The music was definingly loud. We were all in the van, and Devin was given shotgun. I hated when he got to sit up front, since he always picked atrocious music.
A horrendous "rapper", named Little Gas Pump or something, was repeating the same three words over and over again. How do people like this trash? Chopin is where it's at.
Mason and Alex didn't seem to have a problem with it. Quinn did though. She was covering her ears, to try and block out the noise.
Poor little thing. I pulled one of her hands off and whispered into her ear, "This is really bad music, isn't it?" She almost seemed to smile. I'm not sure what she looks like when she smiles, I imagine that it's very lovely, though. Maybe with little dimples.
She looked down at her little bear in her lap pitifully. Taking her hands off of her own ears, Quinn placed them on her bear's. I couldn't help but smile, making her blush a little.
At the house, Quinn and I sat down so I could go over her homework with her. She seemed like she understood the concept well, she just doubts herself, so she wastes time double—or something's even triple—checking her answers. I want to try and help with her confidence; although, I'm not sure how.
Mom was taking the night shift tonight, so it was my turn to cook. I decided to put a little bit of green beans on a plate for Quinn to try. She didn't eat it. She just looked at the plate then up at me. Her face was confused and a bit queasy. Alex took her plate away quickly. He had a worried look on his face and watched Quinn closely for the rest of the night.
A few hours later, I sat criss cross beside Alex on the couch. "What's the deal with Quinn not eating?" I asked. The others were asleep and Quinn was bunkered up in her room for the night. I figured that now was the best time to ask Alex about everything.
"Some things happened," Alex said curtly. "She was forced to eat."
"Forced?" I asked, confused.
"Her grandpa," Alex sighed, combing his fingers through his messy brown hair. "She didn't want to eat, but her grandpa made her so she wouldn't be taken away. He decided that what happened to her mom was her fault, so she needed to stay with him as punishment. Poor little thing has seen way too much."
"I'm not allowed to tell anyone, am I?" I asked after a moment, leaning to the side so I could rest my head on his shoulder. He seemed shocked that I had done it, seeing as I never really was one to show much affection towards my siblings, but still put his arm around my shoulder. This must be rough on him, hearing about bad things happening to Quinn. I can handle it a bit better because I had spent the weekend with my birth mom before. Never again.
"It's best if you don't," Alex sighed. "I hate that I even have to tell you. I'm sorry."
"It's fine," I assured. "If I didn't know then I'd be even more troubled. I've been wondering what happened to her. So, even if it is just a little, I'm glad I know what happened."
"Go on off to bed now," Alex whispered, patting my back. "We've got school tomorrow."
I nodded and walked up the stairs. Quinn was still up, and in the bathroom washing her face, so I figured I'd tell her goodnight.
I knocked on the door, which made Quinn jump out of her skin. I wish I could get her to stop being so jumpy, but now at least I can understand why. "Sorry," I whispered. "I didn't mean to scare you." She turned over to me and nodded. "So um..." I started. I couldn't get anymore out though.
In Quinn's eyes I saw something I had never noticed before. Fear. I had the sudden realization that Quinn has had this terrified look in her eyes since she came here. When we first met her, when she went to school for the first time; she always looked scared.
I began to choke up, and I couldn't help myself. I threw my arms around her and pulled her close to my chest. I felt her small body trembling. I never thought it would hurt so much to feel somebody tremble.
When I thought about it, she was always shaking. Just today I had felt her hand shaking when I pulled it off of her ear. I told myself it was just the car moving her like that, but it definitely wasn't. The other day when she had screamed—apparently because my idiot twin threw a ketchup bottle—I rubbed her back and felt her shaking more than I ever had before.
Quinn was always trembling, and she was always scared. The fact that I failed to notice this about my own little sister made my heart physically ache.
I felt her small hands against my chest. She was trying to push away—she was afraid of me. I held her tighter, I don't even know why I'm doing this. All of her pain and fear, I only just noticed, how could I not have realized before?
"I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I never noticed how scared you were, how much you were shaking. I never realized how afraid you always looked and I didn't even think about what happened that made you live with us. I'm so sorry, I'm so stupid." Tears began to stream down my cheeks. What am I doing? Why am I crying? Why do I feel like I messed up so bad? I asked myself.
Quinn looked up at me. We weren't too far apart in height, maybe two or three inches, but she still had to tilt her head a bit. Her skin was as pale as a ghost. She slowly reached up to wipe my tears away while shaking her head at me and smiling.
I was right. Quinn did have a lovely smile, and dimples too. I smiled back at her and hugged her again. She really is just a little girl. But at least now she can be my little girl.
I pulled back, ruffled her hair, and whispered goodnight. She waved to me then went to grab a towel to dry her face.
The next day, Quinn avoided me. She seemed kind of awkward and out of it. Had Alex not have caught her, she would have ran into a wall. I tried to give her some space, but it was difficult since I saw her multiple times a day.
~~~
"So what happened between you guys?" Alex questioned. The two of us were out for a walk. We normally go for walks when we want to talk with each other about important matters, especially ones that we don't want the others to hear. As the oldest two living in the house, we tended to be the ones in charge. "You and Quinn, I mean. She seems to like you a lot, so why was she avoiding you so much today?"
"I spoke with her last night," I sighed. "I realized so many things about her when you told me, I felt like I was going to cry." Who actually admits to crying to their brother. He would laugh so hard at me if I did.
"What did you realize?" He asked.
"That she's always trembling, that she's always got this scared look in her eyes," I whispered.
"Really?" Alex mumbled, looking forward. "I never noticed her shaking."
"Yeah," I agreed. "I never did either."
"Should we head back now?" Alex asked. I nodded.
On our way back, I remembered something. "I saw her smile," I announced abruptly.
"You what?" Alex asked, shocked. His eyes looked like saucers.
"She smiled at me," I said. "I told her I was sorry and she just smiled. It was a huge smile, and I found out that she has little dimples too."
"Oh yeah?" Alex laughed.
"Yeah, I hope she smiles like that more often," I whispered.
"We all do," Alex assured, gripping my shoulder, "we all do."
We made it back home without another word. Quinn was sitting on the couch reading. She was laying on Dakota, our family's golden retriever.
Normally, he was in the backyard, playing with whatever he could find. Now that Quinn was living with us, he preferred to be inside cuddled up with her. Which is exactly why he was sleeping on the couch with Quinn on top of him.
She tried to get up but Dakota had a large paw on top of her. Compared to her skinny frame, Dakota looked fat. Fatter than the people you see on My 600 Pound Life. It was no wonder that he overpowered her by such a great deal.
Quinn was squirming around a lot, her legs were squeezed tightly together and she had a nervous expression. Oh no, tell me she doesn't have to do her thing.
"Need some help there?" Alex chuckled. Quinn blushed and nodded. "Come here Dakota," Alex called. Dakota didn't obey; instead, he positioned himself to get more comfortable. "That dog," Alex muttered. He walked over and scooped Quinn up. Dakota began to whimper and whine, but he stopped eventually and trotted outside. After Alex had confirmed that Dakota wasn't coming back, he set her down. She nodded in thanks and quickly walked into the bathroom. Yeah, she definitely had to do her thing.
"How long do you think she was stuck like that?" I asked.
"A while," Alex answered. "It probably felt longer for her."
"Yeah," I laughed. "At least we got here in time."
Quinn came out, looking extremely embarrassed, might I add. Her face was a fiery red, and she didn't make any sound at all. It was normal for her to be silent, you can't even hear her entering a room, but this was different. This was her "I'm embarrassed" silent. She sat on the couch and looked down at her feet awkwardly.
"Did you make it on time?" Alex asked teasingly. She blushed even harder and bit the inside of her fiery-red cheeks. Alex laughed and rubbed her back. "I'm just messing with you," he smiled. She nodded, her eyes kept in the downward position. "Hey, I'm sorry." She just shrugged.
"Hey Quinn," I said quietly with a smirk. She looked over at me curiously and I winked. "Don't worry about Alex, I'll get him for you." With that, I jumped on top of Alex and messed with his "precious hair". He claims that girls love the curls, although his hair only has a very slight wave to it.
"I'm going to get you for that," Alex laughed. He put me in the headlock and completely messed up my hair. "You're next Quinn," Alex said. He scooped her up and tossed her into the air. Quinn squealed, but it was a happy squeal. When she came back down she wrapped her arms around Alex so he couldn't throw her again. Her face was all smiles and she even giggled.
Alex and I stared at her in shock. Quinn had both smiled and laughed. She stopped and looked at us worriedly. She bit her bottom lip and looked down nervously, her eyes glistening with frightened tears.
"You've got the cutest little laugh," Alex gushed with a soft smile. "I'm so lucky to have such an adorable baby sister." Quinn blushed until she was a tomato, her tears gone.
Alex and I laughed and we made a human sandwich. Squished in between us, Quinn looked up at us nervously. "It's okay," I whispered to her. She nodded and closed her eyes. A small smile filled her face, her dimples on full display
I really do want her to smile more, that would be amazing.