My head hurts. I'm not sure if I heard him right but I'm positive he did say something about being a bastard and referring to the alpha king as our father. But that's impossible. Is it? I mean not being a bastard son but...
Shit, this is absurd! I can't be the son of the alpha king. Illegitimate son. I mean I'm just me, Ruari Lyall. Ulfric. Whatever! Damn it!
I'm just a regular guy. The runt of the pack. The member who couldn't phase when he was supposed to. The one nobody wanted around. I'm an orphan. I had no one. I'm alone in the world or at least I was... I was...
Son of bitch! How do you accept a news like this without having a mental breakdown?
"You don't believe me." Kevan said staring at me blankly.
I stood up and ran a shaking hand through my hair.
Ciaran grabbed my other hand to reassure me that I'm not alone. I bit the inside of my mouth, I hate to do this to him when he'd just trying to help, and slightly shook my head. But Ciaran immediately understood. He instantly deduced that needed some time to digest all this, alone. He gave my hand a light squeeze before letting go. I smiled apologetically at him before pushing away from the table.
I can't sit still. Not after hearing something like that. I need to move. I can't leave the room to go for a run right now but I can at least walk its length and back. Moving around helps me think so I started pacing the room.
It's not really a question of whether I believe what he's saying or not. Because in all actuality, I do believe him. To some degree I think what he's saying is true and that's bothers the shit out of me.
Am I too gullible? Am I that desperate for a family, for blood ties, that I'd believe anything a stranger tells me just because he looks like me?
"This is a lot to take in." I answered honestly. "I've lived for years thinking I was alone and all of a sudden I have a brother and if my guess is correct our well... sire," calling the alpha king 'father' seemed a bit off to me. "Is still alive."
"We happen to have another brother and a sister," Kevan announced. "They're our half-siblings, actually, and unlike us they're legitimate children."
My head whipped back at him. I've always dreamed of having a big family. I loathed the fact that I was alone with no one to care for or look after. Mirabelle was there but I was more dependent of her than she is of me. I've always felt no one really needed me. That I cannot connect with others simply because I did not belong anywhere. I thought that perhaps if I had a family things would be different. And now I have a brother, two brothers to be exact, my sire is alive and a sister...
I looked back at Kevan as his words slowly sink in. Half-siblings he said and they're legitimate while we are not.
"How did this happen?" I frowned. "How is it possible?"
"Would you like to sit back down?" He asked instead of answering me. "You look like you're about to keel over."
I laughed humorlessly. Try having everything you believed in turn into nothing but lies in the course of a few short hours and see if that doesn't leave mentally drained and physically exhausted. I'm doing great as far I could say, anyone with less backbone would have fainted or run by now.
"I prefer to stand, thank you." I answered stiffly, inclining my head urging him to continue.
"Suit yourself," he shrugged. He leaned back on the chair before starting with the story. "Our father, Lavon Ulfric, was already married and had ascended to the throne for over a year before he met our mother Alessandra, his true mate."
Mates! Oh thank the spirits!
My heart lightened a fraction at the fact that my parents were true mates. Call me sentimental but I'm glad I've been conceived out of love and passion and not because of raging and uncontrollable lust. I was afraid to think that Kevan and I are products of an affair. A result of one man or woman's moment of weakness. But it seems that is not the case. The situation is a bit complicated, true, but I could breathe easier knowing I wasn't someone's mistake.
"Father's alliance with the queen, Eloise, was highly political so they could not, or rather, was not allowed to separate even when he found his true mate." Kevan continued. "Eloise came from a high-ranking pack. Her bloodline was impeccable and her old pack consists mostly of gifted and talented wolves. The crown wanted their power while the pack wanted the authority and benefits that comes with the crown. Eloise was pledged to father from the cradle and they were raised together. They were groomed to rule beside each other."
Pledges are not unusual or unnatural for alphas and royal males. It's a way to create alliances between packs and to strengthen bonds between high-ranking families.
An unmated female could be claimed as a pledge and be marked as a mate. The couple could mark each other but they're not allowed to perform the mating ritual, as it's a sacred ceremony reserved only for true mates. That is the reason why some families legalize and cement the alliance through legal binding, marriage.
If by any chance or stroke of luck the true mate appears, the couple could lawfully separate from their currently marked mate and the claim true one. It would be without censure since it's what the spirits decree.
Pledges seems barbaric but it's a way of life. Even Ciaran had females offered to him as pledges before he became the alpha of Moonscape. As far as I know, he was sent to alpha academy to prevent him from prematurely marking any of the unmated females thrown his way before he could take over as alpha.
"Father was given a year to find his true mate. The court hosted soirees and gatherings for that purpose alone. But it was all mere formality. When he did not succeed, he married Eloise at the turn of the new year and was crowned alpha king soon after. By the time our mother came into the picture a son was already born out of the alliance, our half-brother Meinor, who is now the current alpha king."
I'm not into politics but even I understand that the alliance between the queen and our sire was not common practice. Usually pledges happen after a werewolf learns how to phase at the age of thirteen or after the coming of age at sixteen. Theirs have been conceived from the cradle and it took years, if not decades, of careful planning and preparation for it to come into fruition.
If Eloise was from a pack that only pledged its allegiance to the crown under the condition that she'd rule as queen then her family would not be too keen in having her step aside. Especially if a son from their bloodline, who could succeed the throne, has already been born. The pack could easily challenge the crown for power and war would be an inevitable outcome.
If our sire had chosen our mother and left Eloise it would've created a ripple effect that could break a lot of alliances and treaties within the werewolf community. The crown itself would be crippled and it would take years to repair the damage.
But if our sire did not leave the queen and we've been conceived nonetheless then that means...
"As you may have guessed, father could not fully give up our mother. He kept seeing her in secret and we, my dear brother, are the result of their stolen moments together." Kevan continued dispassionately. "Since Alessandra was our father's true mate the court could not ban her entry to the palace. She remained under father's wing, hidden behind high walls of the palace and away from the prying eyes of the other royals. She was kept on a gilded cage, shunned by everyone who knew her, just so she could have the few scraps of attention bestowed upon her by our gracious father. We're conceived a few months after, almost at the same time as our half-sister, Alva."
Kevan looked and sounded bored, unconcerned. Perhaps its because he's heard this tale a hundred times and have known it all his life. If I weren't linked with him, in some unexplainable way, I could almost believe that he doesn't care. But I could feel the burning sensation scorching inside of him as he recounts the complicated events that led to our being. I could see the rage in his eyes masked by the perfect façade of blankness. It's as if he despises our parents for going against the wishes of the majority just to be together. And maybe he is right to do so.
"Our mother was known to have a weak constitution. Her condition worsened when she got pregnant and she died days after we were born." He said in monotone. "I was told father went into seclusion for half a year to mourn her death."
I could just imagine what our sire must have been through during those six months.
I immediately walked over to Ciaran and took his hand in mine. He was lost to me for five years and in all those years I've loved no one but him. I was away but at least I know he's here in Moonscape, alive and safe. Even if I never meant to I knew, in the back of mind, that if I wish it I easily could come back and find him. But losing your mate to mortality is the end for everyone. No amount longing or craving, not even undying love could bring back the dead. I was half out of my mind just being away from him. I can't even imagine how I'd live if Ciaran were to die before me.
My heart clenched. In the end the fact remains that Kevan and I were born out of an affair.
I'm still a bit confused. My feelings are still a tangled mess. And I feel like a damned hypocrite. But I still feel we're meant to born. It's true that we came to be out of an unfavorable circumstance, it's a shameful really, but our existence wasn't a mistake. It was choice. Our parent's chose to be together despite the opposition.
They meant to be together, it was the way of our kind, but was met with a huge hurdle. Truthfully, the situation is too chaotic and complicated, a bit hard to swallow. But who am I to judge? I just hope they were at least happy during their limited time together.
"When Cassandra took you away, I was left in the care of the royals. I was lucky because Eloise took a liking to me and had me reared beside Meinor and Alva."
It was only for a moment, just like his reaction to Lorcan's name, but I saw it. The sudden change. It so subtle you could easily miss it if you weren't paying enough attention.
I always believed that people who have known the same pain could easily sense it in others. And I could feel his so much it hurts. I knew right away there's more to him than he's willing to show. But I guess that conversation would have to wait until we could be alone to talk and be honest with each other. I'm positive, whatever it is, it's not something he wants others to find out.
It's probably true that he was lucky to be brought up with the royals. To have wealth and authority within an arm's reach and never lack for anything while growing up. He had our sire, the queen and our half siblings to turn to when he gets lonely. But despite all that I could still see scars behind his carefully crafted mask. I could sense some deep wounds that have yet to heal. I don't know why but I could feel he's been through a lot, just like I have.
It took me years to let go of my old self. I had to lose Ciaran, to experience an insurmountable amount of pain to trigger various changes in my life. I wonder how long it took for Kevan to be the way he is now. What pushed him act this way, like he has no feeling or interest in anything other than himself.
"You said moth... Cassandra took me away. Why?" I asked. I was honestly curious Kevan said it was to spite our father, how and why? "Where does she fit in all this?"
"Ah yes, crazy Aunt Cassandra. They were twins you know, just like you and me. And Cassandra loved our mother more than anyone in the world. She despised the fact that the king wouldn't leave the queen for her beloved beautiful sister. But as I've stated he couldn't and besides, why would he?" Kevan said. "The reason why the royals did not take too kindly to our mother was because her old pack was small, insignificant. The family have no worthy connections or anything of note to offer the crown. She was basically a sickly nobody that no one saw coming."
I flinched at the tone of his voice. He said it with so much venom it was hard to miss the implication of utter hatred. The question is, who does Kevan hate most of all? Our sire who couldn't stand for what he wanted or our mother who'd been too weak willed to resist temptation? Our mother's pack for being inconsequential or the royals for being hypocritical and materialistic? Or maybe Kevan simply resents them all?
"Cassandra strongly opposed the affair. She knew it would bring nothing but grief to everyone and she was right. Even today the repercussions of their actions still haunts all those involved. When our mother died Cassandra was devastated. Some even say it shattered her mind, drove her insane. That's what pushed her to steal you away." He continued. "Cassandra took you away because she knew it would hurt father. Simply because you're the older twin."
"What does that have to do with anything?" I could feel my gut painfully clench. I don't like where this is going. This conversation is leading to something utterly ludicrous to downright inconceivable. I'm not even sure I want to hear what he would say next.
"If you had remained and was raised within the court as a royals, like you were supposed to, you could have easily challenged Meinor for the throne. He's a legitimate son but you're the first born from the true mating. You could have easily won the crown from Meinor because he is weak while you inherited all the strengths of our father." He answered. "But since you were taken by a madwoman and was given another name your actions would be highly scrutinized. You weren't given the proper training not to mention we weren't able to locate you until now. Your chances have been halved and challenging Meinor now that he's ascended to the throne and forged a lot of connections would be..."
WHAT THE FUCK!
"I'm not going to challenge anyone!" I screamed, my whole body shivering from intense anger. I don't know what I'm suddenly mad about but I'm boiling with rage. Even Rothe was ruthlessly growling and snapping inside of me. "I have no desire to be alpha king! Is that why you're here?"
"No," he answered slowly. "It is not."
"Then tell me now why the fuck you came barging in here because I swear I'm seconds away to ripping your head off!" I threatened, moving a few steps closer to him. "I don't care if you're my brother. The sooner you tell me what you came here for, the sooner you could all fucking leave!"
Everything went shit crazy from there...
Kevan tried hard not to quail at my harsh words but something in my tone made him visibly wince and cower away from me. Seeing his reaction, Lorcan growled threateningly at me. Ciaran instantly reacted. He stood up to defend me and growled back at Lorcan to warn him off. Lorcan seemed to have recovered his senses and bowed his head in complete submission. Witnessing that, Kevan sprang up to his defense and snapped at Ciaran.
Soon the room was filled with threatening growls. Kevan's escorts, Sorell and Harkin, burst through the door followed Bran and Prior. They all crouched down, facing each other, spoiling for a fight.
"ENOUGH!" I bellowed making all the windows and glass in the room shake. I hit the table with my fist in frustration making the wood splinter and break beneath my knuckles.
I felt charged. Different. And Rothe feels a hell lot stronger, more than I've ever felt him before. I don't know why it feels like I'm having a déjà vu. I feel like I've done this before but I can't remember when. All of them looked back at me then each other and immediately quieted down, each with a different expression on his face. There was still a lot of tension in the room but everyone was now looking warily at me like I'd go berserk or something.
I breathed in deeply a few times to try and calm myself. I could feel my blood pumping vigorously through my veins and my heart was beating at an alarming rate. But instead of feeling weak I feel powerful. Strong.
Something has changed...
I don't know what and I'm not sure if I'd like this new shift but I doubt I'd be able to tune it off. It's scary because I'm not sure what it is yet. I have to know to be able to understand. And I feel like I have to explore it soon or it would consume me and destroy everything I care about.
"Now," I turned to Kevan once I was sure I was in full control of my senses. "Tell me why you're here."
Sorell and Harkin flanked his sides. Kevan straightened his shoulders and inclined his head, meeting my hardened gaze.
"I came to take you away from that bastard." He declared motioning towards Ciaran.
After that, all hell broke loose...