-Flashback-
"Ang ganda dito, Quinn..." naglakad ako para libutin ang lugar. Sobrang maaliwalas dito sa resthouse nila Quinn sa Batangas. Iyong dagat ay nakakaakit pagmasdan na parang inaalok kang magtampisaw.
"Tara, Yasmine. We can't waste any minute." Alok nito at hinila na ang kamay ko papasok sa loob ng bahay. Hindi kami pwedeng maabutan ni Quinn ng dilim dito dahil malalagot ang mga drivers naming dalawa kapag masyado kaming ginabi ng uwi.
"Sooo, remember when I told you that I will cook for you?" Nasabik ako sa narinig ko, "Today's your lucky day!"
Niyakap ko si Quinn, "You know I love you but I will not eat burnt food." Natawa ito sa sinabi ko.
"Wala ka bang tiwala sa skills ko? Baka hindi mo alam... laking kusina ako. Aray, Yasmine." Reklamo nito ng kurutin ko ang tagiliran nito.
"Laking kusina? Kita mo wala ka ngang laman sa katawan mo." Sumimangot ito, "Biro lang... kahit ano pa iyan, basta ikaw gumawa... kakainin ko." Humalik ako sa gilid ng tenga niya at pinakawalan na ng mga kamay ko para makapagsimula na siyang magluto.
"We have a pool outside, maligo ka na muna." Kumindat ito sa akin.
"You don't need help? Mas mabilis kung tutulungan kita." Suhestyon ko.
"You're my guest and besides you're a big distraction so hindi ako matatapos agad." Lumapit ito sa akin at humalik sa labi ko, "See? Wala pa akong nasisimulan." Marahan ako nitong itinaboy, "Please, please? Para makarami tayo ng oras ng magkasama..." pagmamakaawa niya.
"Fine, fine." Bumigay na ako pero bago ako tuluyang makalayo ay pinagmasdan ko muna ito ng hindi niya alam. I love the radiance surrounding Quinn right now. Sobrang layo ng nakikita ko na Quinn sa mga sinasabi ng mga tao noon. Damaged? Reckless? Spoiled? Serious issues? None of them all is my Quinn.
I gotta go to the pool now before Quinn catches me staring at her. Pumasok ako sa banyo para magbihis ng panligo. Humarap ako sa salamin para tignan kung bagay ba ang dinala ko na swimsuit. I hope Quinn doesn't think it's too much, I only wanted to look good for her.
Inayos ko na ang gamit ko saka lumabas. The sun is so beautiful today, this day is beautiful. After ko mag sunblock tapos shower, I took a dive in the pool. The coldness of the water is so refreshing to my body. I stayed under the water and listen to nothingness that seem so therapeutic to me.
Ilang minuto din ako na nagtatampisaw sa pool, nagpababad sa araw ng dumating na sa wakas si Quinn. Mas sabik pa ang itsura nito kumpara sa akin. Nilapitan ko na ito para silipin ang inihain niya sa mesa.
"Is that eggs benedict?"
"Paborito mo." Pinantayan ko ang ngiti na iginagawad nito sa akin, "You're allowed to eat that now."
"You know your way to my heart, Aboitiz."
"I thought I'm already inside, Monteverde?" She quipped.
"Well, in case you get lost. You know your way back." I said, "Pero dapat pasarap ng pasarap itong Eggs Benedict."
"Noted, Monteverde." Humalik ito sa labi ko at sinubuan ako gamit ang tinidor, "How was it?" Pinagmasdan ako nito.
"I love you." Tugon ko pero pabiro lang. Quinn pouted at me, "It is good, Quinn." Sumubo ulit ako, "I love it."
Quinn beamed, "You are not saying that just so you don't hurt my feelings?" Sinubuan ko si Quinn ng niluto nito.
"What do you think?"
"Masarap."
"Thought so." Yumakap na ako sa kanya para halikan ang mga labi nito, "Thank you, Quinn."
"Ubusin mo iyan, so I can say you're welcome." Tumawa ito. Nagpaalam ito para magbihis na din ng panligo niya. Hindi ako natagalan ubusin ang linuto ni Quinn dahil hindi ako nagsisinungaling na masarap talaga ang luto niya.
Pagkalingon ko ng maramdaman ko si Quinn ay napatunganga ako sa kanya. She's also wearing a swimsuit and unlike mine... her fabric is less.
"Tara?" Hinila ako nito hanggang sa mahulog kami sa pool pareho. Naramdaman ko ang mga kamay ni Quinn sa katawan ko, "I didn't tell you that you look so good today."
"Ikaw din, no bad days at all." That earned me a swift kiss from Quinn.
I let her push me to the deeper part of the pool, "Yasmine, once we graduate... I want us to build a life together. I want us to count on each other. I want you to need me just as much as I need you."
"What do you mean?"
"I want us to go far away. Start from the bottom without our family."
I can do that but not as impulsive as right out of college but I can't tell Quinn that, "What place do you have in mind?"
"Wala pa."
I looked at her blankly, "Quinn, we got to think things through. What about we earn our own money first, save up then let's see where that will lead us."
Tahimik lamang si Quinn, "Do you promise to go where I go?"
"No other place I'd rather be." Ramdam ko na kuntento ito sa sagot ko dahil humigpit ang yakap nito sa akin, "Tell me about your mother... I bet she's amazing like you."
"She was. She makes a good impression and leaves a great impact after." Quinn leaned to me, "Naalala ko pa dati na hinahayaan lang niya ako na gawin ang mga gusto ko. Tumakbo sa kung saan saan at kapag nadapa, matumba man ako ay agad niya akong ibabangon. Not the typical parents who let their child stand up on their own like a lesson in life. On her defense, she asked me, 'Why? Do you remember all those times that you fell? I answered her, No. She said I was too precious for her to watch me get hurt."
"Kaya pala ang kinis mo." I teased her.
Itinaas ni Quinn ang kamay niya na may malaking peklat, "Not really." I held her hand softly, "I wish she's still around."
I smiled at Quinn, "Have I told you that my Mom used to buy me baggy clothes? Basketball shorts, baseball caps at ito pa... nagpalagay pa siya ng basketball ring sa likod ng bahay namin." I looked at her in disbelief, "Minsan kalaro ko siya o hindi kaya ay mga guards namin."
"No way..." Quinn nods her head, "So, does she know that you..."
"Mother's instincts, Yasmine. You know how accurate that is." Quinn chuckles lightly, "She knows my first crush who happens to be a girl."
"Wow." I wanted to clap but my arms are around Quinn like they don't want to let go, "You in a basketball shorts? Hindi ko ma-imagine. Siguro napaka-cute mo!" Pinanggigilan ko ang matangos nitong ilong, "Sino nga pala itong first crush mo?"
Tumawa si Quinn at ayaw pa nitong sabihin sa umpisa pero nakulitan na siguro kaya ito na, "I met her in one of the Koppel Club events. I hated joining my parents because no kids near my age wanted to come close with me because they were so easily intimidated by the guards surrounding me because my Father made sure that they look a little scary or like some thug." Tumawa kaming pareho, "May nakita akong babae na mag-isa na gumuguhit sa buhangin ng mga bituin. Tumabi ako sa kanya at gumuhit ng buwan, araw, mga tao. Nagustuhan ata niya ang ginawa ko dahil kung anu-ano na ang mga sumunod na ginawa namin sa buhangin. Both our mothers noticed us but they didn't stop us from happily dirtying ourselves. That girl loves the stars so so much." She said as if wanting me to pick up.
Everything is slowly sinking in,"I might be wrong but... was that me?"
"I figured that if there's anyone who will best understand me other than my mother... then that will be this little girl who have 5 guards behind her too." Tapos ni Quinn. Sinubukan ko na alalahanin ang mga pangyayaring iyon pero hindi ko magawa. Bakit hindi ko ito maalala?
I keep blinking my eyes, "It was me?"
"Yes, Monteverde. You were that star shine." She glows at me, "You have no idea how happy I was when you told me you like me. Hindi ako nakatulog sa sobrang kilig. It was like a wish granted sort of."
Have you ever felt this strong emotions that keep hitting your heart at the right places? It's happening to me now.
Hindi ako nakasagot basta niyakap ko na lang si Quinn ng mahigpit. Naintindihan naman nito ang pananahimik ko, "I love you too, Monteverde."
I hope I will be like Quinn who holds unto her feelings for so long.
I want to wake up for this kind of moment.
Living would have been easy if we spend our days like this.
-End of Flashback-
"Yeah, right it doesn't concern me but you are involving me to whatever that was."
"I do not want to be anywhere connected to that person again." I reasoned out.
Nicole looked a little hurt, "This isn't new. I get defined by who my brother is, whatever he did. I understand that people have their own opinions and I am not going to hold it against them."
Napabuntong hinga ako, "Wala akong sinabi na masama ka rin na tao."
"Bullshit." Pigil nito, "I know deep in those corners of your brain, you are thinking I am as fucked up as him!"
"That's not true!" Sigaw ko. Nagpalakad lakad ito sa harapan ko, "Before you open your mouth again, we need to calm down before we say words that we might regret."
Hindi pa rin ito nagpatigil, "It's fine, Yassy. Telling the truth wouldn't hurt me as much as getting boundaries for being Vince's sister." Pulang pula na ang mukha ni Nicole. I didn't expect her to get this mad or baka dahil sa alak na rin.
Pero ayoko na maging komplikado pa ito lalo, "I am sorry, Nicole. But I am serious when I say that I don't want to have a reason to be in the same place as him." Naghanap ako ng pwede ko pang sabihin. Natahimik lang si Nicole sa akin, naghihintay ng sunod na sasabihin ko. Damn it, my mind's only saying that Nicole's so beautiful. Telling me something obvious already.
How long will the maintenance realize that we are stuck here?!
"Look, just put it this way." I started, "I hate your brother and it will forever remain that way."
"He is not me." Pilit nito.
"Will you let me finish?" I snapped at her.
"He is not me and I am going to repeat this until you realize it. I thought we'd.. maybe be friends, Yassy." Gusto ko ito lapitan para itaas ang strap ng suot niya dahil kanina pa ito nahulog pababa sa kanyang braso. Napapatingin tuloy ako sa dibdib niya.
But Ouch? I wasn't aiming for us to just be friends before though.
"I thought you'd be a great catch." Pag amin ko. Halatang nabigla itong si Nicole sa sinabi ko, "I know what I did this morning was wrong but your brother just happened to be in my past that I wish didn't happen, a past that took me years to forget. His name is a trigger. Forgive me, Nic." Hindi ko na kayang pigilan ang sarili ko na sabihan ito, "Baka isipin ko na inaakit mo ako kapag hindi mo pa itaas iyan..." turo ko sa suot nito. Pinagmasdan ako nito ng taimtim, I wonder what she is thinking?
Inayos nito ang suot niya dahan dahan, "I hate you right now. Like for real, Monteverde."
I watch her move her way back to me. Anong iniisip nito gawin?
"Could you please forget that I was stupid this morning and let's move on?" I move my head to the side because her face is inching incredibly near mine, "Nic, what are you doing?"
It was too late for me to stop Nicole when her arms came up around my neck and pulled me against her. She pressed her mouth on mine and all the defiant reasons in my head vanished. I am placed under a spell.
Ramdam ko ang puso ko na nagwawala sa dibdib ko. Unti unting nagiging mapusok ang halikan naming dalawa. Isinandal ko si Nicole sa malamig na bakal dahil unti unti na akong bumibigay sa tukso. Hinawakan ko ang mga kamay nito at idinikit ko ng mas madiin ang katawan ko sa kanya.
Hiniwalay na nito ang mga labi sa akin para lumanghap ng hangin, "That didn't mean anything. I just want you to shut up." Ako naman ang naguluhan sa kanya.
"I wasn't even talking that much?" we stand awkwardly close from each other, "Also, I am not even thinking about anything other than your tongue is sweet and that you'd be a great fuck buddy." Parang wala lang na saad ko. Hindi ko ininda ang nagsamang amoy naming dalawa mula sa bar; the sweat, cigarette...
Binatukan ako ni Nicole at tinulak palayo, "You are unbelievable---" Pinigilan ko siya para hilain palapit sa akin upang mahalikan kong muli, "Just because I kissed you doesn't mean you have to do it too." Oh God.
"Like I said before, I do not initiate the first kiss. You can not resist me, Nicole Lagdameo ." Crossing my arms over my chest, "I am so in lust right now, crap." Iritang reklamo ko. I exhaled loudly.
I heard Nicole laugh beside me, "When was the last time you had sex, Yassy?" I peaked on my side to see if she's seriously asking me that, "You get carried away so easily." I rolled my eyes at her.
"Sasagutin kita basta sagutin mo rin iyan." Sumang-ayon naman ito, "Sabay tayo."
"A month ago." Ako.
"A year ago." Si Nicole.
The lights miraculously went on which means we can now get out but we are still staring at each other.
"My place or yours?" I inquired before I can even stop myself. Nicole looks at me like I am out of my head.
-Ting!-
"Happy Birthday by the way." Ika nito, "But I don't do casual sex." tuluyang lumabas na ito.
Oh girl...
This elevator will be the death of me...