Lu Li enters my study unannounced. Carrying a tray, I notice a small bowl on top with a soup spoon set on the side.
"You didn't have breakfast with us today again. I brought you a little something."
Without looking up, I say, "No need. I'm not hungry."
She freezes momentarily before continuing to set down the bowl and stirring the congee with the spoon.
"Even if you aren't hungry, at least eat something to retain energy."
Please just leave my study.
She stands still, holding the tray close to her body.
"Anything else?" I finally ask.
"Yi Huai... Would it make you feel better if we have Mu Dan move in with us?"
I inhale deeply to control my frustration. What gives her the right to make such a suggestion?
Her voice persists to reach my ears. "Although I am your official wife, I wouldn't mind it if you take in Mu Dan as a concubine. I'd love to meet her."
Slamming my hands on the desk, Lu Li jumps from the loud noise.
"Don't talk about her. You have no right to be speaking about her to me." I leave her alone in the study. I need to contain myself before I really lose it.
Take in Mu Dan? I have to tread lightly around Lu Li and her father if I want Mu Dan to live. She proposes I take in Mu Dan as a concubine? That's basically appointing Mu Dan to torture from my parents and a possible execution from His Majesty.
Walking near the pond, I see Li Xiao about to leave the estate. I run to him with the intent to extort information about Mu Dan.
"Hey! Li Xiao! Wait!" I catch up to him and he turns around.
"Young Lord." He gives me a slight nod.
"How is Mu Dan? Did you hear any news from father?"
"Young Lord, I cannot disclose anything to you."
"Look, Li Xiao. I know you're not heartless. You could have abandoned Mu Dan in that small town where you found us, but you brought her back to her grandmother. You even told me my parents had planned something. I'm not asking you to do anything for me. Can't you just tell me how she's doing?"
"I cannot say. It's for your own good."
"Wha-- What do you mean?"
"I can just say that your parents left behind a good amount of money for Young Lady Mu Dan and her grandmother."
"That's impossible. You know they won't willingly sacrifice any of their riches for anyone."
"That is indeed what they did."
I don't doubt Li Xiao. He is not one to lie.
"Then did Mu Dan ask about me? Is she doing well?"
"She..."
"What is it?"
"Young Lord, you must promise me that you will not run away to see Mu Dan if I tell you."
"I swear!"
"Your parents orchestrated a false wedding for you and Mu Dan during their last days in the village. They wanted to prove to Mu Dan's grandmother and the townspeople that you have forsaken her. Master and Madam gave her a letter stating you didn't love her and didn't want to marry her."
"Ha..."
Of course, they would think of such a despicable idea to hurt her. Makes me want to be with her even more just to spite them. Mu Dan... You should stay away from me. Being with me will only...
Life isn't the same without her. I'm not living, just being. Being the son my parents wish, being the husband of the Ninth Princess.
Another meaningless day is about to start, but something is different. I hear loud voices coming from the front gates. A servant is closing the door on someone trying to enter the manor.
I approach the servant. "Who's making all that ruckus?"
He unwillingly open the doors.
Mu Dan? She really came here on her own?
It took everything in my bones to not run to her, embrace her in my arms. Her hair is wet, sticking to her pale face. The thin clothing on her body is drenched, and I can almost see through to her white clothes underneath.
She smiles wide. "Yi Huai, I came to find you."
Mu Dan, why did you come?
"What are you doing here?" I can't look at her. Trying to distant myself, I force my eyes elsewhere.
"I came to see you. You see, Grandma--"
"Husband, who's here?" Lu Li interrupts Mu Dan from behind me.
I move to block her view. "Nothing, wife. Just a messenger from the palace. Please go have breakfast with mother and father."
If she sees Mu Dan, Mu Dan will most definitely be in danger.
Lu Li is reluctant to leave, but then hangs her head low and leaves for the main hall.
"Did she call you husband?" Mu Dan asks.
"She... is my wife."
"So-- So is she smart?"
"What?"
What is she talking about?
"You wouldn't marry me because I was stupid... So did you marry her because she is smart?"
No. Never. I would never...
I had to say, "Yes."
"Yi Huai, I--"
"You shouldn't have come here. Go back to the village," I tell her coldly. I turn around to avoid looking at her. I couldn't do it. Her appearance is making me want to risk everything and run to hold her.
"Yi Huai, please. I don't have anyone left in this world... only you. Can I please stay by your side? I promise, I won't come in between you and your wife. I can do anything. I can cook, clean, and look after your children with her. Please don't leave me by myself."
"Don't say those things to me!" Yelling, I turn to face her. She is shaking either from the cold or because I've scared her.
How can I make you be those things? You are my wife.
Taking in a deep breath, I manage to say, "Do you know how my wife would feel if she knew I took in a woman who used to be my fiancee? How uncomfortable she would be? Use your head, Chen Mu Dan."
I turn back around. "Return to the village. Mother and father left enough money for you to use for awhile. If you really want to get married, I will have a suitable person in the village take you in. Don't come looking for me anymore."
It's best if you stay away. That's the only way you can live.
I tell the servant to close the doors. Mu Dan doesn't leave from the spot she's standing. I hear her fall on her knees and sob.
Turning to face the door, I couldn't do anything to comfort her. I muffle my cries so she would not hear. My own tears blurred my sight.
She stayed outside our manor the whole time. I heard her quietly cry until the sun started to set. Suddenly, she whimpers from standing. Her legs must have hurt from kneeling all day.
I slowly open the heavy doors. Following Mu Dan, she doesn't even know where she is going. She doesn't notice me watching her. We end up at the central park near the canal. It is already dark.
Two men cuts in between us and approach her. Mu Dan feels their presence. She starts to run.
What's going on?!
I run after them, almost losing sight because of the darkness.
Just then I hear one of the man saying, "Think you can just leave your debt at Lonesome Moon Pavilion? Little lady, you shouldn't have run away."
The other one says, "We looked for you all day. Now, we're gonna have some fun with you before we take you back."
I run toward their voices and see Mu Dan kick the man holding her.
"Hey!" I yell trying to scare them off.
"Who the hell is that?"
"How would I know?"
"Get the hell out of here before I kick your asses!" I threaten them.
"Oh yeah? We'll see about that!"
Fists starts flying and we fight. Unable to overpower two street scoundrels, I wrap my arms around one of the guy and take him to the ground. The other kicks me while I'm down.
A sharp jab penetrates my stomach. I stand and could no longer feel the other one landing hits to my body. I feel the wet part of my clothes and see red. The bastard stabbed me.
"Young Lord, are you all right?" A man's voice rings in my ear.
"Li Xiao?" I'm starting to feel lightheaded. "Mu Dan, I have to find her."
I push him and with great speed, I run to find Mu Dan.
She's lying on the ground motionless. I pull her into my arms.
"Mu Dan? Mu Dan! Your head. You're bleeding." I put pressure on her wound to stop the blood.
"Save me, Yi Huai..."
"Li Xiao! Li Xiao, get help! Mu Dan is hurt! Mu Dan... Mu Dan, open your eyes. Mu Dan, no, no. Please... I'm so sorry, Mu Dan. Mu Dan..."
She died there in my arms.
I couldn't do anything to save her. Having her by my side, having her stay far away... it all led to this very moment where she left me in the most painful way.
She was everything to me. My light, my true sunshine in this gloomy world. How can I ever live on without her?
Every decision I made only ended with us both ruined.
Mu Dan, don't ever forgive me.