WARNING THERE IS A SENSITIVE SUBJECT AHEAD! It talks of eating disorders and the like. Please don't read the part of the chapter where it is if you think it might be triggering.
I don't know if it might actually be that bad, I just don't want to be responsible for a relapse of someone. I really do like and care about you all, I really do. :)
"I'll read." Francis offered as Ludwig nodded and hands France the book from on the table.
As soon as Francis had a hand on the book there was another flash of light. A note floated down and landed in Alfred's lap. He picked the note up, read it, and turned very pale.
Alfred looked at the note.
Dear Alfred,
We are sorry about what is going to happen, but it needs to be done. Please forgive us. We believe that the other nations need to know about your little secret now.
The Ancients.
He felt the blood drain out of his face.
'No they can't find out. They can't.'
He crumpled the note in his hand, he felt himself shaking.
Mathias watched America.
As soon as he started shaking he stood up and went over to him.
"Alfred, what is it? What did the note say?" He asked hugging him gently, feeling scared as he felt how badly Alfred was shaking.
Alfred just flinched away, a whine coming escaping him. Mathias frowned but stopped as Alfred put his arms around him.
"Please Alfred, tell me what's wrong." The Danish country begged the powerhouse.
"It's going to happen, Mathias. They're going to know about that. " Alfred whispered as he hugged Mathias.
Mathias' eyes widened.
"Then they'll know what they're doing to you." Mathias said.
"But I don't want them to feel bad." Alfred said tightened his hug on Mathias.
Mathias' eyes started to water.
Francis looked at the next entry to see if it had to deal with that.
His eyes widened and tears filled them.
"Alright, this is Alfred." Francis said, he opened his mouth but no words came out.
He closed his mouth and shook his head. He couldn't do it. Alfred was like a son to him. He handed the book to Arthur. Arthur looked it over and saw what was wrong.
"Just read it already." Yao huffed.
"Fine." Arthur said before he forced himself to read the entry.
America, along with the highest rate of obesity, has the highest rate of eating disorders. Nobody but a selected few knows that after Alfred eats all those cheeseburgers, he forces himself to vomit them up. His friends who know about it have tried to stop him on multiple occasions but the comments from the other countries only cause him to start back up again. It's a horrible cycle that harms not only Alfred but the people around him who care about him dearly.
Arthur finishes, then drops the book, tears running down his face.
Matthew just sat there in shock.
How had he not known his brother was suffering like that!?
Kiku looked at his friend very worried, he had noticed something was off about Alfred for a while now.
Ludwig, Feliciano and Yao didn't know what to do.
Yes, they were worried but they weren't particularly close to Alfred.
Feliciano looked at Alfred with a concerned glance but decided to give him privacy.
This was mainly family right now.
Matthew was the first to react.
He jumped up and grabbed Alfred from Denmark who had stopped crying when Alfred let go of him and dragged him out of the room. Francis stood up and followed, so did Arthur.
Out in the hall Alfred was just letting himself be dragged around by his brother. He was pulled into a room and sat on a couch. Francis and Arthur walked in behind them.
"How long?" Matthew demanded.
Alfred just looked down.
"HOW LONG!?" Canada demanded angrily.
He flinched and muttered his answer.
"Alfred, you need to speak up honey. We can't hear you." Francis said softly, sitting by his side.
"A year or so, maybe longer. I don't know." Alfred whispered.
Matt choked back a sob and pulled Alfred into a hug. It was now that he noticed that Alfred was small, smaller than he originally was.
Arthur looked on, not knowing what to say. He went up to them and pulled them all into a hug.
After a minute Matthew pulled back.
"Alfred, take off your jacket." he said.
Alfred looked up and panicked.
No, he couldn't take it off.
He couldn't.
"Alfred, take off the jacket." Arthur said.
Al looked around and saw that all of them wanted him to take it off. Slowly he shrugged it off, leaving him in his dress shirt.
He looked so much smaller without his jacket on. He had his muscles... But for Alfred's height and body built, he shouldn't be that skinny. The jacket really did cover up how much weight he lost even with his buddies cooking for him every day, those fat comments were harsh.
Matthew turned away, tears running down his face.
Arthur cried and threw his arms around Alfred.
Francis just sat there, staring at the boy he thought of as his son.
Alfred just looked down ashamed, tears leaking out of his eyes.
"W-why Alfred? Why wou-would you do this?" Arthur asked covering his mouth, he was unable to believe how his words did this to his boy.
Alfred's eyes smothered.
Anger seeping through a bit.
"You really want to know?"
All three nodded.
"I was sick and tired of everyone calling me fat, pig, sloppy. I wanted them to stop. But no matter what I did it just continued. Always poking fun when I would eat those burgers." He spat the word like it was poison.
"Eventually, I just brought them for show. So no one would notice. It worked well but they still called me names anyway, so I didn't stop even with the encouragement to stop. Almost every meal never stayed down even with Gilbert and Mathias watching out for me, if was only enough to not pass out in the streets." He ranted.
The others were crying by that point, all hugging him.
"So does that mean.... when you came in all shaky after taking the stuff to the kitchen, you..." Francis questioned.
Alfred hesitated and nodded.
"Oh Alfred..." Matthew started but was cut off by a sob.
"We lo-love you so m-much. You kn-know that right?" Arthur asked tearfully.
Alfred didn't answer.
Arthur just hugged him tighter.
"Were going to help you Alfred, even if it takes forever, were going to help you." Francis said.
Matthew nodded.
"We love you so much, we don't want you to hurt yourself like this anymore. Please let us try and help."
Alfred nodded, leaning into all the hugs, finally letting his own tears fall.
"Gilbert and Mathias took me to a therapist... They're trying but every day with those comments.... It just starts up again... Mathias is trying so hard and it's not enough some times." Alfred admitted to his family.
The rest of the F.A.C.E family smiled when they heard that at least they weren't the only ones who cares about Alfred.
"We'll stop with the comments, Alfred." Arthur said softly.
"I'm sure that the others will stop as well." Francis admitted as he ruffled Alfred's hair.
Alfred nodded as his twin brother hugged him tightly.
A few minutes later they pulled themselves together and went back to the meeting room.
The other nations looked up when they walked in. Seeing the 4 tear-stained faces they looked away, so not to stare. Alfred sat down between Francis and Matthew, cuddled up but then called Denmark near him.
Only God knows why.
"Alright, if we could continue?" Arthur asked softly still sounding a little sad.
Ludwig nodded and handed Francis the book back.
"Alright then, hopefully none of these are to sad. This is Ludwig's."
Dear diary,
While I seem angry when the other nations make jokes about me, whether is be my own personality or my history, I don't actually want them to stop. I just wish I could laugh along with them and not have to seem like I take it so personally. But I am stuck in my ways, I suppose. I am just glad they still think of me to be honest.
Francis reads.
"Well it's hard to forget the man who keeps the meetings sane most of the time." Yao says to Germany as he patted Ludwig's shoulder.
"Hai, you are my friend Ludwig." Kiku said.
"Yes, Ludwig. I do not know how you do to keep your sanity with us every meeting." France said smiling.
Ludwig just smiles.
"Alright this is Matthew's."
Dear diary,
Arthur told papa that he could either have me or the Caribbean Islands. I thought he'd choose me, but he chose them instead. He told Arthur I was "worthless". I am not, and I will prove that to him. I will be strong and kind. I will never forget his words. I thought he loved me. I was apparently wrong.
Francis looked up at Matthew.
Matthew just sat there with his brother, being hugged.
Alfred was whispering to him.
Francis stood up and walked over to the two.
"Matthew?"
Matthew looked up and saw Francis.
"What?"
"Can I speak with you?" Francis asked.
Alfred hugged Matthew, not sure if he should let him go. Matthew nodded and asked Alfred to let him go. Alfred let him go slowly and watched as Francis took Matthew to a secluded corner and had a father/son talk.
After a minute Matt hugged him as Francis was visible shaking but was smiling happily. Francis walked them back. Matthew sat down with Francis and Arthur. Alfred felt abandoned. He just sighed and curled up in his chair, only to be sat on by Denmark and the feeling of loneliness disappears as he pulled Mathias down.
"Alright lets read the next one. Oh! It's mine. ... Heh I remember this."
Dear Diary,
I did not invent french fries. If America asks again, I WILL stab him.
Alfred giggled, remembering that day where he wouldn't leave Francis alone about it. Matthew giggled, and just to spite his dear father asked.
"Are you sure you didn't?"
"Nooooooooo!!!! Not you too." Francis said dramatically.
"Can I read now Francis?" Feliciano asked.
"Sure Feli." Francis smiled handing the book over.
"Ve~ This is Arthur."
Dear Diary,
Everyone's always going on about how powerful Rome was, they all forget that my empire was actually bigger than Rome's. I wish people would see me as the powerful nations I was, not as the stuck up twat who can't cook.
"Oh Arthur, I don't see you as stuck up, but you really can't cook sometimes. I'm still trying to get the smell of those 'brownies' out of my second kitchen. But I know that you are powerful." Francis said trying to comfort Arthur.
Arthur blushed and buried his face in Francis' shirt.
"Ya, how can I forget the awesome powerful nation that raised me." Alfred said.
Arthur just smiled at him.
"Okay~ this is Yao's. "
Dear diary,
Sometimes I wonder if I should have shared my invention of gunpowder with the world. I wonder how many people I am responsible for ending the lives of.
Surprisingly it was Alfred who spoke up.
Everyone jumped when he spoke, forgetting he was sitting, there with Denmark.
"Did you pull the trigger Yao?" He asked.
"...No."
"Then you are not responsible for the deaths of those people." Alfred said.
Yao thought for a second before smiling.
"Thank you Alfred."
Alfred smiled and nodded. Ludwig looked around and saw most of the nations yawning.
"Why don't we stop for the night and get some sleep." He offered.
The nations muttered in agreement and everyone got up and made there way to the spare rooms. Why there were rooms in the meeting building, These meetings tended to go on late into the night and none wanted to walk out at 3 in the morning to their hotel. Alfred hung back and sat at the table. He thought back to Yao's last entry. It was true, Yao didn't pull the trigger to kill all those people, and gunpowder would have been discovered anyway. His thought wandered to WW2.
Unlike Yao, he was responsible for all the death in Japan when the atomic bombs dropped. He had flown out and helped drop them. He didn't want to hurt his friend, but the war needed to end. He sat their at the table for a while, tears in his eyes, remembering that day. He gripped his head as the memories played through his head. He didn't hear the door open.
"Alfred?" A soft voice said.
He didn't acknowledge it, to engrossed in his thoughts and memories.
Matthew looked at his brother worried. He watched as his brother curled up in his chair, pulling his hair. He walked up to him and pulled him into a hug. Alfred just curled up into him. Matthew picked him up and carried him to their room. Setting Al on the bed he tried to get his attention again.
"Alfred?"
Alfred looked up, tears in his eyes. Matthew gasped and pulled him into a hug. Alfred was muttering 'I'm sorry' over again.
"Alfred there's nothing to be sorry for." Matthew said confused.
Alfred just curled up.
Matthew sighed, wishing that he didn't have to do this. He put his forehead against his brothers and entered his thoughts.
He saw the planes and the dropping bombs.
He was in a plane, Alfred piloting.
Matthew recognized this.
He pulled from is brother's mind and held him.
Eventually, Alfred pulled out of it.
"What happened?" Matt asked.
"I-I was thinking about what Yao's entry said. He wasn't responsible, but then I thought about WW2, and how I was responsible for that. I killed so many people that day." Al said.
"You did what you had to do Alfred, and you apologized afterward and helped Kiku after. You were forgiven a long time ago." Matthew said.
Alfred nodded as Matthew left and he went up to the room he was given to share with Denmark. Denmark was already sleeping and America just slightly into the bed trying not to wake him up.
"Alfred?"
"Yes."
"I hope you feel better."
"Thanks, Mathias."
"By the way, you're sleeping next to Mr.Snorzilla over there for making me cry today! Geesh, you boast about your strength and forget about it when it comes to squeezing me."
"I know. I just....."
"You don't have to talk about it to me if you don't want to. You know that, I'll never force you to."
"Thanks, Mathias. Goodnight, Ivan."
"I was wondering whether I should kill you for keeping me up."
"NO! We're going to bed now!"
"Good. Rotten dreams, America. Denmark."
"Eat shit and die!"