《CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT》
TONY WAS SITTING ON the ground, a large piece of rubble behind him the only thing keeping him upright. Carter wasn't aware of moving her legs, but within a few seconds she was kneeling in front of him.
His face was extremely pale and the right side of it was charred and looked as if it was about to crumble at any moment. His eyes were blank as he looked at her.
Peter was beside her saying something, but she couldn't hear any of his shaky words. She wasn't even aware that she was crying until a loud sob escaped from her throat.
It was extremely loud in the quiet atmosphere, but she didn't care. She couldn't care. Tears kept streaming down her face and she put one of her hands on Tony's shoulder, shaking him gently. "T-Tony," she said, though her voice was in no way strong. Her bottom lip was trembling a great deal and it was hard to get her words out. "Tony, Thanos is gone. We can go home and get the ice cream now! And watch—and watch Tangled. J-just like you said, remember?"
But the only response she got from Tony was his empty eyes looking at her. She moved towards him, her arms shaking so bad it was almost comical. She was engulfing him in a hug once again, but there was no response from him this time. "T-Tony, please."
She could feel a gentle hand on her right shoulder and she was lifted from her position on the ground by Pepper. She was rubbing her shoulder in a comforting way, but Carter couldn't feel it. She felt completely numb; this didn't feel real, it had to be a dream, right?
Another hand took her arm and she was gently being pulled away by Steve. She didn't protest against his hold, but she wasn't exactly willingly going with him either.
Pepper was on the ground in front of Tony, whispering something to him. Carter was still crying, so much so that her whole body was shaking. If Steve didn't have his arms wrapped around her, she probably would have been on the ground, her legs having collapsed beneath her.
It was too much to handle. Her chest was heaving with sobs and she could barely even see what was going on with Tony and Pepper as her vision was blurred by the tears. She felt like she couldn't breathe and her gasps for air mixed horribly with her loud sobs. It was like a hand was squeezing her heart and wouldn't let go.
What she did notice was that Tony looked at her one last time. His mouth curved upwards into a small smile before his eyes flitted back to Pepper.
And then, his head moved slightly and he was still.
Tony Stark was dead.
Dead. Dead and there was nothing anyone could do about it. The light in his suit went out and Carter couldn't take it. She broke herself free from Steve's hold and after one last look at Tony's body, she disappeared in a portal back to the Avengers facility.
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People had come to visit her, to see if she needed anything or wanted to talk, but all she did was stay in her room, on her bed, and under the covers.
She would cry sometimes, but never as much as she had on the day it had happened. They were silent tears that streamed down her flushed face and soaked her pillow. Whenever that happened, she could feel her chest tighten, but other than that, she felt nothing.
Pepper would always come and talk to her. Sometimes, Carter would listen, but other times she would politely ask to be left alone. It wasn't until Pepper came one day and asked her if she wanted to meet someone special that Carter finally got out of her bed.
She didn't really want to meet anyone, but she remembered how Tony had said that he wanted her to meet someone special, so she got up for him.
Pepper brought her to the kitchen of the facility. In one of the chairs by the counter sat a young girl, drawing on some paper. She was younger than Carter, probably only five years old.
Pepper approached the young girl first and lifted her up before turning to Carter. "Morgan, this is Carter." The little girl gave Carter a big wave and a big smile. "Carter, this is Morgan, my daughter."
Carter stared stupidly for a moment before Pepper set Morgan down. The little girl didn't hesitate to run straight over to Carter and wrap her small arms around her. "Hi, Carter! I've always wanted to meet you."
"Uh, h-hi, Morgan," said Carter. She wasn't really thinking straight as she looked down at the head of Morgan Stark.
When Morgan let go, she pulled on Carter's arm, so Carter bent down until she was eye level with Morgan. "Did you know we're sisters?" She whispered seriously. "That's what dad always told me. That you're my sister."
"Sisters?"
"Okay, Morgan, let's give her some space to breathe, alright?" Pepper said, picking Morgan up once again. "Carter, if you need another while to yourself, I completely understand. Just know that if you ever need anything, I'm right here, okay?"
Carter nodded slowly. "Thanks, Pepper."
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Carter didn't want to go back to school and no one made her. When the aliens had first attacked with their giant, flying doughnut spaceship, she had lost her mask during the fight and people had caught her face on video. Her identity had been revealed to everyone.
Of course, she had missed the big blowup from everyone, as most people had already known about her for five years, but there was still a big talk online once everyone who was dusted came back.
Not even the thought of seeing Aiden and Elias—wait... What if Aiden and Elias weren't snapped? For all she knew, they could be five years older than her. She shook the thoughts of them from her mind. Even if they were, there was nothing she could do about it.
Fear was the thing that stopped her from checking whether or not they had been snapped and she called herseld a coward, but she still didn't check.
When Carter had been told that they were having Tony's funeral soon, she didn't even know what a funeral was. When it was explained to her, she was offered the chance to miss it if it was too much for her, but she wanted to go.
So, now she was sitting on a couch in the Stark house next to Morgan, Pepper on Morgan's other side as the other people who were close to Tony sat on other chairs in the room.
It turned out that Tony had recorded a message using a hologram. So now, a slightly transparent Tony sitting on a slightly transparent chair was what everyone was looking at.
"Everybody wants a happy ending, right? But it doesn't always roll that way. Maybe this time. I'm hoping if you play this back, it's in celebration. I hope families are reunited. I hope we get it back. And something like a normal version of the planet has been restored. If there ever was such a thing. God, what a world. Universe, now. If you told me ten years ago that we weren't alone, let alone to this extent, I mean, I-I wouldn't have been surprised, but come on, who knew? The epic forces of darkness and light that have come into play. And for better or worse, that's the reality Morgan's gonna have to find a way to grow up in. And Carter, too, if this all goes to plan.
"So, I thought I'd probably better record a little greeting in the case of an untimely death. On my part. Not that death at any time isn't untimely. This time travel thing that we're gonna try and pull off tomorrow, it's got me scratching my head about the survivability of it all. That's the thing. Then again, that's the hero gig, right? Part of the journey is the end.
"What am I even tripping for?" He stood up from the chair. "Everything is gonna work out exactly the way it's supposed to." He made his way towards Carter and Morgan before bending down to look directly at them. "Morgan and Carter, I love you 3,000." One last smile and he was gone.
When they walked outside, Pepper was at the front, holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand, and Morgan's small hand in the other. Carter walked behind them, next to Happy, who slung an arm around her shoulder.
They walked past the superheroes to a large lake where Pepper set the flowers down. In the centre of the flowers was one of Tony's chest pieces, the words 'Proof that Tony Stark has a heart' engraved around the edge.
Pepper crouched beside Morgan by the water's edge and offered Carter her hand. She refused and stood a bit away from the water. The water still unnerved her and she wasn't sure she wanted to be so close to anyone anyway.
There were so many people at the funeral. She didn't realise how many people there would be. She recognised the majority of the faces, but there were still some unfamiliar ones.
She still remained by herself, not wanting to talk to anyone. When the crowd finally dispersed and people began to talk to one another, she went over to the wooden steps that led down from the house and sat herself on the highest one. She stared into space, ignoring the light conversations around her.
"Carter?"
She looked up at the sound of her name to see a girl around the same age as her standing in front of her.
"Hi?" She asked rather than said.
The girl smiled slightly. "It's me, Lila."
Carter blinked. "Lila? Like, Lila Lila? As in, I met you when I was nine Lila?"
"Yeah," she laughed slightly. She gestured to the step that Carter was sitting on. "Can I sit with you?"
Carter hesitated, but still scooted to the side and said, "Sure."
They sat in silence for a minute before Lila said, "I'm sorry about everything that happened."
Carter sighed. "I've never understood why people do that." Upon seeing Lila's confused expression, she explained, "Apologizing for something that isn't their fault."
Lila kept quiet and realising she might have taken it the wrong way, Carter said, "Sorry. That sounded a lot more rude than I meant it to be."
"No, it's okay. I just don't really know what to say because I have no idea what you're going through. I mean, I hate how I've lost Nat, but—"
Carter tensed and Lila, noticing, stopped speaking. "What do you mean 'lost Nat?'"
When Carter turned to look at the girl sitting next to her, she noticed that her eyes were glossy and the slight furrow of her eyebrows let her know that she was confused. "You don't know what happened?"
Carter could feel her bottom lip beginning to tremble and bit down on it hard. "N-no?"
Lila's eyes were fill of sympathy as she looked at her friend. "Carter, I-I don't think I'm the one who should tell you."
"She's not—Lila, you don't mean Nat's dead?"
Lila didn't answer, but that was an answer in itself. Once again, the tears were pouring involuntarily from her eyes and before she knew what was happening, Lila was pulling her into a tight hug. Both of the girls were crying and they clung to each other, glad to have someone there. "Carter?" Lila asked after a few moments.
"Yeah?"
"We're still best friends, right?"
Carter laughed lightly into her shoulder; the first time she had laughed in days. "Of course."
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The two girls talked until Clint came over and told Lila that they were leaving. They said their goodbyes and Carter got up, feeling a lot better than she previously had.
When she saw Morgan and Happy sitting on a bench outside the house, she made her way over to them and stood in front of them. "Hey, Morgan, Happy." She nodded at them.
Happy gave her a sad smile and asked, "How are you feeling?"
"Better," she answered truthfully.
"Glad to hear it."
She turned her attention towards Morgan, who was looking up at her with big brown eyes. Carter had never had a sister before. She had never really even known anyone younger than her and having a little sister scared her. Big sisters were supposed to be good influences, but what if she wasn't?
"Can we get juice pops?" Asked Morgan. She turned to face Happy and said, "Pleeeeeease."
"Sure," he smiled.
Morgan got down from the bench and ran to grab Carter's hand. She pulled her inside the house as Carter smiled at Morgan. Morgan dropped her hand and ran to the freezer, pulling out two juice pops, as she had called them.
She then pulled Carter over to the table, and sat herself down in a seat. Carter sat down in the one across from her and didn't have time to say anything before Morgan blurted, "Can we be best friends?"
Carter wasn't expecting that and just stared at Morgan for a second before saying, "Uh, y-yeah, we can be friends."
"No!" Said Morgan seriously. "Best friends."
Carter couldn't help but smile; Morgan truly was adorable. "Yes, we can be best friends."
"Yay!" Exclaimed Morgan. "Hmm, what's your favourite colour?"
"My favourite colour? Probably purple. What about you?"
"Yellow! What's your favourite food?"
"Doughnuts. Yours?"
"Mine is juice pops!"
They continued asking questions; two sisters finally getting to know each other. When she first met Morgan, Carter wasn't sure that she wanted Morgan to be her sister, but there was no way she could dislike Morgan—there was no way anyone could dislike Morgan.
Morgan stopped in the middle of a sentence and gasped as if she had thought of the most important thing in the world. "Do you think mommy will let you sleep in my room?"
"Momm—oh, Pepper." She hesitated. "Morgan, I don't think I'm gonna be living here—"
"What?!" Morgan pouted. "You're gonna leave us?"
"It's not that I don't want to, I just... your mommy hasn't asked me to—"
"Our mommy," she corrected her. "And she wants you here, too." She then kneeled on her chair and leaned across the table to Carter as if she was about to tell her a huge secret. "She even told me!"
Carter let loose a small laugh. "I'll talk to your—our mommy about it."
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Carter was told not to come when Steve was going to travel back in time and return the Stones, but she did anyway. She wanted to see how the time travel worked, since she wasn't there the first time it happened.
She stood a bit away from the others, her arms hugging her body as she looked at them. 'The others' consisted of Bruce, who was now some sort of weird mix between Bruce and the Hulk, Steve, Sam and Bucky.
Carter watched as Steve talked to Sam and Bucky before making his way over to her. "You know, I would've been surprised if you didn't come."
"Five years didn't change the fact that I don't listen to people, I guess."
"No, I guess it didn't." His tone then changed to one of a more serious manner, eyebrows furrowing in concern. "Hey, how've you been holding up?"
"It's been hard, but... it's starting to get a little easier. But Steve?"
"Yeah?"
"Please be safe. We don't need another funeral anytime soon."
"Don't worry," he said as he wrapped his arms around her in a hug. "I'm gonna be fine. I'll be back." He stepped away and up onto the launch pad. Thor's hammer was at his feet and he held a case containing the Infinity Stones.
With a click of a button, his suit turned from its usual blue colour to a while one.
"How long is this gonna take?" Sam asked Bruce.
"For him, as long as he needs. For us, five seconds." Steve picked up the hammer and readied himself. "You ready, Cap? Alright, we'll meet you back here, okay?"
"You bet," he said with a nod and his helmet came up over his face.
Carter's heart was now beating rapidly and she stared worriedly at Steve. What if everything went wrong? What if she never saw him again?
She felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped, but relaxed when she turned to see Bucky shooting a small smile at her. "He'll be okay," he assured her.
She nodded. "I know."
"Going quantum. Three, two, one." And Steve was gone, just like that.
Breathe, Carter told herself. He'll be back in a few seconds.
"And returning in five, four, three, two, one."
But Steve wasn't there.
Carter quickly snapped her head around to look at Bruce. "Where is he?"
He was looking desperately at the control panel in front of him, clicking buttons and shaking his head. "I don't know. He blew right by his time stamp. He should be here."
"Y-you can get him back, right?" Carter asked.
"I'm trying," said Bruce.
"Get him the hell back," demanded Sam.
"Hey, I said I'm trying!"
"Sam." Carter hadn't realised that Bucky had walked away until that moment. He was staring out at the lake and when Carter realised that a figure was sitting on a small bench over there, she immediately sighed in relief and began running. Running past Sam and Bucky, who looked rather confused, and over to the figure.
"Steve!" But when she got closer, she slowed down. Something was wrong.
It was Steve, but it... wasn't. Carter stopped completely when she was a few steps away from him and just stared. He turned his head and smiled at her. "Hi, Carter."
Steve was old. His hair was grey and there were wrinkles all over his face. He was barely recognisable.
Carter didn't match his calm expression. She stared at him in horror and yet again, tears were escaping her eyes.
"Y-you—I don't—you said you'd be back—" He looked rather shocked at her reaction, but all she did was turn in the other direction and run back towards the direction she had come from. She heard someone say her name, but before trying to figure out who it was, a portal was swallowing her up.
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When she landed amidst a clutter of trees, she was confused for a moment before realising it was the forest outside of the Avengers facility. As soon as she dropped from the portal, she fell on her butt and didn't bother to get up.
All she did was sit on the grass and stare at the trees as the tears silently escaped her eyes and she felt completely numb once again.
Vision, Nat, Tony and Steve. She had lost them all and she couldn't even understand it.
Why did Thanos have to come to Earth? Why did he have to snap away half of the population? And why did he have to destroy her family?
When Carter couldn't take it any more, she got angrily to her feet and sent a portal at a nearby tree and watched with empty eyes as it split in half, one of the pieces falling to the ground beside the other. She wasn't wearing her suit, so all she could use were normal portals, but it didn't matter. She sent portal after portal after portal and she felt a tiny piece of relief inside each time a piece of tree was spat up onto the ground with a loud thunk.
Soon, she made her stair-like portals and was climbing them to the height of a nearby tree. Not too high, but not particularly close to the ground either. She stood on the top one for a moment. Watching the trees fall wasn't enough. Each one falling felt a little good, but it was not enough. She felt an overwhelming urge to destruct inside her and she needed to feel something. She had felt so numb for the past few days and she needed to feel. She needed more of what she felt when each piece of tree collided with the ground.
She took a deep breath and let herself fall. She didn't stop herself and when she hit the ground, she could hear a sickening crack. A startling pain shot up through her left arm and she cried out before she could stop herself. There was a part of her that felt good as she lay there on the grass, curled up and crying out in pain, but what she mainly felt was an overwhelming sense of being alone, just as she had felt in the lab, but worse in a sense.
Back in the lab, at least she didn't know about the better life she could have been living. But now, she knew everything she had lost.
She hadn't felt pain like this since the lab. Making that giant portal from space to Wakanda had been excruciatingly painful, but this kind of pain was different. This kind hurt as much on the inside as it did on the outside. It truly felt as if there was nothing you could do about it and there was no way to escape it.
Your brain was filled with pain and your chest was tight and you just felt pain everywhere. And the overwhelming urge to just scream as loud as you could was taking over and even if you finally gave in, it would just cause even more pain. There was nothing you could do, no way to escape it and no way to hide from it. You couldn't see straight, couldn't think straight and all that existed in the world was pure agony.
After what could have been seconds or even days, she didn't know, she heard a distant shout, though she had no idea who the voice belonged to. She was blinded by pain, none of her senses working. Soon, a pair of arms were lifting her and after they touched her arm, she let out a shriek. She fought against the grip, but they were much stronger and they brought her inside.
So much struggling and pain caused her to pass out.
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When she woke up, her arm was throbbing, but it was nowhere as near as painful as it had been. Her head was pounding and she didn't want to open her eyes in fear that the light would make it worse.
It turned out that Happy was the one who had found her and after her arm was treated, Carter was left to rest in her bed.
For the next few days, Happy would come in and check on her and talk to her. She was embarrassed at first about what had happened and she would only say a few words, but she soon began to open up a bit more to him.
Soon enough, Wanda came to visit her and check up on how she was doing. Carter appreciated the act, but she had asked Happy not to tell anyone what had happened. She didn't want everyone knowing about what she had done. Didn't want them to know that she couldn't take it; that she was a coward.
Clint, Sam, Bucky, Bruce and Pepper all came too. Carter once asked about Thor, but she had been told that he had gone into space and she felt that as a punch to the face before reminding herself that he had his own life. It wasn't as if they were close and Thor could do whatever he wanted.
Peter didn't visit as he had school and Carter asked everyone not to tell him what happened. She said it was because she didn't want to worry him, but she really just didn't want him to judge her. Peter had lost people too, but he was dealing with it better.
Morgan wanted to visit, but Pepper knew that Carter would need some time.
Carter had gotten up to go to the bathroom, but stopped once she reached the mirror. The person looking back at her was almost unrecognizable.
Her hair was tangled and knotted, falling in limp strings on her shoulders. Her eyes were red and glossy and she had patches of pink splashed on her cheeks. Her arm was still in a cast and when she looked back at her eyes, she couldn't help but notice how broken she looked.
And once again, for what felt like the one hundredth time that week, she couldn't stop the tears that began to fall down her face. Her back was against the bathroom wall and she slid down it until she was sitting on the bathroom floor, allowing the tears to fall down her face and onto her t-shirt.
Carter May was broken and she had no idea how she was ever going to get better.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
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This chapter was kinda hard to write because Carter is usually so bubbly and having her like this just hurts, y'know?
I may or may not have made myself cry... how are you guys holding up?
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Be ready for the next chapter, because something BIG is going down!!
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FuN fAcT: The Tony and Steve scenes were the things that literally gave me the idea to write an Avengers fic, so I'm kinda happy I finally got to write them.