{{{{A/N
I listened to the song on This Love by Taylor Swift on repeat whilst I wrote this chapter, so feel free to do that as well if you like.
Also, my latest book, Dirty Little Secrets, is out, so please check that out if you have the time. For some reason the cover is glitching and won't allow me to upload it to the actual book, but here's the picture to the side for y'all to see :)
Thank you, guys.
I hope you all love this chapter as much as I loved writing it.
PS Dedicated to KrazyKeera19 for her comments everywhere :) You never fail to make me smile with your sass <3}}}}
~ * ~
A lot of things could have changed with that realization.
I could have easily called London and told them that I no longer had an interest in attending their school. That I’d found something in America worth staying for, and no scholarship would be able to pay for the heartbreak I’d endure in leaving.
But I didn’t. Because London was a major decision, and I had no idea what the future would hold. I had three weeks to make my choice, and I wasn’t quite ready to make it just yet.
Which is why nothing changed in the two days following that night. I got up at six and did yoga with my mother, traded sections of the paper with my father, and visited some of my old teenage jaunts I’d frequented as a kid. But by the time we had to board the plane and make our way back to Hamilton, I was ready to be back. My parents were so much better than the Marie and Greg I’d known when I’d left at eighteen, but my life was back in Florida, with Jamie and Ava and Rose and Callie and Tessa…
And the beautiful boy that was currently turning an eerie shade as the plane took off up the runway and slowly rose into the sky.
“Do you need a respiratory bag?” I asked, running a hand through his hair. “I could get the hostess…”
He breathed out and shook his head, before squeezing his eyes shut. “No, I think I’m good, thanks.”
But just then the plane rattled with turbulence, and Chance let out a very effeminate squeak. I chewed on the inside of my cheek in an attempt to calm my laughter. “It’s okay, Chance. It’s totally normal.”
He nodded and doubled over, putting his head between his legs. I rubbed his shoulder comfortingly as the hostess walked past, a silver vendor’s cart on wheels in her arms. She looked down, and her pink lips turned up in a smile. “Not a frequent flyer, I take it?”
I shook my head. “This is only his second flight.”
“Don’t worry, darling,” she told him. “It’ll pass. You’ll be just fine.”
He looked up and smiled tightly, but about twenty-five minutes into the trip he calmed down, though he was still green enough to merit me wondering whether or not he’d throw up all over my slacks. I hoped not.
“You know,” I said, in an effort to comfort him and take his mind off of the matter at hand. “I get seasick. Anyway, one day my family decided as a way for my mom and dad to reconcile their differences we could go on a cruise to the Bahamas and Fiji and spend some quality family time. Of course, it was the first time I’d been on a boat. It took me approximately five minutes before I realized I was seasick, and the doctor was too bust administering shots to other seasick travelers that it took fourteen hours of suffering before I finally got the needle. I spent the first fourteen hours of my cruise bent over a toilet seat. I missed Hawaii, I missed some snorkeling in the reef, and I missed the dolphin watching. So it’s okay to get sick in the air.”
“Is that story really true?” Chance asked, turning to look at me with raised eyebrows.
I nodded. “Uh-huh.”
He frowned. “I guess I never thought of you as someone who ever got sick or hurt.”
I laughed and curled up into his shoulder. “I know I must seem extraordinarily perfect,” I joked. “But what can I say? Everyone has their flaws.”
He smiled, as if the story had made him feel slightly better, and put his arm around my shoulders. I curled into his shirt and shut my eyes, spending the rest of the flight curled up in his arms, sleeping and chatting with him as the plane crested the sky and we were brought further from Oakbridge and closer to Hamilton, my real home.
When we finally made it, Chance had calmed down somewhat, and we made our way through the airport and baggage claim with no worries.
“So,” Chance asked after we’d received our luggage and started towards the airport. “Did you have a good weekend?”
“Surprisingly, yes,” I responded. “But I have you to thank for that.”
“Me?” he asked, perplexed. “Why me?”
I shrugged. “It’s just… thank you for being there for me. It can’t have been easy having to meet my parents and get used to my mom and dad. So thank you for coming.”
We stepped out into the cold air, and Chance shrugged into his jacket and grabbed my hand as we made our way into the parking lot and towards Chance’s car.
“I’m just glad we can do things like this now,” Chance said. “I’m glad that you and I can do this together.”
I smiled. “Me, too.”
We entered his car, and he quickly turned on the heat and shoved our stuff into the car, before I took my rightful place as shotgun in his car, which smelled of leather and French fries and the pine scent he had hanging from his rearview mirror.
Chance turned on the car and peeled out of the parking space, before grabbing my hand and holding it over the car console. I smiled and wrapped my fingers through his.
We drove in silence for a few minutes, before finally Chance broke the companionable quiet. “Hey, Candice?”
“Yeah?” I asked, turning my gaze from the falling snow to Chance.
“What made you decide?” he asked, flicking the indicator with his thumb and blinkering into a new lane.
“What made me decide what?”
He shrugged. “What made you decide to walk up to my apartment Tuesday, open the door and kiss me? What made you decide you were finally ready?”
“I guess it was the call about London,” I admitted. “It made me realize that everything in life is fleeting, and life changes so quickly. So I guess I just realized that, if you have the opportunity for something good, you should take it before it passes you by. And to hell with the consequences.”
He turned into the Hamilton campus, and when I turned back to him, I noticed he was grinning like a kid on Christmas morning. “I like that,” he said.
I smiled and hopped out of the car, and as we collected our luggage and started towards the dormitory building, I wondered how long we had left together. I wondered if this, like most moments in life, would be as fleeting.
No, I couldn’t let myself think like that. I had to enjoy each moment as it came. I had to learn to savor the moment and enjoy what I had while it lasted, not spend the whole time worrying about if it would come to a sudden end.
Chance walked me up to the dormitory, and I opened the door and stepped into the apartment, Chance on my trail.
“Ave?” I called. “Ava, I’m home!”
I was met with no response, and frowned. “She must be with Rose, or something,” I told him, flipping on the central heating system, which had seemed to be neglected over the weekend I’d been gone.
“I should drop my stuff off home,” Chance said, gesturing to the door.
I nodded. “Right.” Then I thought of something, and turned towards him. “Hey, why don’t you come over for dinner tonight? I’ll cook you the most amazing meal you’ve ever had in your life?”
He leaned down with a smile and pressed a lingering kiss to my lips. “Well, how could I resist?”
He pulled back and smiled, and I bid him goodbye with a tired wave, before turning back to my luggage. It was only eleven in the morning, so I quickly decided on a nice nap before I worried about dinner.
But something about tonight felt special.
~ * ~
By six o’clock that evening, I was starting to worry about Ava’s absence. I had no new calls on my phone, so I picked up my cell and dialed her number, as I moved around the kitchen grabbing ingredients for dinner—spinach and ricotta cannelloni, if you’re curious.
“Candi!” Ava called that afternoon, sounding excited. “Hey, did you just get back?”
“Yeah, this morning,” I told her. “I’m unpacked, well-rested and cooking dinner as we speak. Where are you?”
“Oh, I tried to call you but I’m out of credit,” Ava said disappointed. “But, actually, Rose’s parents are in town tonight, and Rose has decided tonight’s the night that I’m finally gonna meet them, so we’re kinda cooking and setting up for them. I’m also spending the night here. Is that all right?”
I nodded. “Dude, you’re finally meeting your girlfriend’s parents! Of course that’s all right.”
She laughed. “I hope so. I’m kind of nervous, though. I mean, they’re a really Christian family, Candi. What if they hate me?”
“Ava, you’re amazing,” I reassured her honestly. “You’re sweet and nice and kind and everything perfect. Maybe it’ll be weird at first, but I’m sure her parents will love you just as much as Rose does!”
“Thanks, Candi,” Ava said, sounding like she’d seriously needed to hear that pep talk. “That means a lot to me. Seriously.”
“What are you still doing on the phone?” I asked. “Hang up, get out there, and go kick some ass!”
She laughed. “I’ll see you tomorrow sometime.”
“Bye!”
I hung up and shook my head at the phone with a smile, before returning to my cannelloni making.
By the time Chance knocked on the door that night, I had just put the cannelloni into the oven and was setting up the dining table. “Come in!” I called, drying my hands on a dishtowel.
I heard the door open, and listened to the sound of Chance’s footsteps as I wiped down the bench and stacked the prep dishes in the dishwasher.
“Well, hi there, handsome!” I called, turning just in time to see Chance enter into the kitchen, a bouquet of red roses in his hands. “Oh, my God!” I said. “Chance, they’re beautiful!”
He smiled and kissed me on the cheek, before handing me the bouquet. “Then they’re just like you.”
I smiled, and took off my apron, before giving him a long, sweet kiss. I quickly walked over and grabbed out a hurricane vase, before placing the flowers inside and filling it with water.
“So,” Chance said. “What plans do we have for the evening?”
“Well, tonight dinner is cannelloni. I hope you like spinach and ricotta…” I trailed off, biting on my lower lip worriedly.
“I love it,” he said. “Though I can’t say I’ve ever had too many college dinners with spinach and ricotta in it. Mine normally consists of TV dinners and microwaveable noodles.”
I laughed. “My mom gave me some today before I left. Might as well put it to good use, right?”
He smiled. “Right.”
“So, what should we do in the meantime?” I asked, leaning against the bench.
“I have an idea or two…” he said, before stepping forward and bringing his lips to mine. I grinned and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer.
I’m not sure how long we stayed there, but we didn’t part until the oven had dinged. I smiled, and Chance growled under his breath at the interruption. “Dinner’s ready!” I sing-songed.
I quickly dished up the cannelloni and led Chance to the table. “Now, what drink can I get you?” I asked. “I’d offer you some sophisticated pinot noir, but we’re fresh out of the good stuff. Now we have water, apple juice and club soda.”
“Apple juice sounds delicious,” Chance said with a large smile, chuckling at the kiddish options.
I poured two glasses of apple juice and sat across from him, taking a seat in the wooden seat across from him and gesturing for him to eat.
As the dinner progressed, it felt almost like the way a proper person would date. With jokes and banter and laughter. I marveled the way his eyes crinkled at the sides and his mouth would widen so far when he was smiling. He always looked so genuinely happy with everything in the world.
And it made me love him more.
After dinner, he helped me clean up, and together we did the washing and drying together, as well as packing it away, all the while listening to soft music coming from the stereo and laughing and joking over silly things.
Once we’d finished, we curled up on the lounge together. In the distance, the music was still playing, but in that second it was just us, like we were the only two people in the world.
“This is nice,” I said, curling up into his chest and listening to the reassuring measure of his heartbeat.
“Hmm?” Chance asked.
“I guess this is what it feels like to be normal,” I said, laughing. “I should’ve done this a long time ago.”
I looked up at him, and he smiled. “I’m glad you didn’t,”
“Yeah? And why not?”
“Because then I wouldn’t get to be the first person to show you everything.”
I smiled and leaned up, pressing my lips to his. I twisted my body and threaded my hands in his hair, stroking the silky strands. His fingertips traced my face, his lips moving against mine in a dizzying sensation, and I sat up straighter, never disconnecting my lips from his.
Everything seemed perfect in that moment. The music, the feel of his lips and fingertips on mine, the warm air and the sound of his heartbeat. And I knew that was it. After twenty-one years, I’d finally achieved it.
I’d found love.
“Chance,” I said, pulling back slightly to stare at him.
His eyes were murky and shaded, and he smiled slightly. “Yeah?”
I nodded and took a deep breath, steeling myself for what was coming next. “I’m ready.”
He frowned in confusion. “For what?”
“You know,” I whispered. “It. I’m ready.”
His eyes widened as he caught on to what I was trying to say. “You mean…”
I nodded resolutely. “There’s no one else I wanna be with. It feels right. I think now’s the time. I want to.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, his eyes darting around in worry as he rambled on. “Because I can wait. I don’t want you to feel pressured, or like you have to. I want you to be totally sure, and—”
I silenced him with a lingering kiss and stood up, holding out my hand for him to come. “Chance,” I whispered. “I’m sure.”
He slowly took my hand, and I pulled him up with me, leading him to the bedroom with a certainty and confidence that surprised me. Once he was inside, I shut the door, and traced my hands up his chest, before grabbing his shoulders and pulling him towards me, sealing any protests off with a kiss.
Here I could say it was a totally sober, responsible decision. There were no lies, secrets or facades between us. Just me and him, two people in love.
I loved Chance, and I was totally certain that he loved me, too. We’d been through so much, and I knew he’d jump in front of a bullet for me. I loved him, and I could tell that this was right. I could feel it.
I kissed him, my fingers running through his hair, and he leaned me back until we sat on the bed, and his fingers ran through my hair as his lips explored mine.
He pulled back and looked away. “Candice, I don’t have any…”
“Oh,” I whispered, realizing what he was insinuating.
I nodded and stood up, smiling as I walked to my closet. “Luckily, Jamie decided it would be funny to buy me a certain Christmas present that might come in handy,” I told him, reaching into my bag and pulling out the box in question.
Chance glanced uncomfortably at the box, and his lips turned down slightly. “For some reason I highly doubt they were supposed to be used by me.”
I shrugged. “They were gifted to me. Don’t I get a choice on who I use them with?”
He smiled and reached over, pulling me onto him. I giggled against his lips as they eagerly sought mine, tracing each inch of mine, soft and dizzying and intoxicating.
As his shirt came off and the kisses deepened, I suddenly had to pull back, looking down and breathing heavily. Chance stopped immediately. “What?” he whispered breathlessly, his cheeks flushed. “Candi? What’s wrong?”
“Chance, I’ve never—I’ve never done this before.”
His eyebrows rose. “Really? As in… never?”
I shook my head. “I’ve never really had occasion to. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here. God, I’m sorry. I’m so embarrassed…”
“Don’t you dare be embarrassed,” he whispered. “That’s not something to get embarrassed about. It’s okay. I like the fact you were waiting.”
“I know. But I just… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, and…”
His fingers traced the side of my face. “It’s okay,” he said comfortingly. “We’ll go slow. I’ll help you through it. I won’t do anything you don’t want. If you get uncomfortable, let me know. Just tell me, and we’ll stop. I promise.”
I smiled. “You’re incredible, you know that?”
He smiled and kissed me gently. “You’re more amazing.”
I pulled him toward me and kissed him softly, and he laid me back. Everything about this was unfamiliar. The way his fingers traced my bare skin, the soft feel of his lips on me, the gooseflesh on my skin. Everything was new and scary and exciting and so, so intoxicating.
He was hovering over me, his bare, chiseled chest on display, but his eyes never strayed from mine, despite the fact I was on display more than I’d ever been in front of anyone, ever. Of course, I was still self-conscious about my body—I was no model, that’s for sure—but he looked like he was staring at the most beautiful girl in the world. When he looked at me, it was like I was the only girl that had ever mattered to him and would ever matter.
I had no idea what to do, but I knew that, no matter what, Chance was there with me, and that was all that mattered.
He pulled back and looked at me, his eyes searching my face. “Are you totally sure about this?” he asked.
I nodded. “I’m sure. I’m ready.”
“It’s going to hurt,” he warned me. “I’m so sorry. I’ll try to go easy, but it’s still going to be painful. I wish I could make it stop, but I can’t.”
I nodded with a reassuring smile. Despite the fact I was convinced he had probably done this before, he seemed as nervous as if it were his first time, like mine. “It’s okay, Chance,” I whispered, tracing his face. “I can handle it.”
“Just remember, I’m here for you,” he whispered, grabbing my hand and putting it beside my head, giving it a reassuring squeeze as our fingers intertwined. The chain around his neck dangled down and gently brushed my bare skin, and it made me feel slightly better. “I’ll always be here.”
I knew it would hurt. It wouldn’t be perfect like they described it in books. It wasn’t quite that simple and uncomplicated. But he was there for me, and he would always be there. So I felt better knowing that his hand would be in mine the whole time to help me through.
I nodded. “I’m okay,” I whispered, smiling. “I’m ready.”
He eased down and brought his lips to mine, and both of our hands intertwined next to us as his lips eagerly kissed mine, trying to convey his love and support through every passionate kiss.
“God, I love you,” he whispered, one of his hands reaching up and tracing my hair.
His chest met mine, and I could feel his heartbeat, warm and strong and perfect. Everything I wanted.
“Chance?” I whispered, and he pulled back and met my eyes for a second.
“Yeah?” he whispered.
“I love you.”