Oh I was thinking about killing myself, don't you mind?
I love you, don't you mind, don't you mind?
- Me // The 1975
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Usually, when Dan's alarm went off in the morning, he'd stumble out of bed, filled with annoyance at having been woken up, blindly smack at his alarm clock with arms still half asleep, and stumble back into bed, all the while keeping his eyes firmly closed against the growing light in his bedroom. Today was different, on that particular Monday morning, after a weekend of hospital checkups and "look up, look down, give a deep cough"s, he was more tired than he'd ever felt in his life.
The hospital were pushing for him to leave school behind, but he couldn't, because to leave school would be to leave normality - and Dan feared that once that happened, he'd definitely be ill. He didn't want to be ill. So on that morning, that dreary February Monday morning, he lay in bed for a moment longer. He opened his eyes to stare at his ceiling, refusing to glance at the flashing red numbers across the room as the sounds of Death Cab for Cutie echoed around his head, each riff seemed to come from underwater, each lyric seemed to fade in an out as the words were sang, and each drum beat seemed slower, more out of pace than the rest of the song.
And then the song changed, and an unstoppable grin quickly spread its way across Dan's face. His chapped lips screaming in protest, but his heart hammering with excitement. Dan threw the covers away, the cold air in his room making no difference to his already cold body - he was always cold. Always.
And for two minutes and thirty four seconds, Dan lost his mind. He danced, he span, his feet making no noise against the carpet in his room. He dressed while he danced, choosing to forgo his normal all-black attire for a dull green jumper. Dan didn't hear his mother over the loud music, but he knew as soon as she burst into his room, eyes wide and straight to his bed. So he danced his way towards her, grinning at her relieved smile and took her hands, and then they were dancing together. Spinning each other and giggling to Nine in the Afternoon by Panic! At the Disco.
It was perfect, harmonious. Dan felt normal for the first time in a while as he danced with his mother, not caring that he was already out of breath and that his doctor would probably scream at him for doing strenuous exercise so soon after being ill. He laughed, feeling free of his illness for the first time in a long time.
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Dan didn't go to school that Monday. Neither did his brother, and after a long phone call, his mother was able to stay home from work. So, the Howell's spent the day together; baking delicious cupcakes and eating them while watching re-runs of a show none of them liked. They played board games until they couldn't stand it anymore and listened to the rain hit the windows outside, glad they didn't have to be caught in it.
At 3:30pm on the dot, Chris and Pj turned up at Dan's door - drenched, holding hands, and faces pale with worry - that is, until Dan grinned and pulled the two stunned boys through the door, laughing about how they looked like they'd seen a ghost.
"Kinda glad we didn't have to." Chris joked half-heartedly - and Dan laughed so hard he fell to the floor.
"If I were I ghost I wouldn't waste my time haunting your pathetic arses!"
"Hey!" Chris yelped. "I've been told that my arse is 'perfectly plump' thank you very much."
"Oh yeah?" Dan sniggered, wiping a year from the corner of his eye. "And who told you that?"
"Pj."
"Chris!-"
"Ew gross!"
"-I did not say that!" Pj objected.
"Aw babe you hurt my feelings." Chris pouted.
"Even grosser you called him 'babe'"
"Bae."
"Stop it!" Dan shrieked.
"Baby."
"I will kick you out."
"N'aw me n' my sugar just wanted to make sure you were okay." Chris cooed, pretentiously swooning at Pj and fluttering his eyelashes.
"Oh Jesus." Pj sighed, pushing Chris away, only for Chris to squeal and dramatically fling himself into the wall.
"I know you love me really, sugar!" He wailed, fake blowing his nose into his hands.
"Chris can we stop with the Harley Quinn act?" Dan laughed.
Chris pouted, but otherwise stood up, fluffing Pj's hair affectionately and grinning at the taller boy's unamused grumblings.
"Shall we go upstairs? Or are we going to stand in the hallway for the next couple of hours?" Dan mused.
"I like your hallway." Pj stated, sensually stroking the door, only to snatch his hand back in fright when there was a sudden knock at the door. Dan immediately burst out laughing at the shell shocked look on Pj's face, Chris following in his footsteps immediately.
Dan was so busy laughing that he almost forgot to answer the door - almost - and when he finally got around to shuffling a stricken Pj out of the way and swinging the door open widely, the smile fell off his face and his mouth dropped open in rivalry of Pj's shocked expression. A flash of Phil in the same position only days before ran through Dan's mind and he had to mentally shake the thoughts from his head to focus on the present.
"My gran sent me over." Phil said meekly, a tray of cakes in hand and a shy smile on his face. "I didn't realise my presence would cause so much wonder and, uh, giggling..."
"What?" Dan muttered lamely, then at Phil's pointed look, his brain seemed to snap back into his skull and the sound of Chris wheezing behind him caught his attention. He turned, noticing now that Chris had fallen to the floor somewhere in his fit of giggles and Pj had schooled his expression into confused wonderment at the sheer ridiculousness of Chris' laughter - all snorts and giggles.
"Your faces oh my God!" The boy wheezed, and Dan turned back around to face Phil and his inquisitive and somewhat amused expression.
"Do you want to come in?" Dan asked at last.
"I think so." Phil said, his eyes not leaving Chris and Pj as Pj now attempted to haul Chris up off the floor behind him. Dan only knew because of Chris' yells of "ow my arm!" And Pj's "how much do you weigh?"
"You think?"
Phil's eyes snapped back to him. "Well I mean my Gran was perfectly capable of giving these to you herself but she sent me so I guess she wants us to be friends."
"I thought we were friends?"
"We aren't friends."
"Right..."
Phil smiled a warm smile, handing the cakes to Dan and brushing past him. Dan slowly closed the door.
"Hey Phil!" Chris wailed, his voice strained as Pj continuously pulled on his arm and Chris seemingly tried to make it as hard as possible for Pj to pull him up.
"Would you - hi Phil - just get up?!" Pj wheezed. Then, at Chris' stubborn shake of the head, he shrugged and dropped Chris' arm - Chris flopped onto the floor with a thump and an 'ow!' And Pj snickered evilly as Phil smiled awkwardly at the both of them.
Dan rolled his eyes affectionately as he cautiously made his way past the flailing ball of limbs that was Chris and the stubborn form of Pj to make his ways upstairs. "Coming Phil?" He asked, turning to glance at the boy still stood staring flabbergasted at the two idiots in Dan's hallway. "Those two will come when they sort themselves out." He added, before Phil could ask. Then, without checking to see if the other boy was following, he headed upstairs, yeah of cakes precariously balancing in one hand while he stuffed his face with the other.
Phil halted just inside Dan's room, looking around the blank space with an expression that suggested he didn't really see anything at all. His tongue darted out to lick his top lip as his eyebrows scrunched together but he didn't say anything, just slowly followed Dan and carefully perched himself on the end of Dan's bed.
"Your friends are really interesting." He said after a while, Dan sniggered.
"That's one word to describe them," he agreed. "But you've only met them twice."
"I don't wanna know."
"No you don't." Dan smirked, he fingered the tray of cakes he'd placed on his bedside table, trying to think of what he could say to the black haired boy that wouldn't anger him, or scare him off, or both. Phil eyed him curiously for a moment, then his head snapped to the door as a procession of loud banging was heard and suddenly Chris shot into Dan's room, before Dan could ask, he'd catapulted over Dan's bed and ducked behind Dan's lanky frame.
Dan knew his expression mirrored Phil's; bewildered shock.
"Don't let 'im hurt me, Dan!" Chris wailed, pulling on Dan's t-shirt as a flustered and annoyed looking Pj entered Dan's room, closing the door behind him with a sinister 'click'.
Dan heaved a sigh, and mentally prepared himself for what was to come.
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