She looks up to me and her cheeks flush.
There's nothing else I want more than to take her already, to feel myself inside of her and call out her name as long as I can. Run my hands all over her body and kiss every inch of her skin. I've missed her so fucking much I feel like if I close my eyes for too long this might as well be a dream I could wake up from. A very, very good one. She looks so sexy, so aroused yet she's staring at me as if this was the first time we've been together. I spin us around until the back of her thighs touches the edge of the bed, she stares into my eyes as I drag mine over her shoulders, the straps of her bra give out easily when I pull them down.
I lean closer and press my lips on one of her collarbones. She sighs and I can feel myself getting harder as she wraps her hands in my hair, holding herself straight, she smells good, fresh and deep, sweet. Discarding the rest of our clothes is fairly easy and quick, I'm fucking breathless as I sit on the middle of the mattress, watching as she slowly sets herself over my lap, straddling me with her legs a each side of my torso. I swear something flickers wickedly in her eyes when she finally lowers herself onto me, slowly, torturously.
"Ohhh.." she gasps as I fill her in, relishing in the feeling of her, inch by inch. "God."
"Fuck." I pant almost at the same time. She feels so good, so warm and tight.
Pressing her tits against my chest, she wraps her arms behind my neck and leans her forehead against mine. She breathes slowly, deeply as she adjusts to the angle. I take the moment to run my hands on her back, she's so soft and fair I let my fingers linger until I get a hold of her round bum. Looking for her eyes, I kiss her intently and squeeze her, hard. Her lips part and she slowly starts to move as my tongue glides into her mouth. She tastes sweet just as I'd remembered it. Soon her slow teasing movements drive me feral, I lift her ass and ram deep inside of her in a swift move.
"Harry!" She calls and it only manages to get me going.
I watch her as she moans and bites into her bottom lip, closing her eyes and leaning back to give me a show of her tits as they bounce wildly from my thrusts. I've missed her so much I don't think I'll be able to stop anytime soon. I want to enjoy this, relish it, treasure it as much as I can because I truly don't know if she's going to let me be with her tomorrow. When I feel her lips on my skin, her hands twisted in my hair as she stars riding me, I feel like my chest might explode. Her eyes bore into mine, I know she loves me, I know she does, but whether that love is enough to forgive me, that I don't know.
"I love you." I mutter as she goes on to lock her lips with mine.
She sucks on my lip and yanks my hair wildly. "I love you too. So much. You have no idea.." she moans and lifts her head up for a moment. "How much I've missed you, how much I've longed for you."
She locks her eyes with mine, running her fingers over the top of my hair and back, all the while I keep on sliding in and out of her. "Have you?"
I know I sound pathetic, needy, but I don't give a shit. I need to hear her say it, to reassure me. "You're the only one, Harry." She whispers lowly, looking at my lips and back up. "You're the only man I've ever wanted this much. The only one I've loved this intensely."
Dropping her head back, she starts to meet my thrusts, her legs flexing relentlessly as she picks up the pace. I bury my head in her chest, running my tongue over her hard nipples and sucking until she's panting and asking for more. She places her hands on my shoulders and starts to move even faster, I let go of her bum and prop my arms behind my back to support us both as she takes complete control. The single lightbulb on is right above her head and I watch in complete and utter awe as the warm light showers over her body, running over the soft angles of her shoulders, the dip of her chest and the curve of her breasts, the blurred soft line crossing right by the middle of her belly..
"Oh my God.." she moans softly, grazing her fingertips down her neck. "I'm.. I'm going to come, Harry."
I wrap one arm around her waist, keeping the pace. "Come, Lia."
She does and it's a sight to behold. Screwing her eyes shut and stilling for a second, she moans my name just as she orgasms on top of me. I hold her still and once she sets her dreamy eyes on me again, I move back, in and out of her until I feel my own release close. She moves slower but her pleased smile and halfway open eyes are all I need to reach my high as she runs her hands over my chest and presses her lips on mine.
"I love you." I choke into our kiss and everything goes white.
I don't know how long it's been but I couldn't care less. Emilia's body is pressed against mine as we both lay down on the bed, the covers are still under us but the temperature has dropped of considerably, I can feel it in her soft skin that's now turned slightly cold to the touch. I keep running my fingertips up and down her back while I try to yank the edge of the duvet upwards to cover her up. It's pointless. I'd try to move, to get her under the sheets somehow but I'm afraid she's going to tell me to leave the moment she comes back from her dazed state. It will kill me, if she does.
"Let's get under." she chuckles after a second, pecking my chest.
She lifts her head slightly, looking at me with the most beautiful pair of chocolate eyes I've ever seen. I push her hair back, placing my hand on her cheek for a minute as she stares back at me. I want to tell her to be mine, to stay with me, to take me back because it's killing me not knowing what's going to happen with us when the morning comes. But I know it's too soon, we've just had sex and things are as complicated as they were when I stepped inside this place. At least I know where exactly she lives now, and the fact that is so close to my own place is somewhat a sign she's not completely over me. Not yet.
.
I wake up in a halt but I'm quickly soothed by the image of Emilia's dark hair sprawled over my arm as she sleeps soundlessly under my arm. Slowly, I turn on my side and watch as she complies to my action and does the same, pressing her back to my chest and propping one of her arms over her head. She's always done that, I've noticed. She likes to cover her face with her arm or her hand unconsciously but then she's always smiling or chuckling in her sleep, sometimes, just a few, she'd frown or even pout in a manner that could perhaps be described as childish but to me it was both the most adorable and sort of sexy thing I'd ever seen. I slide a pillow farther up against the headboard and watch as she sleeps, it's peaceful and comforting, somehow.
"Don't stare." she whispers out, surprising me.
For a second I don't know if she means it or she's just taking the piss, but then I see the little smirk showing from under her arm. Relief washes over me. "Morning."
She slowly drags her arm off, her eyes still closed. "Morning." That doesn't sound too cheery. "Harry," she begins to say, turning back to me and finally opening her eyes. "We need to talk."
Shit. "I know." I gulp, not wanting to jump to conclusions and ignoring the sting of disappointment that tugs at my chest.
Somehow, as stupid as it sounds, a part of me had hoped she'd forgiven me already. I know it's childish and even cowardly of me, but that's just the truth. I want her to be with me, to look at me with no doubt in her eyes -as opposed to how she's looking at me now- and smile at me cheekily, tell me how much of an annoying arse I am for waking her up and make me cook breakfast for the both of us to compensate. God, I just want things to be back to normal so I can wrap my arms around her, kiss her, hold her and simply feel as certain and confident of her love for me as I did before things went to hell.
Get your shit together, Harry.
Sighing deeply, she stretches up, moaning lightly and running one of her hands through her messy hair. How am I fucking supposed to concentrate when she's doing that, completely naked, right beside me? I feel her breasts graze the side of my torso and then, as she rolls slightly to the side, the curve of her bum touches my leg, just for a second but that's enough to get me hard. I try not to look at her too much but then her eyes meet mine, hers widen.
"Oh." she mutters when she feels, quite clearly, the effect she has on me as it presses against the side of her hip.
I look into her eyes, for some kind of answer to my silent demand. My heart is already racing and it's getting quite hard trying to suppress the need of simply wrapping my arms around her and pull her into me so I can have her one more time before we have to get back to the fights, to the arguments and the sure cursing she will be giving me when I explain everything and get her, because I have to, to forgive me. Somehow.
"I want to." She says, her voice raspy and low from sleeping, it only adds up to my arousal. "But.. but I want to talk. We need to."
She's practically panting but I know I have to take her word for it. "Alright."
She stares at me some more and I can clearly see she's doubting her own reasons. If I wanted to, and fuck do I want to, I could touch her exactly where I know she likes it and have her give up in less than a minute. But she's going to hate me if I do. So I take a long, hard breath and shake my head as if it could help me ease off the hard on between my legs. I feel the mattress give in and I know she's probably already trying to climb down the bed but when I open my eyes, she's sitting right by my side with her head against the headboard just like me. Her hand grips the sheets, covering her breasts from me.
"I.." she sighs. "I don't know what to do."
"Forgive me." I say too quickly, to fucking desperate. Great.
She shakes her head. "I want to." She chuckles but there's no smile in her face. "But I can't."
My chest burns at her answer, my hands fisting at the way she's said it, like she doesn't have a choice. "Emilia, I didn't mean to hurt you. You know this."
"I don't." She frowns, her voice still somewhat calm. "I don't know what to expect.. I thought you'd never lie to me. That you trusted me enough to tell me something so-"
"I already told you." I frown. "I was scared Emilia. Beyond my fucking mind. I thought you'd never be with me if you found out, if you knew about me having a child with Lisa. From all people."
Her eyes meet mine. "What do you mean?"
"I know you don't like her." She shuts her mouth, waiting for me to elaborate. "That you think I've feelings for her somehow, but I don't. Even if you think I do."
Her lips press harder together. "So you didn't tell me because you thought I'd be jealous?"
Fuck. Me. "Well-"
"You're such a prick." She cuts me off, shooting up from the bed in less than a second.
She gets dressed as fast as I do, her eyes wild and her cheeks red as she tries to hold down her temper which is one of the things I've found so attractive in her, though now I wish she could calm the hell down so I can finish explaining. But I know that won't happen. I watch as she runs her hand through her hair maddeningly, barely dressed in a raided long sleeve tee and black shorts. If she wasn't too damn stubborn I would be telling her just how hot she is even in baggy clothes but of course that won't happen any time soon.
"Just lemme-" I begin to say, walking around the bed to meet her.
She walks past me and to the kitchen area, pushing the sliding door wide open in a swift, hard move. She's livid. Fucking great. I stalk behind her, trying to think of something to say that won't fuel her anger further. Turning the kettle on, she flips around and meets me face to face, biting her lip to calm herself down or think of the next name she can call at me.
"So? What else? You kept your daughter behind my back to spare me feeling jealous, aha." She sings sarcastically. "And? What am I suppose to do now? Thank you?"
"Emilia I'm trying to explain, to tell you the reasons why I did what I did." I say as calmly as I can even though she's looking at me as if I were the biggest idiot she's ever known. "After I told you I'd married Lisa, that she was my ex-wife, you nearly lost it! I thought you were going to fucking leave!"
"But that was different." She bites.
"Exactly! That wasn't even as serious as having a kid with her." I take a step forward, she doesn't try to move. "I thought you'd leave me the moment I told you we'd had a baby as well. Emilia, please try to understand."
"It's not fair." She shakes her head. "You decided for the both of us. You decided what was best and lied to me."
"I didn't want to! I tried to tell you but.. but you seemed so happy with me, we were happy and I just couldn't bring myself to ruin it." I am practically begging for her to get my words through that thick skull of hers.
"..I've never been so afraid of loosing someone." I press. "I love you, Emilia. You are the love of my life. You're everything that I need. Not having you, not being able to be with you.. it's fucking killing me."
Emilia stares in complete silence and I know that behind those dark stormy eyes there's a hundred things going on at the same time. She's always been too pensive, analytic and quite the over-thinker, but I already knew that since the first day we met when she kept second-guessing everything I told her or tried to look for a second meaning to my questions. This is why I know she will try to come up with a thousand reasons not to believe me, to convince herself she's better off without me, which is probably true but I'm too selfish to let her go.
"I want you to meet her." I speak out, my words echoing around the flat just as the kettle comes to a boil. "I want you to be apart of that side of my life."
She narrows her eyes, her bushy brows hovering. Without saying a word, she turns around and moves the kettle away from the stove, turning the gas off and fishing two cups from the cupboard above her head. Getting on her tiptoes I get a pretty astounding view of her perky bum but I look away. This isn't the time. I need to focus. The sound of her hands as she busies herself with fixing the tea is all I can hear, she's thinking, she's wondering, she's pondering. I just know it. The need to put my hands on her hips, to press my lips at the back of her ears is killing me but I restrain from it.
"Harry," she calls, turning back around. "Please, don't make me regret this.."
.
Hello! How's the day going? Well, I'm officially on quarantine now! My office sent an email letting us all know that from today and the next ten days we're on leave. It's getting kind of scary and people is loosing their shit harder than before, anyway, be safe people! Wherever you are! In the meantime I think I'll update one chapter every day, more or less, just to keep my writing going and avoid anxiety to kick in from this social distancing thing. Lemme know how you like this chapter! I'll post a new one tomorrow around noon ;) x Liv.