***
[ T<•> I ]
T: I'm not working in Irina Luthor's department anymore.
I: why?
T: she gave me a promotion.
I: congratulations, Timmy. When are we going to celebrate?
T: that's another way of saying that she kicked me out.
I: aw, are you pissed about that?
T: I don't really know. I liked working with her. Besides, the second Lex Luthor finds out that I'm working in their think tank now, he'll kick me out himself.
I: he won't.
T: he will. He must have set up a no Wayne intruders allowed policy as of now.
I: oh no, he hasn't.
I: besides, his daughter will keep you in her department again if that happens.
T: and how can you be so certain?
I: because I have a third eye which can see into the future.
***
I: you're not wearing turtlenecks anymore.
T: because I don't have to now.
I: so I take it that the hickeys have faded by now.
T: yup.
I: though you can have them all over again anytime you want.
T: Ren!
I: are you blushing?
T: oh yes he is, he's gone a full tomato red.
I: and who might you be?
T: sorry, Jason snatched my phone for a bit.
T: and no I'm not blushing.
I: stop lying, Timbelina.
I: Jason has already told me what I wanted to know.
***
T: where have you been these days?
I: too busy saving other people.
T: but I thought the Bats were sufficient for that.
I: look here, Timmy, there are roughly around seven to eight vigilantes who operate under Batman and they have to cover the whole of Gotham which is pretty absurd if you ask me.
T: but at least they are eight and you're on your own.
I: exactly. I leave the major part to them. For instance, let's suppose that Joker decides to blow up a club, no problem they will deal with it. They will beat down the ruckus and send the maniac off to Arkham, I don't have to go budging in there at all. Meanwhile I will just see to it that the common people get to safety and are not harmed in the whole giant fight which will occur between the Bats and the lunatic.
T: oh...
T: that's very clever actually.
I: glad you noticed.
T: no really, why had I never thought of that before?
I: because you were too busy trying to breath in that turtleneck of yours.
T: hey!
I: you looked horrible in them, Tim, a complete fashion disaster.
T: now that you've put it so eloquently, I can't help but notice that you sound exactly like Jason right now.
I: you know what, I really have to meet him. He seems like an interesting person.
***
T: you were not serious about meeting Jay, right?
I: of course, I am damn serious.
T: no.
I: yes, when are you bringing him to the rooftop with you?
T: never.
I: why?
T: I hadn't gotten over Red Hood and now you want to befriend Jason.
I: what's wrong with that?
I: oh I get it now.
I: you're being jealous again.
T: no, I am not.
I: yes, you are.
I: in addition to being a narcissistic piece of shit, you are also a jealous possessive bitch.
***
T: remind me again why I still talk to you.
I: because you would die otherwise.
T: not really the answer I was hoping for, but fine. It will do.
I: and also because you're totally in love with me by now.
T: about that...
I: I mean who wouldn't? I love me too.
T: right...
T: too bad I can't say that for myself.
I: all you need besides a cup of coffee is a little bit of self love. You will be surprised at the wonders it could do to you.
T: thanks for the advice but I am so out of practice that I hardly doubt any wonders would occur now.
T: you could say I crossed the expiration date for self love years ago.
I: that's sad.
I: and depressing.
I: and I can't help but ask; do you need a hug, Timmy?
T: I don't know.
I: meet me at the rooftop. Right now.
***
I: I swear if I see Red Robin again, I'll beat him to death.
T: what did he do now?
I: he left me with that absolute demon of a Robin. I get it now why you people call Damian a gremlin. I was sure that Robin would bite my toes off too.
T: why are you bringing Damian into this?
I: because in all of Gotham, there's only one brat who can be an equal to that demonic son of a bitch.
I: until or unless you've been lying to me about Damian and he's actually a very sweet kid.
T: um...
I: so you have been lying about Damian this whole time?
T: no! I assure you that isn't the case. Damian is and will always be an annoying gremlin.
T: but what if Red Robin apologizes? Will you still beat him to death?
I: absolutely. If he wants to live, he better not show me his face until I've cooled down.
I: or better still never show me his face again. Like ever.
T: I mean, technically he hasn't shown you his face yet...
I: goodness, Tim, I meant that he should just not show up at all. Why do you have to take everything so goddamn literally?
T: point noted.
T: though will you tell me when you've cooled down? Because I don't want to get you anywhere near as angry as Red Robin has foolishly done so.
I: oh you don't have to worry about that. You're an exception, my fragile little damsel.
T: so like you won't ever get angry at me?
I: as long as you don't leave me to babysit that gremlin brother of yours, no I won't get angry at you.
T: absolutely. That won't ever happen.
***
[ T <•> D ]
T: what did you do to that new vigilante?
D: nothing.
T: don't fuck with me, Damian, I know you've done something horrible.
D: your fault for leaving me with her, you dumbass.
T: she's going to kill me next time she sees me and all because of you.
D: ah thank Lord, your time has come.
D: if she really kills you, then she will become my favorite person and I'll repay the favor in any way she wants me to.
D: and yes that would mean I accomplished in my mission. Congratulations, your funeral will be held soon and I'll be the first one to turn up.
D: with a scroll long eulogy of how you've been such a terrible loser your entire life.
D: good riddance.
T: stop talking as if I've died already.
D: not yet but soon.
D: very soon.
T: that's not the fucking point!
D: then shut the fuck up!
***