Since I was broke at the moment, I had to ask a few people to see if I could borrow some cash to get through those last couple of days. Time went on, and I waited until payday for groceries and to pay back the people I borrowed from.
Finally, payday had come, I was hoping to put some money into savings and payback those who I owed the money to. I got paid around $1500, and I was planning on taking $250 out for food for the next two weeks and my personal debts that I owe. I don't like owing people and not paying them back because I don't want to have that impression of borrowing and not paying back my debt.
I was planning on calling my bank soon. I wanted to transfer $400 to the savings account. Since the bills were paid for the month from the last pay period, I figured we could have enough to put some into savings.
I called my bank finally and got a hold of a representative to make the transfer. As I was on the phone, I had confirmed who I was by answering a few questions. Then I continued to ask to place a bank transaction. The representative went ahead to process the action. She then told me that the transaction couldn't be processed since the result had insufficient funds. As a matter of fact, they said I had a negative balance of $-423.17 in the checking account. I had to owe my bank $423.17. I asked the representative what happened. I checked the account yesterday and had around $1,200 in checking.
The representative replied, "Due to overwrites of checks that were written, they were bounced from accessed amounts which results in why you have a negative balance. You are also going to be charged with penalties for the lateness of the checks."
I then hung up the phone and immediately tried to call up my wife to see what the situation was. I can handle being in debt by a miscalculation of a few dollars or so. But a continual process of being in debt, especially from $12.00 one pay period than two weeks later $400. This isn't right.
I finally got in contact with Jessica. I didn't give her much of a chance to even say the word hello. I began to go off.
Jessica cut me off and then started yelling at me, "It's all your fault, and you have no reason to yell at me like that." She continued with an aggressive attitude, "This isn't all your money. It's mine too! I need to buy things for myself and my son. I also have other personal bills, sorry for not telling you, but I have a cell phone and cable to pay for. It is my fault for miss calculations, but I need to pay for these too! I also got two traffic tickets; one for speeding and another for not providing the proof of insurance."
After hearing this, I was so enraged that I didn't know what to say. I knew that even with those minor bills, she still had some money left over, and since she was currently staying at her grandparent's house again, she didn't pay for the rent. I didn't know directly how to handle this knowing next pay period I have our usual bills to pay and the money I owe the bank would be automatically deducted from my account. It would be some time before I could receive my next entire paycheck.
I thought to myself, "I have a good job and my own space in the apartment I am in, but am stuck with limitations. I have been limited to a spending budget and not in a good way, from trying to venture out and explore the sites of this country for the past several weeks." Each time that I would go out with my friends, they would pay for the tab. I would feel pretty low, even though they understood the situation. When I went out by myself, all's I could do is window shop. I couldn't even buy one souvenir for myself.
At one time, I tried to pull more money out to save and have in reserve. Just in case I may want to purchase something. This was a mistake. Out of the money that I took out, Jessica believed she could take out more since she believed that it all was her money. So, at the end of playing tug of war with the money, withdraw, I lost again! I ended up owing my bank around $600 this pay period.
This continued for over the next few months. I ended up paying close to $3,000 to my bank from imbalances. This was a tragedy for the most part. I tried to contact her continuously about the continuing money problem. Jessica was harder and harder to catch over the phone each time I called. Every time I called, she was either out or was with the company. Since she stayed at her grandparent's house, I couldn't be rude but only say I would call again. Nevertheless, her grandparents were good people.
I finally received her cell phone number from her grandfather. I continuously tried that number. One time I called and I heard music in the background as if she was in a dance club or something. Once, someone answered the phone. I began to speak, then suddenly got disconnected. I called again and then no one answered; I was wondering if she knew it was me or if she was ignoring me?
Over the next month, I was training for another change in position, which was the Desk Sergeant position. At work that day I was feeling down. I wasn't motivated to do anything. My co-worker came up to me and asked me what the problem was. I said, "Nothing." They continued to ask. I finally replied, "It is my wife and my account situation. Could you ever imagine yourself in one area of good standing and in a flash, you are at the opposite end, unknowingly? That was me," I said. I could see myself slowly just decreasing to the bottom. My credibility was gone. My credit was so poor I couldn't even receive a Military Star Card. A Star Card is a Post Exchange credit card only to be used on military installations. This card is nearly handed out to brand new soldiers coming into the military like candy. After four years and Sergeant pay, I still can't get one because of my credit.
This has all resulted because of late payments on my car and failing to cancel the cell phone bills. The previous cell phone bills were high because of consistent usage if being used while in roaming areas. Whoever made the calls knew that they were in roaming areas and deliberately made the calls. I found out that my wife's cell phone was used by her sister and they didn't realize they were in a roaming area while Jessica was visiting them in another state.
Finally, after the discussion with my co-worker and my life story, they gave me an idea. I will say I felt pretty stupid when he told me, wishing I would have thought of it beforehand. He suggested on changing my bank account to another bank. I would get my paycheck directly deposited into this new account with me being the only person on the account. This was going to work; I knew it. I was happy to know I could start over and pay everything off and begin my savings and credibility again.
I figured this would be a good change for me. I checked in with my leadership and the JAG office to make sure that I could do this and to see how much Jessica is entitled. The only thing: she was technically entitled half of the money for housing, but I felt generous, so I gave her the entire housing allowance. Everything else was my benefits from the military.
It wasn't until about that next pay period that I checked into my account. I saw the money that I haven't seen in a while, my entire paycheck and this was in my account. I was so happy nothing could affect me. I transferred money to our joint account so that Jessica could have some money.
Nearly three weeks had gone by, and everything was good. Just then, I got a telephonic Red Cross message from my mother.
She said, "Jessica came by the house today when I was out shopping, and your sister was in the back in her bedroom. Jessica just came in and saw that we had your mail here in a pile collecting and waiting for you. Then your sister overheard Jessica blurting out, "YES! This is what I have been waiting for." My mom continued to say that "Your sister then came out after hearing Jessica's voice. But by the time your sister knew what happened, Jessica had left and closed the door. We didn't know what she took until when we saw that the mail was tampered with. Your mail consisted of your car title and your new bank statements."
"Thanks for letting me know, and I will call you back," I told my mom.
I was mad about the car title but not pissed about the bank statements, knowing she had a power of attorney, and she could do whatever. I made a mistake of giving her one before I left for Korea, but I didn't think she would use it like this.
I called my bank quickly trying to get a hold of any operator that could assist me. I finally got through to a live person and not a voice-operated system.
"I would like to place a block on my account and have a password placed in it in order to access it," I requested. I also asked, "Has anyone tried to access my account."
The representative replied, "Yes, your wife. She had a power of attorney."
"No, it is soon to be my ex-wife and that this is my only account. I don't want anyone to access it," I said.
So, they put up a red flag on the account to warn Jessica if she tried to access it again. This saved me a lot of money since I recently just re-enlisted for a $12,000 bonus and extension of my tour. The extension of my tour wasn't expected, but from the extra money I was getting, I wanted to now try to gain some back.
The next day I got a phone call from my company operations, and they asked me to come down to the office. I didn't know what to expect. I just figured maybe they needed me to sign a document or something since this was a usual thing.
Once I arrived, the person in charge had asked me, "Is everything fine back home with your family?"
I said, "Yes, why?"
They replied, "Because your wife called up here saying you haven't been paying her for her needs and putting her through mental distress that caused her to go to the hospital from anxiety attacks."
I cut him off since he was nearly done speaking anyway. I stated, "Yes, everything is fine, but we are going through a divorce, and she isn't taking it well." I didn't mention that I haven't filed for divorce yet even though we are heading in that direction. I also asked them if they wouldn't give out my phone number. Conveniently, after nearly nine months she decided to call me and pay attention to me. I cut her off of the money; that's why she suddenly loves me again? Now I was controlling her budget from my paycheck.
The person I was speaking to was a bit sympathetic towards the situation. I felt as if he was faking his emotional response only to appease me with acknowledgment. It didn't matter. I was tired of being pushed over. I showed my leadership the bank transfers and withdrawals on her end. It's not like I went back to America on the weekends to write checks and pull money out of the ATM's there.
I decided to find a lawyer back in my home state to see what the cost and process would be on getting a divorce. I passionately pursued this because it is something, I should have done a long time ago, but I was blinded and thought that everything would work itself out.
After some time of looking and tracking down lawyers to see pricing quotes, I found one. The attorney that I would get was a female. I'm not saying that this was a bad thing. I was just hoping that she would be in my favor for support, but I didn't know how these types of attorney's work. Since I am a guy and, in the Army, the impression could be really good or really bad.
I asked, "How long would the process take to complete." She stated, "That it all depends on if the opposing party would agree to the terms and settlements. If so, it would last only nearly ninety days or so." I was happy to hear that. I could easily wait out three months, compared to all of the time and money I have lost prior.
I really didn't wish to go this route, but I know the outcome. She was ruining my credit and getting me behind on bill payments which correlate. On that same note, I was told that she was out and about seeing other people. I couldn't accuse her of cheating on me, but all the possibilities were there.
I was told by my family and even some of her family that she had been hanging around with her previous boyfriend and other guys for attention. Regardless of whether it was a social or a sensual thing wasn't the point. It was really because she wouldn't give me the time of day. The only thing she wanted was the benefits, so I initiated the steps for divorce. I felt as if I had no choice. I thought I should have been treated better and that our relationship needed to be a two-way street. I guess not.