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𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐎𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄
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"Huh, you're a weird one."
Sangmi squirmed in her seat as the handsome young man across from her cracked a lopsided grin. She had invited him out right after what she could only assume to be a workout session, since his streamlined, wiry arms—which glistered with hard work-induced sweat—were out on display from his loose white tank top.
"Usually, they want me to make their crush or boyfriend jealous, or something like that." said person continued, lazily swirling his drink as he shot her an intrigued look. "So, your request is coming from out of left field here."
Sangmi gulped thickly at his words, swinging her head down to avoid his gaze; her hands began to tremble as she strengthened her grip on her diary.
...Ah, yes—the diary. Sangmi's diary.
The diary inscribed with an introvert's hopeless romantic ramblings and pinings. The reason why she's even talking to this guy.
The reason...
"M-my reason..." she stuttered, her plain and un-styled black hair falling in her face as if to hide her away, "...y-you wouldn't understand..."
Ohhh, I knew this was a bad idea! He's probably looking at me weirdly—I have to go!
With that being thought, she hurriedly got up, raising eyebrows as she bit her lip and turned.
So embarrassing! Why did I ever think...!!!
"Ah, n-never mind!" Sangmi waved her hands profusely, thoroughly mortified at this point. It'll probably take months before she'd be willing to talk to anyone outside of her family at this rate. "Forget I ever said anything! Goodb—"
—ah?!
Before she could finish crying, however, the man leaned forward and grabbed one of her thin and shaking arms. His lips were perked in a cool grin.
"Hey, hey, hey." He raised his free hand in casual reassurance. "I didn't say I wouldn't do it."
Sangmi blinked owlishly at him, an embarrassed flush blooming across her cheeks. "W-what...?"
He is willing to help me? Really?
As if he could somehow read her mind, said person nodded. "Sure. What you need me for doesn't really matter—so long as you pay up."
Pay...
The world outside, separated from them by a concrete wall and one-sided awkward tension, stirred with a crisp breeze. People walked on by, true urbanites with their classily efficient dress. Sangmi found herself sneaking glances at them, looking both to escape from her café partner's prying stare, and in pining for their style.
"Yes..." she murmured distractedly, bobbing her head like a fish, "...of course. I will—"
"—Hey."
Suddenly, a hand drew her out of her daydream. Sizable as an eclipse, it casted shadows like one would across her flushed cheeks, leaving behind traces of an icy, yet feverish touch.
W-wait. What's he...?!
Sangmi, touched-starved as she was, very nearly choked on her own gasp, eyes popping out as magical fingers gently guided her face towards...
"...First lesson on romance:" the man smirked, though not in a particularly rude way as he briefly glanced down at her diary, "keep your eyes up. Always pay attention to your date."
xox
The mirror reflected upon its surface uncertainty and awkwardness, motes of dust adding to the dubious show. Out of the corner, a ruffled yellow skirt shifted and crumpled; an anxious wail went unheard by anyone but one certain.
"Does this even look good? Does it?!" Sangmi fretted, fisting her skirt as she turned and paced over and over again in front of her mirror. She'd done as such so often, however, that everything was starting to blend together.
"Oh, what do I know? It's hopeless—"
—*DING!*
Suddenly, Sangmi's phone chimed with a notification. Eyes widening, she hurried over and swooped it up, twitching anxiously as she pulled up the chatroom with her new contact.
The man, who'd later introduced himself as Park Chanyeol, turned out to be something of a tease. He was nice enough, make no mistake (after all, who else would want to help a sorry person like her?). But, he possessed a strong poke-and-flirt drive—and that spelled trouble for Sangmi's shy and reserved self. Lots of trouble.
But anyways, back to the text she'd just gotten a notification for (the ones featured above are from last night's correspondence)...
Sangmi gasped. How did he know?!
Her fingers trembled as she awaited his answer. Was she that predictable? Did he already find her ridiculous and boring before things even started? Was he already regretting—
—*DING!*
Something like an icy tidal wave washed over Sangmi's heart. So he did think—
—*DING!*
—*DING!*
There was a bit of a wait between the first and second message, but they came quick regardless—as if to shut up her doubts and dark thoughts.
Be...myself? He said...
Sangmi's mood flipped as quickly as it had gloomed, a rosy blush painting across her cheeks as she reread the messages with subtle zeal.
"No one," her fingers skirted lightly over the screen, as if in fear that too much physical interaction would wipe the messages out to naught, "has ever told me that..."
Park Chanyeol...he's strange.
For the first time in years, she found her heart at ease, cresting the waves instead of flailing under.
.
.
.
"Hey, there you are!"
Chanyeol grinned as Sangmi shyly approached, performing a suave shoulder-turn. He was clad in denim and cotton, the textiles complimenting his tall figure more than was necessary.
"Hi..." his rookie-in-love date greeted awkwardly. "I-I got your messages..."
The midday sun was setting in nicely; gravel bounced and skipped as sneakers and boots started strolling their way through.
"You look nice." Chanyeol uttered as he gave Sangmi a quick look-through, his lips perking into a charmed smile. "That yellow skirt...very cute."
A blush bloomed and burst across his date's face; he chuckled at the clownish intensity of it.
"Hey, I mean it." he continued, dipping his shoulder and stepping in front of her. He tilted his head down so he could better see her. "Second lesson: always acknowledge your date's efforts."
He then frowned.
"...Though, you didn't need to go through all that trouble. It's never a good thing if you feel like you have to change yourself for someone."
Sangmi's eyes widened at his words. "Change?"
Chanyeol nodded, crossing his arms. He was walking backwards now, still facing her.
"Yeah. You were getting all worried over what to wear, right? That's not good for your self-esteem and mental health in the long run."
Sangmi bit her lip, glancing down at her yellow skirt. Even though he had told her not to worry and just go as herself, she still...
"...S-so that's why you texted me all of that."
Chanyeol smiled as he took a step towards her; it was as warm as the sun above them, and shone with a kindness that astounded her. Why was he being so nice, so, so...sweet to someone he just got to know? She couldn't begin to comprehend.
"You want to know something amazing?" said person suddenly spoke. Sangmi blinked, having been drawn out of her thoughts.
"The feeling..."
The large hands that once touched her cheek now threaded through a strand of what she vehemently dubbed as "straw for hair", the motions as fluid as that of a passionate lover.
What is this? Sangmi trembled, wide-eyed.
"...of self love—wearing what you want, being whoever you want, and not giving a damn about what anyone thinks about it. The feeling of finding someone who loves you for yourself, rather than what you've got. And finally, the feeling of facing the world together."
With that being said, Chanyeol then returned to Sangmi her personal space, stepping back. The look on his face was sincere—he truly believed in everything he had and was telling her.
Why that all sound like the stages of romance?
"And that's what I want to help you with." he concluded, tucking his hands into his pockets. "These feelings... I want you to feel them."
Help me..."feel" those feelings?
Why?
He's doing this for money...so why go so far?
Sangmi didn't know she had vocalized those thoughts until Chanyeol stepped in front of her once again. He tilted his head.
"Hey, hey." he smirked. "Just because I'm getting paid doesn't mean I'm not going to do my best! I currently have a 5 star streak going on, you know. Can't have it break now."
Suddenly, the cocky breeziness melted away, leaving behind a genuine smile.
"Third lesson—which really should've been the first—: love yourself the most."
xox
The rest of their first date had gone fine, acceptable. It mostly consisted of Sangmi being either nervous in the midst of her supremely attractive date/teacher and messing up the simplest things (like ordering and eating a parfait), or lost in thoughts over his sageness in the romantic arts.
No, but seriously! Did he major in romance?!
...And what made him decide to pursue this...business of his?
Well, whatever the answers to both of those questions may be, it was now the next day, Wednesday, and Sangmi had to muster up the courage not to cancel their theme park date.
Roller coasters, ferris wheels, teacups... Just the thought of those rides made her stomach turn.
"Okay—you heard him, Sangmi!" said person scolded herself as she stared into the mirror. "No more fussing over what to wear! Be yourself...!"
.
.
.
Shouts of exhilaration permeated the air as spinning, zooming blurs of color flashed in and about, loud pop music blaring over speakers. Sweet and savory smells blended, a quirky harmony as vendors yelled in advertisement.
"So, this is a theme park!" Sangmi whispered to herself as she took in everything with wide-eyed wonder, spinning to capture all of the sights. "It's so...loud and bright! And fun!"
Being the supreme introvert that she is, Sangmi had never been brave enough to venture into a place of fun and dreams like this. To her, libraries and zen gardens were more appealing.
"There's so much to see and do...and no one's even looking at me!"
...But, now that she was standing in the midst of it all, she could see that she'd been wrong.
"You look happy."
W-what?! Sangmi jumped, whipping around. Staring at her amusedly was Chanyeol, dressed to impress (as per usual) in a wool turtleneck. He looked smart, yet soft and cuddly.
Sheep...
"Is this your first time here?" he inquired, smiling. "You seem so amazed at everything."
At this, Sangmi blushed, looking downcast.
"Y-yes." she nodded somewhat solemnly. "I just...never had the confidence to go before."
"I see." Chanyeol hummed in reply; he had the sympathy to frown. "Well, don't worry—I'll show you all there is to know about places like this!"
For some reason, the flopping Sangmi felt in her chest as he draped an arm around her shoulders electrified and set her alight. It didn't feel bilious, like seasickness, or even unpleasant, like being touched by someone lecherous. Rather, it imbued in her the sense of close familiarity—as if he and her have known each other for many, many years.
What is this feeling...?
"Okay." she nodded shyly, unconsciously leaning closer to his large warmth. "Let's go...!"
If Chanyeol noticed this behavior, he didn't comment on it, grinning as he steered them towards some colorful rides.
.
.
.
Children of all different ages chattered endlessly, and screamed in delight as they both waited for and hopped off the teacups ride, the latter party stumbling loopily as they giggled. The parents tried their best to support the rambunctious little nuggets, taking picture after picture and rallying them on from behind the fence.
"Everyone is so excited and happy...!" Sangmi observed, a sweet smile gracing her lips. Her eyes were wide and sparkling, taking in the sprightly sight. "Truly, this place is magical..."
Chanyeol, who'd been counting the number of people in front of them, looked down towards her, a smile of his own quickly forming. He didn't quite know why, but there was something about his newest client's innocent shyness that made him feel uncharacteristically light, warm, and sugary.
...Not that he wasn't kind—far from it. It's just, Sangmi's different from the other girls. All the latter clients wanted was to use him in their games of attraction. Jealousy, popularity, rivalries—you name it, he's served that purpose. He never had any wiggle room in his jobs—always following their instructions to a T—until now, where he's being expected to lead because the client had no clue on what to do, or even what she wanted!
He won't lament or complain about his past experiences, however—he chose to do it all. But, that didn't mean he couldn't think about and smile upon how unique and fun this newest job is, and how Sangmi was allowing him to be more true to himself. ...She truly was an interesting person.
"Oh! We're next!"
Chanyeol's eyes raised a hair, a grin of awkward, but happy proportions reaching them as Sangmi gestured towards the teacup ride.
This is her first time... She looks so excited.
"...Mhm." he nodded in reply, flashes of blue and easter yellow coloring his vision as the metallized ceramic cups whizzed by him. For a moment, he wondered if taking payment for such an innocent experience was right. "You ready?"
Sangmi balled her hands, as if to fortify herself.
"Y-yes!" she replied strongly, which amused him. I'm excited, and I'm ready—first time aside!"
Chanyeol gently laid a hand on her head and hair, giving it a tussle. He chuckled, the tone warm like apple cider on a crisp fall evening.
I...actually don't know why I'm doing this. But it feels right, somehow...
"Atta girl." he murmured, his voice oddly sweet. "Fourth lesson: enjoy yourself!"
.
.
.
"WAAAH! I-IT'S...GOING...T-TOO FAST...!"
"Haha! Put more energy into it, Sangmi!"
"NOOO! I WAS RIGHT—THESE KIND OF RIDES ARE STOMACH-TURNING!"
"But getting dizzy is the point! C'mon now!"
"THE W-WORLD IS SP-SPINNING...! URGK!"
"Ack! Keep away if you're gonna—!"
.
.
.
After spinning for many revolutions, the teacup ride finally settled, Sangmi lolling over the rim as her face grew sea green with motion sickness. Chanyeol patted mellow strokes down her back, looking all sorts of sympathetic.
"Urgh," she groaned, "that w-was fun. But, it seems that excitement doesn't come without sacrifices. My head is spinning still..."
"I'm sorry." her companion frowned in regret. "I should've known you'd get motion sick after you started turning all green and everything..."
The guilt in his voice was blatant, and it stood out to Sangmi like a popup storybook. For some reason, she felt her heart skip at this, and before she knew it, she'd whipped around towards him.
"Um...! Please, don't be—!"
The rest of what she wanted to say died in her throat as her hair, whiplashed by the sudden movement, settled, revealing Chanyeol's closer than normal face. His smooth-boned, youthful features left a knocking impression on her, the gentleman himself staring back silently—nerve wrackingly so. It brought forth shivers.
"S-sorry..."
He's s-so close...! Sangmi squeaked.
Chanyeol blinked, handsome and slow. He then brought a hand towards her blushing cheek, his long fingers grazing her ear as he tucked back a strand of windswept hair.
"You're sorry? What for?" his voice came out smooth, slightly amused.
"Y-you know!" she stuttered back, gesturing awkwardly towards their lack of personal space. "This! ...Um, I didn't mean to move like t-that."
Chanyeol pursed his lips at this, thoroughly entertained now. "Hmm... But, "this" is a part of romance." he mused. "In fact, I applaud you for figuring this out yourself!"
Sangmi was sweating now. Is it just me, or is he getting even closer?! I'm just imagining it, right?!
"T-that's true, but—"
"—In fact, let me show you what usually happens next in these types of situations."
H-huh?!
Ghostly fingers tickled the flustered young woman's nape; she arched her back, eyes fluttering as her companion bowed closer, his body wide and shadowing hers as he leaned.
"Sangmi..."
She could feel his breath on her cheeks now. It was slow and steady, but she couldn't see because her eyes were closed at this point.
He's going to kiss me, right? ...Do I want this?
I mean, he...he's nice, but...!
Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Opening her eyes, she was surprised to see Chanyeol now a distance away, an eyebrow raised; he clicked his tongue.
"...Fifth lesson on romance:" he spoke firmly, making it clear that this one's going to be an important one, "it's not romance if you don't consent to it. If you feel uncomfortable, then please, do anything you can to make it known."
Sangmi was surprised, but her heart felt warm. She was wrong about his intentions. "But, I thought you were going to kiss me. Isn't that a component of romance?"
"Not if you feel uncomfortable. Not if you don't want it." he replied with a head shake.
Wow... I see...
Bowing her head, Sangmi smiled softly in understanding.
"I see. Then...thank you, Chanyeol, for teaching me this. You are very considerate."
Said person gazed out into the distance, his expression cool. "It's no big deal." he replied. "Besides, this isn't something that should be praised and celebrated—it should be normal behavior, expected of everyone."
Before Sangmi could reply, the operator of the ride marched over to the pair.
"Hey, are you guys gonna get going anytime soon?" he called out tartly, arms crossed. "I need to get the next group of people on, you know!"
Gah! I forgot all about that!
Chanyeol and Sangmi shared a look; the latter blushed sheepishly.
"...We're sorry, sir. We'll be going now, sir." they then chorused, rising to scuttle away.
xox
Three weeks have passed since then. As per the schedule, Chanyeol and Sangmi met up routinely every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Each day brought with it new experiences for our rookie in love, and before she knew it, she was trying out things like laser tag, hiking, and bowling.
...Now, however, she was buried in bed, tightly gripping the journal that had started everything as she tried to sort through her feelings.
"Chanyeol, he...he's been nothing but nice to me. Even a teacher, funny as that sounds." she spoke softly. "And he doesn't ask for much, either. I just wonder why he does what he does..."
The sheets rustled like tree leaves in the wind as she flipped herself to her side, a sigh leaving her.
"Even though we've known each other for half a month now, I feel like there's still more I can stand to learn about him. He remains out of my reach..."
...Wait, what did I just say?
Sangmi clammed up as her cheeks grew warm. Why did she sound like she...wanted Chanyeol all of a sudden? They are friends, and he's also her romance teacher! Unless...
Bathump! Bathump! Bathump!
Her heart began to race, her body felt hot. A mindbogglingly tangible image of his gorgeous features possessed her mind, and ghost touches of his breath and fingers sent shivers aplenty.
"...Could it be?" she wondered aloud, a fresh bloom of scarlet coloring her cheeks. Her bed seemed to be consuming her now, its pillowy depths sinking. "Do I... Do I l-l-li...?"
She couldn't even finish. Whether it was due to shock from the realization, or fear of purportedly evident rejection, she didn't know.
...Perhaps it was both.
Should I tell him? she fished for her phone, biting her bottom lip. I can't hide it forever, can I?
The screen glowed a tamely white—a stark contrast to Sangmi's emotive thoughts—as she pulled up Chanyeol's contact, her finger shaking as it ghosted over the call button. She wanted to hear his voice, but didn't have the nerve to take the next, tide-changing, step.
How long do I expect this deal of ours to go on for? I no longer see him as just a teacher...
"...Ugh! Just do it!"
Before she could give herself more time to mull and turn back, Sangmi tapped the button, the normally mundane dial tone foreboding as she waited with a pounding heart.
Will he pick up? We've only texted until now...
*Rrrring... Rrrring... Rrrring... Rrrring...*
What if he doesn't? Do I try again?
*Rrrring... Rrrring... Rrrring... Rrrring...*
I've never felt this way before, done this before! Argh, I'm so nervous! Please—
"The number you are trying to call is unavailable. Please leave a message after the tone..."
Oh.
Sangmi felt her whole being plummet. Her phone slipped through her paling hand, falling to the bed with a sad series of bounces.
What do I do now?
Her spirit drained, she plucked her journal and flipped it open, landing on a feature and analysis on one of her favorite shoujo manga heroines.
She's so strong and brave...unlike me. Sangmi lamented. She never gives up, even—
Suddenly, her eyes widened.
...Never give up? Never...
xox
Come the following day, Chanyeol lounged casually at one of the many large window sills at school, the sunlight coming in from behind basking him in an angelic glow. However, it contrasted with the conflicted look he had on as he browsed content his phone.
"I should be welcoming this. Welcoming more business." he murmured to himself. "But now—"
"—Chanyeollie~! There you are!"
Harboring a sigh, he turned, watching with dull eyes as a pretty girl pranced up to him.
"You got my texts, right?" she prattled in a voice that irked him. "I'm gonna pay you a pretty penny, you know. It's a win-win for both of us~!"
Chanyeol crossed his arms, uncharacteristically stoic in a situation like this as he uttered in reply, "Yeah, I saw it—you want to make your boyfriend jealous. What, did he neglect you or something?"
The girl frowned at his low-key jab, but continued on, nodding, "Yeah, he did. Ugh, that dumbass!"
She then dug into her skirt pockets, pulling out a rather classy-looking card.
"Soooo, how about it? You'll make some good money, you know? I know you're all about that!"
Little did Chanyeol know that Sangmi had just entered the scene and was hiding behind a wall. She had bolstered the courage to confess her feelings, but upon seeing the far more beautiful girl, she lost her nerve and dipped.
"Well, I am known for doing favors for money."
"...But not anymore."
However, her appearance didn't impact much, because like her, Chanyeol had also changed.
"What?" the pretty girl frowned. "So you're not gonna help me out?"
The former romance mercenary tilted his head, smiling in an almost cheeky manner.
"Well, what do you think?" he replied smoothly.
The pretty girl bristled at this, growling. "Ugh, seriously? What the hell! What's with the noble change in heart? That's soooo inconvenient!"
With that being said, she stomped away, huffing all the while. Chanyeol waved after her.
"...Well, that's that." he exhaled. "I lost out on some good money...but that's okay. It's all for a good reason, anyway."
He smiled fondly when he said the latter part, a certain thought going through his mind.
"U-um, Chanyeol...?"
Hm?
For some reason, he jumped before turning around. Sangmi waved awkwardly at him, her face meek and her body language even more so.
"Hey." Chanyeol waved. When did she get here? Did she hear anything...? "What's up?"
Sangmi awkwardly fiddled with a strand of her hair, her eyes flicking to and fro—looking at everything but him—as she opened her mouth.
"...Why did you decline her request?"
A beat of tense silence passed between them before her romance teacher replied.
"Because of you."
Those words, simple as they are, struck absolute gold—her heart. Sangmi's eyes widened, and she had to mentally rein herself in.
"Ah...because y-you're still working on mine, r-right?" she stuttered. "My request?"
Chanyeol gazed at her for a moment, his expression undecipherable.
...Suddenly, he laughed.
"I mean, I guess? Yeah." he grinned, bringing a bewildered frown to his client's face. "But, I have one other reason."
One other reason? Sangmi swallowed thickly at this. What could that be? Why do I feel...
...No! Stop thinking like that! You came here to confess your feelings to him! This is your first love—no matter what happens, just be glad that you got to experience it! The world keeps going on...
"U-um, okay, whatever that this." she stuttered; Chanyeol's eyes widened slightly at this sudden change in speech. "Anyways, C-Chanyeol, I-I'm here because I w-wanted to tell you...tell you..."
"Tell me...?" said guy echoed.
Mrrm, why is this so hard?! Just say it, Sangmi!
Come on—!
"—I l-like you, Chanyeol!"
Her voice echoed throughout the school's wide hallway like siren song, and as the shakiness and desperation in it became clear, she flushed more.
I said it...I really said it.
Chanyeol stared at her wordlessly, his expression unreadable. His lips were quirked, his body still.
Why...why isn't he saying anything? Sangmi bit her lip. I expected an answer at lea—
"—Ah, haha! You managed to beat me to the chase. Well done, my student!"
Suddenly, he sighed, running a hand through his silky black hair. He was innocent with shyness, a smile gracing his handsome visage.
"H-huh?!" Sangmi jolted at his confession. She didn't expect this. "Y-you...what?"
N-no way! Chanyeol, he...?!
Footsteps echoed like hail against a window as Chanyeol approached; she stiffened and shrunk.
"Is that really so surprising?" he murmured, staring her down. "Yes, I like you."
"Well," his student averted her gaze, "w-why me? I'm n-not as pretty as other girls, and I know n—!"
Before she could finish, Chanyeol bent down, kissing her. It was quick, and brushed an ember that sparked into a flame that warmed her lips.
"E-eh?!" Sangmi squeaked when he pulled away. She was as red as a cherry now. "W-why did you do that?! I'm not de—"
Before she could demote herself once more, Chanyeol kissed her again.
"W-what—?!"
And again.
"H-hey—!"
And again.
...At this point, Sangmi had become jelly. Her mutual lover licked a searing stripe across her trembling bottom lip, his eyes intense.
"Hey," he whispered in her reddened ear, "I don't care about stuff like that."
Chanyeol...
Sangmi bit her lip, exhaling. "I know. You're not that kind of person. I guess...I guess I'm still not confident in myself, even with your lessons. I'm sorry, Chanyeol..."
Said person smiled softly, leaning back and rubbing a gentle finger across her forehead.
"It's okay," he reassured, "confidence doesn't build up overnight. Just take your time—I will be with you every step of the way."
These words warmed Sangmi's quivering heart. She nodded slowly, shuffling closer to him before shyly wrapping her arms around his much larger frame. His broad chest rose and fell against her cheek, a calm pattern.
"Okay..." she murmured, shutting her eyes briefly as Chanyeol returned her embrace and kissed the crown of her head. "Thank you..."
"Anytime." he hummed, his voice low.
...Then, after a pause, he chuckled.
"Oh, and congrats on graduating my course!"
𝐟𝐢𝐧.