J.S Marie
All right reserved. Copyright 2015 ©
"I hate him." A frustrated sigh swirls out in a breath as I enter the building. Frigid with moist drops clinging to my soaked clothing, I reluctantly climb the stairs to my flat.
Once inside the safe, warm confines of my home, I unleash the mighty rage I hold deep inside, a fury of screams and profanities. I'm sure my neighbors can hear my thunderous roar, but I don't care. Let my agony pierce their ears. Ever since leaving school grounds, I desperately tried to contain my searing temper like a hot iron waiting to brand the next soul I encounter. There is now nothing to stop me from letting loose.
As my rampage dies down, an icy shiver convulses my body already chilled by my soaking uniform. Breathing heavily, my tear stricken face looks around the deserted family room. I wish Robert will just die.
The deafening silence in the empty flat brings back the events of the day. Music is my only haven on earth where my soul can be away from the likes of the jerk, Prince Robert. Today, they took my only solace and flushed it straight down the toilet, completely losing grasp on my Eden. Practicing piano like any other day straight after classes, I was suddenly bombarded by a downpour of ice water. Robert's top henchman, Peter and James, sheepishly held an empty bucket over my drenched, black hair. It only got worst from there, it is raining and I had no bloody umbrella.
I flinch at the poisonous memory trying hard not release another tantrum. Without prolonging any further at the entrance, I strip out of my soaking blazer and slump on the welcoming sofa. I am so tired and body aches, visiting the very pit of hell.
Music. It's my escape from reality. The melodies and rapid motion of fingers calm all the marrow in my bones and makes the world right again like so many years ago. With music, an embrace of notes wrap around me as strong, sturdy arms, protecting me from dark thoughts. For a millisecond lost in the music, my father holds me close, looking down with cherishing eyes. His smile floats into the air evaporating as the music sadly always ends. It's been over twelve years since his death, but I can still live in the wake of his strong scent of spice and Irish. His knightly smile still burns a crisp, fresh-off-printing image in my head. Music makes me his princess again even though he is buried deep beneath the earth.
Unconscious tears almost choke me, making me gag in surprise. I stretch out my long, agile fingers as if preparing to play the piano, imagining my father's hand is guiding my movement like forever ago. I instantly clench my hands into a tight fist, baring a snarl of teeth at the memory of Robert. They can all go to hell.
Instead of letting another tidal wave control my thoughts, I move towards my room to trade uniform for pajamas before heading to the kitchen to make a cup of tea The steam emanating from the boiling kettle smacks my face making the crusty trail of mascara down my cheek more prominent, a mixture of tears, rain, and ass-hole. I don't care that I clearly look like rubbish. With my brewed mug, I sit back down on the snug sofa, letting out a heavy exhale of air. I spend minutes in silence, sipping the scalding beverage. Cup now empty, my tired gaze wanders to a few picture frames settled on the end table. Like some male model flawless and perfect, my father squints with a jovial smile, baring straight white teeth. His face is practically identical to mine with my same blue eyes. His blonde tufts of hair like combed straw barely reaches past his ears. In the photo, he is holding the three-year-old version of me in his lap. My eyes are still the marvelous cerulean blue, but in place of my current jet, black hair, I was Goldilocks blonde.
A hollow, melancholic ring echoes through my body, awaiting tears that have been dried for twelve years. The photograph whispers what's done is done.
The longer I admire my father's unchanging genial face; my eyelids begin to flutter sleepily. My vision becomes hazy as I try to cling onto the waking world, afraid of sleep and the terror that always follow. The last thing I see before I drift into slumber is my hero, happy and unknowing he will soon leave his only daughter behind.
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Goosebumps sprout fear across my small arms, a venomous snake hissing fangs. I am four again and they are everywhere.
"Daddy! Daddy!" My child voice shouts with all it can muster hoping my gallant knight will hear. "Daddy, make them go away."
On cue, the door bursts open and the radiant light from the hallway breaks through the darkness. Wearing boxer shorts, a tee, and robe, my knight stands in the doorway fear-stricken yet smiling softly.
"What's the matter, princess?" He rushes to the side of my bed, a sweeping falcon.
"They're here, Daddy." I whine in a whisper, pleading for my hero to vanquish the smothering evil once and for all. "I can feel them and they want to hurt us."
His eyes sharpen, scanning the room before looking to me again with disheartening eyes. He squeezes my child hands in his and kisses my forehead, a light sprinkle erasing the terror. "Nothing will ever harm you."
What about Daddy? They want him gone.
"What about you, Daddy?" I ask, tears overflowing my sight, a now mushy water picture. "I can feel them, and they want to hurt you the most."
"Listen to me." His voice is shockingly stern as the last tear trickles down my soft cheeks. "Everything will be alright."
He looks away, some distant thoughts driving a wedge between us. He finally speaks, a brutal cold, shuttering down my ears, "Promise."
His massive arms engulf my trembling form, as I force myself to believe him. Beating in my now calming heart, a brief premonition festers a dark hold, echoing that they will get him one day.
The sinister presence recedes away, a fog passing morn, leaving behind the taste of doom on my unexperienced tongue.
"Thank you, Daddy." I kiss his tense hand, letting my child ignorance believe his promise. "They left because you're with me."
"Are you safe now?" I feebly nod my head, giving his mammoth hand a reassuring squeeze.
My sparkling eyes look up at him past his stubble chin, "Tell me a story."
"Anything for my little princess." His lips press down on the top of my head.
"Once upon a time there was a princess, and she was as beautiful as you. But there came a day that her father decided to send her to a faraway land."
I almost cry out, heart breaking, when he briefly stops. "Why? Didn't he love her?"
"Of course he loved her." His warm breaths tickle the back of my neck. He continues, a small wave of agony tainting his words, "He knew he could only protect her by sending her away."
"Why can't her Daddy protect her?" I continue to persist, sensing something terrible amiss. "All she needs is him."
He stops. At first, it seems as if he isn't going to continue but he takes a deep breath and does anyway in a forced unwavering voice, "One day, he realized that he might not always be there for his princess. He loved her so much that he knew sending her away was the only way he could continue to protect her."
A thick atmosphere swallows the both of us, sticky molasses to the skin. His faint, light chuckle breaks through the wall, genuine and welcoming. In a lighter tone, he continues, "He knew there was a prince waiting to protect his princess in this far away land."
Tears are now gushing out, imprinting a path down my baby face for the sorrowful waterfall. His story finally hit me, raw, cold, and true. "Daddy?"
A wretched sadness washes over his face. For a second, I almost believe I will see him cry. "What is it, princess?"
I barely manage to speak as one of his fingers wipes away my tears, "I love you."
"I love you too, princess." His voice wilts, a dying flower gasping for the last threshold on life. His embrace tightens and his arms quiver lightly, using his body to cry.
He continues the story as if an obligation, voice unmarked with any emotion, "He knew that his princess would come to need this prince in the same way that she needed her father. He didn't want to let her go, but it was what was best for his princess. He knew that his princess would meet this handsome prince, and they would fall in love. He came to accept this choice."
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I awake to the sound of the television. When my vision finally becomes clear, I read the clock: 9:25. The shuffle of pots and pans brings my attention to the kitchen to see my mother making two cups of hot chocolate. She looks up at me as she stirs the chocolate mix into the steaming pan of milk. A smile gently crosses her lips.
I've always thought my mother is beautiful. With her dark coffee bean hair and dark ocean blue eyes, she won the heart of my father. Her hair is cropped short and styled with mousse while age has barely marked her face for only being in her early forties. Despite her late shifts and long hours as a nurse, she still maintains her beauty.
It doesn't surprise me to see her home this late when her shift at the hospital usually ends around nine o'clock or later. I can't believe I've fallen asleep. A shiver unconsciously runs down my spine. Father.
Before I can think about the dream and my father, my mother hands me a mug of chocolate while taking the seat next to me. She begins, "Lexie, you had a dream. I can always tell when you had an important dream. Tell me about it."
For some odd and unexplained reason, my mother has a keen interest in dreams. She is superstitious and thinks there is some unseen meaning behind every dream that we could remember. She would always tell me ever since I was little, "Every night you dream. If you can't remember a dream, it just simply means it's not worth remembering. But if you do remember, it has to have some significance or else it was never worth remembering."
I can't meet her eyes. I am not sure if I should tell her it was a dream about father. That is always a delicate subject to bring up around her. After all, he was the one she loved. I hesitate only for a few seconds before beginning, "I was just dreaming about how dad used to come in my room in the middle of the night to scare away...things."
Although I have pretended for the last twelve years that there was nothing suspicious about my father's death-besides the covered story that my father fought off a burglar and was murdered-I knew that they were somehow involved. I know that most people have demons or skeletons in the closet but mine were real.
I don't remember when I became haunted with these sinister forces at that young age, but once I felt them; they became a part of everyday life. The only person who made them go away was my father and eventually my mother had this same effect. But since we moved to London, these demons have been kept at bay. I don't know how to explain them to my mother. While she remembers the past happily, I was completely overrun by them. I don't think I should bring up this daunting part of the past to taint her blissful memories.
I continue to lament my dream as I take another sip of the hot beverage, "He would always tell these stories about a princess who lived happily ever after with a prince."
"Ah, yes." My mother shakes her head in agreement, "I remember that story very well." Her eyes sparkle as if something just came to her. She looks like she is lost in deep thought before I pull her away.
"Mum?" I cock my head to the side as I eye her suspiciously interrupting her away from her deep thoughts. "Don't you think it is an odd coincidence that I met that bastard just like the princess in the story met the prince?"
"Lexie..." Her voice slightly becomes stern at my choice of vocabulary but she smiles in response to my reasoning.
"Except there is no way in hell that I will ever live happily ever after with Robert." Distaste fills my mouth as I force myself to spit out his name. I didn't know that his name would cause my blood to boil this much, somehow the feeling is exhilarating.
My mother smirks at my response as she glances over at the clock. "Honey, we both should go to bed. You don't want to be late for classes tomorrow...again."
"Like I care." I unwillingly lift myself from the couch as my mother lightly chuckles.
"Lexie, honey, have a good sleep and sweet dreams." My mother brushes her lips to my forehead and quickly disposes the empty mug in the sink before going into her bedroom. I am finally left alone in the living room. I begin towards my bedroom when I realize the television is still on.
The news anchor is going on about some ribbon-cutting ceremony the queen is going to partake in tomorrow. Irritated by the picture of the queen, I gladly press the power button on the remote. I then head straight for my bedroom ready to face the awaiting doom behind the doors that contains the deepest and darkest horror of my dreams and nightmares.
For the past week or so, the same dream has been playing over and over again like a rerun of a stale and outdated television program. In the dream, I'm always walking down a foreign path to god knows where. I hear this memorizing music until I wake up and completely forget the rest of the dream.
I don't even bother to remove my make-up as I turn off the lights and slide into my bed aching from the taunting and torment the day provided fruitful. I close my eyes and drift into a world that I know I have no hands in controlling.
As I predicated, the dream happened. I think as I enter the college once again late for class. What was I thinking? It wasn't going to happen...hah!
I take my sweet time until I reach the classroom and open the door. Professor Maddox has already started the lecture on Milton's Paradise Lost. Judging eyes watch as I take my seat.
"Late." Someone says this under their breath as they pretend to cough. I already know this someone. Prince fucking Robert.
I turn around and glare. He is sitting there as if nothing in the world can take him down. His bronze colored hair slightly sways just above the brow as his emerald green eyes give me a menacing gaze. His big, perfect, annoying smile widens as if he is expecting me to do something about it. So I mouth, "Fuck you."
With a snide smirk, he mouths back, "Thank you."
It takes a lot of composure not to tear out his fucking throat away from that pretty face. I settle down as Professor Maddox continues on with her lecture.
My best friend, April, leans over from the seat next to me and whispers, "So what happened yesterday? You left school completely soaked."
It takes me a few moments to answer her. I stare at her somewhat pretty face with dark crimson hair that barely reaches her shoulders and her dark auburn eyes that contrast with her dyed hair. She wears heavy and dark make-up much more than mine.
I can remember clearly the very first time I ever met April. It was shortly after my mother and I moved to London. At the time, April lived with her parents in the flat right across from ours. It wasn't long after that we met and became close friends. Since those days in the past, April can always pick up when something is wrong with me. Now, I know that she knows exactly what happened yesterday.
"Who do you bloody think did it?" I hiss with distaste as I try to keep my cool from exploding into something that would get me expelled.
"The fucking bastard," she whispers a little louder as her face shows signs of murderous intent, "That's a step too far."
"What are we supposed to do?" I whisper back while grinding my teeth harshly against each other. "We can't touch him. He's the prince."
"That doesn't give him the right to be an ass-hole."
"I thought the title meant ass-hole, my mistake." I smile at April and she smiles back as we both went back to our notes.
By some miracle, the prince and his henchmen does not bother me through the rest of my morning classes. I am finally left alone to focus on my studies in peace. But I know it is too good to last.
At lunch, I join April at our usual table. I unwrap my sandwich and begin eating.
"So..." April takes a swig of her bottled tea and smacks her lips, "How should we get payback?"
I look at a far table where the prince would usually eat with his group of groveling mutts. It is empty. Unease slowly creeps up to me as a voice that isn't April's speaks.
"Tsk, tsk," Peter and James say in unison as they stand next to our table with their hands behind their backs. Robert is leaning against a wall just a few feet away watching the whole thing. Figures...
"What do you want, you little twits?" April almost growls as she acknowledges their sudden appearance.
"We just overheard you freaks mention something about payback." James says with an annoying grin on his face that makes me want to smash a mallet to his head.
"And?" It is obvious that April doesn't care that they had heard her. She just wants them to spit out what they came to say.
"We wanted to tell you sorry excuses for ladies that you will never get payback." Peter answers as he begins to bring his hands forward from behind his back. James also brings his hands forward. They both reveal two white eggs placed in each of their hands.
"Because we will always be a step ahead of you, bloody bitches." James whispers as they lift their hands above our heads. Before we had any chance to respond, there is the sound of the crack as the yoke begins to ooze on the top of our heads.
Before they can run away from our table, I manage to grab James by the sleeve. He harshly pulls away which causes me to fall off my seat. I look in Robert's direction to see that he has already vanished.
April yells profanities at the cowardly morons as she has a mixture of fire and disgust in her eyes. She offers me her hand as I am pulled up. She speaks with a voice filled with rage, "Let's get bloody clean, shall we? We are so giving those buggers fucking payback."
After we pack up what is remaining of our lunch, we head to the lavatory to wash the filth from our hair.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror only thinking one thing..."I want to fucking kill the bloody little bastard." I vocalize my thoughts while wringing my hair in the sink.
"You and me both...but just having that thought might put us behind bars..."April continues as she finishes drying her hair underneath the hand dryer, "like I give a bloody care just as long as he is gone."
I give her a small smile as I pull my damp hair up with a band, "Why can't he be a real man and fight his own battles instead of sending Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum to do his bidding?"
She gives an annoyed shrug as I continue, "The thought of such a coward makes my blood curdle."
The bell rings signaling the end of the lunch break which we had completely missed due the little ass-holes. I wasn't going to go to class smelling like a bloody omelet although my stomach fights in minor defiance.
"Shall we?" April lets out a defeated sigh as we head out of the toilets. We separate at the end of the hall to go to our separate classes. She gives me a small wave goodbye, "See you later, Lex."
I only nod as I head to my music theory course. I only manage to take a few steps before I am encountered by the twits again. "Fuck off, dung brains." I simply state trying to push them out of my way.
"Someone's being a bloody little bitch." James taunts as he pushes me back. "What is it? Eggs on your brain?"
Peter gives a primeval grunt of laughter which causes the temperature to rise in my face. "No, I'm in the presence of some primates."
"Who are you calling primates?" Peter says snidely as he comes closer to me. "The last time I checked we were perfect gentlemen in the presence of a shrew."
I almost slap his face but stop myself when I see Robert leaning against a wall a few meters away from us. Why attack these pawns when I can attack the King? Checkmate.
I start towards Robert but Peter and James continue to cling unto me like leeches. "Where is the shrew going?" Peter says in a condescending voice while he grabs my arm preventing to get to Robert.
"Probably going to go back to the dark hole she crawled out from." James adds as he laughed at his pathetic joke and slaps Peter's open hand.
When they are distracted with being the bloody imbeciles they are, I make a dash in Robert's direction but I'm violently pulled back by the pair. I feel their hands let go of me but I can't stop the momentum of moving backwards. It happens quickly: I lose my footing as I realize that I am pulled all the way to the stairs. I don't have the chance to regain my balance as I start to fall down.
It feels like an eternity until I brutally reach the bottom of the three meter fall. In that time, I saw the terrified looks on the primates' faces as they ran away probably not wanting to be at blame for my inevitable injuries. But there was something that haunted me more during the fall as I lay cringing at the foot of the stairs. It was the look on Robert's face. He just stood still as the other two ran away watching me with evident pain in his eyes. I could almost swear he felt some guilt or even remorse. It was a look I had never seen on his face before.
I unstably push myself up as I look at the top of the staircase; Robert is gone. My back is on fire as my muscles throb in pain. I manage to get on my feet and slowly walk to the infirmary while clutching my fragile arm.
I enter the small office as the nurse glances up from her computer screen and eye me up and down. She quickly leaves her seat as she looks at my cradled arm. "What's the matter, dear?" She says as she rushes to my side and helps me into one of the nearby cots.
"I slipped on the stairs." I say as if I wasn't feeling the fire of hell eat my muscles alive. "It doesn't hurt that bad. I was just wondering if I could rest here a bit."
"My dear," she says with annoying care in her voice, "with that kind of fall you may have a concussion. You really should be in the hospital."
I shake my head and respond, "There's no need. It wasn't all that bad; I think some pain killers and rest will be all until I get home to my mum. If she feels I need to go to the ER, I will go then. She is a nurse after all."
The nurse just shakes her head as she fetches a glass of water and some pills. I forcefully swallow the pills and gulp the lukewarm water.
As I am lying down on the cot, the nurse speaks, "Is it feeling better, dear?"
I nod my head as I start to close my eyes and say, "Loads better."
"Dear, you shouldn't fall asleep after a fall like that. I'll come check on you every so often to see how you're doing." She finishes as she closes the curtain around the bed and I hear the shuffle of her feet.
I couldn't care less if I had a concussion or not. My eyelids are moving on their own and I'm not going to stop them. It feels better anyways if I close my eyes...
I slowly breathe in and out thinking about what happened in the last fifteen minutes. I can't explain it fully but it felt as if Robert finally cared for what happened to me. The look on his face was of a scared little boy instead of that mighty arrogant snot. And those buggers...can't expect anything more from them except to run away when things got too serious for their bloody taste. But then again his face...his face...his face...
"Lexie? Lexie" Someone whispers as I slowly lift my eyes open and shake my head awake. April stands before me with a worried look on her face. "You're finally up. The nurse said you might have a concussion so you shouldn't be sleeping. I was just about to slap you awake."
I lightly smile not doubting my friend one bit as I pull the covers off of me and begin to sit up. My body still slightly aches but not as much as before. I sigh remembering everything that happened before my peaceful slumber.
I rub my eyes and yawn. "What time is it?" I ask through my yawn.
"Classes have been over for a good fifteen minutes." April states as she quickly looks at her watch. "I was looking for you after my astronomy course when I heard from some people that you were in the infirmary."
In response, I gave her the look that told all. But she is already giving me a knowing look, my look just confirms everything. I instantly expect her to storm out of the room in search of blood instead she places her hand on my arm and asks, "How are you feeling?"
Lightly shaking my head from the remaining grogginess, I respond, "Much better. But extremely pissed off."
"Trust me, Lex. It's taking every last inch of control not to break into that royal estate to slit the bastard's throat." She grits through her teeth as she soothingly rubs my tender arm. At the mention of him, I'm quickly drawn back to the moment as I descended the stairs. His face was filled with such terror and-I just can't believe it especially in April's presence- there was definite penance. I just cannot bring myself to process it at the moment.
I can only smile at my dear friend. "One of these days I swear the officials will lock you away." I shake my head as I release a small chuckle.
"You know, it's probably true." She grins as we find ourselves in a fit of laughter that last for a few moments. We talk for a little while conceiving some plot to humiliate the prince and his mindless arselickers but forget when we leave the infirmary. April remains at my side all the way to my flat. We say our goodbyes for the day as I enter the building. I somewhat struggle climbing the stairs but manage to make it to the top.
I quickly enter my home and look around the empty living room as the light breaks through the curtains. I exhale as I look in the direction of my room longing for nothing more but rest. But something catches the corner of my eye. I whip my head towards the vacant room with goose pimples coursing the length of my arms. Something's off...
I almost miss it but I catch a quivering transparent form in the arm chair a few feet away. My mouth makes an effort to open but no sound comes out. I want to scream at this person demanding why they are in my home but nothing. I'm stalk still as it dawns on me; I can see through this person or whatever it is.
My heart gallops trying desperately to escape my body. This cannot be happening. I shut my eyes and open them again only to see the lucent form still engaged in the fetal position. Its eyes are down casted away from me staring straight at the floor. Faint golden hair billows around its shoulders and back as its arms are tightly wound around its knees while slowly rocking forward and back. It must be a girl.
Some courage finally surface as I slowly advance towards the ghost-like girl. Abruptly, the figure stands which causes me to pause petrified. I am still unable to make the features on her face as she paces the room with shadowed eyes and her arms crossed over her chest. My eyes shut, once again, trying to convince my brain that all this was due to a probable concussion. I open to still see the figure. It has stopped its cantor and is looking in my direction. My body becomes rigid as her crystal blue eyes hold unto mine. I completely forget how to breathe. My eyes. She breaks my gaze as I forcefully close my eyes one final time gasping for air. This time when I open my eyes; there is no trace of her...or should I say me?
I am left unable to move. What in bloody hell just happened? Shaking my head I cautiously back away trying to decipher what just happened. Calm down, Lexie. You did have a bit of a fall. But why did it feel so real? I shouldn't sleep but I need to sleep away from all this confusion. But then again the dream... Is there no solace for me? I conclude as I head to my room unsure about the whole ordeal. Still feeling the tenderness in my body and shock in my head, I enter the darkened room while kicking off my shoes and climb on my mattress still wearing my uniform. It is clearly too early to call it a day but I couldn't care less. Not after today...and I thought yesterday was bad. Hah! I stare at the glimmering streaks of light on the ceiling from the slowly setting sun that sneak through the window.
I feel as if for the last hour or so I've been suppressing my emotions since I've awoken in the nurse's ward. And now add the fact that I may be going mental. Great, this will definitely give the twits another reason to pester me.
I let the agitation leak out. Tears streak my face as the thoughts flit through my head. First of all, I allow the tears to fall for the pain. Second, I allow my anger to create even more tears. Finally, I allow myself to think. To think about the past, the present, and possibly the future. The thoughts come so fast that they are incoherent. Why me? What would have my father done? They've never hurt me like this before. Why am I crying? Stop it. I hate them. April is such an amazing friend. That was me, there's no mistaking what I saw. Am I going crazy? I miss him so much. I can't sleep; it'll happen again.
My final thoughts come back tothe transparent face. My transparent face. The face was torn and broken with sorrow. Everything about the apparition looked like me excluding the blonde hair instead of my raven locks. I have finally cracked. I shake my head trying to remove the ghastly apparition from my vision as a new face appears...Robert. His face repeatedly plays in my head. The contorted features on his face that shows the fear, the concern, and the guilt all keep passing through never giving me a moment of peace. I do not know when exactly but my eyes finally close and I am pulled away from the world and into the world of my sleep. That's when I hear the music.
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Thank you so much for reading!
If you enjoyed this chapter, please comment and VOTE! Until next time...
J.S. Marie