say.
"I want you to tell me why." I was leaning in close to him, my eyes fixed on his, and he looked down at me with something close to fear, his eyes darting about every so often.
Gabe had really made quite an impression on him, by the looks of it.
"Why what?" he asked, his voice hesitant.
"Why did you do this to me? The texts, the threats, the teasing? Why me?"
His eyes finally focused on me, his expression going from nervous to puzzled.
"What?"
"You heard me! Why did you stalk me? What the hell did I ever do to you?"
He scanned my face, incomprehension still evident on his face. "I have no fucking clue what you're talking about," he spat. Not having seen Gabe anywhere near, he seemed to regain his composure and he drew himself up, stepping so close to me that I could feel his breath fanning my face. "And I suggest you get the fuck away from me, you cheap –"
He was cut off when a hand rested on my shoulder, firm and warm and gently pulled me away.
Dominic, Gabriels so-called half-brother stood next to me and gave Aidan a warning look.
"I'd watch my back if I were you, mate. Gabe has many eyes and ears."
Aidan clenched his jaw, his eyes not leaving me, hatred radiating from him like heat.
He pushed past me, and I turned around to watch him leave, not quite sure what to think. His confusion didn't seem faked –he'd truly sounded as though he had no idea what I was talking about. But it made no sense. He had to be A., right? Right?
"You alright?" Dominic's voice was filled with concern and I swayed slightly when I looked at him again. A wave of nausea hit me full on and I leaned against the bar, suddenly drained. I was covered in a fine layer of sweat and it felt as though the temperature of the room had dropped in a matter of seconds. My skin erupted in goosebumps and I wrapped my arms around myself.
"You're higher than a kite," he said with a slight frown. "Your pupils are huge. Let's go sit down."
He guided me through the dense crowd, to an empty VIP booth. A bucked filled with ice and champagne bottles sat on the low table, and the sight of them made a fresh wave of nausea sweep over me.
I nearly collapsed onto the velvet seat and Dominic crouched next to me.
"I'll go get you some water."
"And a Coke please."
He smiled slightly. "Sure thing, babe."
For some reason, the word sounded all wrong coming from him. A rather unpleasant shiver ran down my spine, but he didn't seem to notice my discomfort as he stood up and made his way back to the bar.
There was a part of me that wanted to get up and go look for Aidan again, craving the answers I felt I deserved, but as I sat up straighter, the room swayed wildly, and I had to brace myself against the table.
In a matter of seconds, I slipped into a sensory overload. The music was so loud and dense it felt as though it would drown me. The lights all bled together, plunging the club into a silvery-blue haze, filled with moving shadows. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my breathing, which had started to come in short little gasps.
I felt someone's hand taking mine and placing a cool glass in my grip. I opened my eyes and looked at Dominic even as I gulped the water greedily. He set another glass on the table, filled with what I assumed was Coke.
"Thank you," I said when I was done.
He leaned back into the booth and smiled, his eyes unreadable. In that moment, he reminded me so much of Gabe and that in turn made me miss him so much. I ached for him, wishing he could be there and I could curl up against him, wrapped in his arms. Safe and shielded away from everything.
The longing was so sudden and intense that it made me tear up. I sniffled pitifully and grabbed the glass of Coke. I took a deep sip and made a face.
"Is this diet? It tastes a bit weird," I said in a slightly shaky voice.
Dominic shook his head. "Might be because it's tap Coke. It always has a weird taste," he said dismissively.
I took another sip as Dominic watched impassively.
"Feeling better yet?" he asked.
I nodded and sighed as I leaned back into the booth. His face was periodically illuminated by the lights and then plunged into shadows, creating a rather unsettling effect. Something about it all made me a little panicky and my palms felt slippery. I clasped the glass harder, but my grip felt weak.
I downed the rest of the Coke and sighed deeply as I leaned back into the velvet seat, my head spinning.
"So what was that all about?" The loudness of his voice along with the booming music made me wince.
"I just wanted to ask him something."
"Ask him what?" Dominic seemed vaguely disinterested and he was watching me as if he were expecting something to happen. He glanced at his watch then and I frowned.
I opened my mouth to answer, but found that articulating words had become very difficult.
"I –"
Darkness crept around the edges of my vision, and the music seemed to fade very slowly. I blinked, opened my mouth again to speak, but no words would come out.
My heart hammered in my chest and I struggled to stay awake, even as I felt my body slump into the seat.
The last thing I saw before everything was engulfed in darkness was Dominic standing up and then I felt myself falling into nothingness, as if I was slipping into a bottomless black lake.
Drowning.
~♠~
I didn't know what woke me. As I stirred, every muscle in my body ached and I groaned slightly. Slowly, I registered different things about my surroundings. I blinked rapidly, momentarily blinded by the gray light around me.
I was lying on what felt like leather and a glance around me confirmed my impression. I was on what looked like a black leather couch, in a room that was completely bare except for the sofa I was currently awkwardly splayed on.
I tried to sit up, only to realize that I could not move my hands from behind my back. I tried again, but my wrists felt as though they were bound together.
I stopped moving, my heart pounding so hard in my chest it felt as though it might burst. My breaths quickened, and my vision blurred for a moment. I felt as though I was standing on the verge of a precipice, one foot already off the ledge.
I managed to maneuver myself into a sitting position, and my head spun so hard I had to close my eyes for a minute. When I opened them again, I looked around, trying my best not to let the panic rising in me overwhelm me completely.
I was in a room that was completely empty if not for the couch I was currently sitting on. The walls were all painted white, and the floor was made of uniform beige linoleum tiles. There was one window, and all I could see though it from my position was a neon Motel sign.
The door to the room was plain white and closed, and I could hear nothing but my fast breathing.
I tried to stand up, but my legs nearly gave out when I tried and so I simply fell back onto the couch, resigned.
I felt close to tears, but refused to cry. I had to concentrate and try to get out of here.
It was then that I heard a door open somewhere outside of the room I was in, and I froze in place.
A familiar voice called out "I'm home, princess!" and everything inside me froze, my heart included, as I waited with baited breath for him to inevitably come into this room.
Strangely, an all-encompassing calm descended onto me.
I was finally about to get the answers I'd been desperately craving.