Chapter Seventeen
In the moment that Josh’s lips met mine, the entire world changed. Whatever the song was in the forest around us, it seemed magnified as we kissed, the sound thundering in my ears. My own heartbeat matched its melody, my breathing rising and falling with the voices in the night beyond us.
Inside the trees, it was only us, wrapped in a cocoon of wind swirling through the branches and leaves brushing by our feet. I forgot my mom, myself, everything—except the feel of Josh’s warm lips pressed to mine, our tongues dancing around each other’s in exploration. His hands squeezed my body, trying to press me closer to him, and I responded the same.
I didn’t know how long we stayed like that, but it seemed as if a thousand years had passed in the blink of an eye. By the time Josh broke away and I realized the song had finally faded, I shivered with a cold sweat. He released me, letting his hand slide down my arm to mine.
And then, I slapped him.
The crack of my palm connecting with his cheek echoed through the woods around us. He rubbed his injured face with his free hand, glaring at me.
“What was that for?” he asked. He sounded as breathless as I felt.
“That’s for making out with me uninvited,” I snapped.
My phone’s light cast his smirk into shadows. “I didn’t hear you complaining while I was kissing you.”
I shot him a deathly glare. “Don’t flatter yourself.” My body still buzzed with the after effects of his kiss, but I wasn’t going to show him that. Especially not after seeing Elizabeth cuddled up to him the other night outside the Variety Store. “Do you always make a habit of sexually harassing girls in the woods?”
“I didn’t want them to hear us,” he said.
“Who?” I asked. My mouth suddenly felt extremely dry and my tongue was sandpaper against my gums. I looked toward the trees, remembering what I had seen before he started groping me. “Where did she go?”
But Josh didn’t answer my question. “Has anyone ever told you it’s a bad idea to be wandering the woods alone at night?”
His tone, like he was berating a young child, and the fact that he wasn’t answering any of my questions fueled my irritation. “I could ask the same of you,” I snapped. “At least I’m not the one skulking around, hiding in the shadows and sneaking up on people. Did you follow me in here?”
“If anything, you followed me,” Josh said. “I’ve been here for an hour already and heard you stomping down the path. If your intention was to surprise me, you failed miserably.”
“My intentions had nothing to do with you,” I said.
“Oh really? That’s not how it felt a minute ago.”
I snatched my hand from his, even though I immediately missed the warmth of his skin. “I’m going to find my mom. She was here.”
But Josh shook his head, his eyes sad and watery. “She wasn’t.”
“I saw her.” I lifted my phone, casting light through the darkness. “She was right there. I tried to get to her, but you held me back.”
“Because she wasn’t really there,” Josh said. “It was your imagination.”
I hadn’t imagined it...had I? My mind swirled and my knees still shook.
“I saw her,” I said again. But my voice was weaker this time and the statement sounded more like a question.
“It’s not real,” Josh said. “Nothing you see on this night is real.”
I raised my eyebrows in his direction. “How can I be sure you’re real then?”
He smiled at me through the dim light of my phone. “Come find out,” he said.
It was a dare, just like when he’d invited me to ride the ATV with him the day after we’d met. He wanted to see how far I’d go, how much I would surprise him.
My feet shuffled through the damp leaves until we stood only a few inches apart. He didn’t move, but his eyes stayed locked with mine.
Judging from the way my heartbeat exploded into a frenzied pace, I knew I was in trouble. I wanted to kiss Josh Canavan again and again. I was almost certain he wanted me to as well.
But I didn’t. Because I could surprise him more by daring not to give in, by continuing this little game he’d started.
“You can stay out here playing in the dark all night, but I’m going home,” I told him.
I pushed around him, trying to get away as fast as I could before I changed my mind about not kissing him.
“Wrong way,” Josh said.
I held my phone higher and turned in a circle, trying to get my bearings. “I knew that.”
Josh stepped forward, offering me his hand. “Stay close,” he said.
I hesitated, but there was no telling how long I could wander the trees in circles before finding my way out, so I slipped my hand into his and followed. The glow of my phone outlined Josh’s solid form. I held it higher, trying to light the way and give me more illumination to see the lines of his face. I couldn’t stop looking at him. The memories of his kiss replayed over and over in my head.
We didn’t speak until we were back out at the entrance and could see the lights of homes in the distance beyond the trees. My bike still lay where I had left it. Josh dropped my hand, shattering the spell he had me under.
“Thanks,” I said.
He nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets.
“So what happened back there?” I asked.
“It’s called kissing,” Josh said. “You should try it more often.”
“Don’t make me hit you again,” I threatened. “I meant the song. And...” I swallowed hard, remembering the sight of my mom moving in the trees. “And whatever it was I saw?”
“It was nothing,” Josh said. “Just the wind howling in the trees.”
“But you said you didn’t want them to hear us. Who are they?”
Josh’s dark eyebrows furrowed in annoyance toward me. “What were you doing in the woods? Besides getting lost.”
I was too exhausted for playing games. I swung one leg over the seat of my bike and started to pedal away, determined not to even look back at him. But there he was, right in front of me, both hands planted on top of mine on the handlebars.
“Let go,” I said.
“What’s with the attitude?” Josh asked.
“Move.”
I tried to pedal forward, but Josh was stronger and he held me back, squeezing my hands into the handles.
“Don’t tell me you didn’t feel anything from that kiss,” Josh said.
I tried to laugh, but my heart beat out a loud drum solo inside my chest and I was breathless. “You’re the last person I’d be interested in.”
He looked down at my left wrist, where the green bracelet Dylan had given me still sat. “Oh, yeah, I guess you like the scrawny and weird type.”
For a moment, something crossed Josh’s face that almost looked like jealousy and I felt a little thrill at the thought that he was upset at the idea that I might choose Dylan over him.
“At least Dylan doesn’t lead me into strange places and talk in half-riddles that no one but him understands,” I said, even though technically, the riddles part wasn’t true. Dylan had as many half-truths as Josh did. “Why don’t you scurry on back to Elizabeth and leave me alone?”
Josh sneered. “Really? Dylan is so perfect and sweet then?”
I lifted my chin, staring back at him. “He doesn’t pretend to be something he’s not. I’m not sure you’ve told me one true thing about yourself since I met you. Is your dad even really dead or is that a sob story you made up to make me feel sorry for you?”
Josh’s expression took on a ferocious snarl and I knew I’d gone too far.
He leaned forward, his face moving toward mine. I thought for a moment that he might kiss me again and I realized that I desperately wanted him to. I wanted to feel the world drop away from us as it had before. My eyes closed a little, my lips pursed just a tiny bit, and I couldn’t even breathe as he moved closer and closer.
And then he stopped, close enough that his breath tickled across my cheek. “So where is Mr. Perfect tonight? Why isn’t he answering his phone?”
My eyes flew wide open. How did Josh know that Dylan wasn’t home?
Josh was still there, his face only an inch or so from mine and I couldn’t focus enough to speak.
“Let’s try another question,” he said in a teasing voice. “Have you read that book I suggested yet?”
I blinked, trying to gather my thoughts. “Yes,” I said.
“All of it?” he asked.
I glared at him, refusing to answer the question because I remembered why I hadn’t finished the book. I’d been interrupted by listening to Sailor talk to him on the phone. Another one of his secrets.
“Stop wallowing in your own self-pity for five minutes and stop by the school library,” Josh told me. He released his grip on my hands and stepped aside, allowing me free access to finally leave.