The way home is quiet and thoughtful. I want to scream or cry, but nothing happens. Instead music fills the car.
I grab Hunter's hand and sigh softly, tension easing when he squeezes my hand. I feel super shitty in this moment. He makes it a little better.
Travis thought comfort was sex. Hunter? He knew what it was. It was just company.
We reach home just in time, Hunter carrying the apples while I open the door and smells waft to the outside. I want to go to bed more than anything right now. I do t think I can handle the rest of the family right now.
We step into the kitchen, setting the apples on the counter and looking around the kitchen. Don, Luke, Eli, Jessie, and Kim. They are all busy, cooking or putting together something. Hunter snatches a pickle wrap and hands it to me.
Jessie finally notices us and smiles, "How was it?"
"It was great," I cut off Hunter, smiling at Jessie.
I would be lying if I said it was genuine. People make mistakes, her cheating isn't what pisses me off. It is her treatment of her own son. Collin really deserves better. The cheating was a mistake, the child? Not at all.
"Good. Why don't you kids go watch TV until dinner is done? It will be another hour or so, loves."
Hunter hoists Luke onto his shoulders, who is hiccuping from excitement this time. He carries the smaller boy into the living room. I turn to Eli and grab her hand, leading her into the living room. Luke is next to Hunter, so I sit on Hunter's other side with Eli.
We end watching seven episodes of Steven Universe, Collin eventually joins us. Something about him seems a little better. He seems a lot more at ease near me and around me. I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me happy.
Luke hurries into the kitchen to bug about dinner, Eli isn't far behind him. I look at Hunter. I frown at the amount of space between us and he notices. I know that later we will make up for it.
Collin gives us a strange look but then turns his attention back to the TV. I wonder what he is thinking.
"Boys, time to eat!" Kim calls shakily and warmly from the door of the dining room. I didn't know they had a separate dining room until everyone started piling into a door in the kitchen.
When I see all the food, my stomach growls involuntarily. I wonder for a second if I have ever seen this much food at once. We didn't really e we celebrate Thanksgiving at the foster facility.
We kinda just binged movies and ate breakfast all day. It was pretty cool, but this is too. I sit next to Hunter, across from Eli and Collin. Everyone is at the table. I mean e everyone. Charlie, Hannah, Don, Kim, Jessie, Remy, Eli, Luke, Collin, Hunter, and I. Even Duncan, the small fur ball of hate in sitting beneath the table.
I notice for once he is close to me, rubbing his head against my ankle. Oh so now he is going to be nice to me? It is probably the food.
Jessie smiles at everyone, they all grab hands. I am between Don and Hunter, holding both of their hands. Don's hands are calloused and warm, Hunter's are similar but more familiar.
Then everyone is bowing their head, leaving me confused. Hunter grins as he looks at me from the corner of his eye.
"Thank you, Lord for the company we keep and the family we have. For the food on the table and let everyone reminisce on what they are thankful tonight. Amen."
"Amen," Everyone else repeats.
"What are you thankful for, Luke?" Jessie asks, starting a circle while we start to eat.
"I'm thankful for potatoes," He decides with a stutter and a nod.
Eli says she is thankful for the house and family, also that she doesn't have to go to school right now. It goes on to Remy then Charlie.
"I'm thankful for a good harvest as always. The hardworking people who make it all happen," His eyes land on me and I get uncomfortable.
I look at Don, her dark skin looking radiant beneath tbe light. She smiles and looks around the table.
"I'm thankful for family, new and old. Also that the pressure cooker worked unlike last year."
Everyone laughs and then it is My turn. I bite my lip and look around, clearing my throat and smiling awkwardly. I feel a limp in my throat as I look around the table at the people. Tears threaten to fall from my eyes as I open my mouth.
"Im thankful that I have managed to have a family after so long of not knowing what one was. I'm thankful for every single one of you."
Then I'm wiping my eyes and looking at Hunter, "What about you?"
Hunter bites his lip and then looks at his mom, "I'm thankful for the love I have found this year. With family, friends, and other people I never knew I needed."
I feel a smile tug at my lips as he speaks, knowing I'm part of it. I feel guilty now. We are brothers. Not by blood, but everyone expects ud to be brothers. Not lovers.
I bite my lip while he finishes, joking about the time he took me to the arcade and I couldn't win anything. Then joking about trying to play baseball with Eli and Luke. He even talks about the time Collin fell asleep on his bed after they played video games. Then a story about Hannah and a horse, which I don't really listen to.
He loves this family.
He loves me too. But I don't know if he does in the right way. When we get home this needs to stop... It has too. Tonight is the last night.
When it's Collin's turn, everyone has pretty much stopped listening. I frown, on the brink of tears again as I speak.
"Hey," I say sort of loudly, "Collin, what are you thankful for?" I smile.
He looks at me, something in his eyes. It looks to be hurt and surprise. He looks as if everyone forgets he exists.
I remember you.
My thoughts whisper to him across the table, but I am not sure he hears me. Everyone shut up, thankfully. Otherwise I would have blown up on them. He smiles at me, genuinely.
He has never smiled this wide around me.
"Im thankful for my little brother and sister. I'm thankful for my douchebag older brother," Hunter elbows him but they laugh it off, "I'm thankful for Aunt Don, Grandma Kim, and of course my mom," He pauses, "I'm also thankful for my dad. He is such a good role model and I want to be just like him."
I can hear the tears in his throat, but he refused to let them go, "And my Uncle. And my cousin. Last but not least, I'm thankful for Duncan. The cutest dog in the world."
Everyone laughs and so does he, he looks at me, "No, but seriously. I'm thankful for Jaime. I couldn't ask for a better foster brother. You... Understand me more than anyone else. Thanks, dude."
My heart swells and I cry like a child, Don hugs me and everyone laughs while Collin shakes his head and calls me a baby, his eyes teary too.
We all eat until we can't eat anymore. We chat aimlessly and compliment tbe food. I eat two pieces of Don's strawberry pie. I notice Duncan being fed beneath the table. I sneak him a few pieces of turkey and stuffing. He seems to like me now.
By the end of it all, I am helping put away leftovers and doing the dishes with Jessie. Hunter is playing a video game with his brothers and sister in the living room. I can hear Kim and Don laughing about the game. Charlie and Hannah are in the kitchen, chatting with Remy and Jessie.
I finish then head upstairs, saying goodnight to everyone. Sadness weighs on my shoulders once I realize that I have to end things with Hunter before anything really starts. I will make tonight special somehow.
Hunter turns in about an hour later, when the house is completely silent aside from him climbing the stairs. He shuts the door behind him and I stand up to jump on him.
He catches me and holds my legs tightly around him. I latch onto his neck, burying my face deep into the crook of it. He says something but it doesn't register. I'm crying while I kiss him.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I kiss him again and again to convey my love for him.
The passion he has given me is unreal. He kisses me back harder and harder until we are in a similar position to this morning. His soft lips caress my neck and jaw. I clench my eyes shut as he sucks on the soft skin.
"Hunter, no marks," I whisper and pull him closer.
He apologizes then kisses me all over again. I grip his hair tightly and allow a soft cry to escape my lips when he pulls away to breathe.
"Baby, what's wrong?" He sounds so concerned it breaks my heart.
"Can we just be together tonight?" I whisper up to him softly.
He laughs and smiles, "Of course. Why wouldn't we be?"
I smile up at him weakly and let him kiss me again. I end up returning the morning's favor and kissing him until my mouth hurts. I love the way he touches me and talks me through everything.
I think I might be in love with him. Every single piece of him.
Tomorrow I have to get rid of it all. No more being with him in any other way. We will be what everyone thinks we are, it will hurt us at first. But it is just easier if we don't go any further. How will I even tell him?
I bathe in his kisses until he falls asleep, holding me tightly against him. His breathing is steady and his warm breath fans out against my neck.
One last time I let myself imagine what our future could be.
Marriage. Our honeymoon would be somewhere tropical and beautiful. We would get a house somewhere in Florida, we would have two kids. He would be a football coach and I would be a music producer.
We'd be happy. If I wasn't his fucking foster brother.