Day by day is getting bright
Shiny? Not really
Cloudy but it is more better than before
He is still alive. Like usual. But feels so different. Now he can breathe. At least he doesn't feel suffocate just like his past 26 years of living. He is breathing his life. Day by day, now.
He has a reason to live. Not fight to live anymore. He has reason to enjoy the sun that wakes him up every single morning. To hear the noises around his neighborhood. Even the fight between husband and wife is like a music he could enjoy.
He becomes crazy. He knows that. He is crazy happy. His life becomes happier than before. Maybe....maybe this is something that God gives for him to make him happy.
Funny.
He never believes in God, even when the sisters at the orphanage told him to pray every single day, he never believe in that existence. But now, he talked like God is exist. He wants to laugh at himself. How funny he is right now. Ridiculous. Maybe he becomes crazy like what people around him always told him.
Wake up in the morning.
5am is too early for him to wake up but whatever. He can't sleep anymore, so he is preparing and arranging the flowers. Earth no have employees. He does all works by himself. Day to night. 24/7.
No help. He by himself and he never complaining about it. This is his life. He should fight it by himself. No need to ask help from someone because in this life he lives alone. Forever.
One hour he does everything and it is done. His body is wet and stink. He needs to shower and put perfume.
He takes his old clothes in the closet. It was white but now becomes grey and some parts are getting darker because of oil or ink, he doesn't know. He forgot.
He smells it. The clothes still good to wear but unpleasant to look at. But whatever, it is his clothes and he doesn't need to wear something fancy. No one is here for him to pleased. No one is here to be the reason for him to dress up nicely.
Or maybe it is what he is thinking.
He sprays some perfume just to make it smells more pleasant. It is cheap perfume and it is smell like citrus. Not really nice but it is ok. The flowers around him can make him smell good.
He goes to front to open the window and let the sun touches his flowers gently. His babies need so much love from the sun.
"Morning, Earthaemon" A handsome boy greets him with a beautiful smile. He wears sport clothes. Maybe he is resting in front of his florist after did some workout sessions.
Earth can't help but skipped beat. His heart.
It is a beautiful sight that he never thought he could see in the morning. In his usual early boring morning.
"Here. I bought you strawberry milk and some breads. I know you haven't had your breakfast" He hands him a paper bag. Earth opens it and finds a strawberry milk with some donuts with different flavors.
"Thank you"
The handsome boy gives him something else again to him. A small box. Earth looks at him. Confuse.
"Happy birthday. It is late I know. I am sorry"
Earth smiles and opens that box. He likes it. Nah, he loves it. It is a ring. That boy gives him a ring.
"Try it"
He tries it but the ring is a bit bigger than his pointed finger.
"You are skinny. You need to eat alot"
"Thank you. I like it"
"Wear it to your thumb. I think it will fit there"
"Thank you for remembering my birthday"
"Actually. I forgot but mom told me yesterday hahahahaha.."
Of course. Earth should know better. It is not possible if this boy remembers his birthday. Every year. He always forget. Well, it is nothing new but still, it is hurt. Earth feels so hurt. Not even a chance for this guy to remember him. He is just a plain neighbor just like others to this guy. He never really cares. He is not important to this boy's life. Just a neighbor. A plain neighbor.
"I do care"
"Huh?"
"I do care about you, Earth. That's why I bought you breakfast and milk. You need to gain weight. Ok?"
Earth just nod and feels so warm when that guy ruffles his messy hair. He always likes when he is doing that to him.
"Now, I need to back. Stink" He sniffes his smell, "I need to shower, don't you think?"
Earth nods again.
"Yeah. I know you will say that. Gotta be look good because I have a date with my girlfriend this afternoon"
The handsome boy bids him goodbye.
"Ben..." Earth lets out a soft voice when he calls that name.
"Yes?"
"Thank you...for...everything"
That handsome boy, Ben, he smiles and back ruffles his hair. Earth's messy hair becomes messier.
"Remember this. I will always be beside you. Ok?"
That sounds so good to his ear but he knows better it could be only a dream. He will never be beside him no matter what. His place is not there. Someone else has been placed there. His girlfriend. So, no space for him to stand anymore. He only can stand and watch him from afar. Admire him from distance. And getting hurt by his own feeling or maybe killing in pain like he usually feel since he laid interest to the boy who is named Benjamin.
He loves him. Earth loves him but his love is wrong. He doesn't deserve to feel that feeling. He is nothing. He supposed not to feel love. That feeling is not something he should feel. Not for an orphan like him. Not for a plain human like him. Not for unimportant person like him. The love is something he never deserve to have.
He never deserve to be in love and to love someone.
He doesn't have right to be loved by someone.
He doesn't deserve to feel like that.
Never ever.
.
.
.
Breakfast is long gone but the bag that Ben gave to him is still there. He is hungry but he doesn't want to eat it. It feels like he is losing his appetite.
This always happens whenever he remembers how miserable his life is. No love, no friends, and nothing. He is alone in this cruel world.
"That's look yummy" A voice wakes him from his thought.
That boy is back again. His new friend. Phoom. Pavel Phoom. He smiles to him but the mole on his face distracts Earth. He wants to touch it because it is look interesting.
"Is there something on my face?"
"Your mole..."
"Cute right? This is my charm. People love me because my mole"
Earth doesn't know either he is joking or not but what he says it is kinda true because Earth likes his mole. It is look interesting.
He looks at his face and without he realizes it, he touches his cheek and caress the mole on his face.
"Your hand is cold"
Earth wants to take his hand away from that boy face but Phoom grabs it. He puts it back to his cheek but now with his hand holds Earth hand.
"Let's make it warm a little bit"
They stare each other. Eyes to eyes. No one is blinking. Earth takes his hand away and he is become awkward.
"Why you are here? Do you want to buy flowers?"
"I didn't want but now you ask, I think I want one"
Earth tilts his head. Confuse. He always do that when he is confuse. He looks at him with his eyebrows raise up.
"But before that. You need to eat" He is referring to bag that Earth stared for long time.
"I will eat it later"
"Nah. You eat now. I bought you pad thai"
"I don't eat meat"
"I bought seafood one" Phoom smiles, "Come. Eat with me. I am starving"
Earth backs to his chair. Sits down and looks at the foods Phoom bought for him.
Phoom tells him to eat and he does as he told. It is delicious. He never taste something like that before. Well, he doesn't really have times to cook or buy something. He only eats instant noodles. It is easy and yummy. It is kinda simple to cook. No need much times to make it. That's why he likes instant noodles. Simple as that.
"Earth.... I...." Ben is rushing in and stop when he sees Earth with...someone else? Eating together?
It is new sight for him. He never knows if he will see a scene like this. Earth that he knows never eat with someone. He likes being alone. Do something by himself. Always alone. But today it is not. He is with someone else.
"I just bought you tomyum because I thought you haven't eat but..." He looks at Earth then Phoom, "I am sorry to disturb you"
Earth gets up and walks to him. He takes the food he brings for him.
"I will eat. Thank you"
"Who is he?" Ben whispers.
Earth looks at Phoom who is busy eating pad thai. He seems not bother with Ben existence. He is still enjoying his food.
"Friend"
"Friend?" Ben voice is too loud for Phoom to ignores.
Well, it is shocking Ben to know if Earth has friend. It is good but it feels new and weird because as he knew, Earth never have friend. And if he has, the only possible that can be called his friend is himself. Ben himself because only him who always cares to him.
Earth nods while tries to fix his glasses. It is hard because his hands hold the foods that Ben bought for him. Ben helps him. He fixes his glasses.
"Do you want me to make a bucket for your girlfriend?"
Ben shakes his head. He doesn't want to bother Earth. He wants Earth to enjoy his meal. And his girl friend won't mind if he doesn't buy her roses.
"But I will take this one" Ben takes one rose and gives it to Earth, "For you"
Earth looks at the rose that Ben gives to him. Confuse. He looks at Ben. Tilts his head. Why he gives him this rose?
Actually, Ben always gives him rose but not like this. He always buy roses for his girl friend and always gives one of the roses to Earth. But this time, he is not buying roses for her but giving one and only for him.
"Take care"
Earth nods again.
"I will always be with you, remember?"
He nods again.
Ben ruffles his hair like he usually do. With so much care.
"Call me whenever you need me"
He bids goodbye after that.
Earth backs to Phoom who is busy chewing his foods. He looks at Earth who is busy placing the rose between other roses that seem withered.
"Is all of them from him?"
Earth doesn't bother to answer it. It is not his business but Earth's.
Phoom who gets no answer becomes more curious.
"Why you not care them like you take care other flowers?"
Earth looks at him. No expression is showing. No mad. No angry. Just flat.
"Sometime you need to let your hope fades away"
Phoom doesn't say anything. He can feel the sadness from the skinny boy voice. It hurts him. He doesn't like to see his new friend feels hurt.
Earth backs to his seat. Open the foods that Ben bought for him. He smiles when he smells the deliciousness from that food. He is starving again. His appetite is raising.
"That boy...you like him?"
Earth stops eating and looks at the boy who is just asking him. He doesn't know if he is angry or not. Phoom can't tell it. But he kinda regret to ask him that stupid question.
"I am sorry..."
"I don't deserve to have that feeling"
"Why?"
No answer.
"Everyone deserves it. Including you. Everyone can love someone and to be loved by someone"
"It is too grand for someone like me"
"Earth. Look. You deserve it. I tell you. You deserve all. Everything"
"It is too much. I can't pay it" He is on the edge to cry but he holds it. He tries hard not to break and become weak again.
The world is too cruel for weak people. He doesn't want to be weak. He doesn't want the world will do harm to him anymore. He has had enough. He only want peace. A peace life. Nothing more.
"How about finding new hope?"
"I do have"
"What is it?"
"To not be born and disappear"