SMUT WARNING FOR YOU FILTHY PEOPLE
After a moment, Tom pulled away from the kiss and rested his forehead on mine. His breathing was heavier than before as was mine. The thoughts in my mind were blurry and all I knew was how he tasted. "Bella, I-" he didn't get to finish whatever he wanted to say as I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him into another kiss, deepening it this time. I opened my mouth wider as an invitation, but he declined it and bit my bottom lip instead. His eyes flickered to mine and I saw in him an emotion I had seen before. Passion. It was the exact same look he gave me at Wonderland before we were about to kiss. He saw this as a continuation of what should have happened.
His hands roamed my lower back, grazing past my ass and gripping my thighs. "Jump," he ordered and continued to kiss my neck. I followed his command with no hesitation and he lifted me up, pinning my back against the door. I didn't know who was in control, me or him. However, I didn't give a shit. We both had one goal in mind.
Tom kissed up my neck and eventually took my earlobe between his teeth. I gasped quietly at the feeling, but that only spurred him on. I could feel him harden against my clothed clit and the friction was insatiable. "Tom," I breathed against his shoulder, "Stop fucking around and put me on that desk." He stopped what he was doing and I suppressed a whine. God, how did I become so needy for his touch?
Tom looked at my disheveled state and I knew he was pleased with himself. He gave me a lopsided smile, "Are you sure, princess?" "Did I fucking stutter?" I said, "I need you." "That's all I needed to hear," and he took my back off the door and carried me to his desk. I won't lie, I was surprised at his strength, I wasn't the lightest person, and to have him pick me up and carry me like it was nothing did something to my confidence that I couldn't exactly explain. I just knew that I felt powerful in that moment even though he was in control.
Tom cleared whatever was left on the desk with his foot and I suppressed laughter as I heard his belongings clatter to the floor. He was as desperate as I was. We needed each other to the point that we couldn't think coherently. All we knew was touch. He then sat me on the desk and spread my legs with his knee. He then proceeded to get on his knees, unbuttoned my jeans, and threw them on the floor. He did the same with my underwear and now I sat half naked in front of him. Tom proceeded to stand up, kiss my lips sloppily and push me so that I was laying down on the desk. "Relax," he said against my mouth, "This is all for you."
His lips left mine and he trailed kisses from my throat to my collarbone sucking on the skin lightly. I moaned at the feeling, torn between wanting him to stop his teasing and to not stop. Either way, he followed my wishes as I felt his lips press against the inside of my thigh. Instinctually, I bucked my hips against the feeling and I groaned at how reactive I was. I hadn't had sex in so long and now I was going to mess it up with how needy my body was.
However, Tom said nothing. Instead, he placed both his hands against my hips and pressed them down so that I couldn't move them anymore. I was practically helpless and loving it. He eventually stopped kissing my inner thigh and now his mouth loomed over my aching pussy. He wasn't even touching me, save for him holding me down, and I was already on the verge of cumming. And he knew it too. Cocky bastard. "I don't know, Bella," he said, his voice vibrating against it, "I don't know if you deserve this."
"Fuck you," I breathed and grabbed a fistful of his hair. He moaned in response and now it was my turn to chuckle. However, the satisfaction didn't last long as he licked a stripe up and circled his tongue around my clit. "Shit!" I said through gritted teeth and grabbed his hair tightly, pushing him further onto my pussy. He kept his tongue on my clit, circling it, sucking on it, all of the above. As I felt my orgasm building in my lower stomach, he took his mouth off of my clit and replaced it with two fingers, slowly brushing their tips against it like he was painting a canvas. He then captured my mouth in another sloppy and desperate kiss while I moaned his name against his lips.
He let go of my hips and I began bucking them to the pace of his fingers, brushing against his clothed erection every chance I got. As I got closer to my orgasm I placed my hand over his and guided them to a faster rhythm, trying to achieve my high, but instead, he grabbed my wrist and placed it above my head. He clicked his tongue and shook his head, "We're doing it at my pace, princess." And he slowed his motions down until I came, making the feeling much more wonderfully agonizing.
Tom removed his fingers from my clit and shoved them in my mouth. "Suck," he ordered and I did so immediately. With his other hand, he undid his belt and unzipped his pants and positioned himself on top of me. He took his fingers from my mouth and asked, "Do you want this?" An expression of concern was painted across his face and I found it funny that in this madness and primal attraction he was still considerate. And it was then, as he was on top of me, waiting for my consent, that I realized I truly loved Tom Holland.
In the midst of my epiphany, I nodded and sat up a little. I placed my hand on his cheek and brought his face in again so that I could feel what it was like to kiss him. Though he was dominant, the action was tender and addictive. I could have kissed him for the rest of my life if it meant I could have felt the way I did in that moment. It was better than any orgasm, better than any happy memory, better than fucking heaven.
While we kissed, Tom entered me, gradually increasing pace with each thrust. He moaned quietly against my mouth and said sweet nothings in between grunts. I found myself feeling another orgasm build up again and I laid back down on the desk, relaxing as best as I could. Tom's thrusts were quicker and sloppier as he began to ride his orgasm out. The welling in my stomach grew larger and I took my hand from above my head and began to rub my clit again, trying to reach mine around the same time as his. As I got more desperate for release, my moans grew louder and whinier until I was practically screaming in his ear. I closed my eyes as I came again, for my eyes became sensitive to the light in his office and I could feel my mind exploding on repeat. I was comfortably numb and in love.
The atmosphere in the room changed immensely afterwards. What was once filled with so much tension and desperation turned into something so tender and unknown to me. All I knew was that when I looked into his eyes I felt safe, a drastic change from the first time we met. A far cry from the years I spent afraid of him, and here I was, on top of his desk, after having sex with him. The man that I believed to kill my parents. The man that should have killed me a long time ago. The man I grew to love.
We didn't say anything after we finished; instead, Tom pulled away and zipped his pants up before speaking to me. "There's a bathroom to your left if you want to get cleaned up," he pointed out the door, "Then we can finish our discussion, if that's alright with you." "That's perfect," my voice didn't go above a whisper as I put my clothes on and headed out of his office, my mind in a flurry of thoughts.
The bathroom had a shower, so I decided to run the water and step in, soaking in the broiling water. I kept my hair up, because if I washed it it would've taken forever to dry and I was not in the mood to wait that long. But my sense of time was misconstrued as I stood under the showerhead and recollected my thoughts.
Tom and I just had sex. I told him I was leaving and he said no. Did he just use my emotions as a ploy to get me to stay? Did he ever reciprocate my feelings or did he need a stress reliever? Someone he can lash out on? Though I knew it did nothing, I cringed in order to make my doubts disappear. I didn't need to think about what could be when I would be getting my answer the second I stepped into his office.
After getting out of the shower, drying off, and putting my clothes back on, I returned to his office, a little more timid than last time. There was a thick tension between the two of us as I sat in front of the desk. I couldn't tear my eyes off of it, thinking about what happened not even twenty minutes ago. Behind the desk, Tom was focused on his laptop, appearing as if he didn't know anyone else was in his office.
Tom proceeded to close his laptop and his eyes met mine. He leant in and placed his forearms on his desk, his hands fidgeting with a shred of paper. "Tom, I-" "That wasn't nothing, was it, Bella?" Tom asked me. "To me it wasn't," I answered, suddenly finding my thumbs very interesting, "Was it nothing to you?" Silence. A knot that had been residing in my gut for the past few days suddenly grew larger and I felt as if I could vomit. I twiddled my thumbs to keep my hands from shaking. It was funny, I could talk back to him when he wanted to kill me, but now that I was considered safe, I felt the most at risk.
"No," Tom finally said, "It wasn't nothing to me." I didn't say anything. I didn't exactly have the words, so I resorted to keeping my eyes locked on my thumbs. "Bella," his voice was soft, "Bella, look at me." The way he said my name reminded me of a song, the way it sounded so melodic and enticing. He didn't have to say he loved me anymore, all he had to do was say my name and I would've been satisfied.
However, I stopped twiddling my thumbs and I forced myself to meet his gaze. Though it was less threatening than the looks I received before, it was the most intimidating. I didn't know what he was going to say. He was unpredictable at this moment. He could smile and tell me to fuck off, he could pull out a ring and ask for my hand in marriage, or he could tell me he loved me. And honestly, every single one of those options scared the fuck out of me.
"I want you," he started, "I want you in the way a child wants candy or in the way a tycoon wants money. I want you to complete me, whether it's brief or permanent, and I want you only in the way you want me. So, tell me what you want." I was stunned, to say the least. Out of anything he could have said, that was, by far, the one thing I never expected. He wanted me to complete him? As if he didn't have a life without me? He was going to rely on my decision? I was in no condition to make any hard choices, and I hadn't been for the past twenty-two years.
I mulled through his words. I want you to complete me. Like I was a puzzle piece. I was the only thing he was missing, because he had the rest of his life together. What about me? Other than my lineage, I had no sense of self. I was just a name. Just a legacy. If I chose Tom now, I would never be completed. I would only be a sliver of what I could be. As much as I loved him, I needed to be on my own.
"I love you," I finally said to him. The knot in my stomach was lifted even though I had no idea how he'd react, it was the burden of the action that was dragging me under. I couldn't control his emotions and he couldn't control mine. Not anymore, at least. "I have since Wonderland," I said, "And my God I want to be with you, Tom. I really do. But I can't. Not right now. I don't think I'm ready to love you just yet." He was silent, and though I expected it, no anxiety flooded through me. I had spoken my truth, and I was adamant on keeping it. I wasn't tied to him anymore. Not yet at least. Whatever I wanted to do with him was by my own choice now, which was very freeing to realize.
"You're right. You can't," he said, but he wasn't disappointed. In fact, he was...happy? As if he was waiting for my revelation. "You've been through way too much. I put you through way too much," he opened one of his drawers and pulled out a checkbook. He began writing on one of the checks before ripping it off and handing it to me. "This should cover any expenses that come your way." I looked over at the amount he gave me and my heart stopped for what seemed like an hour. Holy fuck.
"Tom, I-" "You're twenty-two years old, Bella, and you have yet to live an actual life. So go out and enjoy it! And when you feel that you're ready to come back, I'll be here," he left his desk and knelt in front of me. He grabbed my face with his hands and kissed me lightly. When he pulled away, I leant for more, but by then, he already stood up and opened the door to his office. "I'll have Jacob drive you home," he said, "I reckon you'll want to say goodbye."
I furrowed my eyebrows, "But this isn't goodbye?" "Not at all," Tom shook his head, "If anything it's a delayed 'hello'."
gross. writing smut just makes me 🤢 idk why. anywho i told myself if Noir hit 41k I'd update so here we are! there's only one chapter left and I'm so excited to finish this you don't even know. I've had so many ideas pop into my head and I'm ready to write something new.
don't forget to vote, comment, that good stuff.
~Not edited~