The rhythm of his soul drummed in his ribs;all because of her. A silent, tearless cry for mercy escaped his lips when he pressed his hand over his chest.
"It wasn't Odette...it never was Odette." His hands twisted around the volume. "It would never lie...my body..the vampiric lore." But his skin pulsated forward. Nicolae was sure Odette was the one. She filled his aimless and bitter days with her laughter and soft touches. She filled his bitter life afterwards with memories.
Like how humans lusted and loved, for vampires, love came with complex layers. Having a normal family through human means was almost impossible but somewhere through evolution their need for companionship intensified, thus when they found their true love, their once still heart would beat again more alive than ever. Some found them. Some died without knowing their soulmate's name.
A single scarlet tear rolled down his cheek. Him and his fiery red haired wife were never meant to be. Nicolae had a child with her and became a vampire for her. He courted, loved her, married her against his parents' wishes.
They were in love! The feelings, the touches, the sweet nothings. They'd end one day if Odette lived; it didn't have to be death but maybe a nasty divorce, maybe she'd hate him one day. She'd hate him so much that she'd take his son away.
"I even remember running my hands down the curves of her hips, the night Octavian was conceived. She'd never take my son away from me? Would she?"
Nicolae could have died happily without knowing that piece of information; ignorance was bliss, a luxury not afforded to him. The price of immortality was a cost he never asked for and cross too burdened for his weakened shoulders to bare alone.
"I loved them so much but we were destined to lose each other somehow."
He tried and tried but his body stifled his sorrow; crimson bled from his eyes but the pain felt muted yet he wanted to shout.
"What else in my own life did I not know?! "
The volume landed across the floor, tearing the spine; soon a metal candelabra crashed next to it in a deafening, echo.
"What else am I burdened with?!" He seethed swiping up his chalice of blood. With shaky hands he tried to drink but it snapped under his angry grip, gifting his fingers with lines of plasma that healed quickly.
Watching his vampiric power at work distressed Nicolae. "Disgusting, what am I? What am I really doing here? Vampire but my mortal foolishness never left me! I should have died that night...I deserved to die!"he loathed himself. "But my own greed and selfishness is why I am here...suffering!"
He grabbed another book off the shelf. Odette's favourite; Zofloya. Like Laurina in that novel, Odette was easily seduced by him; a bank tycoon son's masquerading as a street magician; not caring about the events laying in the wake of their Prague marriage.
Nicolae seethed ripping out the pages.
"Fucking hell..." he cursed hurling the book across the room. He swung around, breathing heavily; looking for another object to take his anger out on. A shelf met an unfortunate fate.
Did it matter anymore? The devil could burst through the floor and drag him to the depths of hell. It would be far more comforting. Right now the migraine pulsing around his head, felt more comforting but the pain encouraged his rage.
"And it would be a paradise away from this hell!" Dark thoughts lurked behind his shoulder; like a demonic entity ready to attack. Propping himself against the wall beneath Octavian's portrait; his red hued eyes bled and bled drowning out the other colours of his eyes;forming rivulets on the tiles. Red choked his vision.
"Why?! WHY?!" He grabbed his hair, sinking to his knees. "I just wanted to protect my family. To make them happy."
It felt so tempting to knock over the candles; set ablaze to the old books and the manor. He didn't care if Peter, Drogo and Lorie lived at that moment. Taking them down with him would spare them the painful,insanity spiraling out of control in him. Blood splashed onto his trembling fists and it hurt. He no longer wanted to run after Drogo, comfort Peter or play with Lorie. Either they were too young, too immature or wouldn't understand his heart break.
His despair ridden thoughts then went to the scent of spicy damask roses; Selene. Had she not come here he'd still be happy in his cocoon of lies, comfortable and happy. "That bricky wench." He shouldn't blame her for all she did was reveal the truth in him but with every delicate step the outsider brought chaos. "I never should have hired her." He uttered in despair.
" I have to be there for everyone but nobody's here for me now!"
"I'm here." someone wrapped his arms around Nicolae, the elder clung to them for his life. He needed the presence of another with him now. Nicolae held things together but he couldn't. He regretted everything he thought of earlier. 'My mind's a mess. I'm lost." he thought.
"What's wrong?' Drogo asked, peering at his brother. For a second Nicolae couldn't believe his eyes, the angry, smirking little demon that possessed his brother was gone. Genuine concern for the elder was all Nicolae could sense from him. Drogo of all people. If he told Drogo the truth, he'd use it to hate Selene. "Contradicting yourself again Nicolae." he chided himself
"You ...you wouldn't understand. Why aren't you making fun of me for the mess I made? Usually you'd breeze in here telling me to calm down and make a joke out of it."
"I'm not the enemy you make me out to be Nicolae. I really am not. I know when people, especially my brother, are hurting."
Nicolae couldn't answer. Strangely it felt like all of his pain was slowly being dulled as if Drogo administered morphine for his soul.
"Why are you in pain Nic?" Nicolae just clung tighter and buried his head into his brother's Drogo.
"My entire life has been a lie."
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The second Sunday in May was tomorrow.
Selene's hands passed over the unfinished jumper she'd sewn for tiny feet and hands to fit snugly in. When would she see another precious life sleeping happily in the cloth? She always believed Phoebe would have been a blue and purple lover. Being in a safe environment for once proved to be utterly mortifying, she dreamt of this safety for years. But safety made her thoughts run into all sorts of dark nooks and crannies of her mind, into places where thoughts shouldn't be.
Here she was in bed, the dusk settled as the sun disappeared; with it, the feelings she tried so hard to suppress. Like Pandora's box; the dreadful deadweight of Mother's Day fell on her sentencing her to an eternity of melancholy. She'd never noticed the March dates of the British mothers day for years but now that she had a quiet place to live, the dreadful date of the Western hemisphere was enough to make her stomach drop. How could it not? Mother's Day was everywhere here. From the advertisements in the newspapers Nicolae read to Lorie's childish school crafts of paper cards and macaroni frames that she gifted to the eldest brother who proudly displayed them even though she decorated them quite adultish.
Nobody could ask Selene how her daughter liked their school or how their after school activities were going or how was vacation? The things people asked Nicolae about Lorie. In her human life she saw her daughter doing all of these things and more. Selene felt afraid to tell other creatures of night what she really was and her story because it meant fighting to validate the place of a child who did not exist in this world.
As much as Lorie hated her, Selene wished she'd receive some of those school crafts tomorrow but alas when you are mourning a child simple things become too much to ask for.
"I loved.." Selene stopped. Loved as if her love had gone away to the grave with Phoebe. No. It was very much love in the present tense.
"I love you my dearest. It's been years. I don't know when I'll see you but I want to so badly. I wish you could have met the family; mummy is staying with right now especially...I know I don't need your physical presence to keep you alive in my memories but memories are not the same."
She remembered being in so much pain back then; she'd thought she just wanted to have the baby and be done with it. Selene should have cherished the pain; Phoebe made her selfless and strong enough to start life over again from the bottom yet Selene took her daughter for granted.
Selene's head buzzed with depressing thoughts while her eyes stayed dead and focused on the ceiling. Today her love had been like a fair day; calm, sunny, relaxed now it felt like a storm; raging gusts and heavy rains.
Raw, exhausted and drained. Was this even living? Was Selene even alive? Creatures like her were never meant for happiness, no matter how much she tried to find it.
Selene lit tea candles around her room. Drawing the curtains up just as the moon rose over the forests and stars shone gleefully around it. A single nail lay in her palm. Sitting on the window seat, she stared at the little tool before putting her hair into a bun. Her hands slithered to a little "dent" at the back of her neck.
The ones like her, all had this sunken piece of flesh. Shivering, she picked up the nail again.
"I can find peace again. I'll find her too" Her room looked smaller and smaller with every passing moment. Goosebumps born on her skin, tingled. She laughed sullenly; on a warm night she felt cold. Sitting on the window, admired the garden before the last few minutes of her life. A world that produced so much beauty could also produce so much pain with it.
Nail in hand, she hesitated. "I shouldn't do this here and leave Nicolae to find what is left of me here. I need to go outside."
At that moment an intricate garden lamp blinked three times near a shed further out on the property.
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A/N: The creature I based Selene on you have to drive a nail in their neck to get rid of them. If you can guess the supernatural creature she is based on...I love you.
Miss Bartholy Drogo final chapter is in the works. I wanted to put it out for my birthday last year but in that week I fought with a close friend who is a Drogo fan and well that just put me off. Idk when I argue with friends from this fandom every time I see their favourite IIL character I remember them and it is paaainful.
Please feel free to comment as these encourage me.