Stay alive, stay alive, for me.
You will die but now your life is free.
Take pride in what is sure to die
- Truce // twenty one pilots
<><><>
Chris and Pj wouldn't leave his side at school the next day, and Dan was extremely glad it was a Friday because his head didn't feel any better no matter how many times he reassured people that it did. While Pj was in drama, Chris skipped his IT class to sit with Dan, who was hiding behind the curtains like usual.
"How're you feeling?" Chris asked, for the 504th time that day.
Dan sighed, leaning back on the palms of his hands. "Chris, I'm fine, honestly! I don't want to talk about me anymore, how are you doing?"
Chris blanched. "How am I..." He trailed off, the lilt in the 'I' making it sound like a question.
"How are you and Pj?" Dan supplied, shifting so that he was sat with his legs crossed, Chris did the same, their knee's touching comfortingly.
"We're fine, we..." Dan knew Chris didn't like talking about him and Pj, he thinks it has something to do with Dan being alone - but Dan doesn't care. "I told him I love him yesterday."
Dan paused, a large grin forming on his face. Chris' face began to mirror his. "Finally, what did he say?"
"He said he loved me too." Chris whispered, his grin now so wide that Dan was sure his face would tear in half.
"Good." Dan said, moving his knee a little to nudge Chris'. "Its about fucking time, you two were driving me mental. How long have you been married again?"
Chris laughed, shoving Dan's knee. "Piss off!"
Dan laughed, shoving Chris back until they were in a full on war over who could mess up the other's hair the most, and who could shove the other over first. Dan won - obviously. Once they'd both calmed down, Dan sitting on a stool with his feet propped up on the foot bar, Chris sitting on the floor next to Dan's stool, Chris said, "what about you and Phil?"
"Me and Phil?" Dan asked, startled.
"Oh c'mon, Dan. We aren't that dumb - well, maybe I am, Pj was the one who noticed it - but anyway, we know you like him. It's pretty obvious."
"It's really obvious?" Dan murmured.
"Well, to us it is - or to Pj it is, you know how unobservant I am." Chris explained, picking at his nails.
"Yeah, Chris, I know." Dan scoffed, remembering the time when he stole Chris' pen from his own hand - or was that Pj? He couldn't remember.
Chris eyed him speculatively. "Anyway, answer my question or I'll set Pj on you."
"I'm sure you'll just tell him anyway." Dan hedged.
Chris rolled his eyes, pulling a fizzy lace out of nowhere and pulling a bit off with his teeth, leaving sugar all around the corner if his lips and chin. "Well duh," he said around clumps of sticky sweet, "he is my bae."
"Your bae." Dan deadpanned, his eyebrow raised.
"Before. Anyone. Else. Answer my question." Chris pointed the half eaten fizzy lace at him accusingly.
"You're an enigma, Christopher." Dan sighed, deliberately ignoring Chris' glare.
"Well if you don't want to answer, I guess I'll ask Phil."
Dan bristled. "You could do that, but it depends if you like having your dick attached to your body?"
"Are you insinuating you'll rip my dick off?" Chris cringed. Dan said nothing. "Kinky."
Minutes passed in silence, the only noise being Chris' noisy chomps on his sweets and the rustling of the packet as he pulls a new one out every thirty seconds or so.
"I like him..." Dan sighs eventually, staring at a spot on the floor.
"And..?" Chris pushes.
"I think he's scared of me"
Chris spun around so that he was looking Dan directly on, "scared of you?"
Dan shifted uncomfortably, refusing to look Chris in the face. "Or something like that. I don't know what it is, but he'll talk to me like I'm his best friend and then the next minute he's running away or ignoring me."
"Doesn't sound like he's scared of you."
Dan contemplated. "Maybe he's scared of my illness."
<><><>
"I've got you a doctors appointment booked soon, Dan."
Dan groans.
"Don't be like that, you were due a checkup anyway!"
Dan groans louder.
"We're only worried for you, Dan!" His little brother chirps. Dan wants to groan, but he knows he'll upset him, so instead he gives him a warm smile and tousles his hair - much to the nine year old's chagrin.
Dan's mother smiles warmly at her two sons, and Dan has to physically restrain himself from wincing at the sudden jab of pain behind his eyelids to avoid ruining the mood. The effort goes to waste however, when the doorbell rings a moment later.
"I got it!" Charlie yells, scraping his chair back too loudly on the wooden floor and blowing for the door. Dan and his mother share a furtive glance.
Dan hears the sound of the door opening, but whatever is said is lost to Dan until - "Dan! It's for you."
Dan frowns, not recalling whether or not he'd invited Chris and Pj over - he's sure he hadn't, but it was hurting his brain to try and remember so he decided it was best to just forget - all was cleared up however when he got to the door and was met by fluffy dyed black hair and ridiculously blue eyes - especially in the dark like seriously he looked like some sort of elf from Lord of the Rings!
"Phil!?" He exclaimed, completely caught off guard.
Phil licked his lips, looking anywhere but at Dan. "Walk with me?" He muttered, his voice high-pitched and quiet.
Dan hesitated a moment, but then Phil looked at him and Dan saw the fear and hesitation in his blue eyes and so he just melted into his shoes, he didn't even hear himself properly as he told his mother where he was going - she probably shouted after him, but he was too concerned with Phil to care.
They walked in silence for ten minutes, Phil kicking a stray pebble down the road and Dan wishing he'd worn an extra layer over his two t-shirts, one hoodie and leather jacket. Finally, after the suspense had eased it's way through Dan's flesh and latched onto his bones, Phil whispered, "I need to tell you something."
Dan listened, because he knew now was not the time to speak because it was Phil's time to speak and Dan would not take that away from him.
"My mum died." Dan stayed silent, though a jolt racked through his body that wasn't from the cold and his mouth dropped open in a silent 'ah'. "Just before I came here, so maybe a few months ago, I'm not sure, I lost count of the days.
"My father died when I was little - hit by a drunk driver on his way home from work, it doesn't bother me so much but my- my mum was special. She was there for me all of the time, she was my best friend for so long."
Dan's heart ached for Phil because he knew the feeling, he and his mum were pretty close too.
"And I was there for her when she was diagnosed."
Dan stopped dead in his tracks, ice oozing down Dan's spine like when he was younger and Pj or Chris would shove snow down his coat. Phil stopped a few paces ahead of him, but he didn't turn around.
"Is that why you don't want to talk to me?" Dan asked, his voice quiet so as not to upset Phil.
"No - yes. Yes it was but now, I do want to talk to you now. I'm scared."
"I know." Dan whispered, because he did know.
"She left me, and you will too but I couldn't stop myself from getting close to you."
"Why?"
"Because I saw her in you. I saw you and you reminded me so much of her and I remembered all of the pain she went through and I knew you'd be the same." Phil said the words so fast, the last few syllables coming out in breathy gasps and Dan thought he was going to cry, but he didn't, only plodded on, stuttering over words that fell out of his mouth too fast for his tongue to keep up with. "I wanted to help you, but I also knew I couldn't. At least not where it counted anyway."
"You help me." Dan said, reaching out and placing his hand on Phil's back, right between his shoulder blades. The other boy was tense under his palm.
Phil snorted. "How?"
"You make me feel normal, y'know?" Dan said, moving his thumb back and forth on Phil's back, he focused on that, because he thought if he looked away he'd forget. "You were the first person to stomp over the eggshells around me and scream in my face when everyone else whispered behind my back."
"Treating you like a human won't make you better."
Dan wrapped his arms around Phil's neck, burying his face in his shoulder and basking in the relief that courses through him when Phil didn't pull away - when Phil sunk into Dan's embrace. "It makes me feel better.
"And that's gonna have to be good enough."