As I near his door, my lips tremble a bit. My heart leaps out of my chest but I can still feel it beating. For Ben. For us. But most importantly, for hope. So I quickly grab the handle, I can't leave now, and pry open the door. Ben doesn't even turn around. He's sitting at his desk with papers strewn all over the floor and his books all crowding his desk. He claws his hair with his hands and lets out a frustrated sigh.
I hate seeing him like this. It makes me want to take everything he's doing on myself and let him take his entire life off. I just want him to be happy. So I go in, and I put my hands on his shoulders. You can tell he isn't expecting it when he jumps, and he slowly turns his head around and our eyes meet.
"you shouldn't be here..." He stammers, covering his papers and standing up. I shove him back into his chair gently and put my hands back on his shoulders.
"Ben,"I whisper,"I should be here, forever and always." He looks up at me again but this time with more meaning.
"Mal, I , I can't let you be here. I'm sorry." I watch him slowly turn his chair and move away from me. I feel the lack of heat like a knife.
"No. I am not letting you be here alone. I'm tired of sitting around watching you be the nice guy. I love you Ben. And I'm never going to stop. EVER. So you don't have to be perfect around me. Just be you, because I love YOU." I smiled at the truth to my words.
Even though our fight was yesterday, it feels like I haven't seen him smile in years. So seeing it makes me smile even wider.
"Thank you for always being there for me. Now it's my turn." I tell him, softly. Our eyes meet again and he pulls me in. I'm not expecting a hug, but he pulls me into a bear hug, with more affection than he usually displays. I just hug him back, wishing this moment could last forever. His honey brown eyes look over me with love and gratefulness.
"Mal, I told you that you were enough, and you just proved me right." He whispered into my ear, making me shiver. He had, and I guess he was right, I had the right intentions, sometimes i just act upon them wrongly. My head was clouded with all this doubt until I had Ben. Now I just see things a little more clearly. But even though this moment should have lasted forever, Ben pulled away.
"Mal, about the other night." Ben said, his smile vanishing.
I look at him happily,"Ben, it's nothing, I know you don't mean it, so it's over."
He looks away, dropping my hands,"Mal, that's the thing, I did mean what I said last night. I meant that it hurt me, and I still do feel that hurt. It's not like that just vanished because you came in and told me you love me. I do appreciate that but Mal, you didn't think I blew up on you only because of my stress, did you?"
I step back, my head spinning.