"Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in the reflection."
― Lady Gaga
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The rest of my shift at the hospital seemed to go on forever.
When I thought another hour had passed, it was only five minutes in reality. I couldn't focus on my tasks anymore, even simply watching the babies was too much to ask for.
Emily repeatedly asked me if I was alright, or if I needed to go earlier today.
I dismissed her worry, simply telling her I was just fine.
Getting the rest of the day off didn't sound like a good idea at noon, fully aware that Harry would still be working at that time.
Which made me wonder why he was home last week.
"Shh, it's alright, I'm here now," Emily whispered to a baby, trying to calm the crying girl down. She gently luffed the baby in her arms and walked in small circles. "No need to cry, Kate."
I blinked in surprise, not having noticed Emily's arrival. Had the baby been crying the whole time while I had simply been staring at the list?
"Our shift is over in ten minutes, but you can already leave now," Emily dismissed me with a small smile and kissed the baby's head.
"Okay, thank you," I mumbled and hesitantly put the list on top of the case next to the door where Emily could easily see it.
I basically sprinted down the hallway to the nurses' room, too eager to get rid of my working clothes. Safely locking everything in the little locker Emily had given me, I was already on my way to the parking lot with my phone in my hands when I realized that I had no idea how to get home.
Before I knew what I was doing, my fingers had already dialed home, knowing that my parents were my only hope now.
"Hi Z," mom greeted me after two rings.
"Hi, can you pick me up?" I asked, quickly adding a "please."
"Actually, no. I'm at the car dealer with your dad, we're looking for a second car," she told me, the excitement evident in her voice. I was pretty sure I could hear my father cheer in the background.
"Why the hell are the two of you not at work? Wait, hang on, I called the home phone, how did you pick it up when you're not home?" I had too many questions, but I honestly couldn't care less about the answers.
Fact was; I had no way to get home.
"We took a day off, that's why your sister got the car. And I connected the phone with mine, so I can answer calls when nobody's home," mom calmly explained.
"Uh, okay," I mumbled, biting at the skin around my fingernails. "Is Phoebe still at college?"
"No, she's home. She dropped us off so we can drive home with the new car." I heard the rustling of some papers in the background, soon followed by a string of curses.
"Is everything alright?" I worriedly asked, having recognized my father's voice.
"Your dad cut his finger at the papers he is supposed to sign," mom laughed, not sharing my worry. "Oh Zoey, you're totally going to love this car."
"Yeah, great," I abstractedly commented, already calling my sister in my mind. "I gotta go now, see ya later!" I hung up before mom had a chance to reply.
Only seconds later, I was already ringing my sister.
"Phoebe, pick me up and drive me to Harry's," I demanded as soon as she had answered the phone, not even awaiting her greeting.
"Okay and no," she immediately replied.
"Why the fuck not?" I was getting irritated. An elderly couple turned around to look at me, surprised by my sudden outburst. I sweetly smiled and waved at them, hoping they would just continue with their own damn business.
Standing in the middle of the parking lot wasn't the best spot on earth, either. I sat down on a bench next to the entrance of the hospital, watching patients and visitors walking in and out.
"I'm not driving you to Harry after all he's done," my sister pointed out. I heard some unidentifiable noises in the background, followed by the slamming of our front door.
"It's not his fault," I defended him, still too caught up with my newest discoveries.
"Of course it's not," Phoebe sneered. "Zoey, wake up. That asshole doesn't deserve you, he had his chance."
"Gosh damn it, Phoebe, just pick me the fuck up," I yelled and angrily ended the phone call.
Almost instantly, I felt bad for snapping at her like that. An apology was already on my lips, and I only needed to wait for her to come now.
Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long. In the meantime, I had already texted Lisa and told her I would call her as soon as I was home.
"Phoebe, I'm sorry for snapping at you," I apologized as I opened the car door and climbed in. I pouted a bit and tried to look as innocent as possible.
Either my sister was in a good mood, or my acting skills were that good, but she forgave me. "It's okay. Do you really wanna go to Harry's now?"
"No, I need to talk to Lisa first and get her opinion. Maybe you're right and I shouldn't just rush into things," I pondered loudly, trying to gather my thoughts. "I just don't know what to do."
"What happened?" Phoebe turned down the volume of the radio and threw me a compassionate look.
I gave her a recap of what I had found out at the hospital, finishing my story with a question. "Do you now understand why I need to talk to Harry?"
"Actually, yes. But there is no guarantee that he will believe you. Maybe he has to find out for himself?" My sister hesitantly suggested, smiling wryly.
"I don't think breaking into a psychologist's room and reading private medical files is his passion," I stated, rolling my eyes.
"He messed up big time." Phoebe's attention drifted to the traffic for a moment as she flipped off another driver who had taken her right of way. "Asshole, did you get your license out of the cereal box?"
"It wasn't his fault," I continued our conversation, standing up for Harry - and not the guy who clearly didn't know how to read street signs.
"Stop defending him. He didn't even try to talk to you," she fired back and bit her lip in annoyance.
I didn't have an answer for her. It was true, he had simply broken up with me, without talking to me first.
"Besides," she kept going, seeing that I was finally listening to her, "he left you for her. Telling him about that bitch's true colors won't make him love you again."
Her words sent a dagger right through my heart, opening old wounds and bringing back the pain of the breakup that I had tried to suppress.
As if reading my mind, Phoebe apologized. "I'm sorry, that was a bit harsh. But you have to see the truth: Harry left you for another woman, it doesn't matter if she's crazy or not. He simply walked away."
I sighed heavily, knowing she was right. "I just don't know what to do. After all this time, I feel like I need to be the honest one. He hadn't been honest with me, but I won't repeat his mistakes. I need to be stronger than that."
"And you think telling him is the right thing to do?" Phoebe brought the car to a standstill, and only then did I realize that we were already home.
Neither of us made any attempts to open the door and get inside. Silence fell over us for a few moments, until I had an answer to her question.
"I have to make him realize that she is not the woman he thinks she is," I whispered, my voice had lost its strength. "Maybe he will reconsider his decisions."
"He doesn't deserve a second chance." Phoebe glared at me, daring me to deny her statement.
And I did. "Everyone deserves a second chance."
"Seriously, Zo? After all he has done to you?" She asked in bewilderment, her eyes sparkling with anger. I wasn't sure if the anger was directed at me or at Harry.
"Why do you just focus on the bad things? Why can't you see the good in him?" I was on the edge of tears, tired of fighting her, of fighting the world. I just wanted things to go back to how they used to be.
Truth to be told, I dearly missed Harry. He had filled a hole in my heart I hadn't even been aware of until he had gone away, tearing my heart apart in the process. No one had ever made me feel like he did when he smiled. With him, I felt unstoppable, unbreakable, simply almighty.
"I don't want you to get hurt again, Zoey." Phoebe reached over to stroke my arm, but I flinched, backing up against the door on my side.
"Not being his is hurting me the most," I admitted and quickly left the car, not awaiting her reply.
I stumbled over the first step up to our porch, but regained my balance after only a second. My breathing was uneven and I had to count to ten in my head to calm down again.
"Zoey, wait!" My sister called after me, but I slammed the front door shut before she had a chance to walk in, too.
My only intention was to change and maybe even take a quick shower, before I would drive to Harry's apartment. He had to be home by then.
Phoebe gave up on talking to me, and I only remembered that I had wanted to call Lisa when I was already sitting in the car again, quickly hitting the brake to text her that I wouldn't call after all.
The drive to Harry's apartment was familiar, and sadly shorter than I would have liked. Gathering up as much courage as possible, I parked the car in the stopping restriction and safely locked it, looking left and right before I crossed the street.
The door to the apartment building was open, the hallway surprisingly quiet. My feet carried me to Harry's front door and with a raised arm, ready to knock, I finally took some time to figure out what I would be telling him.
My arm dropped back to my side, and I sighed deeply. This was easier said than done.
"Hi Harry, sorry to bother you, but I really need to tell you that your new girlfriend is a bitch." I said the words out loud, trying to see how they felt on my tongue.
It tasted sour, and you could smell the jealousy two miles away.
Rephrasing my sentence, I cleared my throat and had another go. "Hi Harry, there is something I need to tell you."
No, I couldn't start like that either. I wasn't sure if I should directly tell him about my discovery or slowly prepare him for what I had learned.
"Hi Harry, I know it's-" my third attempt was intermitted by the opening of the door in front of me.
My mouth plopped open in surprise while my eyes already took in his outfit. He was only wearing black socks on his feet, and wore a - for him uncommon - light blue jeans, even though it was still tight, a white t-shirt and a plaid flannel. He looked absolutely perfect.
I was happy to see that the light had returned to his eyes, the soft green color once more sparkling.
"Zoey?" He asked, a mixture of surprise and admiration lacing his voice.
I patted my hair and cleared my throat, suddenly feeling completely insecure. "Hi."
"I was already wondering who was talking in front of my door. I should have guessed it was you," he laughed light-heartedly, the sound equaling to the most precious music my ears had ever heard.
"Well, are you gonna let me in?" I asked, keeping my tone light.
"Depends," Harry responded, biting his bottom lip.
I knew by now that he was trying to hide his grin this way. "On?"
"Did you bring chocolate cake with you?" He chuckled quietly, slowly regaining his composure.
"What the hell?" I laughed, shaking my head in disbelief. "Why would I do that?"
"I'm really craving some chocolate cake right now and I simply don't know what to do," he admitted and stepped aside, motioning for me to get in.
"Why don't you just drive to a bakery and get some chocolate cake? Or call Lisa, she'd bake you one." I honestly doubted she would do that, but you never knew.
I took a seat on the couch, feeling like a stranger in this apartment that used to be my second home. The picture of me was still beside the television and looking around, I noticed that there were still clear signs of my presence.
Any signs of Amelie were missing.
Thinking of Amelie, I remembered with a pang that I forgot to google her disorders. Damn, how was I supposed to make him believe me if I couldn't even explain what any of it all meant?
But maybe, just maybe, it was better this way. A whole lecture about Hallucinations surely sounded like I had this all planned to the last detail ages ago, only waiting for the perfect opportunity to present my results. That wasn't the case.
"Actually, I think I have a frozen one in the freezer. Wait a minute." Harry held up a finger and briefly turned around, hurrying off towards his kitchen.
One minute turned into seven, and before I knew it, I heard the pling of the microwave.
Exactly one minute after the familiar noise, Harry walked back into the living room with two plates, two forks and the cake in his hands.
"Please tell me you didn't put a frozen cake into the microwave," I deadpanned, eyeing the cake wryly.
"Well, it was frozen. What else was I supposed to do?" He shrugged his shoulders and put the things down on the coffee table, scanning it for a moment. "I forgot the knife. And coffee. Or do you want some coke?" He looked at me expectantly, but I didn't reply. "Coke it is."
My eyes followed his steps, and I felt oddly comfortable again. It nearly felt as if the last few weeks hadn't happened. Here we were, casually talking about frozen cakes and coke, already creating new inside jokes.
Harry had no trouble carrying everything in his massive hands. Only seconds later, he was cutting the cake while I filled our glasses with coke.
Happily sipping at the cold drink, Harry soon took the first bit of the cake and savored the taste. "That is exactly what I just needed."
I smiled at him, content with simply watching him.
We ate two slices each, silently clearing our plates and glasses, until the silence grew a bit uncomfortable. After all, pretending that nothing had happened didn't undo the past.
"I miss you," Harry suddenly admitted, completely catching me off guard.
I wanted to snap at him, I wanted to yell mean names, but only a soft whisper escaped my lips. "Then why did you let me go?"
Our eyes locked, neither of us daring to break the contact. Harry didn't answer my question, still not giving me a good explanation for his actions.
I tried to come up with more excuses, mostly seeing Amelie at fault. If she had never gotten in the way, things wouldn't have turned out like this.
By now, I doubted that Harry had fallen for her, like Phoebe and I had assumed. The way his eyes had sparkled when he had seen me, and the confession of missing me, clearly told me that I was still the only one for him.
But what did that mean for me?
My train of thoughts was interrupted when Harry suddenly leaned forward and put his lips on mine, hesitantly waiting for me to pull away or shove him off, but I didn't deny him.
Ensuring that I was okay with this, he placed his hands on each side of my face, holding me still while deepening the kiss. Putting more pressure on my lips, I felt the old feelings return.
A firework shot through me and I was momentarily numb from the euphoria that overcame me. I breathed my love and my soul into that kiss, making him feel what I felt, adding the pain of our breakup as well as the happiness of our relationship.
The kiss was hard and fiery, yet passionate and soft. It felt like the very first time we kissed, making me fall for him all over again.
Harry made no attempts to deepen the kiss any further, neither did I. Our tongues didn't join the game, it was simply our lips moving familiarly and lovingly against each other.
An explosion of peace and security overwhelmed me, and in that moment I was ready to give him every remaining piece of my soul.
The taste of the chocolate cake was still on his lips, accompanied by the faint remainder of his banana bubblegum that I had missed more than anything else.
Being with him like this, so close and entire, made me feel better than I had in a while.
Ever since the breakup.
I swiftly pulled away, finally breaking the kiss as the memory of that dark moment in the park crept back into the front of my mind. I could forgive, but I couldn't forget.
My heart was fighting my mind, urging me to keep going. But a nagging voice in my head demanded an explanation, or at least wanted me to speak my mind.
I did. "Why did you have to ruin everything?" I wanted to sound strong and fierce, but my voice broke on the last word, making me sound weak and on the edge of tears.
Harry's thumbs stroked my cheeks, sending hot waves through my body. "I could ask you the same."
"I didn't ruin anything!" I shouted, breaking free from his grip.
His hands dropped to his lap and he looked down at the metal rings on his fingers, avoiding my eyes. "Why are you still lying to me?"
"I'm not lying!" I exclaimed, feeling like this was the right time to drop the bomb. "Amelie is the only one who's lying!"
His head shot up. There was an unreadable emotion in his eyes, as he said, "Oh really? I feel like she is the only one who is not bullshitting me."
"Oh really?" I repeated, mocking him. "Did your beloved Amelie also tell you her real name? Or what she's dreaming of?"
"What does any of this have to do with us?" He asked incredulously.
"How could you let a stranger ruin what we had?" I demanded to know, angrily slapping my thighs in the process.
"If you think her and I are a thing, you're wrong."
I exhaled in relief, the words reliving some of the pain my heart was suffering from. "But I'm right when I say she's part of the reason you broke up?"
"Kind of, the blame is mostly on you," he said, his pale green eyes carefully watching my reaction.
"I bet this still has something to do with what she told you," I fired back, not giving up. "What did she tell you?"
"What does it matter?" He pushed his hair back and bit on the inside of his cheek.
The atmosphere had changed, you could cut the tension with a knife in here. What had been playful and light only moments ago, was now tense and awkward.
"Amelie's real name is Alicia Leona Kirkland. She has been seeing a psychologist for the past five years due to several mental disorders," I finally told him, leaning back against the couch and closing my eyes. "I don't think she even has a fiancé."
Harry snorted. For a moment I thought he would kick me out for 'lying,' but he surprised me by saying, "she definitely doesn't have one. Or she has one and is simply a cheating whore."
My eyes shot open in shock, not used to hear Harry speaking like this about another person, let alone a woman. "Yet you slept with her."
"I think there is a lot we need to talk about," Harry confessed, his lips set in a grim line.
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