how were you going to get home?
you weren't paying attention to the directions and the road when you guys got here. you couldn't call your parents to come pick you up, and you didn't want to take a lyft alone at night.
you went to the bathroom, and the tears wouldn't stop. you hiccuped. you hated yourself so much. you took your phone out to see 2 missed calls from your family and 5 unread text messages. shit. you tried texting mattia and calling him but it went straight to voicemail. your texts never delivered.
did he already block you?! shit. he had you blocked on everything. was it really that deep? ok, maybe it was. would it have been different if you kissed someone other than his best friend?
💭i fuckin hate myself 💭
then you remembered michael. maybe he could take you home. if you were being honest, you didn't really want to go home. you couldn't face your family right now without breaking down in front of them. maybe you could stay at michael's for the night. you looked at the messages your family sent. they didn't seem to mad. just asking how things were and shit. you texted your parents you were doing great and that you were sorry for not answering their calls or texting back. you said you were busy. then you asked if you could stay over at "janelle's" since the project seemed to be taking forever. three dots kept popping up.
you snapped michael.
y/n
hey, could you meet me in the bathroom?
michael
which one?
y/n
the one upstairs. down the hall to the right.
sooner or later you heard knocking at the door. you opened it and came face to face with michael.
michael: you good? why are you crying?
y/n: because i fucked up
you wheeped.
y/n: could i stay over at your place?
michael: uh.... yeah. y-yeah sure. what happened?
y/n: i cheated on mattia and i fuckin hate myself. now i have no ride home and no mattia.
you were uncontrollably crying.
michael: what? who'd you cheat on him with?
y/n: alejandro
michael: ok ok ok, you can tell me at my house. we should get you somewhere stable.
you followed him out to his car. he opened the door for you and went around to the drivers side.
y/n: aren't you high?
michael: tuh, i can drive when high. i just can't drive when drunk.
on the ride back your crying slowed, or so you thought. every time you thought you were about to stop crying, it came hard. again. michael pulled into a pretty ghetto neighborhood. you guys sat in the car for a while. you felt so fucking tired.
michael: alright, so let me get this straight. you cheated on mattia by kissing his best friend?
y/n: yes.
michael: well, did you mean it?
y/n: no.
michael: oh. well that's good. but you still made a mistake.
y/n: i know.
michael: do you plan on trying to get him back.
y/n: yes.
michael: did he block you on everything yet?
he said lightly laughing.
y/n: pshh. yeah.
he got out of the car and opened your door for you. he grabbed your hand helping you out.
he opened his door and you guys entered his little apartment. you saw his mom at the table, having a glass of wine. she looked beat up. mentally.
michael: hi mom
m/m: hi mike. wow! it's been a while since you brought a girl home. who's this? care to introduce her to me?
michael: yeah, this is y/n. we aren't a thing though.
y/n: hi
you said, not aware of how weak you sounded.
m/m: are you ok sweetie? looks like you could use a drink.
y/n: ahahah, it's ok, actually. thanks. it's a drink that actually got me like this haha.
you kept blaming the substances for what happened. when really it was you. your fault. nothing else's. your heart hurt. your brain felt fried. you really needed to just sleep.
m/m: aww, poor thing. well, why don't you take a shower?
michael: is dad out with his friends again?
m/m: no. i kicked him out again. the bastard was getting too routy.
in other words, violent. you can tell.
michael: oh.
you looked around as they spoke. dents in the wall. broken glass. this was a broken home and the mom was obviously broken too. you could see right through her fake happiness.
m/m: well why don't you show y/n where the shower and towels are while i fix you guys something to eat.
michael did exactly as she told. he lent you a towel and showed you the shower. he showed you how to turn the water on and everything.
y/n: thanks.
michael: no problem. and my mom's usually not like that. last time she was like that it was when CPS came. don't be fooled.
he said laughing. you didn't laugh. nothing was funny as if right now. he looked down awkwardly and left you to shower.
you turned the knob to hot. as you waited for the water to heat up, you stripped. you forgot you had a swimsuit on, so much for that. you stepped into the water and the tears started to fall again.
you can't believe you just lost the love of your life. all because of you. it was your fault. your heart throbbed. so did your head. the steam from the hot water felt great, but it soon came to an end.
you stepped out and wrapped yourself with the towel. you had no clean clothes. you had to wash them. you snapped michael if he could come. you heard footsteps and he approached.
michael: you ok?
no
y/n: yeah. i need to wash these.
michael: oh, yeah of course.
he held his hand out indicating for you to give him your clothes. he disappeared somewhere. you stared out into nothing. it couldn't be over. all those months spent together, all those memories. all thrown away because of one damn kiss.
michael: if it's ok with you, you could wear this.
he gave you his hoodie. it smelt nice. you put it on, it went down to your thigh. you just wore your bottom swimsuit piece as your shorts.
y/n: thank you.
michael: you hungry?
y/n: no.
he looked at you for a while. looking concerned.
michael: come on.
you followed him to a room. his room, probably.
michael: talk to me
he said patting next to him on the bed. you stood in his door frame for a while, but eventually went over and sat next to him.
you broke down. you leaned into him and he side hugged you.
y/n: why am i like this? i fuck everything up!
you were crying hard.
michael: it was a mistake. everyone makes mistakes. if it were me i'd give you a second chance.
y/n: BUT HE DIDN'T
you said shaking, sobbing.
michael: well, there's nothing you can do about it then. why waste your time trying to get back with him when he doesn't feel the same way? or maybe he's just not ready.
y/n: what do you mean?
michael: maybe he needs to heal.
y/n: fuck. but he's so stubborn. i don't think we're getting back together. but i LOVE him. god i loved him. i mean, i still do! he was my everything!! he made my life interesting and i fucked it over i fucked it all up
you said, practically a dog on michael's lap.
michael: y/n, you're an amazing girl. one mistake does NOT define you.
wow. that was deep. and it actually kinda helped. for like a second. till you started crying again. you just sat there and cried in his lap, until his mom brought cookies a while later.
m/m: fresh from the oven!
she said all perky.
y/n: thank you
michael: thanks mom.
you had to admit, the cookies tasted great. and helped a lot with your problem. you got a call from your parents asking how things were and what you were doing.
y/n: yeah, we're doing great. her mom just made us cookies.
mom: awww, how nice.
dad: ok be safe
you guys said bye and hung up. michael lit up a joint and began smoking. he offered you one, but you declined.
y/n: thanks though.
you took out your phone and
holy
shit
the video of you and mattia arguing at the party was viral. you wouldn't have seen it though if you weren't tagged. you saw a comment from kairi on some account called tiktok room saying "cheaters 🤡 smh". people were BASHING you. you were never the type to get hurt by little kids online, but you were honestly kinda hurt. at this point it wasn't even little kids. it was people your age, and older.
"she was so fuckin ugly anyways, idk what mattia was thinking"
"never shipped them, never will"
"imagine being cheated on by someone that looks like THAT lmaooo"
"i don't really like mattia, but damn. he got cheated on by HER?! LOL"
"wow"
you only saw one person defending you. it was a mattia hate page. your comment boxes were being raided with puke emoji's and really fuckin hurtful things. you checked your DM's and you were receiving death threats. his fan accounts were threatening to find you and kill you. you turned your phone off and stared into space. half the world was against you.
michael: you good?
you didn't speak.
michael: y/n?
y/n: everyone hates me
a tear slid down your cheek.
y/n: people want me dead.
you laid down on his bed, curling into a fetus position. he laid down beside you, blowing smoke into the air.
michael: people want me dead too. guess we're in the same boat.
he grabbed your hand and rubbed it with sympathy. you looked over at him.
y/n: what am i supposed to do?
michael: well... i usually just go with the flow. namasteeee
you laughed.
y/n: do you even know what that means?
michael: if we're being honest, i don't fuckin know. but it has something to do with trusting God and nature i think.
you thought about God. you had a board on pinterest with quotes about faith and God that you haven't visited in so long. you usually looked at it when you felt hopeless. like giving up. you brought your phone out and did just that. you eventually went to sleep, wishing mattia was there.