A/N : thank you.
[FOURTEEN]
"And all the roads we have to walk are winding, and all the lights that lead us there are blinding. There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how. Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me. And after all, you're my wonderwall."
≻───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────≺
"SO what's this all about? To be honest, Jaehyun, I didn't really take you as a sparkly lights and festive balls kinda guy. Like really, what are these? Brown and red woven balls to put in the middle of a coffee table?"
Jaehyun flickered his gaze over to Doyoung who was holding up a circular object, twisting it around in his fingertips. It didn't have a hook, it was just a woven piece of tree bark painted red that Jaehyun hadn't recalled putting in his cart, but assumed Sicheng probably had.
Jaehyun cocked an eyebrow. "Festive balls?" he questioned, which made Taeyong, who hadn't spoken a single word since he'd gotten here, snort out loud. The attention was then on him who smacked his hand in front of his mouth as he attempted to repress any further laughter. His shyness was accentuated when his cheeks heated up a bright pink and he ducked his head.
Jaehyun smiled and then turned back to the raven haired. "Anyway, Doyoung, wipe that shit grin off your face. I didn't pick these decorations, this kid at the store did," he said as he untangled a string of yellow lights that were meant for the Christmas tree.
Doyoung laughed as he put the decoration down, and went to sit on the floor beside Jaehyun to help with the tree and lights. "Okay, tiger," he chortled sarcastically. "Do you want me to get the tree set up?"
Jaehyun shrugged as he finally got part of the wired lights untangled. "If you want, but I kinda need help with lights outside," he responded, placing the lights in a cardboard box with the rest of them. He blinked up at Doyoung. "I thought we'd all just go out there."
A gradual smile painted itself across Doyoung's lips, and like always, Jaehyun knew something was peeking the raven haired's interest. He internally groaned. "How about Taeyong helps you, so we can knock two things down at once," Doyoung piped, obsidian irises flocking over to the one curled up on the arm chair.
Jaehyun's eyebrows shot up through his bangs as his eyes drifted over to the smaller. Taeyong, quite honestly, did not seem to happy about the proposition—and it showed. He tightened himself together and his sharp eyes tapered, a gradual aura of gloom consuming his being.
"No?" Doyoung asked Taeyong in a lilt, and only got a glare in response.
"No," Jaehyun answered for him. "Saves me the extra work, since y'know, he wouldn't be able to reach the eaves." The taller really couldn't stop himself from saying it. I mean, it's kind of funny when Taeyong's fists turn into balls and the way rose blossoms on his cheeks.
To the pairs shock, and lesser horror, Taeyong brashly stood up and somehow managed to muster up the confidence to pick up the box of lights from Jaehyun's lap and stomp his way over to the front door. Jaehyun sat, staring agapely at the angry boy, looking all aloof and dumb and startled.
"Are you going to open the door or just sit there and be more 'useless' than me?" Taeyong questioned, eyebrows knitted together beneath his brown hair and dark eyes still sharper than ever.
Jaehyun turned to Doyoung who just had this beguiling guise painted on his face, a slight smile urging the other to deal with his karmic debt, which happened to be, once again, Taeyong's wrath. He totally deserved it, so he stood up and opened the door for the shorter who didn't spare the chance to 'accidentally' bump into him as they made it outside.
The outdoors instantly wrapped Jaehyun in an unfamiliar cold, causing goosebumps to arise on his pale skin. It was a lot chillier out here today, unfortunately for them.
Taeyong dropped the box onto the porch rather carelessly, afterwards standing with his arms wrapped around his torso, glimmering brown eyes shifting up to meet the taller's. "I don't know how to do any of this, by the way," he uttered, just a little embarrassed, "My— my parents never celebrated holidays."
An easing smile danced on Jaehyun's face as he said, "It's fine. But the problem is, is that I haven't done this in years either."
A light relief washed onto Taeyong's expression, his arms draping to his sides. "So it turns out we're both pretty useless," he breathed out, a grin hidden somewhere in the corners of his lips.
"Well, I digress. I'm going to be at least a little less useless than you."
"You're a jerk."
Jaehyun knelt down to pick out a string of wired lights, still smiling a bit to himself. "Then come on, prove to yourself that you're not useless," he said, ushering the lights over to the boy.
Taeyong rolled his eyes, hesitantly taking them out of Jaehyun's hands. "Fine, but just know that I don't have to 'prove' anything to you."
The taller caught a laugh in his throat at the shorter's blatant stubbornness. "I didn't expect you to," he responded, simply to push his buttons more.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
Jaehyun shrugged, ignoring the question and backing off the porch to stare at his house. He noted a few spots that could use some decorating, like the eaves, the bushes aligning the house, the doorframe and deck railings. He supposed he'd give Taeyong the easier jobs since he didn't necessarily ask to be doing this.
His eyes drifted back over to the shorter, who quirked an eyebrow at him. Jaehyun rubbed the nape of his neck, saying, "Do you want to do the bushes and doorframe? And I'll do the rooflines and stuff."
"Remember, I have no idea what I'm doing. And you don't even have a ladder to reach up there, dummy."
Jaehyun made an 'o' with his mouth, supposing that yeah, Taeyong was right: about the ladder, and the dumb part. Thankfully the other didn't seem to annoyed, but shook his head and murmured something along the lines of 'loser'.
-
"Hey, don't think I'm going to catch you if you fall! I rather sit here in silence than watch you do failed parkour tricks."
Just as Taeyong was saying that, Jaehyun turned to him with a stupid smile on his face and his hand holding half his body weight off the side of the house while the other was hanging onto the lights. He stood on a really big metal ladder he'd found in his dad's garage, and despite the ladder being big, it was still terrifying to see how high up the boy was.
"You really think I'll fall? I have more motor skills than that," he stated surely, head turning back to the project he was supposed to be doing so all Taeyong could see was the back of his brown hair.
Taeyong couldn't help but smile, but thankfully Jaehyun wasn't turned around to see it. He scoffed, chiming a "yeah, okay".
Over the past half hour, Taeyong sort of broke out of his shell that he developed when around anyone that wasn't Doyoung. Jaehyun would like to say that he helped it—with his off handed jokes and effort to make light of awkward moments—but he silenced his ego and was just grateful that Taeyong wasn't miserable because of Doyoung's choice of bringing him here.
Jaehyun shifted back around and watched idly as Taeyong carefully wrapped another string of lights around the bushes. His dark hair was a bit tossled from the occasional winds that blew past, and a guise of concentration swallowed his expression. Taeyong was knelt down, keenly trying to get one of the lights to work, since it looked like the circuit must've been disrupted and it wasn't glowing.
"Hey, you doing alright over there?" Jaehyun asked, the crisp air burning his throat.
Taeyong hadn't even looked up, but pouted and slumped down onto the blanket of snow underneath him. "I can't get this dumb light to work," he murmured, sighing.
"Do you want me to help?"
"Preferably not, but I have no choice."
"Got it. I'll be down there in a second."
Taeyong lifted his head to see Jaehyun standing dangerously on the step of the ladder and his eyes widened. With the shock painted on his face, Jaehyun's breathy laugh chortled through the cold air. "Don't you dare jump off of that!" Taeyong chastised, but there was no getting through to him.
Within an instant, Jaehyun hopped off the ladder, and Taeyong hid his poor eyes with his sleeves. His legs went a bit weak once he hit the snow covered grass, but it was quite easy for him to gain his strength back. It took a moment for Taeyong to look back up, and once he did, he was met with the boy's dimpled smile.
Taeyong only grimaced in response.
"See? I'm fine," Jaehyun announced, lifting his hands into the air as if Taeyong couldn't see him clearly.
The shorter rolled his eyes. "I wasn't worried about you—I was more concerned about witnessing a traumatic accident," he stated quietly, going back to fumbling with the wires on the string of lights.
"I'd still be part of that though, eh?"
"You're such an idiot."
Suddenly they heard the front door open and a raven haired boy peeked his head out. "Hey, what are you guys doing out here? By this time I expected Jaehyun to be complaining of boredom and Taeyong come running to me whining," he stated, impatience laced in his voice.
He fully emerged from the door, hand swinging to his side with a ornament held between his fingers. Sheepishly, he added, "But honestly, I'm getting a little lonely."
Jaehyun shrugged. "That's alright, we needed aid anyway." He switched his gaze to Taeyong, who appeared happy that Doyoung was now in company with them. "We're trying to figure out a broken circuit."
A gummy smile arose on Doyoung's thin lips. "I believe I can help with that," he said, a confidence laced in his soft voice.
And as it turns out, Doyoung actually could.
Jaehyun lowkey was jealous of the raven haired and how he seemed to be so good at everything. He could draw, he got perfect grades, he was understanding of basically everything, and apparently he's a handy man? Lame, Jaehyun sulked in his head.
"By the way, you used the lights wrong. The ones you put on the eaves typically go on foundations," Doyoung mentioned and nearly instantaneously Jaehyun rolled his eyes.
"Okay Mr. Perfect. Maybe I'm just trying to do an integrative light display. Something unique," Jaehyun answered coyly, brushing a wisp of hair out of his eye.
"Integrative my ass," Doyoung mused.
Light flurries of snow began to fall gently from the sky a couple minutes ago, and even though it wasn't too much, it was beginning to melt in Jaehyun's hair and in the fabric of his clothing. As he looked around at the two other boys, he could tell they were freezing too. They all should have worn something on their heads, but Jaehyun sort of rushed them into this project, so physical comfort wasn't a priority.
His eyes landed on Taeyong who was slightly trembling; his arms were tightly folded together and his lips looked pale, all the while his nose was blushed with pink. It looked like the onset of a cold. Jaehyun frowned. "Do you guys wanna go inside for a bit?" he proposed, and the response was a definitive yes.
They had made decent progress on the Christmas lights, but there were still a couple spots on the house that Jaehyun would like to try to fill. Anyhow, they couldn't do it now, and there was still a naked tree in the living room so they may as well work on that. After taking off their coats, the boys filled back into the living room and while Jaehyun went to the kitchen, Doyoung sat on the floor with the ornament box and Taeyong tentatively settled down next to him.
Once Jaehyun got back with two cups of hot tea in his hand he wasn't surprised to see the two bickering.
"This ornament doesn't go with the rest. Look, it stands out!" Doyoung argued, eyes shifting to Jaehyun as he casually handed him a mug and sat cross-legged next to him. Jaehyun carefully handed Taeyong the other mug, the shorter uttering out a soft 'thank you' and Jaehyun nodding in response. "It's fabric and the rest are bobbles."
Taeyong pouted, holding the infamous ornament close to his chest. It looked to be some kind of vintage stitched rocking horse, the rockers being real wood and the horse made with a red, white, and gold fabric. Jaehyun's eyes softened when he saw it.
"I think it's alright," Jaehyun spoke up.
"Of course you do, you got a C in art club."
"Wouldn't this be considered interior design?" Jaehyun countered.
Doyoung's lips drew into a line while a dimpled smile gradually arose on Jaehyun's face. "Shut up," Doyoung grumbled, "You're only defending Tae because you got a soft spot for him, or something."
The latter's eyebrows shot to his bangs and Taeyong's cheeks quickly trickled in warmth. Sensing the stillness that pervaded the room, Jaehyun quickly switched the conversation. "Never mind that, I think the ornament belongs on the tree. So yeah, it's all good," he concluded, and felt a strange elated feeling twinge at his chest when Taeyong beamed at him.
-
The tree turned out very pretty.
As Doyoung suspected, the stitched rocking horse did stick out between all the the sparkly bobbles and shiny lights, but when Taeyong went to hang it up, he had the most lovely smile; it outshined all the lights on the tree and then some. The rocking horse wasn't remotely a problem after that—not like it was in the first place.
Doyoung and Jaehyun were finishing up the string of fairy lights around the tree and Taeyong was bundled up on the arm chair when Jaehyun's phone suddenly rang from the end table. He went to get it, but once he saw Lee Hajoon's name on the screen, he grimaced.
"What's the matter?" Doyoung asked, eyebrows knitted together. Taeyong peered at the taller in a subtle inquisitive manner.
Jaehyun swallowed the frustration in his throat, shook his head, and said, "Nothing. I'm going to take this call outside, okay?" Despite being visibly concerned, Doyoung nodded. "I'll be right back."
The boy walked out to the front porch and sat down on the steps, staring at the screen of his phone for a moment. There's this tightness in his chest and a sourness to his stomach. He hasn't talked to his mom or Hajoon much since the fight, and this was just enough to send his heart palpating through his temples. Jaehyun's grip on the phone tightened, the contemplation ending when he abruptly answered the call.
"Jaehyun."
He squeezes his eyes shut, wishing that he'd just ignored it. "Hello," he answered, voice flat.
"Hey, kid," Hajoon begins and Jaehyun's eyebrows furrow, noticing his voice was different than usual. "Your mom wants to see you."
Jaehyun's heart ached at that remark. "I-I'm sure," he responded, "We can meet up soon? And p-put all this bullshit behind us?" He watched the snow falling from the dark sky, anxiety building in his mind.
"No."
There it was again, Jaehyun's chest hurting. Of course Hajoon would never want to see him again, and would do everything in his power to keep his mother away. He didn't even ask why before Hajoon began cussing him out.
"You're a disgrace Jaehyun, nobody wants you around. You're just like your father, all detached and fucking stupid. You give your mom such a hard time and you never mind your own business," the man spat, a venom in his tone, "Let me repeat so you understand—nobody wants you here."
Even though all Hajoon's words were slurred and he was clearly drunk out of his mind, why, why didn't it stop from cutting deep into Jaehyun's inner world? Why did he almost believe him? It shouldn't hurt like this, but—but what if his mom thought the same thing?
No, he knows better than that.
"Okay," Jaehyun finally said, his words a little shaky, "and you were the biggest mistake my mom had ever made, you abusive piece of shit."
Hajoon's intoxicated voice slightly fumbled over the receiver as Jaehyun hit the end button. The teen buried his head into his hands, understanding that he probably had a lot more to say about Hajoon, but the constriction in his throat prevented otherwise. He wish he could've, if he didn't feel so powerless in that moment. Not like it mattered.
His heart was stuttering for the several minutes he sat there, arms rested on his knees and head in his hands. It jolted when he heard the front door creak open. Expecting Doyoung, Jaehyun took a sharp breath of cold air before he stated,
"Doyoung, I'm not in the mood right now."
He waited for the door to close, but that time didn't come. Jaehyun sighed and turned around, his lament gaze becoming wide when seeing Taeyong standing at the door. His fist was clenched to his side, presumably from traded anxiety between the two, and he wasn't wearing his coat. There was something hidden in his brown iris, a flash of fear? No, that's not right. He wouldn't be standing there, staring amply at the taller if he was scared.
Jaehyun swallowed the sharp lump in his throat. "Oh," he said dumbly, blinking at the shorter. Taeyong didn't look away like he normally would, his glassy eyes reflecting the flurries of snow in front of him. Jaehyun saw the same person that was at the gas station awhile ago—a person who was all fragile and quiet, someone who Jaehyun couldn't read. It's strange how life does that sometimes, makes your vision cut back to the past for a second based on familiar faces and settings.
One of Taeyong's hands was on the edge of the door, clinging as if he wasn't sure to intrude or to leave Jaehyun alone. The latter pursed his lips and looked away to his hands that played with the rings on his fingers, leaving Taeyong to decide what he wanted to do.
He heard the door creak close and expected that Taeyong had simply left. But then a pair of small boots shuffled near him and stopped on the step where he was sitting. Jaehyun looked to his right to see that Taeyong sat down next to him, knees curled up to his chest.
Jaehyun's heart stuttered one more time.
Silence was shared between the pair before Taeyong eventually spoke, his voice a comforting quiet, "I think I uh— I heard some things I shouldn't of."
The taller raised his eyebrows, shifting his eyes to the one by his side. "Did you?" Taeyong glared him, but nodded anyhow. "You were eavesdropping on me, huh," he teased, though the attempted attitude didn't hide the vulnerability layered finely in his light tone.
Taeyong grew flustered, saying quickly, "Accident!" He caught his breath, steadying himself before mumbling, "It was an accident. Don't get your hopes up."
Jaehyun looked away, his scoff hid a small smile. "Yeah, whatever."
There was another pause, and Jaehyun continued to anxiously play with the rings on his fingers as Taeyong gazed silently out at the glittering snow on the front lawn. There was still a lingering wonder of how and why Taeyong ended up comfortable enough to sit next to him, but Jaehyun tried not to rationalize it too much.
"Does he talk to you like that a lot?" Taeyong's delicate, unsure voice suddenly filled up the cold air.
A stillness flooded the taller's relaxed body—he tried his best to shake it off. Jaehyun sighed, eyes merely focused on Taeyong, the light of the front porch spreading a warm glow into his irises. "That's pretty personal, y'know," he said despite the sad chime to his tone.
"You've seen some 'pretty personal' things about me too," Taeyong added, his sharp, intent eyes stuck onto the taller's profile.
Jaehyun grinned. "You've seen my bruise, and now you overheard a very private conversation I've had."
"It was an accident!" Taeyong rolled his eyes, slumping down further onto his knees. "So what," he drew out, "does that mean I need to do something to get even?"
Jaehyun shrugged lightly, eyebrows furrowed in contemplation before he carefully stated, "You don't have to answer, first off, just so we're clear." Taeyong's chin that rested on his knees lifted, head perked up in alarm. "But," Jaehyun continued, demeanor shifting to something more serious,
"Where did you get those bruises?"
Taeyong sat still for a couple moments, his typically avoidant eyes completely locked onto the latter's, open and surreally pretty. His breath seemed to be caught in his throat, but eventually released, the warm air a cloud in the brittle weather. "He did it," he uttered.
Jaehyun became more attentive, discontent and unease dampening his features. "Who?"
Taeyong buried his head back into his knees, though his eyes were still visible, they were now drawn back towards the sparkling snow out on Jaehyun's front lawn. "Similar to your bruise, I am assuming, is what happened to me." Taeyong's voice was unusually straight forward.
The taller wasn't exactly sure what to make of this information. Similar to him? How would Taeyong know how he got his bruise? And what does it even mean when he said, 'is what happened to me'?
"I always thought red was a pretty color," Taeyong spoke, Jaehyun's questions being drawn to a close. "Not anymore, really."
"Then what's your favorite color?"
Taeyong's lips curled ever so slightly. "Blue. Blue has always been my favorite." He turned to gaze at Jaehyun, cheek rested on his jeans. "Yours?"
"Don't have one, to be honest," Jaehyun admitted.
"I'm not too surprised. I mean, you act miserable in art class," he responded, quirking an eyebrow. "Do you have any personality in there?"
Jaehyun narrowed his eyes but ultimately shook his head, stare now directed at his hands. "I suppose not. I've been trying to find myself for awhile," he answered quietly, words meagerly hanging on the humorous delivery he attempted at. It's hard to make a joke out of something that was actually quite true.
Taeyong didn't smile, but his features softened. "Is that so?"
"A little. 'Could've been lying."
"Don't wanna open up, huh."
Jaehyun snorted, "you're one to talk."
Taeyong stood up and Jaehyun soon followed. The shorter's mouth drew into a grin, perfect white teeth peeking through. "Then I guess that makes us both hypocrites," he settled.
Jaehyun nodded, dimpled smile showing itself as he added, "Takes one to know one."
"Are you guys almost done out here?" They heard a voice coming from the front door, which made the pair jump. Jaehyun turned to see Doyoung peeking out the screen door, his inquisitive eyes darting between the two, a grin slowly arising on his face.
"Taeyong, I told you to drag Jaehyun's ass back inside. Not go on a date with him on his 'romantic' front porch."
"What?!"
-
A/N: we're back ;) I hope you enjoyed the chapter.
Me right now after suddenly arising from the fallen ashes of this book—