It had been a few days since my experience with Ashton and Aaron and I was still on cloud nine about it. Today I had to start working on my domination skills with a female though and I found myself much more nervous than I had expected.
Cassy was unbelievably beautiful. Her dark red hair laid in perfect smooth layers down her back and she seemed to smile all the time. I had gotten to meet her last night when she arrived back with Tyler and everything about her was bubbly. I could tell by the way that Tyler held her close that he loved her more than life itself and that he would lay his life down for her at any second. He had told me she had a rough past but nothing about her showed any kind of unhappiness. I envied her now. Her carefree attitude was inviting and the way she had welcomed me into her arms when we met had made me feel instantly connected to her.
As I walked into the playroom I watched her as she sat on the bed in a matching light pink lingerie set. It was so delicate looking with the soft lace and silk fabric. Tyler couldn't take his eyes off her and the way that Ashton and Aaron laughed, it was apparent that she was captivating. Her blue eyes glowed slightly in the light and her body was so perfectly slender and toned I could see why the guys were drawn to her.
Tyler leaned down and pressed his lips against hers softly and somehow the small action made her seem so much more perfect. She fit in with them. They knew her and clearly all were invested in her relationship with Tyler. I stood there watching them all mix for a moment, wondering if I would truly ever be like them and be a part of their group. I had come a long way but I still wasn't a perfect submissive. The guys were encouraging me and while I was improving, I still felt far from perfect in every way.
She glanced over at the door where I was standing and when her eyes met mine, her smile glowed just a little bit brighter. She got off the bed and took my hand in hers as she pulled me into a hug. I couldn't help myself as I smelled the fruitiness from her shampoo and relaxed into her embrace for just a second.
The guys looked me over as I approached the bed, my fingers still intertwined with hers. My hair was down and in soft waves and I was wearing an oversized t-shirt of Aaron's with some jean shorts underneath.
Cassy was still holding my hand and I just stared at her in shock at how innocent and beautiful she looked but I knew what she was capable of since she was Tyler's submissive. He had told me more about her before he had gone home to pick her up. She loved anal play which is why they probably got along so well, but I would never have guessed that based on the way she acted around others.
"Are you okay, McKenzi?" She asked, and my attention snapped back to reality.
"You're just... you're beautiful." She smiled her award-winning smile again and it drew me in.
"Thank you. You're very beautiful too." She climbed onto the bed and motioned to the spot next to her, letting my hand drop so that I could climb on steadily. "Come play with me, Kenzi?"
I felt Aaron behind me. He ran his hands from my shoulders to my waist before turning me around. "Don't be nervous. Let the passion and emotions flow through you and don't let your mind psyche you out." I just nodded, and he kissed my forehead before nodding to the bed and then stepping away.
All three guys were sitting at the back of the room just watching us while they waited for us to begin and get comfortable. There was something hypnotizing about this girl and I actually wanted to touch her. I reached my hand up tentatively and touched the curve of her waist. A perfect hourglass shape with no flaw in site.
"You like the way I feel?" She ran her fingers through my hair, pulling my waist closer to her with her other hand.
"Your skin is so soft," I whispered, "I don't actually know how I am supposed to feel about this." I took a deep breath in but I still didn't make another move. She was captivating but I was nervous and now confused. I hadn't imagined I would ever be touching a female and the fact that her skin beneath my fingers made tingles run up and down my arms made me even more confused.
My eyes met hers, "How am I supposed to feel about this?" I asked her.
"Safe. You're supposed to feel safe. And wanted and loved." She leaned closer and closed the space between our lips. I felt her move her lips against mine softly before I pulled away from her. Her hands were still around my waist not letting me go. "Kenzi?" I must have looked like a deer in headlights to her.
I hesitated, and my breath caught. I reached my fingers into her soft, thick hair and stayed frozen just looking into the abyss those bright eyes created. She smiled at me and placed her hand over mine in her hair. Somehow the gesture was more reassuring than I had expected. The pressure of her fingers on mine as she held me close. She didn't try to rush me back into it. It was like she said, I was supposed to feel safe.
"I am just so nervous right now," I whispered, "And with them watching me, I don't want to mess anything up."
"Then ask them to leave."
"They won't."
"They might. You don't know unless you ask."
She pecked my lips again and she motioned with her head over my shoulder before whispering, "Just tell them you need a little time to explore before you are ready to let them in."
"And if they say no?"
"Tell them it isn't a request."
The smile in her eyes gave me confidence as I pulled away from her body and off the bed. I turned around and walked over to Aaron grabbing his hand in mine. He looked worried for a moment but I quickly kissed him to end his growing thoughts.
"I need you guys to leave." My eyes roamed over the three of them sizing up their reactions so that I could be better prepared.
"No," Ashton sounded incredulous at the idea that I would ever want to do anything without them.
"I agree. No." Aaron added, still holding my hands.
"It's not optional." The finality in my voice must have shocked them because all three of them just stared at me for a moment expecting me to say that it was all a joke. "I'm not kidding," I added, "I need you to go. I need a chance to explore before I have people watching me. It's my first time with a girl. Can't you just back off a little bit?"
"That sounds oddly familiar," Tyler stepped around Aaron, "Did she tell you to say that?"
I narrowed my eyes as he glanced between me and her.
"She's a bit wild in her submission," Tyler continued, raising his voice, "Perhaps she needs to be reminded why she is here." I could tell he was warning her to behave and do as she was supposed to but I don't think she was wrong.
"I love you guys. All of you," I wrapped my arms around Aaron's waist, "But just give me like an hour?" I shrugged, "I'm more nervous than I have been before and I just need a little time to calm down and adjust to her. I promise, I'm not just trying to get out of you watching, I just need to explore on my own for a little bit. I have given you everything you asked and done my best to accept all the things thrown at me, so please, give me this."
Aaron kissed the top of my head and then tilted my chin up, "I will give you until 12:30 when lunch is ready. Take the hour and do whatever you want with her, but when time is up, and lunch is over, we will be back in here to watch you with her. Yes?"
"Yes, Sir."
Aaron smiled and placed a quick peck on my lips before he headed towards the door. Tyler gave Cassy another warning look but she just laughed and waved him off without a care in the world. I think she must like his punishments in one way or another because she certainly wasn't nervous about his threats.
As I rejoined her on the bed, I heard the door close behind me and the silence that followed with the three of them being gone. I didn't say anything for a minute as I just let my thoughts process and everything settled around me.
"It's really okay to be afraid. This is a lot to handle when it's being thrown at you so quickly. You're doing a lot better than I would have." Cassy whispered, taking my hand in her.
"Yeah, but," I could feel the tears in my eyes, "I have no one to talk to about the reality of this. Because outside of the three of them, I don't know anyone that would understand or accept the decision I made."
"You have me, now." She pulled me into her embrace and I just cried for a few minutes as I let all the pent up emotion release from my heart. I trusted the guys and I knew I could talk to them, but I couldn't just cry in their arms and maybe that's what I actually needed to do.
"Tyler told me that you went through some things. He said you were stronger than anyone he knew. I wish I could be like that." I sniffled a little as I pulled away from her grasp.
"Did he tell you what I went through?"
I shook my head no, "He just said a lot of people probably couldn't come back from it."
"I was raped. And tortured. I worked in a strip club turned a prostitution lounge. The guys paid nothing and took more than what was agreed upon every time but I was so drugged up that I didn't know any different. Until one of them almost killed me." Her voice was distant and I could tell she was remembering the past vividly.
"I don't know why Tyler was there," she continued, "but he was. And he beat the shit out of the guy who was nearly strangling me. But the guy stole my money and my drugs and I pushed Ty away and told him to mind his own business. He begged me to get clean, said that he would take care of me and that everything would be alright, but I was far too gone for that." Cassy paused as she wiped a tear from my cheek that I hadn't realized had fallen, "Don't cry. My past made me strong and I'm not afraid anymore. Tyler kept coming back, despite me telling him multiple times to fuck off. And then one day he gave me $200 and told me to spend the night with him. That's a lot of money for someone who constantly had theirs taken and spent."
"So you took it?" My voice was no more than a whisper.
"I did." She smiled, "And he tricked me too."
The confusion was all over my face because she laughed as she continued the story.
"Everything started out normal. He wanted to fuck and play and he did whatever he thought would please me, but I just wanted the money. So when asked if he could tie me to his bed for another $100, I said yeah. And then he kept me there for about two weeks while I went through withdrawals and desperation periods where I screamed at the top of my lungs.
"During one of those days, he came into the room when I was yelling and undid me from the bed after putting a ball gag in my mouth. He took me to the bathroom and shoved me into a cold shower for about 10 minutes until I finally stopped screaming and then he removed the gag.
"I begged him for drugs and he told me he could give me a way out from the pain and addiction if I would just let him in. I just had to give him a chance and I didn't want to. So we continued this fight for about another month until I finally surrendered to him. The day I gave up was so beautiful. He let me take a nice hot bath with him and just relax. He had massaged my wrist from where I had continuously been tied over the days. He kissed my neck and brought me any kind of food I asked for and he showed me around his home. He took me out on the patio as the sunset and I was wrapped in a soft blanket and pulled me into his embrace.
"He told me that I was made for something better than that place. That I was stronger and braver than any of that. He asked me to be his submissive and told me everything that came with it. He told me he wanted me to hand myself over to him fully, no matter what it was.
Everything from food to clothes, to what he would do with my body and when. I asked him why I couldn't have any say and he told me that it wasn't time. That he needed to know, I was in a good headspace before he could let that happen. I told him I was fine and he held out a bag of heroin. It wasn't real but it looked real and I failed his test because I took it."
"What did he do?"
"He asked me to sign the contract. Told me to just hand over the reins and that he promised me a better life. So I did. Because despite everything I wanted to be better. I got clean, completely clean, and he let me decide on things and do things the way I wanted. And then he trusted me to go out with friends. The first night went great, I had so much fun and nothing bad happened, and then the next week, we went out again, and I was offered coke. I wanted to say no. I really did. But I took it and I disappeared for a few days after doing some more coke, and then heroin, everything went downhill quickly.
"The next thing I remember is waking up and standing in front of a payphone. I'm not even sure how I knew the number, to be honest, but as I dialed him, I wondered if he would even care after I had failed him so greatly. I began to cry and cry and cry and when he answered, I couldn't speak. He just asked where I was and I barely got out the street names. He told me not to move and he would be there soon. When he picked me up, I knew I'd be punished for what I did, but right then he kissed me. He kissed me and held me and said that everything would be okay."
"He loves you." The tears were carelessly rolling down my eyes and I probably looked like a very hot mess.
"He just started me over. We went through the detox again and it wasn't as bad this time. I only had to stay locked up for a few days because I couldn't help but try and hurt myself when the cravings started. He stayed with me the whole time and every time I apologized, he told me we would get through it and I did. I loved being his submissive and when he collared me officially, I was so proud because I loved him and I knew he loved me. I was doing fine and great and all was good after months and months. I had been with my friends a few times and I hadn't relapsed and then I went to a party and an old dealer offered me some for free."
"Oh no."
"He gave me the bag and I took it. I held it between my fingers and I could smell it all around me. But I felt the subtle collar around my throat and I called him. I told him I needed him to come get me that I needed help. The moment he got there I wanted to cry. He thought I'd taken it but he still wasn't mad. When I handed him the bag that was still sealed, I'd never seen him so happy. He took me home and made love to me all night. Gave me everything I asked for again and again and again."
"You survived it."
"Because of him. Because of this world. Kenzi, he punished me when I failed him but he never told me he was disappointed. He never made me feel bad about the person I was, he just wanted me to be better for me. I asked him one day why that was the route he decided on. Because trust me when I tell you, he could have done a lot worse. He told me though, only you can change you. And only when you want to."
"I'm sorry you went through all of that," I whispered and she leaned forward pressing her lips lightly against mine.
"It made me strong because I had to do it for myself. I had him to fall back on but he knew that he couldn't change me because it had to be what I wanted. So, do you want this? Do you want this world and everything that comes with it? Pleasure and punishment?"
"Yes."
"Then don't let those fears overcome you, you are much stronger than those."
The door opened and Tyler stepped in. "Lunch is ready. It's time to go."
As I got off the bed, I ran over to Tyler and wrapped my arms tightly around his waist. He embraced me tightly before slowly letting me go.
"Thank you," I mumbled into his chest.
"For what?" I could feel him stroking my hair softly.
"Everything."
I didn't realize how much I had dealt with Tyler but the more I looked back I realized that he had led me through a lot of these experiences on my own. He didn't take control in the same way Ashton and Aaron did. He waited for me to take the power before he took over and when he did he was still letting me be in charge. I made my choices, he made the consequence.
I chose Aaron and this life and that's why I was going to make it through this just fine.