06:
06:
It's loud here. Maybe even too loud. The mix of laughter, mumbled chatter, and festive music force a small ache to erupt in my head. I should be smiling and dancing too but after studying for eight hours straight, it's obvious I'm in no mood.
“Ava, come on!” Dana shouts enthusiastically. Her hands summon for me to go near her and her “new friends.”
“I'm...” Ready to go, but I don't want to be a killjoy. I don't want to be boring, nerdy Ava. And if I keep sitting her like a grandma then I'll be labeled just that. Even my parents have more fun than I do.
“Even your folks have more fun than you do!”
“Dana...” I roll my eyes at her carefree state. She is currently on her fifth bottle of Coors Lite while swaying to the pop music.
“Ava...stop being a stiff. You're embarrassing me,” She huffs jokingly.
I laugh dryly while crossing my arms. I'm not dancing. As if she heard me and is now on a mission to prove me wrong, a hand encircles my wrist, pulling me up. She pulls me to the dance floor and before I know it, I'm holding a bottle of beer and dancing to the music.
That late September she got me to do what my parents couldn't even get me to do. She got me to let my hair down and dance on the tabletops, drunk out of my mind.
*
The small buzz on my ankle frightens me to the point where I jog to keep up. Ian decided to make me wear an electric anklet so I don't run off. I wish he'd trust me because this alone, is making it harder for me to do my job.
The loud noise of the roller coaster above makes me jump. Ian chuckles before grabbing my hand. Danny is on his shoulders while we walk through the theme park.
I notice a few people stare at us like they know who we are while others ignore us. One of those “others” are police officers. They walk right by us without glancing our way.
Another powerful noise forces my hands to cover my ears. The sound of gunshots can be heard from behind us.
“It's just a game,” Ian reassures me calmly.
I've been inside for three-almost four months and I'm still not used to loud, outside noises. One would think having a three year old in the house would be enough noise but not if he's quiet most times. Like now, for example.
He gently removes my hands then places a soft kiss on my sweaty forehead. I'm nervous and I need to calm down.
“Let's take a break,” he sits us down at a picnic table with a light green umbrella above it.
We eat our sandwiches and drink our lemonade while talking about everything under the sun. Danny stays quiet while Ian and I laugh and talk. He makes a few jokes about my midget height while I joke about his fear of heights. He hasn't rode any roller coasters, just baby rides with Danny.
After our laughing ceases, I notice a smell of deliciousness. The sweet aroma of cotton candy invades my nostrils and makes me hum in satisfaction.
Ian notices and asks if I want some. I nod before turning my head to my son.
“You want some cotton candy, sweetie?” I suggest sweetly, trying to make him engaged.
He bites his bottom lip then shakes his head vigorously.
“How about another ride? You want to ride the bumble bees?”
Once again he is silent, choosing to bury his head in my side. I adjust my body to give him a hug.
“Ian, what did you say to him earlier? He doesn't want to do anything now." I narrow my eyes at his blasé form. He is sitting across from us; now looking irritated.
“Ava, if he can't listen to you at home then how will he listen to you in public?”
My mouth drops while I'm forced to blink a few times, trying to take in what he just said.
“Danny listens to me.” I tilt my head skeptically. Why would Ian think otherwise?
“Two mornings ago when you told him to brush his teeth what did he do?”
“He brushed-”
His hand goes up, stopping me mid sentence.
“That was after you told him more than once,” he recalls solemnly.
“So, what's your point? I mean he's three.”
“He's old enough to know that you should never have to tell him something more than once,” he shrugs before taking another sip of his lemonade.
My eyes shift to the table while I ponder on that. Ian may be an abusive prick sometimes but I can't forget how traditional he is. He's an old fashioned guy and he believes a child should stay in a child's place. But Danny is far from disrespectful. He's just stubborn like Ian and I.
“If my dad ever saw me disrespecting my mom like that he'd...” he sighs, shaking himself out of his small reverie.
“I wanna go home,” the three year old pouts sadly.
“What did you say to him earlier?” I ask the silent man seated in front of us.
Thinking back to when we first arrived, I remember the events that led up to this. I unbuckled Danny from his carseat and then told him to stay beside me and wait while I retrived my bag. Well, by the time I turned around Ian was pulling him away.
“I told him not to run off from you.”
“And he said he had to use the bathroom” I reply hesitantly.
Ian's green eyes shine while a smile corners his lips.
“That was his excuse?” he chuckles with an eye roll.
“I did have to go pee pee, Ian,” Danny pipes innocently.
I watch Ian reach across the table but before he can grab him, I pull us away.
“I'm your dad, Danny. I thought we talked about this,” his voice is low but his hands are balled firmly into fists.
He closes his eyes, taking a moment to compose himself before apologizing.
“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare...” he rubs his face wearily while I continue analyzing him. I don't know what to make of his odd behavior.
“Just...why do you call me Ian?”
Whenever Danny is around me he calls Ian by his first name but when he's with Ian, he calls him daddy.
“Mommy says that's your name,”
A long, uncomfortable silence shadows over us. My throat tightens while I keep my eyes locked on the table. I can feel a stare so raw, unadulterated and menacing but I refuse to look at him.
“You wanted him in pre-school, right?”
My eyes slowly capture his green orbs. They burn into mine; making me feel more anxious than ever. Ian has a funny way of scolding someone with just one look.
Clearing his thoat, I realize he is still waiting on my reply. So, with high reluctance, I nod.
“Well, he'll start next week,”
“Why now?” I question without stopping myself. I don't know how this conversation went from disciplining to education.
“I think you'll figure it out,” he smirks cunningly.
“Can we wide wides now?”
Danny and Ian start choosing rides they want to go on while I'm left baffled and shocked. When I asked if our son could be enrolled in school I received a firm no from Ian.And now it's a yes? What changed his mind? Does he want Danny to learn something, or me? Understanding dawns on me when I think about it some more. It's not about Danny being in school to learn. It's about me.
"Is that why you interfered when he wanted me to put Danny in the crib?"
"Yeah. He'll never hit you when Danny's in your arms. And if he made you put him down I knew he'd be...too aggressive...”
That was my conversation with Joel. The same night Ian had lost it because I wanted Jared to live. I remember Ian wanting me to put Danny in the crib so he could hurt me. And then I realized he wouldn't harm me with Danny in my arms.
#
Two weeks later
Parenting is exhausting. No, scratch that. Parenting a stubborn, irritable three year old is exhausting. And because he has to wake at six thirty every morning for five days a week makes it more tiring. The older he gets, the worse morning person he becomes.
“Put your sock on,” I mumble tiredly. My hands grip his jeans to hold him down.
“It's itchy mommy,” he squirms restlessly in my arms.
“Danny you're wearing one so why not wear the other one?” I rub my temples, trying not to shout.
“Because...because socks are eeeviiiil!” he sings playfully.
I continue struggling with him; trying to get him dressed until a familiar voice fills the room.
“Is he ready, Ava?”
I look up with frustration written on my face. My chest is heaving, my hair is a mess, and my clothing is disshelved.
“I told you to have him ready by seven. That's when we need to be leaving.”
My palms start to perspire while fearful thoughts consume me. Ian hasn't hit me yet but that could change based on whether or not Danny makes it to school on time.
“I'll deal with you later,” he says before yanking Danny away from me.
"Wait!" I run after them until a hard chest stops me. Stumbling back, I realize who I ran into.
“Two weeks and you want to fuck up now?”
“That's why I should get a pass. I've gotten him prepared for school and you for work without you two being late.” My shaky voice is low, on the brink of faltering.
A small pinch forces a growl to erupt from my lips. The wind is knocked out of me when I feel my back thrown against the wall.
“Listen to me, Ava. My job and his school are two very important things. If he is late then I am late. I don't care if you wake up late, he's being difficult, or you're rebelling against me for some unknown reason,” he pauses; his fingertips still pressed into my bruised arms. “Your job is to get him ready in enough time so we won't be late.”
I have gotten him ready in an adequate amount of time. Just not this morning.
“Do I make myself clear?” his strong voice steadies to indicate solemnity.
“Yes,” I nod my head in understanding while trying to block out the pain from his strong grasp.
“Remember what I want done by the time we get home.”
I nod again, vigorously this time to make sure he knows I understand.
“Good,” he leaves a lingering kiss on my lips before going downstairs.
Sighing loudly, I walk to our room to get the list of things I need to have completed by three thirty. I usually keep the list on my nightstand but as I stare at it there is nothing there but our family picture. It's the photo we took at the amusement park two weeks ago.
“Where is it?” I mumble while opening the drawer. There are so many things to do in this huge house that I need a list to remember everything.
A frustrated sigh fills the room when I realize I have to look somehwere else. I search the entire room, including our master bathroom until nothing comes up.
Walking back in the room, I notice a side I haven't checked yet. Ian's side. I decide a quick search through his desk wouldn't hurt.
Once I open the oakwood desk drawer my mouth gapes open. There are hundreds of pictures of me. Some old, some new. And by new I mean after I had Danny. Ian was sentenced to the mental institution when Danny was ten months so he couldn't have taken these.
Combing through the rest of the desk, I notice something else. Something more disturbing than the old pictures of me and love letters to me. I notice a paper with a different, neater handwriting. The line that catches my eyes stands out like a sore thumb.
'Ava, sweetheart please write back. We're worried about you. Jared is awake and asking for you and Danny.'
It's a letter from my mother asking about Danny and I. Asking if we're okay. And begging for us to return home. The longer I read the more anxious I become because this isn't the first letter. My mom wrote more. In this one, she indicated when she started wrting these. Back in August. I frown when I notice this one is dated October thirtieth. That was three weeks ago so it's recent. My first thought is to rip Ian's head off for not telling me and my second thought is to plan Danny's and I's escape. But then I start to really think. There's not much I can do but wait it out. Ian is becoming more controlling and I can't risk having broken bones. Especially since I have Danny to take care of. So what do I do?
'Ava, sweetheart please write back. We're worried about you. Jared is awake and asking for you and Danny.'
My heart nearly comes to a complete stop after rereading those gripping words. I feel so many emotions at once but the strongest is regret. I regret leaving Jared so easily. I regret kissing Ian, touching him, and letting him kiss and touch me. I regret so many things right now that I wish I could take back. So, what do I do? I ask msyself over and over again but the only reponse I give are salty tears.
The sudden sound of the door opening sends my hand to my pocket. I ball the letter further inside my jeans pocket before the intruder can see it. With my hand on the drawer, I gently close it.
“Ava darling,”
I turn to see Elaine in the doorway. A cunning smile lines her thin lips before she walks over to my frightened frame. “Come on dear, this house isn't going to clean itself.”
She ignores my tears and shaking hands as she encompasses me in a sideaways hug. I swllow dryly before plastering on a fake smile. I make sure I keep my hand on the outline of the crumpled paper in my pocket. I have so many unanswered questions, and I feel like if I ask the right person then maybe I'll receive the right answers.
**---**
For those who were confused last chapter: Ian used his fingers to pleasure Ava. You guys thought they "did the deed"? Haha, nope. Not yet ;)
Vote, comment, faaaannn! :D Thanks for reading guys. Love lots! xx
And if you have questions just comment or PM. I've been feeling a lot better because this chapter is probably the best so far. Maybe because I had time to write it lol. How was your Thanksgiving? Are you guys ready for Christmas? I still have shopping to do and I dread it because I'll be broke afterwards. *Sigh* Anyway, I hope you all have an amazing day and remember someone out there loves you for you. :D
P.S.S. I PASSED MY DRIVER'S TEST WITH 100!! I can drive now :D WOO-FREAKING-HOOO