Chapter 29
After Mayra left, I brooded in my room. She was right in all respects, and I hated it. I needed to tell Titus, but when?
Maybe I should just hide in a hole forever and tell no one where I was?
Or I could fully ignore Ezra until I told Titus.
A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. And when I opened the door, I realized that staying away from Ezra was thoroughly impossible.
He cleared his throat, and an uncharacteristic mark of anxiety showed in his face.
"Yes?" I asked warily.
"May I come in?" His question was quiet.
Danger flags raised in my mind, and I thought about what Mayra said. I looked out into the hall, but there was no one. Titus wouldn't know. "Only for a little bit," I said, ushering him in. "What do you want?"
He settled into the chair beside my bed. "I need to tell you something."
I sat cautiously on the bed. "Yes?"
"I have made a grave mistake."
I waited for him to continue, and when he did, he was somber and sat with his hands clasped.
"The plan to overthrow Jada Harari went wrong due to my actions -- and my inactions," he said finally.
"What do you mean?"
"I thought the Harbingers were a danger to this world, that they needed to be eliminated, chained up." It was then that his hazel gaze met my affronted one. Conflicted emotions crossed his face. "Seeing Illtyd, seeing the power of the Shadow and" -- he took a deep breath, his eyes still on mine -- "seeing you... I have changed my mind about the Harbingers."
Unease spread through my body. "I thought you changed your mind before the mission. I thought you trusted us," I said, my eyes narrowed. "Are you saying you didn't trust me when we started?" Not that I would have blamed him for not trusting me. I didn't trust him before we infiltrated Drush. Neither did Hadrian or Synnove -- or they wouldn't have sent Titus after us.
But why would he include me in such a dangerous mission with him if he didn't trust me?
He swallowed. "This entire time," he said, "I knew that Jada Harari was a manipulative and evil woman. I knew it wasn't the cardinals. I knew it was her. From the start, I...kept you out of the way by making you think it was them."
Ezra looked away as my heart went numb. He continued: "Because you were the Harbinger that prompted the treaty that killed many of my people, I...wanted you out of the way so I could kill Jada myself."
My throat closed up, and when I finally was capable of speaking, I could barely form a word. "You..." I clutched my head. He knew it was Jada. This wasn't happening. Not again. Not again. "You betrayed me," I finally got out. When he didn't reply further, I repeated, "You...betrayed me." Another shapeshifter. Another deception.
I rose from the bed and faced him in his chair. "What about that elvin dagger you found? That was Rowan's. Did you--" I rose from the bed. "Did you know he was in prison? Was Rowan actually trying to kill Queen Jada?"
Ezra shook his head, black strands of hair falling from his ponytail. "I didn't know she imprisoned him, though I suspected he was in the vicinity."
"Why?" I'd felt this before, felt it with Therin when he masqueraded as that little boy and murdered Hadrian's entire caravan. But this... this was different. I'd spent time with Ezra. I...trusted him. "Tell me why, Ezra," I snapped. I felt my voice rising to hysteria. "Did you plot with Jada? Help her imprison us?"
He held out his hands in a placating gesture. "No, I didn't. That was her." He sighed. "I did not plan for the cardinals plotting the assassination attempt. I did not plan to get stabbed." He rubbed his injured shoulder. "I was going to kill her the night following the ball. Then I'd planned to let you..."
I breathed deeply, feeling a hot pit of rage forming in my stomach. "Take the fall for her murder," I finished.
He nodded. Slowly.
I remembered his panicked words after his stabbing: Lannie, get out of here. He had known then, tried to tell me of Jada's treachery. I stared long and hard at him. "What is wrong with you? Why would you keep this from me and..." I trailed off because the rage inside of me was no longer my own.
"I knew you wouldn't agree to killing her," he said. "Keeping you in my sight on the mission and making you think it was the cardinals was the only way I could keep you out of it." He bit his lip. "It went wrong when the cardinals actually tried to assassinate her. I did not kill Jada in time."
Deep inside, I heard Eden's vengeful heartbeat in tune with mine. "And so you lied to me," I whispered. "You let me believe it was the cardinals. You were going to blame me for her death. You--"
I stopped, and all the emotion left my body. I sat down hard on the bed. "I was attacked by the Shadow, Ezra," I said. "We were all imprisoned. And you and Titus were almost executed."
There was a long silence in which I stared at him. "Why didn't you just trust me?"
"That was my one mistake," he whispered. "And I am here to ask for your forgiveness."
"Leave," I told him.
He rose. "Lannie--"
She told you to leave. Eden's command bit like fire through my mind, and I didn't stop to think what it did to Ezra's mind.
He stayed to take a deep breath. And then he left.
***
It took a long time for me to gather the courage to make it down to dinner. It was only because we planned to discuss the plans for Balua that I came. After I changed, I sucked up my pride and entered the dining room. The long oak table was filled with guests of all kinds. Ezra had invited the whole freaking Underground to eat with us.
When I entered the room, heads turned and conversation died down a fraction. I spotted an open chair next to Synnove and seized it within seconds. I sank gratefully down into the cushion, but when I saw who sat across from me, I wished I could melt into the seat.
Mayra, Ezra, Titus, and Clarice sat in a neat row next to each other. Synnove, Hadrian, and Baruch sat on my right.
I couldn't glare at Ezra without Titus noticing, so I just pretended like he didn't exist.
"How are you feeling, Lannie?" Synnove asked as she passed the plate with a loaf of bread.
I smiled at her. "Fine. How was everything here when we were gone? You contacted Mayra for us. So thank you."
Synnove smiled mischievously. "Of course. I was rather bored anyway."
I didn't want to know what would've happened had she not been bored.
Hadrian cleared his throat meaningfully. "Don't be rude." He leaned over her and whispered loudly: "She actually cares sometimes, you know." She whacked him, and he chuckled. "It was chaos when Clarice told us you were sold to the wrong bidders," Hadrian said.
Baruch leaned over to look at me. "Did you really get sold to Blod Glōria?"
"Yes," Ezra answered. "And it's her fault for getting purchased. If she acted like herself, no one would have purchased her."
Now he was back to his old self. He didn't even blink at what he did. And he was even more argumentative than before. How dare he? I stabbed my fork into my bread. "Well," I said, "you stayed yourself and they still purchased you because of those horrible faults. Maybe you should have lied some more and not shapeshifted into a woman."
His glowering eyes pierced mine as he picked up a piece of cheese and sank his teeth into it like the animal he was.
My comrades were surprised, but clearly, everyone in the Underground at that table knew he was a shapeshifter. I wondered how long it took for me to find out that little secret of his. If he had only trusted me--
"Wait," Clarice said, "you were a woman?"
The entire table froze in anticipation of Ezra's answer.
When he didn't speak up, I smiled at him. "Yes, and because he acted like his normal self, he was sold to the grungiest, dirtiest, criminal-ridden place in Drush. It really fits for a liar."
Mayra wrapped her fingers around Ezra's wrist before he could grab the knife to throw at me. He yanked his hand from her grip.
Clarice, completely oblivious to the situation, started laughing. "A woman."
Clarice finally realized it when she found herself the only one laughing. The rest of the table was glancing between me and Ezra.
Baruch cleared his throat. "Well." He leaned forward to address our half of the table. He was in on it too, wasn't he? He likely knew what Ezra had said to me. Were they going to tell the others? "The plan is to go to Balua in a few days," he said, his light eyes on me. "With all the Harbingers here, we can make an attempt to persuade the Baluan emperor and empress to accept a treaty."
At this point, I wanted to scream. Why would we trust the Underground, after all Ezra did?
Then again, we didn't have the knowledge that they did, the resources, the safety in numbers...
I stabbed my bread.
"Rowan cannot make the journey," Synnove said. "He is far too weak for such a trip."
I nodded. And an idea came to me: "He should stay here, guarded." By Titus. I glanced at him, then at Mayra. I tried to give her the signal to intervene and tell him he should stay too, but she said nothing. Dang it, you oblivious woman! I had enough problems with men on my hands.
Mayra smirked at me. If the blood in my veins could heat to boiling point, it would have. I clenched my jaw and looked straight at Baruch. "Do you believe the empress and emperor will listen to us?" I asked in as calm a voice as I could muster.
Baruch nodded. "It's very plausible. Balua has been threatened by Jada's fall. I would assume Nor is in dire straights as well, seeing as their major trade came from Drush."
Titus set his fork down on the table. "If Drush attacks, what kingdom will they strike first?"
"It's not hard to guess Nor since they border each other," Baruch answered. He folded his hands under his chin and looked at Titus thoughtfully. For being so young, he was wise. "Drush does have a naval fleet, however. Aria is a possible target."
I saw the color drain from Titus's face. "But the sirens still patrol the ocean," he said, glancing at me.
Right. The last time we sailed, we were attacked by man-eating sirens. Queen Katrina, the leader of the sirens, made me promise to guarantee their safety when everything was over. In return, she would leave the Norian coast alone. She never said anything about the Drushite shore, though. The shores of both Balua and Drush surged with angry sirens. Neither kingdom seemed to realize that once they stopped attacking the creatures, the sirens would cease fire and leave them alone. All Katrina wanted was peace for her people.
"You prove a valid point, Titus," Hadrian said, "but there are other ways of getting to Aria."
We all looked at him.
Mayra leaned forward with a mocking posture. "And what might those be?"
"Dragons, fairies, and the like," he said, unaffected by her mocking stance. "Humans are not the only slaves in Drush. Magical creatures serve their masters. I doubt they will stand a chance against being possessed by shadows."
"That wretched twit," Mayra hissed, leaning back in her chair. "I should have killed that queen when I had the chance."
"Do not speak lightly of death, Princess."
I nearly broke my knee because I jumped so high in the air and hit the table. We all turned to look at Rowan standing behind me. He pulled out a chair and sat on my left. His curly brown hair was combed neatly, and in his green tunic he looked presentable for the first time in a long while. Protective runic seals covered his skin all the way from his pointed ears to the toes sticking out of his sandals.
He smiled at me. "Is there any food to eat? I'm hungry."
Titus was the first one with the ability to move from the shock. He handed Rowan a plate of rolls and cheese. The Earth Harbinger thanked him and dug into his food while an awkward silence stole over the table.
Clarice cleared her throat. "Lannie," she said conversationally, "I've been wondering: does Eden know anything about the Shadow?"
Rowan choked on his cheese.
I looked at her. "Clarice," I said, "you can stop talking now."
"She was simply asking a question," Baruch observed, a note of irritation in his voice.
I smiled pleasantly at him. "An untimely question that can be answered later."
Baruch raised his fine eyebrows. "Who are you to say whether she can or cannot speak?"
If this man was trying to get on my bad side, he had succeeded beyond expectation. He was undoubtedly on Ezra's entire scheme too. A fire burned inside of me, and I felt as though I wanted to strangle half the people at the table.
I scooted out from the table. "Sorry to leave when you just got here, Rowan," I said with a genuine smile at him. "I'm not feeling very well." I waved goodbye to all of them and exited the room.
It took several minutes for me to calm down. I took a walk through the tunnels. Somehow, I ended up at Ezra's chambers again, and it made me even angrier. The familiar symbol on the head of the door glowed bright white. I passed his chambers and traveled through a narrow tunnel, passing lighted crystals embedded in the wall.
This entire time, Ezra had lied to me. He had used me, used us. And why? To get me off his tail so he could murder the queen because I didn't agree with him. And then blame me for her death to permanently make sure I wasn't in the equation -- and so that no one trusted the Harbingers ever again.
I entered a vast chamber with several crystal stones placed along the corners. They emitted a gentle blue light that shimmered over the floor like starlight. I slid down against one of the stones and closed my eyes.
Eden's voice entered my mind, hesitant yet calm. You are angry.
I'm angry with Ezra. I'm angry at myself. I'm angry at you.
She sighed. You believe I lied to you.
You knew the Shadow, and you didn't tell me. Ezra planned to murder Jada, and he didn't tell me. He also wanted to blame me for it, so there's that. I rubbed my mother's broken pendant with my thumb and forefinger. "I just wish people would tell me the truth," I said out loud. "There is no one I can trust."
There are trustworthy people all around you, Brackenbury, she said. You only choose to make yourself isolated.
"And what about you?" I asked. "Can I trust you, Eden?"
I would never have believed my own words had I not voiced them out loud. The truth was that I didn't know anymore. Everyone had lied to me.
You are a selfish, childish clod, Eden snapped. You are only focused on your own worries, your own heart, your own thoughts. Do you never stop to think that I question your loyalty?
I felt my heart squeeze. "I didn't... I was just..."
Questioning me, she answered for me. I do not like to be questioned. And if you are wondering, she added bitterly, I have never doubted your loyalty.
Her presence disappeared from my mind in an instant, and I was left to stare at my own hands and deal with the mess that I had created.
***
A/N: UGH. Ezra. >.< And Eden...
Let me know your thoughts on the chapter! Were you surprised by Ezra's confession?
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Life update: Graduate classes started this week! I'm taking Teaching College English and Workshop on the Novel as classes this semester, and I start my Writing Assistant position next week. I'm SO excited. And utterly terrified. But, you know, such is life. If you want to follow updates on my grad school journey, I'll be blogging about my life on www.abbyjewett.com from now on.