Power, prestige, wealth are all the things I never aspired to achieve. I understood the importance of it knowing that I was granted privileges many could only dream of. However, I never did experience the contentment of affection. It wasn't until when I met Mu Dan that I understood it. How reassuring it could be when someone can accept you as who you truly are. For the longest time, I felt like an instrument to be used by my parents for their own gain. I was tuned, constructed, forged to be a perfect being in all aspects.
Mu Dan doesn't care if I'm intelligent, rich nor if I had any impressive political connections. She treasured my existence as it is in all its rawness, all the imperfections that I had shaven to hide below the surface.
And I don't care if she is reduced to someone as mindless as a child, I am willing to be there for her and cherish her.
It was an impulsive decision to run away, but I've always wondered if everything will just fall into place if I took Mu Dan by the hand, and we ran off to a place where no one knew us. We'd leave everything behind and start anew.
"Yi Huai, how long are we going to stay here?" Mu Dan asks me as we are having dinner in a tavern. We'd been staying here for the last two days. I know we mustn't stay for long or else my father's people would surely catch up to us.
"We'll leave soon. Eat your food," I say.
"I miss Grandma." She places her head on the table and mope.
Mu Dan's attachment to Guo Nai Nai is not something easy to sever. It was never my intention to do so. I know it will hurt her if I do not allow her to see her Grandmother again.
"I know you do. I told you this living situation will only be for awhile. We will go back and visit your grandmother soon." I take a sip of tea, watching her reaction.
"Aw." She sits up but her face still looks like she's about to cry.
I use my chopsticks to place a piece of vegetable in front of her mouth. "Here."
Mu Dan takes the food into her mouth and chews slowly.
We couldn't sustainably live in a tavern for long. It would be best if we could find a hidden place to take shelter for awhile. As we moved south, I'd ask around for property to purchase. It didn't have to be anything fancy, just manageable. I had to be careful with the money I brought and not splurge on things I'd consider basic needs in the past.
In a small town, I'd purchase a small homely house near the outskirts. Before heading there with Mu Dan, we stopped by a bookstore. I just wanted to take a look at the newest literature texts. I could not bring my whole entire collection with me, and it was a whole ordeal figuring out which ones to bring and which to leave behind.
"Legend of Yun, it's the newest edition to the series..." I trace my fingers over the cover. I want to know what happens to the main character in his new adventures. In the past, I would have bought the novel without a second thought.
Looking over to Mu Dan, I see she has no interests in books and twirled about while flipping through pages of a random book. Her clothes and shoes weren't in the best shape. I couldn't have my wife be seen with such an appearance. Taking her by the hand, we leave the marketplace and head home.
"Yi Huai, this will be our home now?" Mu Dan scratches her head.
"Yeah... Well, for now."
"It's so dirty! Look at the cobwebs and dried leaves!" She points to the obvious mess.
"I know, Mu Dan. It's not the best place, but it's what we can afford at the moment. Why don't we clean the yard and then organize the interior? You're good at cleaning, right?"
"Aw! I'm really good at cleaning!" She smiles proudly.
I chuckle, petting her head. We quickly got to work. Mu Dan swiftly sweeps the front and back yard clean of nature, and I brush away cobwebs from the outside frames and walls.
The inside of the home is littered with dust. We cough after one another while clearing out dirt from surfaces and sweeping the floors. Mu Dan wipes down the furniture with water. I dust the only bed frame of the small home and then fix the new bedding, making the bed welcoming and comfortable, inviting me to lay down.
"Mu Dan, I'm just gonna... lie here for awhile," I tell her as I close my eyes.
"Yi Huai, are you tired?" She walks over with her broom in hand.
"Aw. Just a bit." I'm not use to this kind of work. I always had servants to do the cleaning and cooking. Thinking about it, I'm starting to feel hungry. We haven't a grain of rice in the house. That reminds me that we haven't even sort out the kitchen yet.
My stomach growls before I could be taken by sleep. Mu Dan leans in close, almost putting her ear to my stomach.
"What are you doing?" Embarrassed, I sit up and cover myself.
"Yi Huai, are you hungry?"
I clear my throat. "I'm not. I'm just tired."
"I'm a little hungry, Yi Huai. Can we go into town and get something to eat?!" Mu Dan asks with excitement in her voice. She doesn't understand the concept of being broke.
"Mu Dan, we don't have a lot of money. I already spent our budget for the month on new garments for you. Your shoes had holes in them and your robes from before were splitting into pieces. I should have had you bring more clothes when we left."
"Well, I can always sew my clothes to make them all better. Grandma taught me."
"You can only sew back together tatters so many times. Anyway, don't worry about it. I'll get us a sack of rice and we'll make do with vegetables for now."
"No meat?" She frowns.
I confirm, "No meat."
I return home with the needed food items and make my way to the kitchen. Mu Dan had already cleaned it to an acceptable degree. I pour the rice in the ceramic jar, covering it with the lid. I'm hungry, could no longer wait.
Suddenly, I realize I don't know how to even cook rice. Who was I expecting to cook meals for Mu Dan and I? There were no servants here. I couldn't possibly ask Mu Dan to cook, she only knew how to make mud pies.
"Trial and error... Trial and error." I mumble to myself at the dinner table. Mu Dan is gleefully eating the sloppy rice congee I made along with the burned vegetables I fried.
I ask her, "Is it good?"
As if swallowing rocks, Mu Dan looks at me. "Yeah. Not as good as how Grandma makes food but it is good!"
At least Mu Dan is satisfied...
"Well, can you clean this up? I'm full. I'm going to sleep."
She nods and continues to eat.
During the night, I awake with a large heater pressed up against my back. I turn to see Mu Dan lightly snoring. Placing the covers over her, I pat her chest gently. She seems to be sleeping well these days, even though we have been traveling. I lie stiffly back to sleep, feeling sore throughout my body from all the cleaning. I'll have to get used to this kind of life.
The only luxury living like this is that I can still find the time to study and read. It's only been a month since I've left home with Mu Dan, but we haven't run into much trouble. Mu Dan is grinding in the ink stick for me as I practice writing essays. Dark smudges are visible on her face.
"Yi Huai, you look happy today."
"Do I?"
"Mm." She smiles back at me.
I set down my brush and say, " Mu Dan, do you remember back when we were little and we'd play house?"
She thinks for a moment and shakes her head.
"You'd be the wife and I would be the husband. I didn't like playing like that back then, but now I think we should occupy those roles in reality."
"Okay." Mu Dan smiles, carrying on grinding the ink stick.
That day, my bride was the most beautiful girl in the world.
The red veil covered her face.
With no objections, we bowed to the heavens, proving our commitment to one another. We bowed for our parents who could not be there, and we bowed to each other, making a promise to be together forever.
Mu Dan sits impatiently on the bed with the red veil on. I lift the cloth to see her sparkling eyes and bashful smile. My lips lightly pecks the softness of her cheek. Mu Dan does not understand much about marriage. She doesn't understand what will be different between us. If we could live our lives as it is now, I didn't mind it no matter how slow we took to consummating our marriage.
The days we lived as newlyweds were peaceful. It's a life I don't mind sacrificing for.
My chest drops when I see father's henchman, Li Xiao approach our house.
"Young Lord, your father has ordered me to bring you home."
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Please excuse me."
"What--"
He knocks me unconscious.
Mu Dan... Mu Dan...
"Mu Dan!" I wake up drenched in sweat.
What happened to Mu Dan?
I'm back, but it's not home. Sitting up in my bed, in my room, Li Xiao has brought me to capital city. This is the estate my father lives in.
I rush outside with the intent to leave only to run into my father in the courtyard.
"Yi Huai, you're thinking to leave?"
"Father, where is Mu Dan? What has Li Xiao done to her?"
"It's best if you stay away from her."
"Father, she is my wife now."
"Preposterous."
"We already did the ceremony."
"No one witnessed it. No one can attest to it. You will not bring it up again."
"Father!"
Father keeps his tone cold and distant, his expression blank. "While you were gone, the Emperor has made a decree. You will marry the Ninth Princess."
Marry the Ninth Princess? Is this some sort of joke?
"Father, I don't want to marry the Ninth Princess."
He takes a step towards me. "You will not disobey the marriage decree. It has been announced, you will marry the Ninth Princess or else Mu Dan will be in danger, do you hear me? Even if I don't command Li Xiao to kill her, the Emperor will if he finds out your unwillingness. Now, stop your unruliness unless you want us all executed."
Father leaves in a hurry, swinging his long sleeves behind him.
Why did this happen? Could father have tried to force this connection to the royal family? I have to meet with the Ninth Princess to explain everything. I cannot marry her... and I must protect Mu Dan at all costs.