[7 months after the accident]
Jungkook wakes up feeling like a truck ran over him. It was a cold morning and he moved out of the bed with a heavy head and very little motivation to go to work. That last thing changed though when he picked up his phone and read a text that had arrived to his phone earlier that day.
--
From: Kim Taehyung
Good morning Jungkookie
Don’t buy breakfast, I have some extra food
We can share.
--
Jungkook chuckles, he didn’t feel like cooking anyway so he feels relieved with the message. Slowly, he gets up, somehow he feels more tired than what he did before going to bed. The guest bedroom is big, comfy, it has great curtains that successfully conceal him from the light and even like that and even after all this time, it still feels wrong. He showers, get dressed and in less than twenty minutes, he’s ready to go.
When he walks out of the bedroom, the only noise he hears is that of keys rumbling. Is not precisely how he would’ve liked to start his day, to fight with Yoongi but he needs to leave too. He walks to the door, finds Yoongi fixing up his shoes. “Morning, Jungkookie” the elder greets him with a sweet nickname but a lot of coldness in his voice. “Morning hyung” he replies with the same empty tone. Jungkook can not believe that there was a time when he’d fight against the need of staying in bed with Yoongi in order to go to work because right now, he can not leave the apartment fast enough. He ties his shoes as quickly as possible and takes his car keys, Yoongi is already at the door.
“See you tonight?” Yoongi asks and is so shallow, so lacking of any sort of emotion that Jungkook shrugs “Of course, I have to come back home” he says it as if it’s more of an obligation than a wish (which right now it is) Yoongi sighs. Jungkook exits the apartment, makes sure that it is locked behind them and walks with Yoongi towards the elevator. It is only then that Yoongi speaks. “Just asking, you know. In case you decide you have somewhere else worth going early to” he mocks their last night argument, Kook rolls his eyes. “Give me some time, hyung. You’ll be the first to know when I’ve got a place” is a bitter answer and probably a lie too because Jungkook isn’t even sure about doing this and neither is Yoongi, if the way his expression breaks in the elevator mirror is something to go by.
They reach the parking lot and is quite sad how they walk towards their two separate cars as if they were neighbors clashing one good morning with nothing more to say than polite greetings. Jungkook doesn’t even know he feels about it anymore. He just wants to go to work, forget about Yoongi for the time being. “See you” he says, just because it seems right. Yoongi doesn’t answer, just waves his hand dismissively as if Jungkook was nothing important. Yoongi gets in his car, drives away and that’s that. Jungkooks sighs loudly to contain the unwelcome tears he is too tired to cry. He starts the engine and finally goes away, at least for this little he can feel free of this doom his life has turned into.
The publishing office he works at instantly provides a sort of relief that Jungkook himself knows he shouldn’t have but he does. He feels so utterly free from everything here, which is funny since he comes here to work. “The office’s happiness has arrived” Taehyung greets him, it makes Jungkook smile. “Hope you’re hungry” he says then, taking out some tuppers from his backpack. The smell opens Jungkook’s appetite, he remembers when Yoongi used to cook for him. He’d make a different breakfast everyday claiming that he loved to see Jungkook’s sleepy smile. That hasn’t happened in a good while, so he guesses that having a great work mate, and friend, making him breakfast is a close second best. “What is it?” he asks intrigued as he slowly sets his bag to rest on his desk. “Is a recipe I invited, sort of waffles and hotcakes but mixed” Jungkok scrunches his nose, that sounds wack but it does smell really good.
He takes a bite of Tae’s invention, making sure of applying some of the blueberry syrup his work mate brought along. It is sweet. Extremely sweet, one of those things no human being could eat for a prolonged period of time without drinking a liter of water. It is not bad though and the way Taehyung looks at him with illusion in his eyes makes him kind of weak, so he hums. “It is delicious” he compliments, happy to see Taehyung’s features lightening up at the comment. Is easy with Tae, Jungkook thinks. He helps him forget about the shitty situation with Yoongi, of who Taehyung doesn't even know. Somehow Jungkook thinks that his work mate doesn't need to know about his boyfriend, if he can still call Yoongi that.
"Hey, let's go to the movies tonight" Tae proposes happily. Jungkook nods "What you wanna watch?" Taehyung makes a funny face as he scrolls on his phone probably on the cinema page. "How about this horror one?" Jungkook scrunches his nose, he loves horror movies but he hasn't seen one in so long. "Okay, but can we go leave my car at home before the movie? So that we don't spend that much time finding where to park" Taehyung sets on buying the tickets before agreeing. "Sure, if you buy me nachos though" he teases, makes Jungkook laugh. Is easy with Taehyung he thinks. He can't wait for it to be night already.
°°°
Yoongi arrives home at around 9PM, is later than what he is used to but he got caught up in a song he needed to finish. One of his workers had made a mess on the melody and as chief producer, it was Yoongi's duty to make it work. He thinks the final outcome was satisfactory, it will nicely suit the idol group they are currently working with.
He sees Jungkook’s car parked on his usual spot, it would be normal if Yoongi wasn’t awfully aware of the fact that Kook has been avoiding coming home early and he knows that’s because of him. Of course he knows. Yoongi tries to be different and not fight with Kook all the time but lately he’s discovered that he is a pretty rotten person and that rotten part of him always sees all the flaws in the person he loves the most in the world. It doesn’t make him proud to admit that he’s too weak to control that side of himself and that he always ends up hurting Jungkook. Yoongi isn’t proud of what he’s doing but yet again, he doesn’t know how to go back to being the happy boyfriend he used to be a couple of months ago. The one Jungkook loved and cherished. The person he knows he was but that apparently had disappeared within the roots of his own existence.
Tonight he will try again.
“Jungkook?” he calls as he opens the door of their apartment, which is unusually dark and quiet. “Kookie?” he calls again, entering the living room after having taken off his shoes. There is no response. He is not home? Yoongi just saw his car parked downstairs. It is strange. Too strange…
All of a sudden, he remembers then what happened to Hoseok. The emergency, the silence before the call as deadly as the calm before the storm. A sudden rush of anxiety travels through Yoongi’s veins as his brain creates all the possible outcomes of Jungkook’s absence. Had he had an accident? Maybe he was cooking dinner and injured himself, maybe someone abducted him from his car when he arrived home, maybe he had been taking a shower and fell down on the slippery floor.
Yoongi’s heart races as he practically runs towards the kitchen and turns on the lights. Everything looks perfectly neat, the stove is cold and there aren’t any ingredients out of the fridge. Seems like nothing happened there so Yoongi runs to the bathroom, the fear of finding a motionless body there numbing all his thoughts. “Jungkook!” he practically yells but the bathroom is as neat as the kitchen. The bathtub is empty, shining white. There’s no one there. Yoongi breathes in deeply, tries not to think more than what it is needed but before even being able to notice, he is heading downstairs to where he saw Jungkook’s car. Maybe there is a trail there, if someone really took him away. Yoongi pictures the whole scene in his head. Jungkook getting out of the car with his usual smile, picking up his bag from the backseat unaware that he is being watched, unaware of the hands that are about to shut his screams and pull on his hair.
Yoongi is almost crying by the time he reaches Jungkook’s car. He checks its surroundings but there’s nothing there. Not Jungkook’s forgotten backpack, not any signs of struggling. The car’s red paint is intact, the inside of the vehicle is neat and polished. Yoongi pants leaning against the car telling himself that he’s exaggerating. His racing heart doesn’t give up though, Yoongi feels the adrenaline traveling through his being as he turns around. As he finally sees Jungkook, alive, smiley and well but with company. Company Yoongi doesn’t recognize.
Kook seems to be oblivious to the fact that Yoongi is watching him from the parking lot. He hasn’t seen that smile for long, so Yoongi just stays there and stares. Jungkook waving at the guy’s Nissan as it drives away, chuckling one more time before entering the building’s lobby. Yoongi knows he needs to be fast. So he goes for the elevator, the one that doesn’t connect to the lobby but directly to the apartment floors. He presses on the right button and begs that Jungkook stayed behind checking the post or something. He doesn’t want to seem like a creep.
He indeed arrives to their home first, but only seconds before Jungkook also appears there, his smile instantly fades and Yoongi tries to pretend that alone didn’t hurt him. “Hey” Jungkook greets, lowering his phone, he was probably talking to the Nissan boy. “Hi” Yoongi says, not really looking at Kook but at the lock of his door as he enters the passcode. The two of them walk inside the fully enlightened apartment. Jungkook is sharp enough to catch on that. “Were you here before?” he asks a bit wary, Yoongi scrunches his eyes. Of course he ran out of the apartment following his hysteria, not caring about the state he left his home in. So “Yes” he replies honestly “I just went downstairs to the car” he goes on, already trying to think of some reason on why he went to the parking lot in the middle of the night but Jungkook doesn’t ask for any. He just nods and walks towards the guest room, seems like Yoongi will be alone today too. That’s fine though, not that he could blame Jungkook for not wanting to be around him. Hell, not even he wants to be around his own self anymore.
“Did you already eat?” Yoongi asks, and is probably just because he wants to hear Jungkook’s voice again. Not that he had made some dinner or anything. “Yup” Jungkook answers and that’s that. He turns back to his phone, a small smile on his face. He is definitely talking to the Nissan boy. Yoongi nods, he guesses Jungkook doesn’t even see him as he enters the guest room and closes the door. Is a clear message, he wants to be alone. Or more like alone with some virtual company. Once again, Yoongi can’t blame him. This is all his fault after all.
He needs a drink.
Yoongi sits in the lounge by himself with a cup of whiskey in his hand as he looks at the night landscape through his window. It is not exactly what people would call a city view but it serves the purpose of his mood tonight. He is drinking without enjoying the taste of sour liquor in the slightest. This is just to numb his senses a little, make him less aware of the image he saw a couple of hours ago at the parking lot. As always, he just wants to forget.
About two or three hours go by when Jungkook finally emerges from the room, Yoongi only hears the steps walking down the hall towards the kitchen, the cabins opening and closing, the noise of a package being ripped open. Jungkook doesn’t acknowledge Yoongi’s presence at all and that would be okay if Yoongi didn’t have a lot of thoughts trapped inside his head right now.
So Yoongi breaks and before even thinking about it twice, he speaks “Who was he?” he questions and instantly beats himself up for it in his own mind. The noises from the kitchen stop. “What?” Jungkook asks back, confusion leaking in his tone. “The guy who brought you home. Who was he?” Yoongi hears Jungkook sighing heavily, probably not wanting to ruin the good memories of his day with the Nissan boy by telling Yoongi about him.
“He’s my work mate, Taehyung” Jungkook says then, nothing more added to his reply. “I saw you leave on your car in the morning though” Yoongi says, there is a lot more to that statement. Jungkook catches it. “Yes, we didn’t come from work, we went to the movies” Yoongi’s grip on his whiskey cup tightens as he brings it to his lips. “I see” is all he comments before turning around. Jungkook is busy in the kitchen, making some iced tea for himself apparently. Completely fine, a little bit happy even. Yoongi guesses he must’ve had a good time. He knows Jungkook loves going to the movies, especially…
“What did you watch?” Jungkook shrugs. “Just some horror movie”
Especially horror movies.
Yoongi remembers taking Jungkook on movie dates, the horror movie plots he would research before actually inviting Kook to see them. He remembers holding his hand all throughout the movie, feeding him popcorn and drinking from the same giant soda glass. There’s a sting in his chest when he thinks all of that might’ve happened with the Nissan guy. “Okay” he says before finishing his whiskey and leaving it near the kitchen sink. “Don’t wash that” he tells Jungkook “I’ll get it in the morning” and with that he walks away, towards his bedroom. Hoping that Jungkook finds his way in there too, that though doesn’t happen and Yoongi ends up falling asleep in the sweet company of every single thing he is angry about.
It is at around three in the morning when Yoongi feels a weight settling next to him. He stirs instinctively, his eyes slowly opening to see Jungkook cuddling next to him. Yoongi instantly hugs him by the shoulders as Jungkook sets his head to rest on the elder’s shoulder. He’s clearly sleepy, probably moved all the way here with his eyes closed out of custom. Which would make a lot of sense given that he avoids Yoongi at all costs lately. Can not be blamed though, Yoongi knows he is not worthy of Jungkook's love or attention, especially not now.
Jungkook doesn't open his eyes as the older man softly strokes his hair. Is quiet for a little while and is just after Yoongi places a soft kiss on the crown of his head that Jungkook makes a cute little noise followed by "Thank you Tae" he mumbles quietly in his sleep. Yoongi feels it like a dagger to the heart, a warrior's sword through his very own soul. Still, he doesn't cease his strokes on his boyfriend's hair.
Ever since Hoseok passed, Yoongi cries almost everyday. He misses Hobi, he was practically a brother and his parting was so sudden that Yoongi feels like there was so much more they needed to live but didn't get the chance to.
Nevertheless, Hobi is not the only reason he cries, he misses Jungkook too and even though he wants to be the same caring boyfriend he's always been, his rotten part keeps messing things up. His rotten part reminds him that Jungkook was little to no affected when Hobi died that he was able to laugh the very next day while Yoongi tried to stay afloat in a deep sea of grief. There is a part of Yoongi that somehow and without a good reason, resents Jungkook and is that part that always shines through because Yoongi seems incapable of avoiding his boyfriend's flaws and always takes them out of proportion.
Yoongi wants to believe that deep inside him, his old self is still alive even though his rotten side is starting to eat it all. It is hard.
So Yoongi can't really blame Jungkook for wanting someone else. Someone that will love and look after him all the time in the same way that Yoongi just can't do now. Essentially, right now, Yoongi can barely look after himself. Therefore, is no wonder that Jungkook's mind wishes he was somewhere else hugging a different body tonight. Yoongi guesses that at least while dreaming Jungkook is happy and so, even if it hurts him, Yoongi allows him to dream. He kisses the younger's hair again feeling the instant reaction of Jungkook's arms tightening around his torso. "Sleep tight Ggukkie" he speaks softly before turning his face on the pillow and tries to fall asleep once the tears had stopped burning in his eyes.
°°°
Saturday is always welcome with oversleeping. The dim light of the morning sun filters through the curtains as Jungkook slowly opens his eyes to find that he's in his bedroom, on his bed and being hugged by Yoongi. Yoongi himself! Jungkook frowns as he slowly looks around the room, he distinctly remembers having fallen asleep in the guest room after having texted Taehyung about the movie they had watched.
So how did he end up here? He twitches a little, enough to be able to see Yoongi's features facing away from him. It doesn't take him two minutes to notice how red his usual pale face looks. Had he been crying? Not that he doesn't deserve it, whatever the reason, but still. Jungkook moves a little more abruptly as if to analyze Yoongi’s features but the motion is strong enough to make Yoongi stir and open his eyes. They are red, he’s definitely been crying.
“Good morning” the elder says with a little, barely there, smile. “Morning” Jungkook looks at him with a frown. “Did you sleep well?” Kook asks, a bit wary, he doesn’t want to start arguing so early in the morning. Yoongi shakes his head on the pillow, turns on his side away from Jungkook and curling up on himself like a puppy. Something warm blossoms within Jungkook's chest at the sight. It has been long since he felt that towards Yoongi. That little skip of a heartbeat that pumps love, that little adrenaline that only happens when one is around the most beloved person. The little butterflies in his tummy, the little rush of fulfillness.
"You wanna rest some more?" Kook asks quietly with the kind of voice he never speaks to Yoongi anymore. The elder nods three times against the pillow, his bangs almost covering his closed eyes. He gets more comfortable with his hands trapped between his legs and sighs lightly. For once in a what it seems like forever, Jungkook thinks again that Yoongi is beautiful. So he slips closer, tentatively slides an arm around Yoongi's slim waist- which he remembers being a bit broader. Jungkook feels the way Yoongi tenses in his hold, his muscles becoming somewhat still. It is unusual. Jungkook plants a soft kiss on his nape, a little portion of skin his lips haven't touched in a while. Yoongi just curls up further on himself, doesn't move away from Jungkook and that alone is enough for the younger to consider it a win.
Is minutes later once Yoongi has fallen back asleep with his younger boyfriend's arms around him that Jungkook allows his mind to travel back to the last time he was able to snuggle Yoongi like this. It had been the night after Hoseok's memorial. He had hugged Yoongi so, so tight making sure that the elder didn't fall apart. He had hugged him with every piece of his heart and every thread of his soul. Yoongi not once tried to move away, allowing himself to be held and kept together.
However, the memory brings more to Jungkook's mind and it is then that he realizes how different this cuddling feels now. Not emotionally but physically. Jungkook's eyebrow raises as he fixes his eyes on the visible bones of Yoongi's collar. They were certainly not that prominent before. His arm definitely reaches a lot further around Yoongi's waist and his jawline is more punctuated. Sudden realization falls on him. Has Yoongi been eating? If he thinks about it, the mornings he has seen Yoongi having breakfast have been sporadic and lately he's been arriving too late from work to see Yoongi having dinner at all. Even on weekends, Jungkook's been away at his family's house or just hanging out around town trying to avoid any more arguments with Yoongi, especially after the one where they almost lost their self control and got physical. Thankfully, Yoongi had left the apartment in a rush before their fight escalated beyond repair.
Here asleep, Yoongi looks completely different from that time. The hateful ironic expression of that time is now soft and relaxed, the horrid words he had said are now only soft quiet breaths. The only thing that remains the same is the red in his cheeks, the dried tears around his eyes. Jungkook wonders what made him cry last night. Had it been because of him? He also wonders when was the last time Yoongi ate, when did his skin become whiter, how much weight he has lost.
And when was he last told that he is loved.
Jungkook hugs him tighter. Nuzzles his nose against the short hair of Yoongi's nape. Tries to fall asleep again, next to him where he should always be. Where he belongs. Is no wonder that he rests like he hasn't in months and sleeps the best he's slept in a really long time. Even after all this arguments and with their crumbling relationship, Yoongi still feels like home. Yoongi still is his home.
That’s why he doesn’t hesitate to invite Yoongi to the company anniversary dinner on Saturday. Yoongi accepts to go calmly and the arguments stop for two weeks. Mainly because Jungkook returns late, as always, and when he arrives home, Yoongi doesn't really talk to him. He doesn't question where he's been or anything alike. Even on those nights Taehyung dropped him off after their evenings of drinks, waffles or big hamburgers. Jungkook finds himself enjoying his time with Taehyung a lot, everyday a little more and it is nice to go back home and not have to avoid Yoongi all the time.
It is calm for once but it is not a 'good' sort of calm. Yoongi greets him every night with a soft nod and if Jungkook asks something, everything he gets back are monosyllables. At times Jungkook feels like he is being ignored but Yoongi doesn't seem to be ignoring him, rather just stays quiet minding his own business as if he felt as some kind of a bother. Jungkook guesses he just needs some time alone. Even so, if one thing has improved is the fact that they sleep on the same bed again. They fall asleep apart but end up cuddling in the middle of the night and Jungkook loves the mornings he gets to wake up tangled in Yoongi's arms. It makes him feel special, protected and very, very safe. It is like he is getting back his ‘in love state’ where he can't get enough of the older. Naively enough, he thinks the situation between them is getting better.
Primarily when Yoongi appears in their apartment’s lounge dressed in a black suit, ready to head to Jungkook’s company dinner party. “You look great” Kook compliments, Yoongi smiles at him. “You too” Yoongi approaches him and fixes Jungkook’s tie and collar. Is proximity they don’t usually have anymore and maybe Jungkook confuses it. He lets himself be carried away and plants a soft kiss on Yoongi’s lips. The elder freezes, honestly they don’t really kiss anymore. He isn’t even sure why this can still be called a relationship. Nevertheless Yoongi looks up to Jungkook’s blushed cheeks and dreamy eyes. He leans in closer kissing him too, is slow and soft like it used to be when they just started dating. For that moment that the kiss lasts, Yoongi thinks he’ll miss Jungkook so much when he finally decides to leave.
They drive on Yoongi’s car towards the hotel where the party is to be held while keeping small conversation as if they were strangers. Inside the hall, Jungkook meets a lot of his work mates, he is happy to introduce Yoongi to all of them and despite the fact that Yoongi isn’t really big on socializing, he makes his best effort for Jungkook. At least until they meet Nissan guy- now known as Taehyung.
For some reason, Jungkook seems to be reluctant to meet him until there is no other option. Taehyung approaches them and Kook shifts uncomfortably next to Yoongi. “Jungkookie!” the tan, tall guy greets, pulling Jungkook into a hug. Jungkook slightly hugs him back “You look amazing, Tae” Jungkook speaks, which reminds Yoongi of the compliment he had received earlier from Jungkook. You look great well, he guesses that ‘amazing’ is not really a word to describe him. It does cut a little though. “You look amazing too, Kookie” Tae says back and Yoongi just watches as Jungkook disentangles himself from Taehyung’s embrace, coming to stand next to Yoongi again.
Jungkook shifts a little, clears his throat. “TaeTae, meet Yoongi” he says with a little smile “He is my- well, he is my...boyfriend” Taehyung’s eyebrows rise and fall in an impromptu moment that if Yoongi wasn’t sharp enough, wouldn’t have been able to catch. “Oh! Is nice to meet you- Yoongi- ssi” He comments and offers his hand. “Likewise” Is everything Yoongi finds himself replying. “Jungkookie, I- I didn’t know you had a boyfriend” Jungkook sighs, he is probably embarrassed. “Yea, we’ve been dating for a few years” 5 years, actually. Yoongi’s mind produces but he remains quiet, those are just details.
“Well, great then. I’ll see you later then, Kook” Taehyung finalizes before walking away towards a new group of people. Yoongi doesn’t even question Jungkook. He knows him enough to know the reason why he’s kept their relationship hidden from this particular work mate. In a way, he would do it too if he had such a handsome work mate but was stuck with someone so acid as himself. Jungkook must feel so trapped all the time.
“Let’s go find a table” Yoongi says after a few seconds of silence, Jungkook nods. “Yea, let’s do that” The atmosphere is extremely awkward.
Still, they have a good time. Taehyung doesn’t sit with them so Jungkook doesn’t get too tense. The few people who share the table with them are amicable enough and quite pleasant, if Yoongi must admit. The food is delicious and the music has been exquisitely selected, which is enough to make Yoongi feel calm and relaxed. Overall, it is not that bad. Yoongi finds himself feeling glad for having accepted Jungkook’s invitation to come tonight.
That is until dinner ends and the fancy cocktail begins. At first Yoongi and Jungkook remain seated while the other people leave the table. Eventually though, someone calls on Kook and he walks away asking for Yoongi to go with him but with the latter ultimately refusing. Jungkook goes to talk to a few men and a lady, clearly older than him. Yoongi just checks on his phone, which proves to be a bad idea once he lifts up his face and finds no other than Nissan boy standing way closer to Jungkook that what he should.
Yoongi looks closely at them when Taehyung casually slides an arm around Kook’s waist and is bold enough to whisper something in the younger’s ear that makes him laugh quietly. Jungkook leans in closer to him and even takes a drink from Taehyung’s hand, the same drink Taehyung himself had been drinking from. They seem to be having a good time and Yoongi feels out of place. Almost like a third wheel. He can’t go home yet, not without Jungkook, so he just heads outside to the small terrace instead. The cold winter wind greets him there, Yoongi just stands there unphased. His mind doesn’t process anything that isn’t the image of Jungkook and Taehyung acting the way he should act with his boyfriend but that can’t because it would be really awkward to do so right now after months and months of distance.
“You want one?” A male voice suddenly speaks next to him. Yoongi turns around to find an unknown guy holding out a pack of cigarettes. It’s been really long since Yoongi last smoked and that was at a college party. He might not even remember how he’s supposed to do it but he guesses that it must be like driving, once it’s learned, one never really forgets. “Sure, thanks” he accepts, taking one of the cigarettes from the pack and the lighter from the stranger’s hand. He lights it up and takes the first drink of it quite swiftly, he guesses he was right about remembering this.
A few minutes pass in which Yoongi takes his time before finishing his first cigarette in years, before the guy offers a new one. Yoongi takes it and lights it up, actually finding a little relief in the numbing sensation nicotine brings. “So you new?” the stranger asks, settling right next to Yoongi with their elbows pressed on the metal barricade of the small terrace.
“No, I’m actually here with someone” Yoongi replies, the guy nods. “Yea, I think I’d remember someone like you if I saw you around the office” It is a compliment, borderline flirting, Yoongi chuckles. “I think I’d remember you too” he replies after not finding anything better to say. “Really? You should probably come along with that someone more often then” The guy gets closer to him as Yoongi takes another drag from the cigarette, he thinks of something clever to say when suddenly “Yoongi?” Jungkook calls, making the elder turn around to see him.
Jungkook plants a killing gaze on the stranger who nods in Kook’s direction and heads back inside. Jungkook watches him through the glass until he disappears. Then turns his whole attention to Yoongi who still stands by the barrier with the cigarette between his fingers. “You’re smoking?” Jungkook asks angrily, Yoongi shrugs. “Isn’t that what you usually do with these things?” He asks ironically as he takes the white cigarette to his lips.
“Get that out of your mouth!” Jungkook tells him, pushing the tobacco out of Yoongi’s lips to the ground with one small slap. Yoongi doesn’t move, his eyes locked on Jungkook’s. “I wanna go home” the younger says then, his expression annoyed as it usually is when he addresses Yoongi. The latter is not one bit surprised. “Let’s go then” he says nonchalantly, walking pass Jungkook and taking the lead in their little trip to the parking lot. Of course they don’t leave before Jungkook gets the chance to hug Taehyung goodbye. Yoongi just watches from afar.
The ride back home is heavily quiet, the tension could easily be cut with a knife. “Did Minki give you that smoke?” Jungkook asks when they are near their neighborhood. Yoongi nods “I think he wanted a hookup or something” Yoongi replies, it doesn’t stir well with Jungkook. “With you?” he asks and it is probably meant to be an innocent question. More of a reassuring inquiry on the fact that his boyfriend wouldn’t do it, but Yoongi understands it completely different. “What? You think that just because you don’t like me anymore, no one else can find me attractive?” he challenges, Jungkook laughs quietly, mocking him.
“I’m aware of how physically attractive you are, hyung” Jungkook replies coldly. “Everyone can see that, you are really handsome...is what is inside you that I think they wouldn’t like so much”
Yoongi’s eyes widen slightly as he turns around the corner of their apartment complex. He thinks he should say something but there is no defense against that, because Yoongi knows that Jungkook is right. He stays quiet, swallowing the lump in his throat with a sad heavy sigh. His lack of response, however, is enough for Jungkook to understand.
“I’m sorry” he apologizes almost immediately. “I’m sorry, that was too far” he says with his eyes glued to Yoongi as he parks the car. “Hyung, I’m sorry” he repeats. “It’s fine” Yoongi tells him, fast and pointed, as he switches off the engine. “You didn’t lie” he completes before both exit the car and walk to the elevator.
“You know I didn’t mean it” Jungkook tries again, Yoongi shakes his head. “Yes you did so don’t worry. You shouldn’t apologize over how you feel” Jungkook doesn’t look at him but Yoongi can see the way he rolls his eyes in the elevator’s mirror. “Can’t believe you’re playing the victim again” Jungkook complains, taking a hand to his forehead. “I’m not playing anything, Jungkook. You said what you said, now own up to it. I think you’re mature enough for that or should I still be treating you as a baby?” The elevator doors open, Yoongi steps out first. “As if I was the whiny one in this relationship” Jungkook retorts “You never speak and when you do is to complain, who’s the baby then?” Yoongi presses the code on the apartment’s door, heading inside as soon as it unlocks.
“It still is you, Jungkook! You never actually grew up, you might have gotten taller but your mind is still thirteen” Jungkook follows Yoongi inside. “Says the one who acts as if they were sixty!” Jungkook fights back, Yoongi is tired of it all and he guesses Jungkook must be too. “I don’t know what I ever saw in you” he says bitterly, not actually meaning it but as a shield against the words he’s receiving from his younger boyfriend. Of course, by now he should know that Jungkook is really vindictive “At least you can say you saw something in me, hyung. Not like me who started dating you only because there was no one else to ask me out at the time! You’re lucky I even accepted to go out with you!” And that’s enough for Yoongi to retire. He has no retort to that one, because as much as Jungkook’s previous statement while they were still in the car, he knows this is true.
It is around two in the morning when Yoongi finally gets under the covers. Jungkook is already tucked underneath. Neither one of them says anything when Yoongi turns off the light and darkness embodies them in their silence until they both fall asleep. A wise phrase says that one should never go to sleep with an angry mind but Yoongi doesn’t remember when was the last time he actually fell asleep with a smile.
It is later that he feels Jungkook shifting closer, Yoongi does so as well, barely awake. He slides an arm around Jungkook and loosely holds him there because just from the sound of his breathing, Yoongi knows that Jungkook is not asleep. “Kook?” he calls, the latter hums in response, clearly not ready to face him at all. It is good that it is dark. “I know there are people who would like to ask you out now” Yoongi tells him softly. Jungkook sighs “Hyung, I didn’t mean…”
“Yes you did” Yoongi interrupts him. “If you don’t want me anymore, that’s okay, you know?” Yoongi feels little cracks forming in his heart as he speaks. “If you want to go out with someone else, you can. You actually should” Jungkook stays still, Yoongi gets a little closer, tightens his arm around the younger’s waist. “If you want to try with someone else, that’s fine, Ggukkie. You have every right to do so. If I may ask for something though” Yoongi pauses, there’s a huge chance of his voice wavering with what he’s about to say next. “Break up with me before you do it, Jungkookie. Don’t cheat on me- please” Jungkook exhales, he turns around in Yoongi’s hold, gets even closer to him, tangles his legs in between Yoongi’s.
“I’m not a cheater” he says softly, because he really isn’t, he wouldn’t even think of cheating on Yoongi. He loves Yoongi and he really didn’t mean what he said, is just that he’s very on edge lately and the constant fights with his boyfriend only manage to make him more and more disturbed, hence the mean comments he always says. “I know” is everything Yoongi gives as a reply before pressing a kiss on Jungkook’s forehead and asking him to fall asleep.
Jungkook doesn’t though, not until Yoongi himself succumbs to slumber and he’s able to look at him properly. “I’ll get you through this hyung. I promise I will” The problem is that he doesn’t know how to do it, but as if on cue and given the perfection of the universe, his phone lights up with a text notification showing up.
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From: Park Jimin
Jungkook?
I’m ready to talk
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