“I’m tired of being enclosed here. I’m wearying to escape into that glorious world, and to be always there: not seeing it dimly through tears, and yearning for it through the walls of an aching heart: but really with it, and in it."
I looked out the window as I closed my worn copy of Wuthering Heights, setting it down on the nightstand. Snowflakes swirled passed the glass like the glitter in a snow globe as muted music drifted up from the street. A chill raced through me as my bare feet touched the floor. Pulling my peacoat around my shoulders, I moved to perch on the window seat, letting in the snowy, winter wind.
A layer of white covered the towering gingerbread like buildings and their twisted taffy tops like a dusting of powdered sugar, glinting in the glow of the twinkle lights strung through their lace patterned eaves and banisters. Hazy reflections of the city played across the frozen river running through it, cut up and scarred from the blades of skates. Four men in red played their instruments in the pools of light beneath the street lamps while adults and children alike glided across the ice, disappearing and reappearing from the warm glow beneath the bridge. Participates in life, rather than observers. Like me.
My mother's skates beckoned from the edge of my closet, their white leather glittering like the snow. "You know, I met your father on the ice," she used to tell me. "I literally fell into him."
Even alone in my apartment, my cheeks burned as I pushed my arms into my coat. My heart pounded in my ears as I yanked on my socks and boots, grabbed my plaid scarf from the back of the armchair, and pulled my red berat down over my short blonde curls. My hand froze above the skates as I caught sight of my reflection in the closet door mirror, my too-big-for-my-face blue eyes popping out from the freckles across my still rosy cheeks.
I tried to give myself a reassuring smile and a nod. "Go on," I could hear Mama saying. "It's alright to fall." Before I could change my mind, I snatched the skates up off the floor. My apartment door slammed shut behind me as I bolted out into the hall. The music and the laughter and chatter of the crowd grew louder as I bounded down the stairs two at a time, crescendoing as I slid across the foyer just as another tenant opened the front door.
The old man jumped to the side, and I fell forward as the toe of my boot caught on the door jam. Arms windmilling, I stumbled out into the street. People looked and some smiled. A man close to me even opened his arms as if to catch me. I jerked upright, my blush creeping into my hat.
A small cloud of frost formed in front of my face as I cleared my throat, offering my wanna be rescuer a weak thank you before scuttling passed. Skates clutched to my chest, my eyes stayed on the ground ahead of me as I made my way down to the only empty bench along the bank. Dusting the snow from the stone, I sat down, sitting Mama's skate's beside me.
All over the ice, adults and children alike wobbled like fresh fawns on their blades while the more experienced skaters danced around them. People came and went from beneath the bridge, basking in the rows and rows of string lights hanging from it's curved underside. Their glittering lights glinted off the frosty mirror below. As uncomfortable as I was, I yearned to be beneath them. To be a part of the crowd.
Taking a deep breath, I pulled off one of my boots, pulling on the coordinating skate before doing the same with the other. I wiggled my toes in the open space inside them. If it weren't for my boot socks, I wasn't sure they would've fit.
Wiping my sweaty palms down my thighs, I tried to ignore the way my knees shook. "Alright, you can do this. You can do this. You can do thiiss-" Teetering on weak ankles, I pushed myself up right, hands flailing as I struggled to catch my balance.
I was almost standing like a normal person went I heard something smack the ice. My hands flew up to cover my mouth as a boy slid face first across the glassy surface in front of me. He raised his head as he skidded to stop, his bottom lip quivering. "Are yo-," the words caught in my throat as a young man screeched to a halt beside him.
Dark brown curls peeked from beneath his evergreen tobogan and his dark blue eyes sparkled like a glimpse of the star stunned sky beyond the clouds. The heat in my cheeks spread like wildfire down my neck and chest as I watched him help the boy to his feet and dust him off. Then he looked up and gave me a lopsided smile. Dimples appeared in his cheeks, and for a second, I swear, I left my body.
"He's fine," he said. His husky voice didn't match his face, but not at all in a bad way. My heart gave a desperate shudder as it struggled to pump. Nodding, I looked to my feet as I shuffled onto the ice, only looking up long enough to make sure someone else wouldn't mow me down.
Even the tip of my ears burned. My feet slipped and slid from beneath me as I made my way around the edge of the crowd, silently cursing myself. A normal girl would've smiled back, would've said something. I'd probably looked terrified.
The young man lapped me, gliding passed me at a speed I was sure I would never achieve. I watched, transfixed as one foot crossed gracefully in front of the other, his body twisting and turning as he sailed through the clusters of skaters. I tried to copy him, finding an unsteady rhythm.
Couples scooter closer and slowed while children pointed and fell in their excitement as I neared the edge of the bridge. The young man disappeared into the throng ahead of me, his brown leather jacket blending in with the other dark coats. I craned my neck to find him, but it was as if he had vanished. Not that it mattered, I supposed. He probably had no desire to talk to me anyway.
I turned my attention to three girls twirling and leaping like ballerinas beneath the lights: a red head, a brunette, and a blonde. Their long hair was slicked back into tight ponytails and glittering white bodysuits covered everything up to their swan-like necks. They danced around, between, and under one another in a way that could only be accomplished on blades. All elegant lines and purposeful movements. They were probably the type of girls he wanted to talk to.
As the song ended, the three of them spun in tight spirals, snapping to a halt to fall into deep bows. The crowd applauded and whistled. Some tripped over their own feet in their distraction. I couldn't help scanning through the sea of exhilarated faces for the young man's. Was he just as enamored with them as everyone else?
My breath caught as I turned to find him right next to me, but he wasn't looking at them. He was looking at me. Before I could speak or even blink, I felt the pull of gravity. One of my blades dropped into a groove in the ice, pitching me sideways, and the shock on his face mirrored my own.
I gasped as my body slammed into his, knocking his feet out from under him. His torso twisted and his arms snaked around me as we fell. The air rushed from his lungs with an umph as I crashed down on top of him, landing on the firm expanse of his chest. On instinct my hand shot out, slamming down on the ice beside his head seconds before our faces would've collided. My red berat lay on its top beside us.
I blinked down at him, my heart catching up with my head as a slow smile stretched across his face despite the pained pucker between his eyes. Blood rushed to my cheeks as I became suddenly very aware of his arms still around me and his warmth and the dazzling way his eyes sparkled beneath the lights. "For a second, I thought I was going to get to steal a kiss," he weezed.
"I…" My hand jerked from his chest as I realized how stupid it was to still be laying on top of him when he'd gotten the wind knocked out of him. "I'm so sorry," I said, slipping from his arms. His hand fell to his chest as he propped himself up on his elbows, taking a deep breath with his smile still in place.
"I'm fine. There's no need to apologise. This wasn't the first tumble I've taken. Are you alright?"
I nodded, too embarrassed to know what to say.
"Is this your first time skating?" He asked, and if my whole face wasn't as red as a rose before that moment, it was then.
"No. It's just been a long time." I looked up at the people skating past, offering the ones looking an awkward smile and a wave.
"I see. Well, Miss… ?" He raised an eyebrow at me. Somehow even stretched out across the ice, he made the action look refined. The watching of passer-byes seemed the least of his concerns.
"Anastasia, but everyone calls me Ana."
"Miss Ana," he repeated. He smiled a little wider, one dimple sinking a little deeper than the other. "I'm Griffin. I'd be happy to help you get your bearings, if you'd like."
My heart bobbed in the bottom of my throat. "Y-yes, please. That would be appreciated."
He nodded, turning away from me as he sat up straight. When he turned to face me again he was holding my berat. "Can't leave this," he said, but instead of handing it to me, he tugged the hat gently down over my curls, adjusting it so it sat properly. Then his callused fingers slid over the shell of my ear as he tucked my hair behind it, and a shiver ran through me that had nothing to do with the cold.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome," he purred. "Here let me help you up." With an acrobat like stealth, he slid his feet beneath him and stood, offering me his hands. He held me steady as I moved from my knees to my behind and then up onto my feet, just for me to tumble back into his arms. My fingers fisted in the dark blue shirt between his jacket, and his laugh vibrated through me. "Should I just hang on to you?"
His irises smouldered like blue fire, like a sun had risen in his night sky eyes. My skin tingled like I might combust. "No, I just need to get my footing," I mumbled. He let me use his chest to get my balance, his hands moving from my waist to my elbows, but as he let me go, I hesitated. My eyebrows knit together. "But stay close."
"I'm right here if you need me." His hands hovered by me as I put one foot in front of the other and pushed off. No sooner did my foot again touch the ice, did I stumble, and I heard him chuckle. "and if you think you might be falling, just fall into me."