Chapter 42 — dinner boy
"You know you could always come to my place, right?" Elliot says, continuing to run his hand his golden boy's hair.
Josh just hums in reply, trying to not close his eyes as he is getting more and more drowsy by the action. Both of them are at their original hangout place — the bridge. Although Josh is out of the closer and they are free to spend their time wherever and whenever they want to, for them nothing can ever beat the novelty of spending their hours at the bridge, just talking, laughing and sometimes, kissing. Josh is lying on Elliot's lap, feeling very much relaxed than he was minutes ago.
"Ow," Josh jerks up when he feels a sharp pull on his scalp.
"I'm sorry," the curly-haired boy winces, "There was a knot,"
"It's okay — my hair's grown a bit longer," he yawns, "I should probably... get a hair... cut soon," he slurs his words, struggling to stay awake.
"Oi, don't you sleep on me,"
"I'm no– aaahhh– –t," another yawn, and then chuckling to himself, he pushes himself up, rubbing his eyes, "Your hands are just so softy, softy soft," the blond yawns again, raising his arms up, stretching, his eyes closed, "And I did not mean to say that out loud," he grimaces, slapping his hand over his eyes, peeking through his fingers to look at the boy beside him.
Elliot is grinning at him, his dimples only accentuating his boyish grin all the more, and reaches out to remove the blond's hand from his face.
"You know I can use this softy, softy soft hands to wake you up too," he said keeping Josh's hand engulfed in his hand, and trailed his other hand up the blond's hand.
Josh did a little squeal at the back of his throat and retracted his hand away, "I'm up, I'm up,"
"You're up?" Elliot asks teasingly, an eyebrow slightly quirked.
"Yes, I'm-," the blond stops midsentence, the innuendo not lost on him, "Shut up," he groans in embarrassment.
Elliot just guffaws in reply and as mortifying as he feels the blond can't help but laugh along as well. And then a few seconds later when the two have managed to somewhat calm down, the dark-haired boy throws an arm around him and pulls the blond closer.
"Back to what I was saying before," he says, resting his chin on top of Josh's head, "You can always join me and my aunts during Thanksgiving. It'll be just us — you just have to put up with their craziness and you'll be alright,"
Josh sighs dejectedly, "I wish I can. But you know I can't be avoiding him forever,"
"Okay, but you can still come over any time you want,"
"You know what, I might just take up your offer on that,"
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Mr Goldmann does not take a break for Thanksgiving — he usually takes three days off, only goes to the hospital if there were any emergency cases. However this year he goes to the hospital as usual — and even opens up the clinic for extra hours. Josh is starting to think, maybe he doesn't have to face his father after all.
And just as he does, his father appears home early on Thanksgiving, carrying big grocery bags filled with various kinds of munchies, drinks, fruits. He has this big smile on his face that made him look like a different man altogether, and kisses his mother on the cheek who appeared to be just as surprised as Josh was. He completely ignores Josh who was standing dubiously in the middle of the hallways — Josh can't tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing.
Josh contemplates going back to his room, maybe even sneaking off to Elliot's when his mother asks him to help her set up the table. Josie is helping her father organise the items he's purchased. It almost feels like they are a normal, happy family — Josh wonders if he had somehow wandered into an alternate universe, where his life was actually perfect.
His mother tells to him to set extra two plates and he looks at her in askance — not once have they have guests over during Thanksgiving, not that they don't have anyone to invite, it just how their parents preferred. Josh wonders what has changed and who these two guests are that made their parents have an exception.
As if in answer, the doorbell rings. Josie is about to go answer the door, but his father beats her to it. All the three of them — Josh, his mother and his sister are all stunned by his sudden poorly veiled eagerness that they stare at him in silence, curious who these guests are.
Shock will be an understatement to what the blond feels when he sees who the invitees are. Both his mother and Josie have migrated towards the friendly faces smiling and hugging in invitation while Josh stands rooted in his place. He glances at his father, at his family and at the guests. It is a miracle itself that he is able to stay calm when he is everything but.
Zach and his mother, Ms Naser — their guests for dinner step further into the house. Josh feels a sudden jab to his ribs and he winces, being brought back to his senses — it os his sister who somehow has come to stand beside him while he stood frozen. He glares down at her, but she fixes with a steelier gaze and gestures at his friend and his mother. From the sudden stupor he has forgotten to acknowledge them.
Plastering on what he hopes looked like a smile, he approaches them, "Hey man," he nods at his friend, "Hi Ms Naser," he doesn't know how he feels about her anymore, "Welcome. Happy Thanksgiving,"
"Hi man," Zach nods back at him, smiling which sends sharp pang through Josh who has never felt more helpless before.
"Josh," Ms Naser gives him a small hug, and the blond has to fist his hands so he won't recoil or cause any scene — this isn't the time, nor the place; he is trying to convince himself so.
He just grits his teeth, smiles and moves away — his mother and Ms Naser moves to the kitchen, his father, Josie and Zach goes to the living room, while Josh chooses to sit on the stairs, trying to sort out his thoughts. He really, really wishes Elliot was by his side right then, his mere presence has the ability to calm him down and assure him that one way or another everything was going to be alright.
Needing to talk to him right then, he pats his pockets for his phone but exhales wearily when he realises he has left it up in his room. And just as he is about to head upstairs, Zach appears in front of him.
"You alright?" he asks, cocking an eyebrow, "You look like you're gonna be sick,"
Josh does indeed feel sick down to his core, but can't tell his friend that so instead, plastering on another smile, he shakes his head, "Nah, I'm fine,"
"So, I take it your father took the news well; that you're gay,"
The blond has almost forgotten about that entirely ever since this new bomb was thrown at him. He doesn't know what more this night has in store for him.
"I wouldn't know," he shrugs, "He hasn't said a single thing about it,"
"Nothing?"
"Not a peep,"
Zach opens his mouth as if to ask another question but is cut off by his mother's ringing voice, "Dinner's ready,"
"Finally," the dark-haired boy breathes out and turns away, but Josh stops him, his heart beating wild in his chest.
I have to tell him, he thinks.
"Zach, wait. There's someth-,"
However, the boy waves his hand at him dismissively, not noticing the grave expression on his friend's face, "Food first," he says, and then walks away.
Josh nods dumbly, deciding he can probably wait till after dinner to tell him.
He walks towards the kitchen and sits on the dining table at one end, opposite his father on the other end. Zach and Josie are by his sides, while his mother and Ms Naser was by his father's sides. His father is smiling at something Ms Naser has said and Josh glances around the table, checking if anyone has caught onto their exchange and then chides himself — it is a normal friendly exchange, it just seems more to him because he knows.
Dinner — just get through dinner, Josh tells himself.
And he might just have if not the unnecessary need to make small talk during dinner. Apparently, it is a bad habit to talk when eating, but also considered rude if you chose not to talk during your meal — how does that make sense, Josh can never understand.
"Are you feeling alright, honey?" of all the people that could've talked to him first — Ms Naser is the one to address him, "You've barely touched your food," she nods at his still full-plate.
Instead of replying, he gives her a tight-lipped smile, stabs his fork into a big piece of turkey meat and bites it. Not expecting the response, she nods awkwardly and turns away. Josh can feel the rest of them staring at him incredulously, but he just ignores them and keeps his gaze focused on the plate. He knows it isn't fair the way he is behaving when the majority of them doesn't even know the reality of the situation they are stuck in, but he is having a hard time keeping his emotions in check.
"So tell me Zach," his father starts talking addressing his best friend, "How is being captain of the soccer team?"
Josh holds back the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose, since he can feel the stress accumulating there. This isn't the first time his father was asking question to his friend — every time he meets Zach, he just has to ask this question, and Zach always gives him the same answer.
"Good, Mr Goldmann — there're a lot of responsibilities but I enjoy being captain of such a promising team,"
"And is Joshua a good player?"
"The best — if it weren't for him, we sure would be having a hard time winning matches,"
"I'm sure you're just as good as him, Zach,"
"I try to be, Mr Goldmann,"
Josh wishes the ground would just swallow him whole. He tunes out after that as their mindless chatter continued. And it was all going somewhat well until he spots his father exchange a discreet smile with Ms Naser and while his mother is just on his other side. Josh just stares at him dumbfoundedly but his father is so engrossed in keeping eye contact with Ms Naser that he fails to notice his son staring at him.
One, two — Yeah no, Josh decides and abruptly stands up. He has had enough of his father's senseless act for one night — he has to get out of there.
"I'm going out," he announces, not even bothering of what the outcome would be.
"We are in the middle of dinner," his father appears to be taken aback by Josh's sudden interruption, but quickly regains his composure and utters in a stern voice.
Josh can honestly care less about his father right then, "Yes, I'm sorry, but I'm leaving,"
"No, you're not," he asserts, "It's Thanksgiving and you're spending it with your family and friends,"
"Family and friends," Josh repeats, scoffing bitterly.
"Josh," his mother admonishes at his tone, but is confused as to what might have caused him to behave in such way.
She isn't the only one confused there — in fact everyone in the dining room seemed to be confused, except for Josh.
"I've had enough of your nonsense," although Mr Goldmann's voice is low, there is nothing but anger in it — one little tug, and he will definitely snap, "You will sit and you will eat,"
For the first time, Josh isn't afraid, "No,"
"No?"
"Joshua," his mother tries to persuade him, but the blond just can't — if she knew, she'd understand.
"No,"
"Alright, you want to go see that boy, is it? You're gay now? Kissing a boy in front of the whole town," his father jeers, "Are you even thinking anymore?"
"Finally," Josh exclaims, "You've been pretending this whole time as if you didn't even know–"
"Know what?" his father asks challengingly.
"I'm gay, father," the blond doesn't back down either — as much as he'd like to have this talk with no audience, he knows if he let this chance slip, he may not get another, "And that boy is my boyfr–"
"Boyfriend?" his father scoffs, "What are you trying to prove here, son — that you don't care about your name, our family's name? Are you trying to destroy everything that you've worked hard for?"
"I'm not trying to prove anything. I'm just telling you I'm gay — what does that have anything to do with–"
"You're destroying our family,"
"That's you," Josh cries out in the heat of the moment, forgetting that he has an audience — he sighs defeated, this is not how he wanted to confront this issue.
"What did you say?"
"You're the one destroying our family, father," Josh says, but in a much weaker voice — aware that what he is going to say next is going to tip his whole world on its axis, "I saw you the other day... at the drive-in theatre,"
His father freezes hearing his words, the blood draining down his face — he knows what Josh is talking about and at that moment he realises that his son knows.
"What drive-in theatre?" Josh's mother asks oblivious, "What is he talking about, Martin?"
"I– I think we should be leaving now," Ms Naser speaks up, and Josh can see the pure terror in her eyes as she gestures at Zach to stand up.
Josh knows that it won't be fair to Zach if he is still oblivious about this, but instead of telling him, he turns to Ms Naser, stopping her in her tracks.
"I want you to know I've always respected you," he tells her, "And if my respect has ever held any meaning to you, you will do the right thing and tell the truth,"
"Ma, what is he talking about?" Zach tenses, glancing between his mother and Josh, "Josh?" he turns to the blond questioningly.
Josh can only shake his head in pure regret, "I tried to tell you.... but I'm sorry, man," and then exhaling he says, "I'm just gonna go,"
"Don't you–" his father starts but stops when his mother intervenes.
"Let him go, Martin,"
Josh wants to stay, for his mother, for his sister, for his friend, but he can't. He wants to leave; he has to leave. He can't find the ground anymore; he is lost and he just really needs his anchor by his side.
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a/n: a little warning that it's gonna be a long, long night. rereaders, shhhhhh