The holidays were boring, to say the least. Harry was the only student besides a Slytherin second year to remain in the castle over the break. His first class-free Monday he had asked Snape if he could brew some potions from past years to refresh himself so he didn't have to cram so hard come exam time and was pleasantly surprised when Snape asked him to help brew for the hospital wing.
"Keep in mind, anything not up to snuff and it won't be going anywhere near Poppy's stores." He had nodded and done his best to ensure his potions were just as well done as Snape's were.
He quickly adapted himself to Snape's schedule. Brewing started at precisely seven in the morning and they would brew until lunch. Once they'd eaten and relaxed for an hour, it was back to brewing until dinner. It wasn't until Christmas Eve that Snape mentioned Harry's unwavering dedication to brewing with him.
"You do realize that it is Christmas Eve, yes?" Harry nodded and grabbed the mortar and pestle to start grinding up beetle wings to a powder. A few hours later and the professor halted him from grabbing a fresh cauldron.
"I must admit, I'm rather curious as to why you are spending today brewing with me. Wouldn't you rather spend your time studying other subjects as well?" Harry shrugged as they started off for the great hall for lunch.
"It's not that my other classes are boring, but I do tend to use magic more often than potions. And it's not like I can just force a plant to grow overnight. I do go down to the greenhouses at night for about an hour to study for herbology you know." He caught the look on Snape's face and sighed. "I know it may be hard to believe professor, but you aren't the only one who enjoys potions. I happen to find it quite soothing."
Lunch passed by quickly for Harry, which was no surprise considering he was so lost in his own thoughts that Snape had to nudge his shoulder to get his attention. The afternoon potions were going to be easy; they were brewing five cauldrons of pepperup potion for Madam Pomfrey for the after-holidays sniffles that children often returned with. Glad for something mindless to do, Harry happily prepped large quantities of ingredients while he let his mind wander.
He hadn't quite been able to shake the feeling that maybe the potions master had been right about boys. Thinking back to some of the guys in other houses, he started to realize he was intrigued. Not anything drastic, and he definitely wasn't looking for a relationship just then, but he was curious about what it would be like.
Suddenly, being his age and also having never even kissed anyone seemed absurd. He was seventeen-a legal adult-and was just as innocent as a toddler.
A slip of his hand, and he missed the mandrake root he was chopping completely.
"Okay, that's enough of that I think for the moment. I'll be brewing and you'll be talking about whatever has you so distracted." The man's eyes never strayed from the cauldrons or ingredients as he waited for Harry to start talking.
"I'm sorry professor. I just got a little lost in my head is all. It won't happen again."
"Don't make promises you can't keep. Exactly what was so intriguing that it had you completely miss the largest thing on this table sans the cauldrons?"
"I-I was just thinking about...you know...stuff, I guess. I guess it's just now dawning on me that I'm an adult and I-well..." Snape looked up at him, his gaze soft before turning to the potions he had to stir.
"I can imagine it isn't easy knowing how much you've been through before adulthood."
"Well yeah, but also all the things I've been too distracted to even think about let alone do." How his professor made the correct leap in the conversation would baffle him until he died, he just knew it.
"Listen to me and listen to me very carefully. Your virginity is nothing to be ashamed over, no matter how innocent you are in the subject. If nothing else than take these next words to heart: do not give yourself to anyone in any capacity unless you have a connection to them. Handing yourself to someone else for the sake of curiosity or to stick with the 'social expectations' leaves marks that you cannot imagine. It must be special to you, otherwise the loss of it is meaningless and renders social conducts to be null and void." Snape went back to brewing like he hadn't just given Harry a huge load of information to unravel.
That night, Harry didn't play the piano. He was still in the same room, but instead of playing he transfigured a stool into an oversized chair he could sink into while he lost himself in thought about earlier that afternoon.
He knew that Snape was right. He was famous and had to take his notoriety into account-most people would throw themselves at him if he should give an inkling that he thought they were attractive. And what a news story that would be. He could practically see the articles on how someone had popped his cherry. It was a distasteful sight, even in his mind. The Daily Prophet wasn't exactly known for a lack of details, whether they were true or not.
The next thing he knew, he was waking up. Assuming he must have just fallen asleep, he shifted and snuggled into the warm blanket more. Confusion started to leak through the sleep in his mind and he went to open his eyes but the fingers running through his hair coaxed him off to sleep once more.
When he finally did wake up, he was snuggled up under a fluffy duvet that had kept him warm through the night. When he went to sit up, he realized that it had been weighted ever so slightly and smelled of vanilla, lavender and sandalwood. A pile of presents had been left next to him on a short table.
Smiling, he sat up. At some point, whoever had left the duvet must have magically reclined the chair and cast extra cushioning charms on it for his comfort. Pushing it off as a house elf simply trying to help him out, he stretched and summoned the pile of presents before tearing into his traditional Weasley jumper. This year was a deep green with a small golden snitch upon his breast. Hagrid had sent the usual 'treats' that were quickly banished, Hermione had sent him some quality ink in unspillable bottles and Ron had sent him the usual broom kit. Dumbledore had sent him a tin of muggle candies with a note that simply said 'For those long nights of studying.'
The last present sat on his lap in a silver wrapped box. A simple black ribbon of silk made the innocent box look not-so-innocent. He hadn't expected anyone else to send him anything and there wasn't a note.
Tearing through the paper easily, he opened the box to behold a single ornament. It was shaped like a cauldron and had charmed steam rising from it. The surface of the liquid inside was gold and had a few spots that plinked in and out of the surface happily. Harry smiled and gently eased the ornament back into the box to prevent it from breaking.
Once his gifts were safely piled together for their trip back to his rooms, he carefully folded the duvet and placed it upon the chair he had occupied. One hurried trip later, and he was sitting at his desk in his rooms with one of his new pots of ink, a quill and a sheaf of his nicer parchment.
'I must admit, I forwent shopping this holiday season to pursue some much appreciated company from a friend. My apologies that your holiday pile was left bare of my sentiments. Let me make it up to you by playing anything you request tonight.'
He tied the note up with the ribbon from the gift Snape had given him and gently placed the note just outside of Snape's door before heading to breakfast. Judging by the small smile he received from the potions master, he knew he could expect company by his piano later.
That night, Harry was told to play whatever his heart desired as they talked about meaningless things. Snape spent some time talking about a new theory he was working on dealing with dragon scales and Harry spent some time talking about how he didn't wake up screaming anymore but would wake up feeling like he hadn't slept at all with vague memories of opening his eyes every hour or so.
"The nightmares were horrible but at least I was asleep."
"Have you slept without nightmares and without waking up throughout the night lately?" Harry blushed as he recalled the night before.
"Yeah, actually. I woke up last night once but somehow got back to sleep. Maybe I dreamt it..." Snape smiled and gestured to the duvet.
"Perhaps you should take the blanket with you and see if that assists you while you rest. Were there any other potions you'd like to focus on before the end of the holidays?" Harry shook his head.
"No, Madam Pomfrey's stock covered just about everything I wanted to brush up on. Thanks for letting me help, by the way. Did you have more to brew for her before school starts again?" Snape shook his head.
"No, actually. We have managed to brew more than I normally do over the entire holiday break. She sends her personal thanks, by the way. Nearly hysterical with it when I delivered it all to her this morning." The man chuckled at the memory and Harry smiled halfheartedly. "What's troubling you?"
"Nothing really. I'm sort of dreading the start of school again."
"Don't you usually dread the end of the holiday?"
"Well, yeah but that was when I was finally getting an opportunity to be alone. This time it's because I've grown rather fond of spending all day brewing with a cranky professor." He grinned cheekily as the professor in question looked at him with shock. The shock quickly turned to a playful glare.
"Cranky professor?"
"You really don't do well without at least three cups of coffee in your system, professor. And even then it can take a full hour for that to really lighten your mood up. It's normally nine by the time you're not seething at your cauldrons for simply existing in slightly the wrong shade of pewter." Harry was growing to like the subtle look of shock in the professor's expression.
"A change of topic then. I find it rather unsettling you have found my aversion for mornings. Have you thought more on your options? I meant it when I said I'd answer your questions." Harry thought for a moment while the notes floated in the air around them.
"Yeah, I do have a question. You said that marrying a subject was lonely business-what did you mean by that?" He saw Snape take a deep breath from the corner of his eye and waited patiently for the man to talk.
"For lack of a better term, I married potions. The whole subject of it. Growing and procuring ingredients, the brewing itself, potion creation, writing journals for the association, and inventing them. It has been...much longer than you may realize that I have been dedicated to the art." He trailed off for a moment and took a deep breath before starting again. "I forewent pursuing any personal relationships and since the fall of the dark lord I've found myself completely alone. Oh sure, I have the other staff members; some of which I've grown rather fond of. But should I leave the school, they will not keep in contact. Albus might, however, he's never been known for being timely in letter correspondences unless they contain the seal of the ministry."
"If you don't mind me asking, what prevents you from finding friends now?" A distant look clouded Snape's face and in that moment Harry couldn't help but wonder just how old of a soul the professor really was.
"By the time I come to care for people, it is too late for the friendship to mean anything. Did you have any other questions for me? You've taken every opportunity thus far to wring every last ounce of knowledge from me, I highly doubt you'll be ceasing that pattern anytime soon." Harry laughed.
"Yeah, I'm a bit curious as to how someone even becomes a master in something. I know you hold the title of Potions Master, but I don't really know how you got that title. Just that someone who can brew can't be called a master unless they gain the title somehow."
"You become an apprentice of a master, spend as long as you need to learning everything there is to know about the trade and then you are presented to the board once your master considers you adept in your field of choice. To this day, I was the first person to obtain such a mastery within four years of study. The next quickest in potions took ten years. It's a complicated subject, and requires a lot of skills and knowledge."
"Tell me more about it, please?"
"Very well. There are many spells one needs to know to protect themselves as well as others from accidents-smoke inhalation, explosions, burns and the like. Spells to keep different potions in a stasis and even to preserve ingredients properly. The wandwork that goes into the potion itself when required is just the beginning. Then there are ingredients. Knowing what will react with what and how, tricks to get the most out of your ingredients, shortcuts and the accommodations you have to make for them. You've proven yourself quite adept at this concept already. Then there are the ingredients themselves. How to prepare them, harvest them, grow them, raise them or even asking for them with certain creatures like unicorns. There's the preservation for short term use and long term, different preparation techniques...I could go one. It is a submersive and taxing mastery to obtain, far more so than any other."
"That sounds incredibly intricate, no wonder you like it so much." At Snape's raised eyebrow, Harry went on. "You're smart, and you like to keep your mind occupied. A common thing for smart people to do when they're like that is to find super complicated things and just throw themselves into the deep end until they understand it all and then they start experimenting. I'll be the problem you're having in your life right now is you're bored. Probably why you come down here to talk to me so often. I'm some sort of puzzle to you and you're trying to see the picture before the pieces are put together." He smiled and sagged in relief when Snape caught on that he was just teasing the older man.
"You might be right. Or I might simply come to enjoy the music."
"Nah, you wouldn't be helping me to figure out what I want to do once school is done with. Now I can't help but notice that you haven't told me how one obtains an apprenticeship."
"It's quite simple, really. Either a master of the subject will send an offer for apprenticeship to someone they consider qualified or you can send request letters to masters for an interview of sorts. They're normally put on hold as most masters always have an apprentice."
"What about you?"
"Me? I've never taken one before. I gave away my freedom during my apprenticing days and shortly after officially being declared a master was tried for being a death eater. When the headmaster came to my side, I then dedicated my time to teaching potions here. Between teaching young brats, playing the spy and...other things, I've been a little busy lately."
"And now that you're not playing spy or having to run around for madmen?"
"Now I shall depart for bed. Did you have any questions before I go?" Harry shook his head with a small smile before playing a slow and sweet melody before Snape left for the night.
The following few months after the holidays followed in a blur for Harry. He spent his time between classes and dinner by studying with his friends and would retire to his rooms after eating. Usually, he would play a song or two at the end of his day around ten or eleven at night. Sometimes Snape would come and listen before escorting him back to his room, but the older man didn't always show up.
Harry found that no matter what he asked the older man, he would always give an answer but his answers regarding his past were either precise and detailed or very vague and only hinted at an answer. It nagged at the back of his mind when he didn't keep himself busy. The result of this was Harry being found at the back of the library at the wee hours of the morning by various staff members making their rounds. Snape was the only one that would wake him up to get him into his bed properly. It was on the dozenth time that Snape found him when things escalated.
"Exactly why do you insist upon sleeping in the library when you have a perfectly good bed awaiting you?"
Yawning, Harry shrugged. "I suppose I've been preoccupied and I've been burying myself in my studies to shove off thinking about anything else. Hang on, why are you in a tiff about this? You only bring me back the nights you're patrolling anyways, it's not like you'd be sleeping." Snape snorted.
"Sleeping indeed. I rather missed listening to you play the last month you've been neglecting your thoughts." He didn't fall asleep in the library after that.
The school year seemed to be melting away into the abyss at an alarming rate after their extended weekend in the spring. NEWTs weighed on the eldest of students. The entire seventh year was in lockdown mode for studying, with a few sixth years offering to grab the seventh years late night snacks and reminding them to take a moment to absorb the information they were going over. It seemed that Harry was the only one who wasn't worried about the impending tests. He could either be found explaining a particularly intricate theory to Ron or talking Hermione into taking short breaks so she could make it through the NEWTs without melting her brain.
Snape had demanded that Harry leave the Gryffindors alone after eight in the evening so he could make it back down to his rooms with plenty of time to spare before curfew. He had happily used this excuse often around the other Gryffindors to get a few hours of peace in his day.
He had been so busy studying and helping his friends study that he had forgotten to think about what he would do after school. The night before NEWTs started, he did think about the possibility of not doing anything while he got his personal life in order on his own. It was calming to know that he would never have to worry about work, and decided to think about a job once he had his NEWTs results.
Yawning, Harry went through his nightly ablutions and threw on his favorite pair of silky shorts before sliding into bed. The sheets were cold, exactly how he liked it. The calming scents from the weighted duvet grew in strength as his body heat warmed the blankets and he quickly fell asleep.
"Harry, you look tired. Did you even sleep last night?" Hermione prodded him lightly with her fork and raised an eyebrow at him when he shrugged.
"Just had some nightmares last night." She gave him a horrified look and started to say something before he interrupted her train of thought. "Nothing terrible. Just the sort of nightmares that you know couldn't possibly be true because of how outlandish some things may be but they still affect your sleep quality. Nightmares Hermione, not memories. Not even night terrors. I'll be completely fine today, just a little tired."
"I'm trusting you to know your own limits Harry. But if the dreams become too much..."
"Hermione, I think he'll be alright. We all know Harry won't lie to you. Give the man some credit, he knows when to fear women." Harry laughed at Ron's joke and tried to ignore the distant sound of Bellatrix LeStrange screaming at him in his mind.