Chapter 10.
It felt like my entire world was falling apart. In the last few hours, Ben had broken up with me, and I had cut ties with Dylan. After my conversation with Kelsey earlier, the last thing I wanted to do was to call her and complain about my problems, so she could tell me that it was all for the best and that I needed to focus on moving forward. And while Will and Madison were good casual friends, I didn't feel close enough to either of them to confide in them about something like this.
So, I did what any self-respecting college girl would do: I went home for the weekend. After everything that had happened over the last three weeks, seeing my dad sounded heavenly. I wanted him to take me into his arms and engulf me into a tight hug. I needed to hear that he was proud of me, and that he knew I had a great future ahead of me. I wanted to be daddy's little girl for just a while longer.
The two and a half hour drive back home passed by quickly, and I pulled into my father's driveway right around dinnertime. I had stopped to pick up pizza, not knowing if my father had bothered to cook anything. I sat in the driver's seat for a moment, feeling awkward. This had always been my home, and knocking felt wrong. But at the same time, I had moved on, and what if I accidentally walked in on something I could never unsee? Walking in on Avery and Will had made me reluctant to just walk into a closed room.
Deciding I was being silly, I got out of my car, grabbing the pizza box off of my passenger seat and closing the car door. I strode up to the front door and flung it open, not bothering to knock. This was, and always would be, my home.
"Dad?" I called out, heading to the kitchen to set the box of pizza down. "I decided to come home for the weekend, and I brought pizza."
I was fairly confident that my father was home, because his car was parked in the driveway. But he must not have heard me, because he didn't respond. There was a quiet murmuring of voices coming from the living room, and I walked quietly over, not wanting to disrupt my father if he had a guest.
Nothing could have prepared me for the sight of my father sitting on the couch next to none other than Luke Carters, chatting casually as if there was nothing weird about my father hanging out with my ex-boyfriend.
"Hi, Dad," I called, my knees feeling weak at the sight of Luke. It was the first time I'd seen him since his graduation day. The day I'd broken up with him. "Hi, Luke. Long time, no see."
The two of them fell silent when I walked into the room, giving me the awkward impression that they had been talking about me. But that was ridiculous, right? Why the heck would Luke Carters be talking to my dad about me? We hadn't even spoken in three years.
Then again, why was Luke even here at all? I'd never realized my father was still in touch with him. Somehow, that felt like a betrayal of sorts. Luke was my ex-boyfriend. It was weird that he was sitting in our living room, talking to my father, who had only been his former high school football coach. That didn't seem like the kind of relationship that one maintained after being offered a full ride football scholarship to a Division 1 school, but, what did I know? Maybe that was completely normal.
"Lilly," my father said, jumping to his feet and pulling me into a tight hug. "I didn't realize you were coming by for a visit." I could feel my eyes welling up with tears as my father squeezed me close to his chest, and I swallowed them back before I could give into the temptation of having a crying fit right here. I couldn't do that. Not in front of Luke.
I pulled back from the hug, my eyes still a little watery, and gave him a sad smile and a shrug. "I was having a rough day and needed to see you."
Luke stood up, crossing the room in a few short strides and placing his arm tenderly on my shoulder. He had been fit in high school, but had gained a lot of muscle since then, and he carried himself with a new confidence that he hadn't had back then. In the last three years, the all-American boy next door had been replaced by a very attractive man. "Is everything okay?" Luke asked, his voice filled with far more concern than I would expect him to feel for the girl who had dumped him.
I shook my head. "Not really, but I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it."
My father cleared his throat loudly, looking awkward. "I'm, uh, I'm going to go clean the kitchen," he said, ducking out of the room like he had been kicked or something.
I turned to Luke, the corners of my eyes crinkling in amusement. "Is he okay?" I asked. "It's not like my father to be so concerned about cleaning."
Luke laughed, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me so that I was standing directly in front of him, almost close enough for him to kiss me. My breath hitched, my body melting into his, recognizing the comfort and familiarity of the embrace. After three years apart, I still responded to his touch like I had when we were dating. He felt solid and safe, and my heart pounded, wondering if it was possible that after all this time, Luke Carters still cared about me. "I think he's trying to give us some privacy, so that we can talk."
I pulled back from Luke slightly, even though every fiber in my body was screaming at me to get closer to him. I raised an eyebrow at him, a smile playing at the corners of my lips. "And why would my father do that?" I teased. "As I recall, he spent most of my sophomore year trying to keep us apart."
Luke's face split into an all too familiar grin, and my heart ached, because his smile reminded me of Dylan's. My sophomore year, I'd felt like an idiot because I had somehow missed the fact that Luke and Dylan were cousins, but now that I knew, there was a pretty obvious resemblance between the two. Luke was a little taller and slimmer built, his brown eyes a lighter amber than Dylan's dark brown, but the two could easily pass for brothers. "That was high school, Lilly. You're all grown up now, and your father knows that."
Placing his hand on the small of my back, Luke guided me over to the couch, and we sat down together. I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs so that I was curled into a ball. Luke sat down next to me, close enough that I was practically leaning on him.
"So, what's going on?" Luke asked, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me towards him. I didn't resist, instead laying my head on his shoulder. It was wrong, but I couldn't help myself. He was just so warm and familiar, it was comforting to be near him. Besides, I reminded myself, this didn't mean anything. Dylan and I hadn't been shy about cuddling together on the couch or hugging, and he was still just a friend. When Luke and I had been together, we had lacked that friendship. Maybe this could be the start of something more meaningful than we'd had in high school. A real friendship.
I sighed heavily. "You wouldn't understand," I said bitterly.
Luke stroked my back reassuringly, and I relaxed under his touch. "Try me," he insisted.
"I just—I don't know what I'm doing with my life," I griped. "I graduated high school, but I have no idea what I want to do in the future. I don't even know what I want to go to school for. I have no idea what I like to do, and everyone else seems to know what they want and where they're going. And what's worse, they're all moving on without me. Kelsey is going to school out of state for psychology, Dylan has a new girlfriend who hates my guts and is being a total douche, Ben broke up with me. I've never felt so alone or confused, and I hate being this pathetic. I just wish I knew how to make everything better."
Luke squeezed me gently. "And why wouldn't I understand that?" he asked pointedly.
I laughed. "Because you went to college on a full ride scholarship and have known you wanted to play in the NFL your entire life. And if that doesn't pan out, you're going to be an awesome teacher and football coach. You've always loved football. I don't have anything like that."
"I understand more than you might think." Luke gently grabbed my face, turning my head so that I was facing him. His eyes were warm and gentle, and he seemed to drink me in like he couldn't believe I was really sitting there with him. "I was a really good high school football player," Luke explained, answering my unasked question. "Obviously, I was one of the best, and that's why I was offered a full ride scholarship. But the thing is, college football is a whole other level of competitive. So when I got to school and started practices, I wasn't the best anymore. Heck, at first, I wasn't even good. I was second string, and I wasn't sure I would ever actually get to play in any games."
"But, you play now?" I asked, already knowing that he did. Lia Holloway had posted to Instagram about watching him play. Was Lia Holloway his girlfriend? If so, she wouldn't be okay with me snuggling up with her boyfriend on the couch. I knew I should ask Luke if he was seeing anyone, but I was too afraid of the answer.
Luke nodded. "Yeah, I'm the starting quarterback now. But the point is, I almost quit when I first got to school. Football had always been the one area I excelled at. I was an okay student, but I wouldn't have gotten into such a good school if it was based purely off my grades and test scores. I just started thinking, if I didn't have football, who was I? Just another loser guy who would never be good at anything but throwing a football."
I looked at him, incredulous. "But...You're Luke Carters. You're the guy everyone wishes they could be. You're popular, and athletic, and sweet, and charming. What do you have to be insecure about?"
Luke smiled, shaking his head. "Everyone is insecure sometimes. Even the people you think have it all together. The point is, you can't let any of that get to you. You just have to figure out what it is you're passionate about. What do you enjoy doing? What are you good at? Then find a way to turn that interest into something productive."
I shrugged. "I'm good at being socially awkward and naive. What good does that do me?"
Luke pulled my face closer to his, his voice rough. "You're sweet. Smart. Loyal. Beautiful. You can do anything you want to do. The possibilities are endless. You just need to believe you're worth it."
Just then, my dad walked back into the living room, clearing his voice loudly. "The kitchen is all clean," he announced. "And there's a full pizza sitting on the counter. Come eat, before it gets cold."
I jumped to my feet, almost bumping my head into Luke's in my effort to get away from him before my father could say anything. He probably didn't care that Luke and I were sitting next to each other on the couch, especially since we hadn't been kissing or anything, but old habits died hard. I wasn't sure I would ever be comfortable being too close to a guy in front of my dad. There were too many years of him reminding me that I had my entire life for boys, and that I needed to focus on high school.
I headed to the kitchen, grabbing myself a paper plate out of the cupboard, and handing another plate to Luke. I put a piece of pizza on my plate, while Luke piled his with several pieces. We carried our food back into the living room to rejoin my father, who had pointedly taken a seat on the couch so that Luke and I couldn't sit next to each other. I sat down next to my father, while Luke sat in the arm chair across from the couch.
I took a bite of my pizza, then looked back and forth between Luke and my father. "So," I said. "Do you and Luke hang out often?"
My dad laughed at that, almost spitting out the food in his mouth. I wrinkled my nose in disgust as he struggled to swallow the food in his mouth before responding. "No, I haven't seen Luke since I coached him in high school. Today is my day for surprise visitors, apparently," he said with a shrug. "Luke stopped by about an hour before you got here, Lilly."
I turned to Luke. "That's a strange coincidence," I observed. "You just happened to stop by right before I got here?"
Luke shrugged, flashing me a charming grin. "I had no idea you were coming home to visit," he assured me. "That was just a happy coincidence."
"And you dropped by because?" I prompted.
"I wanted to talk to your father about something," Luke said cryptically. "And, before you ask, no, I don't think I'm going to tell you. I'll just let you wonder about it instead. You never did like unanswered questions."
Snapping his fingers at me, he grinned broadly. "Have you ever thought about being a reporter? You definitely like getting to the bottom of noteworthy news and gossip, and you were always a good writer in high school. Maybe you should consider a career in journalism."
My father frowned thoughtfully, nodding his head in agreement. "I could see you doing that, Lilly. What do you think?"
I shrugged. "I wouldn't even know where to start. And I'm afraid of declaring a major that I'm going to hate later."
Luke smiled easily. "You don't have to declare it as your major right away. Your campus must have a newspaper. Join the staff, try out a few writing assignments, and see if you even like it. That's the fun of college. You get to try on new interests and decide if they're right for you. You don't have to commit right away."
I nodded, taking another bite of my pizza. "I could try that," I agreed. It might not end up being my dream career, but it would at least give me a distraction from all of the drama in my life and help me find some sort of purpose.
I spent the rest of the evening watching football with my dad and Luke, rolling my eyes as they discussed the game enthusiastically as though it held the secrets of life. My visit home may not have gone exactly the way I had expected it to, but it had been just what I needed to distract myself from Ben, Dylan, and Avery, at least for a while.
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So Luke's back... thoughts?