Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
"Professor McGonagall, you wanted to see me?" The professor looked up from her marking and put down her quill.
"Mr. Potter, have a seat." He sat in the seat across from her and helped himself to a cup of tea from the set that appeared before him. "I'm sure you're aware that I've had all of the other fifth year Gryffindors down here for career counseling. Do you have any ideas as to what you'd like to do after school? Any particular areas you'd like to focus on?"
Harry squirmed in his seat. Ever since he had found out what the other fifth years were being pulled aside for, he had spent a lot of time thinking over what he'd like to do. After Voldemort's demise, he suddenly had a lot of time on his hands to improve academically. All of his grades had skyrocketed-fueled by his extra time spent studying the subjects he had a harder time in. He found he had a particular liking for things that he didn't realize he liked. Charms was a hugely underrated subject-and so was potions for that matter.
"I have, actually. But..."
"Are you worried about what Mr. Weasley or Miss Granger will think?" She gave him a shrewd look and sipped her tea.
"I'm not worried about Hermione, you know how she is with people learning as much as possible. More that I'm worried about Ron. How'd you know?"
"Mr. Potter, I've been teaching longer than you've been alive. I know a thing or two about wanting your friends to approve of what subjects you take." He nodded and took a deep breath before answering her.
"I'd like to focus more on potions if I'm being honest. I haven't exactly put my best foot forward with all the...extra curricular activities I was getting into in the past and I'd like to actually try at it. Herbology too, for that matter. I never really tried, I just did enough to pass because I had other things going on."
"Is there anything else you'd like to put more focus on during your schooling? Any career ideas so far? I believe Mr. Weasley said he wished to be an Auror-is that something you're interested in as well?" He shook his head.
"I think I've seen enough of the bad guys, thanks. Can I think about it a little longer?"
"Oh yes, you can take time to think about it. After all, most young people don't truly know what they want to do until they're doing it. You can always take extra courses through the Ministry later if you decide upon something that requires extra knowledge. Here, take these," she handed him a few pamphlets. "They'll help guide you through major jobs and maybe open a door to something you wouldn't have thought of otherwise." He thanked her and continued on to the common room.
The next morning during breakfast, Ron was practically shovelling food into his mouth and attempting to talk to Harry and Hermione although they couldn't understand him.
"Ron, swallow first and then talk. Even I don't know what you're on about." He swallowed and rolled his eyes before talking once more.
"I was just talking about how awful it is that we have double potions first thing today. It's just not right. Ruins a perfectly good Wednesday being around the greasy-haired jerk." Harry put down his toast, suddenly not so hungry anymore.
"It isn't that bad Ron. And for your information, people around potions fumes as often as he is have to use a protective charm that surrounds their entire person to protect them from unwanted effects over long periods of time. An unfortunate side effect, is the person under this charm then appears to look greasy no matter how clean they actually are. Lay off already." He grabbed his bag and stormed off through the double doors leaving half of the Gryffindor table silent in shock.
"What's his problem?"
"Honestly Ron, Harry has a point. Professor Snape has been much better ever since Harry came out of the maze last year. Additionally, he's right. It's a charm we'll be learning about next year with Professor Flitwick. But I'm sure you've read about it already with the studying charts I gave you last week." She went back to her oatmeal while Ron's face turned the color of his hair.
"Today you will be learning the Draught of Peace, more commonly known as a Calming Draught." Snape had closed the door with a wave of his wand and with another wave had the recipe on the board behind him. "Can anyone tell me why such a potion might be useful?" To his own surprise, Harry felt his own hand raise.
A mild panic began to settle in when he realized what he'd done and that now he'd have to follow through.
"Yes, Mr. Potter?" The teacher looked sour as ever, although his voice wasn't as impatient as it had been in the past.
"The Draught of Peace helps one calm feelings of anxiety and panic. It's notoriously difficult to brew as too much of any of the ingredients can put the drinker to sleep permanently and any other mistakes result in general and immediate disaster. It's nice to have on hand if you have to give someone particularly bad news or for someone suffering from anxiety, panic or post traumatic s-stress disorder. Parents have been known to give their children a drop with their dinner to help them sleep if they suffer from frequent nightmares or night terrors." He tried not to let his emotions show and ignored the stutter he let slip in the hopes that no one would notice. It simply wouldn't do to let anyone detect a hint of his little issue.
Snape raised his eyebrows and nodded. "Very good. It's also used by Madam Pomfrey in the infirmary when students don't study throughout the year and panic just before exams. So let this be a warning to you all that you must pay attention throughout the entire year in order to avoid such a stressful predicament." He eyed Harry for a moment longer before moving on. "You will be working individually today. No helping each other and no hindering each other either. I want to see how well each of you are doing with your potions skills so far." With that he sat down and started marking papers.
The entire class rushed to the stores to collect their ingredients, but Harry stayed at his table to prep his workstation before gathering the ingredients. He wasn't in any condition to be jostled around by so many people. When all but a few students were busy getting to work, he grabbed his ingredients quickly and started on his potion.
He was just about to add the unicorn horn when he heard Snape calling his name. Throwing a quick stasis charm over his cauldron, he looked up.
"Yes professor?"
"See me after your classes are done for the day."
"Yes sir." He took off the charm and resumed his potion, acutely aware that a dark-haired man was watching him intently from his desk.
"You wished to see me, sir?" Snape crossed out a line on an essay and pointed to the chair in front of his desk before scribbling out some scathing response or other. He put his quill down and looked up before crossing his fingers and giving Harry his full attention.
"I'm curious. You've improved a great deal in my class lately. Any particular reason why?"
Harry shrugged, thrown off by the question. "I mean, I wasn't giving your class much attention before...well...before. And now that I've got more time on my hands I'm using it to study what I've been neglecting." Snape inclined his head once and pulled a photo out from a drawer of his desk before handing it to Harry.
It was a photo of his mother when she was in school, brewing over a cauldron and smiling as the photo was taken.
"Lily was exceptional at potions. She had an innate understanding of the ingredients and how they reacted together. I noticed you added the syrup of hellebore in counter-clockwise circles, was there any reason for that?" Harry shrugged.
"It felt like the right thing to do. Adding it all at once would mean the properties wouldn't spread out as quickly and adding it counter-clockwise would allow the potion to stay in that stage before it's ready to progress to the next one."
"I'll admit, I'm impressed. You really are more like Lily than you think. But I called you here for another reason as well." He waved his wand to close the door and heavily ward it. "I'd like to talk to you about what happened in the cemetery last year." Harry's breathing sped up and he felt his eyes widen.
"S-sir?" Snape produced a small vial and opened it before handing it to him.
"Drink." He drank it and felt himself settle down to a more relaxed state. "I'd like to discuss what happened. You're young and had to endure a terribly traumatic experience. Most adults won't ever have to experience anything remotely similar to what you saw happen in their lifetimes. I know you won't talk to Madam Pomphrey about it, and I thought that talking about it with someone who was there with you might persuade you to open up a bit."
His shoulders slumped in defeat. How often had he thought about talking to Ron or Hermione about what happened? But he couldn't do that-they wouldn't understand. They couldn't imagine the things he had seen-the screaming that he had to hear. It was beyond anything they could imagine. And Dumbledore was out-he was convinced that Harry was a saviour and would bounce back in no time. He didn't want to just have someone tell him it would get better, he wanted someone who could understand how he was feeling empathize about it and help him overcome it.
Before he gave himself permission, he started talking.
"How can a human-albeit such a twisted one-make such a horrid sound?"
"Harry, do you understand what happened to him?" He shook his head slowly. Dumbledore had tried to explain it to him a few days after the fact but it hadn't really broken through his stupor.
"When your mother died to protect you, she gave you the most powerful protection she could. Sacrificial magic isn't to be trifled with. When she sacrificed herself to save you, she granted you the protection of never being able to die by his hand-and by extension his magic. That protection is in your blood. So when Pettigrew used your blood to resurrect him, it burned him from the inside out. It would have felt like his very veins were boiling." He paused to summon a tea set and set about making tea while Harry talked.
"Why were you there?"
"Several months prior to the final challenge, the dark mark on my arm had grown darker. I was aware something was happening, but I didn't know what. And without an outright summons I wouldn't know where to go to find out what was happening. When he was...reborn, shall we say? I was summoned along with everyone else that was there. It wasn't an option for me to stay at Hogwarts. If I was to resume my position of spy for Professor Dumbledore, then I needed to be one of the first to arrive. Obviously, that is no longer needed."
"And that's another thing, how do you all know he isn't going to reappear in another decade?" He accepted a cup of tea and sipped at the delicious brew. Passionflower with a hint of honey, his favourite.
"Trust me when I say, he is truly gone. The dark marks are gone, wiped completely from the skin of those who once bore it."
Feeling a bit foolish, he nodded. In a much quieter tone, he said "The world expects me to do all of these things...be an Auror, get married, have kids...but how can I do that when all I see and hear in my mind is that night?" Snape put his tea down and gave him a small half-smile.
"You work through the trauma and live your life the way you want to. Everyone who expects you to do anything other than finish your schooling here? Fuck 'em." A bit dazed by how relatable the man had been, he bid the professor a good day.
After he left Snape's office, he felt much lighter than he did before. He ate a decent meal for dinner and managed to get a few hours of blissful sleep before any dreams made themselves known. They weren't good dreams, but they weren't flashbacks either. Frankly, he would much rather dream that Cedric had taken the cup with him and had died before Harry's eyes than have to endure listening to the wretched screams and watch as the humanesque figure melted from the inside out before his very eyes.
The rest of his fifth year went much the same. He would attend classes and went to talk to Snape once a week until the holidays. He was right, talking about it somehow made it more real but also more bearable. By the end of the holiday break, he hadn't needed to seek out Snape to talk about it and the nightmares only came a few times a month.
Once he and his friends had gotten off the train, Ron turned to him to remind him of their plans for the end of the summer.
"I know Dumbledore said you have to stay there until your birthday, but then we're coming to get you. Don't forget to write to us, we'll send you food if they stop bothering to feed you. See you soon Harry!" He nodded and exited the station with his already shrunken trunk in his pocket. Ron had offered to take Hedwig's cage for the summer and he readily agreed. The less the Dursley's knew about, the less he had to worry for the summer.
They were nowhere to be seen in the muggle station and they didn't show up when the sun started to set. He sighed and went back inside the station to inquire about where to buy a map. He didn't have much muggle money, but he was willing to bet it was enough for a quick bite to eat along with that map he was planning on buying.
It was a long way to Surrey from the station. He could have shortened his trip by taking public transit, but he didn't have enough money for it. Maps were more expensive than he originally thought.
On the way, a group of rather rowdy teens invited him to join them on their walk. Apparently they were out for a midnight stroll. Dressed in all black with silver accessories and long hair, they looked like they could blend into the night itself. They were a cheerful lot, quick with jokes and appreciative of the weather. They made him feel included, even though they looked so different from what Petunia would call normal.
The summer on Privet Drive was much the same as the past. Wake up to make breakfast for them, use the washroom and then hole himself away in his room until Vernon would be leaving work. He would use the restroom again, make dinner and then shower before being locked away once more. Petunia would let him eat a few bites of whatever he cooked, knowing full well that if he couldn't "taste test" it then the seasoning would end up being off.
Hedwig had been gone all day about a month in. He was beginning to miss her when she landed gracefully on his shoulder and held out her leg so he could remove the attached letter. He unrolled it and almost dropped the letter in shock at the spidery handwriting.
Mr. Potter,
I hope this letter finds you well. Upon seeing your scores for your O.W.L. for potions, I feel I must congratulate you on your exemplary improvement over the course of the year. Your mother would be very proud of you. I actually had to prove to the Ministry Proctor that you can, in fact, crush the sopophorous bean with a flat side of silver dagger to release the juice better without negative side effects to the Draught of Living Death.
Considering you have managed the passing grade to continue in potions, I will expect you to be enrolled in my class next year no matter what Mr. Weasley may tell you while you stay at his house. You've expressed an interest in my profession and I don't intend to see you throw that away for someone else. You've done more than enough sacrificing for others in your lifetime, it's time you stood up for yourself.
Professor Severus Snape
Potions Master
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry