4 Years Later...
My phone vibrated a couple times in my pocket, letting me know I had received a new text message. I pulled out my phone to see who it was from. Of course it was from my babe. He hadn't got home from work yet. Having just returned home from work myself, I had quickly changed into some grey joggers and a blue tee to be comfortable, before settling in on the couch with a blanket. The T.V. was on but I wasn't really paying any attention to what was playing. 'Just left. See you soon. Love you!' Sean wrote. I smiled and quickly typed my response. He usually always let me know when he was leaving.
Sean and I had been loving life ever since we got married. We moved out of our apartment into a small home. The kitchen, living room, dining room and a small bathroom were on the main floor, while upstairs was our bedroom with a bathroom, two small guest bedrooms and a bathroom. We lived in a nearby town not too far from our parents, but far enough away that we were able to have time to ourselves most days unless they called.
Suddenly the doorbell rang. I made my way to the front door and looked out the nearby window to see who it was. I sighed deeply, my stomach beginning to twist into knots. I moved over and grabbed the handle, turning it and unlocking the deadbolt. The door swung open.
"I was going to call, but..." my mom said, swinging her arms around and shrugging her shoulders as she trailed off.
"But what?" I said sharply, my voice even. Her eyes darted from my face, to her hands, and back to my face again.
"I should've come," she suddenly said. I scrunched my face up in confusion.
"What are you talking about?" I asked. I mentally tapped my foot with impatience. She sighed, her eyes fixed on my face for what seemed like forever before she spoke again.
"You know Jake, after Collin died, it seemed like everything changed. Nothing was as it used to be before the accident. It..it was all so sudden. I-I couldn't wrap my mind around everything that was happening," She said slowly. I shivered a little bit in the cold. Sensing this could be a long conversation, I decided to let her inside, albeit more for my sake than for hers.
"Come in," I sighed dramatically, making sure she knew how annoyed I was. I didn't like this. I didn't like this at all. Her, in my house, talking to me, showing up out of nowhere.
"Thanks," she whispered, nodding a little. I closed the door behind her and crossed my arms over my chest, raising and eyebrow expectantly. She looked at me again, seemingly at a loss for words. It was at that point that I lost my patience entirely.
"Look mom you can't just show up here, unannounced, and stand around looking at me!" I yelled. "Say what you came to say or leave!"
"Jake, I'm sorry," she said quietly, shrinking back a little at my outburst.
"No, you don't get to be sorry. Saying sorry doesn't change anything! You weren't there! You weren't there! Nothing will change that. You made the decision not to come! It's been 4 years since you've said more than 5 words to me, so no-" I shouted. She interrupted.
"Don't you think it's been hard for me too!?" She shrieked, her eyes growing wide with frustration. "It's like I lost both sons!"
"How DARE you! How. Dare. You." I said, my voice dangerously low. "I've always been here! I never left! You left me because I'm gay! That's on you!" I said, pointing an accusing finger at her. She broke down into sobs, completely losing her composure.
"I m-me-messed up," she stammered, wiping at her eyes. "I know...I know-I did." I shook my head in disbelief. "What do you want me to do?" She asked, trying to control her tears. "What can I do?"
"I've spent too much time crying over this. I guess now it's your turn," I shrugged. "I don't know what you can do. Do you accept me? Do you accept Sean and I?" I asked flatly. She looked like a fish out of water, her lips opening and closing without any sound coming out.
"Jake-" She began. I cut her off.
"Do you or don't you? It's a simple question," I interjected pointedly. She sniffed and wiped at her eyes again.
"I want my son back," She said. I winced.
"That's not an answer."
"Well if I want to be in my son's life I don't have a choice do I?" She stated, her eyes narrowing. I shook my head in disappointment.
"Why did you come here? To fight?" I asked. I felt like all of the air had been once again sucked out of me. I was now on the verge of tears. I wanted her to leave so I could cry without being seen, so I could fall apart all over again without anyone knowing. She must've noticed my expression waffle a little bit, because her own expression softened and her voice was more gentle.
"I don't agree, but that doesn't mean I don't love you," She replied. I scoffed.
"You know I'll always remember the good times we had, when Collin held us all together," I said with finality. "I'll always love you in one way or another because your're my mother. But I don't have to see you. I can't," I explained, my voice catching at the end.
"Jake-" I held my hand up to cut her off again.
"Please. Leave," I said, pointing to the door. She lingered for a few seconds, looking between me and the door and then back again, before sighing and walking over to the door and grabbing the handle.
"I wish things were different," She said before slipping out into the night.
"Me too," I whispered to myself. I collapsed onto the floor and sat there for a while. I held in the tears until I didn't feel like crying anymore and just started blankly into space, my mind whirling and trying to process what I'd done. Did I do the right thing?
A couple minutes later I heard the sound of the garage door going up. Then the door to the house opened.
"Jake I'm home!" Sean called. I slowly got up off the floor and regained my composure before rounding the corner to greet him. Without saying a word I wrapped my arms around him tightly and squeezed.
"Hey baby," he whispered in my ear. I looked up at him and we kissed passionately on the lips. An explosion of light and warmth washed over me as I felt his lips against mine. I was completely enveloped in his warmth and the feeling I had when my mother had left was melted away almost instantly. "Is everything alright?" He asked when we pulled apart.
"Yeah. I just missed my sexy husband," I said smiling and arching and eyebrow.
"Missed you too," he said, pecking my lips, then my cheeks, then my forehead. "I," he kissed my lips. "always," he kissed my lips again, pulling apart to say each word. "Miss. You." My heart began was pounding in my chest. Love was definitely not a big enough word to describe what I felt for this man. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close to me, our lips touching. I slipped my tongue into his mouth, the mouth I had explored so many times and yet never got tired of exploring. He moaned slightly into my mouth. I pulled back briefly.
"I love you," I whispered, running my finger over his lips and biting my lip a little. He returned his lips to mine and bit down on my lower one gently. We looked each other in the eyes.
"I ADORE you Jake," he whispered to me. I stripped him of his jacket and grabbed his belt while our lips were still attached.
I realized that even though the accident was a tragedy and that losing my brother was the most painful thing ever, I would never have what I do now if those things didn't happen. My beautiful and loving husband might not be mine if I hadn't woken up and realized who I was; what I wanted. So, in that way...Collin gave me a gift. He knew before I did....his death awakened me.
Big thanks to everyone who has followed this story and enjoyed reading it. I'm so in love with Jake and Sean and am really happy with how this story turned out! Every vote and comment just fills me with such happiness. Thanks for being a part of the journey! I love my followers!