Bai Lu's body felt weak as she continued to lean over the porcelain toilet. Her body had given up on expelling anymore food, primarily because there was no more left in her system to expel, settling on dry heaving over the toilet as her eyes burned with tears. There were even dried tears staining the skin of her cheeks as her throat seared with the remembrance of getting sick. Now she laid her head against the surface of the toilet, too utterly exhausted to move.
"Baby," her fiance's groggy voice sounded, deep with sleep as he padded into the bathroom, his fist rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Pitifully, she looked up at him with her eyes half-lidded in exhaustion. "Oh my god, baby. What's going on?"
Xu Kai rushed over once he took in the sight of her laying so helplessly by the toilet, dropping to his knees by her. His fingers delicately moved the stray hairs from her face as his eyes settled on her, wide with worry.
"I don't feel good, Kai," she cried, moving her head to fit in the crook of his shoulder. It must have been the tiredness she felt, or the fact she had been puking for hours on end, but she felt emotion forming a lump in her throat as tears, for a whole different reason, ran their course down her cheeks.
"Oh baby," he whispered as his arms wrapped themselves around her in an effort to pull her closer, attempting to rid her of this pain. "What's wrong?"
Bai Lu shrugged, cuddling closer to him. "I don't know. I must've just eaten something bad because I've been throwing up for hours."
"Why didn't you wake me up?" He asked, and she could practically hear the guilt growing inside of him with each word spoken.
"It's four in the morning, Kai. I wasn't going to wake you up for something like this," she whispered as if it was a ridiculous idea.
Xu Kai's hands moved to cup her face, pulling her away from his shoulder.
"Hey," he scolded gently. "You're my fiancée, and if you wake up in the middle of the night sick out of your mind, then I want to be there for you. Okay?"
She nodded, sniffling. "Okay."
"Okay," he repeated.
"Do you think you feel well enough to go back to bed?" His hand moved to pat the side of her hair gently, eyes soft as they peered at her.
"Yeah," Bai Lu nodded, standing up before allowing herself time to steady her balance.
Xu Kai shot up once he saw her shakiness, quickly placing his arms out on either side of her but not touching her. Once she regained her balance, she waved him off, merely taking ahold of his hand. "Let's go to bed."
~~~~~~
"I don't know what to do, HeHe. It's been nearly a week, and everyday I get sick around three or four in the morning," Bai Lu sighed as she swirled her straw around the cup. HeHe sat across from her, nodding understandingly as you both waited for the meals you had ordered. "Kai's starting to get really worried too."
"Is there anything else wrong?" She asked as before taking a sip of her lemon water.
"Um," LuLu hummed. "I mean I've been a bit more emotional than usual, but I figured that was just because I'm sick."
HeHe sighed, squinting her eyes with the new information. "Have you taken a pregnancy test?"
"You think I'm pregnant?" Bai Lu's eyes widened as her stomach suddenly felt extremely heavy.
"Might be, love. From what it sounds like, it's very possible."
"Oh my god," she whispered more to herself than anything. "I didn't even think of that."
HeHe shrugged her shoulders, nodding.
"I can't be pregnant, HeHe. With mine and Xu Kai's careers and the wedding soon, now just isn't the time for a baby," she worried, eyebrows creasing with the emotion. HeHe frowned over at her sympathetically looking as if she was about to say something, but the waitress walked over with the food, cutting her off. And for the rest of the time, Bai Lu sat there nibbling on food here and there, far too consumed with thoughts and stress to fully eat.
~~~~~~
Bai Lu's eyes were closed as she sat on the toilet seat, a stick revealing the outcome of the rest of her life resting in her fingers. This was the moment that'd tell her whether a little combination of her and Xu Kai was resting in her stomach or not. This single test decided her future, and she had never been more scared.
Positive.
Her breath caught in her throat as she saw that word printed across the stick, informing her of the unborn child she now carried.
Xu Kai's unborn child.
Tears stung her eyes at the thought of telling him, knowing this was not the time for a child.
They both were far too young, just learning how to function in such a committed relationship.
They two still had a wedding to arrange, bringing a child into the equation didn't seem right. But now, they had no choice.
Subconsciously, her hand moved to cradle her stomach, figuratively cradling their unborn baby as she rubbed across the skin there.
Even though she knew the actual situation was not ideal in any means, the thought of carrying Xu Kai's baby, the man she loved so irrevocably, made her heart beat faster and her head feel light with giddiness. This baby inside of her resembled half of her and half of the man she loved, and that thought alone brought tears to her eyes once again, but these tears resembled something so much more than fear. These were happy tears.
The sound of the flat's door opening quickly knocked her out of her emotions. Xu Kai's footsteps along with another set could be heard as she scrambled to hide the pregnancy test. Of course, she was going to tell him, but she didn't want to tell him with company around.
Walking out of the conjoined bathroom, her ears perked up once she heard her name, and instantly she recognized the voice to be Toby's, asking how she was feeling.
"I don't know, mate," Soso sighed, and her heart felt heavy with the worry in his tone.
"She's really bad right now. Always throwing and them getting really emotional about it."
There was a pause, almost as if Toby was thinking about what he was going to say next.
"Kai," Toby suddenly gasped. "What if she's pregnant?"
"No," Xu Kai spoke entirely too quickly, sending her heart into a downward spiral.
"She can't be. I don't want to have a kid right now." How could the mere thought of her carrying his child not send a pulse of warmth through him?
"But what if she is?"
Xu Kai exhaled roughly. "I really hope she's not, Toby."
And that's when she broke, falling to the floor in a heap of tears as Xu Kai's words toxically swirled around in her head.
~~~~~~
It was about an hour wait until the front door open and closed once again, two sets of feet following, signalling Xu Kai's and Toby's departure. And that's when Bai Lu made a dash for it, grabbing a duffel bag from the closet and stuffing it with as many clothes and other necessities that could fit. Tears streamed noiselessly down her face as she did so, the engagement ring suddenly feeling like an anvil resting on her finger. Without a second thought, she took the ring off and placed it on Xu Kai's dresser for him to see.
Whipping out her phone, she dialed the only number she could think of.
"Hello?" HeHe's voice sounded, causing another wave of emotion to crash over her.
"HeHe," she croaked pathetically, hand moving to cradle her stomach once again. Somehow, it felt like a sort of safety net, shielding her from the hurt she felt. "Can you come pick me up, please?"
"Oh my god," she spoke worriedly. "Yes, of course, love. Where are you? What's wrong?"
"I'm at the flat, and I'll explain once you get here."
"Okay," she agreed, rustling around before speaking again. "I'm on my way."
"Hurry," LuLu whimpered before hanging up the phone. She put her phone in her back pocket, walking through the flat before opening the front door and walking through it.
As soon as she was out of the flat, she exhaled loudly, hand rubbing across the expanse of her stomach before she looked down at the motions of it.
"Don't worry, Bubs. We'll be okay," she promised to her child, knowing she'd do anything in her power for him or her already.
~~~~~~
"Hey love!" HeHe called for her from the kitchen as she sat in the living room. "I've made lunch. You hungry?"
It's been three days since she left Xu Kai, and she had been staying with HeHe since she graciously enough offered her home to her.
Xu Kai had, evidently, called her many times, the amount of times rounding to a solid three digit number over the course of a few days. He even called HeHe, nearly in tears with worry, and HeHe assured him Bai Lu was safe and with her, but that he shouldn't come over, giving her some time. Even unknowing of what made her so upset, he reluctantly obliged, leaving her alone as she needed. But that didn't stop the pain and worry coursing through him every minute without her.
"Yes please," Bai Lu answered, instantly perking up with the prospect of food. Quickly, she stood up from the couch, but a sharp pain in her stomach caused her to pause, wincing. And suddenly, a liquid felt as if it was now whooshing between her legs as the pain grew stronger. She hunched over, hand gripping her stomach desperately.
"What's taking you so-" HeHe's question stopped abruptly as she took sight of her; her eyes widened.
Bai Lu groaned as the pain became unbearable. "Something's wrong, HeHe."
~~~~~~
Xu Kai was a mess, figuratively and literally, without Bai Lu. He just couldn't seem to function knowing he'd lost her. And the worst part of it all, he didn't even know what he did for her to leave so abruptly, without a trace or note. Just the mere image of her engagement ring resting on his dresser informed Xu Kai of her departure.
Rolling out of the cold bed, Soso walked into the bathroom that was attached to the bedroom. As he made his way to the toilet, a stick looking object caught his attention as it satin the trash can. With furrowed eyebrows, he picked it up, examining it before realizing what it was. His eyes widened with the realization, palms becoming sweaty as he looked.
Positive.
It was a pregnancy test, and it was Bai Lu's. She was pregnant with his baby.
~~~~~~
Bai Lu felt numb. Completely and utterly, void of any emotions; she was apathetic in every sense of the word.
Gingerly, HeHe led her back into the house, eyes looking up at her face every so often as if scared she'd crumble. But she couldn't think of anything else. Those words would not stop repeating in her head. They played over and over on an endless loop as if mocking her into despair.
"I'm sincerely sorry to tell you this, but it seems you've gone through a miscarriage."
It was blood. That liquid she felt between her legs as the pain in her stomach grew, it was blood. She was abnormally bleeding, but that blood was her body's way of telling her- she had lost her baby. Her little Bubs was gone. She lost him or her before there was any chance of knowing them.
Her baby was gone.
The house seemed darker as she ventured into it, grayer almost. HeHe stopped leading her, turning to look at her. There was sorrow hidden in the depths of her eyes as they briefly flickered to LuLu's stomach and back up. That single gesture brought tears to Bai Lu's eyes. The numbness of shock evaporating allowing sorrow to squeeze its way through.
"Do you want anything?" HeHe whispered gingerly.
My baby, she wanted to say, but instead she said, "No, I'm fine."
HeHe nodded. "Let's go watch some telly."
Bai Lu nodded following her into the living room. Out of habit, her hand fell on top of her stomach, rubbing slightly before she caught her movements. There was nothing there to rub anymore.
"Xu Kai?" HeHe spoke bewilderedly, and instinctively, Bai Lu's eyes looked up at the sound of his name. Sure enough, there he was, sitting on the couch with a sad glint in his eyes.
"I need to speak to her," he said, referring to LuLu, but directing the statement towards HeHe. As he stood up, Bai Lu took in the bags settling beneath his eyes, the disheveled nature of his hair. He looked exhausted, and she couldn't help but wonder if she played a role in his exhaustion.
"Xu Kai..." HeHe trailed, obviously thinking it wasn't the best of ideas.
"It's fine, HeHe," Bai Lu placed a hand on her shoulder as she spoke. Her voice was rough, her spiraling emotions apparent in the depths of it. HeHe turned around, studying her face before nodding and walking upstairs leaving her alone with Xu Kai.
There was silence for a few moments before Xu Kai spoke, his voice soft yet rough all at the same time.
"I found the pregnancy test," he finally whispered, and Bai Lu's heart dropped with his words.
"Xu Kai," she warned.
"No," he stepped closer to her. "Listen, I don't care that you're pregnant. Well, I mean I do, but I mean that you being pregnant doesn't change my feelings for you. I'm in love with you, baby. And if you're carrying my child, then I'm the luckiest man in the world. I want to be there for you, and for our little baby," his fingers softly ticked her stomach. "I want a family with you."
Her bottom lips began to quiver as she shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. A half breath, half sob fell from her lips as the tears flowed from her eyes.
"Don't say that, Xu Kai," she begged.
"No, baby, listen-"
"Stop, Xu Kai. Please," Bai Lu cried.
"Why?" He pleaded desperately. "Do you not want to raise our child with me?"
"Xu Kai," she sobbed. "I-I lost the baby."
There was silence as Xu Kai's face visibly paled, his eyes flickering down to her stomach before back to her face.
"Wh-what?"
Bai Lu cried as she spoke. "I was in a lot of pain today, in my stomach. And I started bleeding, so we went to the doctor, and he said it was a miscarriage," she closed her eyes, the hot tears falling faster as she did.
"I'm sorry, Kai. I'm so sorry."
"Oh baby," he whispered, tears of his own in his eyes. His arms encircled her, pulling her close to him as he allowed her to breakdown in his arms. "It's not your fault," Xu Kai would repeat over and over again.
"We lost our baby, Kai," she cried into his chest. "It was a little you and me, and now they're gone. They're gone."
"I know, baby. I know," his voice sounded strained.
"Gone," she whimpered again. Xu Kai continued to hold her as she cried, and at one point, she felt his own hot tears hit the surface of her cheek, causing her to cry harder. And so, they both cried together. Bai Lu cried for the pain she felt. She cried for the pain he felt. But most importantly, they both cried for the pain each of them felt for the loss of their unborn child. They both cried for the loss of a future.
After long, the tears she had left to cry were gone, barren. Xu Kai seemed to have the same situation as he pulled away from her, pressing a kiss to the skin of her forehead. Once his lips pulled away, he placed his forehead to hers, closing his eyes in order to revel in proximity between the two of them.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when it happened," he whispered, referring to the miscarriage. Pulling away, Bai Lu could see his eyes were bloodshot and puffy from the crying, much like how she assumed hers looked like.
"I'm sorry I lost your baby," she croaked.
"Our baby," he corrected. "We lost our baby. It's not your fault, my love."
She nodded.
"Will you come home with me?" Xu Kai begged after a bit of silence. "Be my fiance again?"
Bai Lu nodded once again, not needing any words.
Xu Kai's eyes brightened a bit with her acceptance. "I love you," he whispered before leaning down to press his lips to hers. She returned the pressure, but all too soon, he pulled away.
"And I love you," she vowed once her lips parted from his. He pecked her lips a couple more times before looking at her to speak.
"Let's go home."
🤍🤍🤍