Jehanne runs away from the castle as she did when she was a little child.
This time, however, she doesn't want to leave her kingdom. She wants to save it.
She walks around carefully, but people doesn't spare a look at her, anyway.
Jehanne does look.
And she sees everything.
She sees the children crying, the men sweating, the women begging. She sees the animals perishing in the streets, the lands dry, the houses broken. She sees everything and her heart aches for everyone.
They deserve to survive. Lizbeth deserves to live.
So she will have to sacrifice.
She goes back to her castle as a shattered being. She will be incomplete.
-
"I made my decision", Jehanne murmurs.
"And?"
"I will marry the prince".
The queen smiles at her for the first time in ages.
"Well done. We will organize the party. The Prince would feel unable to reject our proposal".
The future queen nods.
-
"You look beautiful", Lizbeth tells Jehanne as she helps her fit into the most magnificent dress she owns.
The shortest girl shivers under the feeling of the tallest girl's fingers brushing against her skin. It's been long since she's let herself succumb at the delight of her touches. She has found excuses: royal duties. Urgent royal duties.
Lizbeth has always answered with a smile. Jehanne knows they don't light up her eyes as they are supposed to.
The maid begins to work with the endless buttons at the back of the dress.
"It's quite a big celebration", she mumbles.
"It is".
Jehanne feels like crying.
"Are you supposed to tighten the relationship with Baekje?"
"Yes", the shortest girl answers, her tone sharper than intended.
Lizbeth pauses for a second before returning to work.
"I am sorry for overstepping, Your Grace".
Jehanne turns around quickly.
"Liz, it's not like that".
But Lizbeth keeps buttoning, her eyes fixed to her work.
"It will not happen again", she mumbles, and Jehanne feels as if she was punched right on her chest.
"Liz..."
Lizbeth looks at her in the eyes, the sorrow reflected in her eyes enough to make the lady reach out to hold her face. She changes her mind when her fingers are about to meet soft skin.
"Is that what you want me to call you now?"
"Liz... please".
"Because it seems like it is. After all, you are doing nothing else than avoid me lately".
"Listen to me..."
"I understand that you are dealing with many issues, Jenn, but I love you. I'm here for you. If you want me to give you space, I can give you space, but please, just tell me what you want".
"I'm getting married!"
Lizbeth blinks once.
"What?"
"I'm getting married. That's what this party is about. I'm supposed to meet the son of Baekje's King and marry him. An become queen".
The maid looks at her lover in disbelief, taking a step back, as if afraid.
"What?", she repeats, this time breathless.
"I have no choice. I need to protect this kingdom; I need to protect you..."
"Protect me? By ruining us, Jehanne?", Lizbeth asks, hot tears reaching her chin. She keeps walking backwards.
"We don't have to be ruined", the lady argues back. She can't lose Lizbeth, she can't. "We can still be together. We can hide, as we did when we were children".
The tallest girl sneers.
"We are not children anymore. You will be married. You will be sharing all your time with your king. You will share a chamber, even".
"I was going to get married no matter what, Lizbeth, you knew this".
The maid stares at the princess for a moment.
"I didn't know you were going to be the Queen. I didn't know it was going to happen so soon. I didn't know I was preparing you to meet the love of your life".
Jehanne sobs, and her hands search for Lizbeth's.
"I love only you", the lady murmurs. Her eyes burn in pain.
The maid sobs as well.
"I love only you", she tells her, "but love is not enough".
Jehanne gasps, but a knock interrupts her next words.
"Five minutes", the Queen says throughout the closed door.
The tallest girl resumes to her work, neither girl muttering a word.
-
Jehanne stands straight in the middle of the grand hall. The castle shines with the rise of a renewed excitement, the sunlight finally making its way through the massive colored windows. Soldiers get drunk in expensive wine, as some cheer and others follow maids with a hungry gaze. The Queen of Goguryeo chatters elegantly with the Baekje sovereigns, her voice clear, but her head tilted in what Jehanne can deduce is submission.
The golden lights, illuminating the princess' gorgeous face, are not able to reach her heart.
She looks around for the fifth time in the early afternoon, instinctively searching for the comfort of doe eyes.
When she spots Lizbeth, however, the maid is turned around, her back facing the lady, pouring wine in the cups of a bunch of armored men blabbering out loud about their recent success at what Jehanne thinks bitterly, must have been a minor battle.
She's about to reach closer, to ask for anything to make Lizbeth at least look at her again, but a deep voice distracts her from her task.
"Can I have the honor of this dance, Princess?"
Jehanne stares at the young man offering his left hand in a bow. The luxury of his clothing is revealing enough: he is the future King of Beakje.
And Goguryeo. He will be the King of Goguryeo as well.
The lady sighs lightly before taking his hand in hers. The Prince looks up then, serious. Jehanne smiles weakly, and he grins in the same way.
They begin dancing. Kwanghyun pulls her in a bit too harshly, moves a bit too stiffly. The future queen understands, only by looking at the way the man looks at his feet, that his roughness is more result of lack of experience rather than of cruelty.
"I'm delighted for this meeting, Your Grace", Jehanne tries. The prince looks at her with a neutral expression.
"I'm delighted too, Princess. My parents and advisors have spoken wonders about your qualities".
Jehanne waits. A tense moment follows.
"You are certainly beautiful", he speaks. The compliment doesn't escape bluntly from his lips, but is rather exhaled as a relief, as a premeditated speech meant to be delivered as soon as possible.
"Thank you", she states as well, and looks at the way the princes' gaze drifts to the walls of the castle as the sharpened sword clatters against his clothing, "you flatter me", she finishes.
The future king looks at her again and tries for a slight smile. He looks up, and suddenly, his eyes illuminate as an idea strikes him.
"I saw two guard towers as we were reaching the castle. Are they both usable?" he asks, his voice filled with excitement.
Jehanne sees all the kings and princes she's ever met reflected in the image of the suddenly bright man.
Minds filled with swords, horses, and helmets.
"Yes", the lady answers simply, "they are".
The prince smiles.
"Fantastic. This is a wonderful castle...big and strong. I'm certain my parents will be delighted with the idea of stablishing a new residence here. My soldiers will like it, too", he reflects, "Our marriage will be prosperous, Princess, I promise. Gogureyeo will flourish in a way it has never done before".
And does not realize that the true war has place right here, inside the castle.
Jehanne feels tears rushing to her eyes. She blinks once, twice, thrice.
"I really hope so, Your Grace".
He nods, his features returning to their usual neutrality.
The lady swallows at she looks away, twirling.
Liz, Liz, Liz.
"Are you looking for your maid, princess?", the future king asks suddenly.
Jehanne tries to fight the blush that threatens with covering her cheeks. She glances at the man quickly, but he's looking at her with disinterest, still.
"She is speaking to my younger sister, right there", the prince nods towards the end of the all, and Jehanne's gaze follows.
She can see Lizbeth's beautiful side profile as she speaks to a lady, her head bowed in respect. The girl, dark hair and dark eyes, is looking at the maid with a humorous gaze and a soft smile, mumbling something and then letting out a chuckle. When a young lord reaches her with the prospect of a dance, the girl refuses politely, clearly invested in her conversation with Lizbeth.
Jehanne stares for some moments, her stomach turning painfully.
"I have never seen her smile at these kind of parties", he mumbles, clearly surprised, "seems like you have got a charming maid, Princess".
"Yes", Jehanne lets out, her voice rough, "she certainly is special".
If the future king is suspicious about the relationship between the lady and the maid, he does not show it. He simply puts the dance to a stop and brings the future Queen of Goguryeo to present herself to the sovereigns of Baekje.
-
Jehanne excuses herself to her room when she is supposed to: once the party is dying, the soldiers are too drunk to dance any longer, and the sunlight is already golden.
She has fulfilled her purpose.
The King and Queen of Beajke have approved the marriage. It's going to have place in seven days, along the celebration of her coronation.
She feels as she has lost everything.
When she enters her room, Lizbeth is already there. She is sitting on an armchair, her head hanging low, her fingers intertwined.
Jehanne gets closer cautiously, afraid of making the wrong move, afraid of losing a part of her.
The maid looks up quickly, and the Princess flinches. She expects to receive an angry stare, but Lizbeth's eyes are as soft as ever.
"Do you want me to help you out of your clothes?", the maid asks, above a whisper, and Jehanne sighs.
"Yes, please".
The maid begins to work then, gently, unbuttoning and pulling as if her princess was about to break.
Jehanne holds it for a moment, lets her body and mind enjoy the wonder that is Lizbeth's presence, her touch, her peace, her scent, but is unable to do so for long.
When Lizbeth pulls the dress down, the princess sobs.
"Liz..."
The maid looks up then, chocolate eyes meeting each other, and a soft cry escapes from her lips.
"Jenn, my love", she says, and the princess holds a round face with the palm of her hands and pulls her love in for a soaring kiss.
It's messy. They cry and whimper in the middle, but their lips move against each other in need, refusing to let go.
"I love you, Liz", Jehanne murmurs between kisses.
"I love you so much, my princess, so, so much", the tallest girl answers, shattered, "so much that I cannot bear it. I can't".
Jehanne pulls away to look at the maid in her eyes.
"Liz, I can't..."
"I know that you can't. I know", Lizbeth pants, "You are being responsible. You are being a good queen for this broken kingdom. You are not being selfish", she says.
Jehanne looks at her intently, feeling helpless.
"But I cannot bear to see you giving yourself to somebody else".
"I told you, Liz, I love only you", Jennie protests.
"And I love you, Jenn. But you know we cannot be together".
The shortest girl opens her mouth to disagree, to fight for the love of her life.
"We cannot, Jenn. All eyes will be on you. They will expect you to be the perfect queen, the perfect wife. They will expect you to be on his right all day. They will expect you to go to your shared chambers at night", Lisa sobs, "they will expect you to carry his child. It will break us, love. You know that".
Jehanne hangs her head low with her teeth gritted.
"Then what will we do?", she asks.
"You will be a queen. The queen that Goguryeo deserves. And you will send me away."
"What?", the shortest girl asks in alarm, "no, Liz, I can't. I can't..." her voice breaks as she sobs desperately.
No, no, no.
"The sister of the Prince of Baekje needs a new maid. The previous one was imprisoned for stealing her jewelry", Lizbeth explains.
Of course she does, Jehanne thinks bitterly. Of course she would choose you.
"I think it would be better if... I left. I could be a gift to show gratitude".
"Liz, please, reconsider", Jehanne begs, "I love you. My heart beats only for you. I cannot be apart from you. I cannot".
"But my love, wouldn't it shatter us if I stayed? If we saw each other every day only to remind each other of everything we couldn't be? Of all the promises that were broken by destiny?", Lizbeth asks, "You need to focus on the wellbeing of the people and I need... I need to let you go. I have to. I have to sacrifice".
Jehanne keeps crying, unable to stop.
It is true.
"Jenn, I", Lisa beings, her voice harsh, "I will always love you. I will never forget. Never".
Jehanne whimpers in pain as she searches for a desperate kiss.
It is a goodbye.
"I love you. I will always love you. Only you. Please...let me", she pulls at Lizbeth's clothes, feeling at the brink of an outburst, "please..."
"Yes", Lizbeth answers as she kisses her princess' elegant neck, "Yes. Yes".
Their bodies love each other for the last time.
-
Jehanne kneels in front of her throne, feeling numb.
It's all she's been feeling since she saw the horse carrying the love of her life leaving through the doors of her kingdom.
Her mother is placing a ceremonial sword softly against her shoulder.
I wish... I wish...
Her future husband is standing just besides her, silent. He's wearing his wedding attire. She's wearing white.
Jehanne doesn't hear the now ex-queen's words. She doesn't hear the crowd's cheer.
She feels the weight of a crown on top of her head.
And feels the urging need to slip out of her footwear and run away, fast with the wind playing with her hair and the grass tickling her ankles, until she finds the beat of her heart.
She knows, especially now, that the walls are impenetrable.
She stays to save her kingdom.
She becomes an immaculate queen.