finn walked into glee like a man on a mission, "mr. schue? i have something to say. something happened to me and i can't really get into it, but it's shaken me to my core."
blake turned to puck, jokingly, "oh, my god, he's coming out."
finn sent her a hateful look before continuing, "why, yes. there is a man who's sort of recently come into my life and that man is jesus christ."
"that's way worse," puck grumbled to blake, earning a quick bob of her head.
finn continued, unphased by puck's remark, "and i know there's others in here who dig him too. and so i thought maybe this week we could pay tribute to him in music. you know, pay tribute to jesus."
"sorry, uh, but if i wanted to sing about jesus, i'd go to church. and the reason i don't go to church is because most churches don't think very much of gay people," kurt told finn.
"or women," blake continued, crossing her arms.
logan never understood religion, he was more a fact driven person. he went by what he could see, touch, measure, essentially prove the existence of, "or science."
"i don't see anything wrong with getting a little church up in here," mercedes smiled, always willing to exalt her heavenly father.
"i agree," quinn chimed in, getting all eyes on her. "i've had a really hard year, and i turned to god a lot for help. i, for one, wouldn't mind saying thanks."
santana chortled, "thanks for what? that it didn't come out a lizard baby?"
"whenever i pray, i fall asleep," puck tells blake and mike.
mr. schue reads the room, seeing that not all his students share the same beliefs, "well, guys, maybe our song selections don't have to be about jesus. we could do songs about spirituality."
"you got a problem with jesus?" finn asked puck, basically trying to start a fight.
"oh, i got no problem with the guy. i'm a total jew for jesus. he's my number one hebe. what i don't like seeing is people using j-money to cramp everybody else's style 'cause it seems to me that true spirituality- or whatever you want to call it- is about enjoying the life that you've been given. i see god every time i make out with a new chick."
logan snorted at puck, "that doesn't make any sense."
"in fact, it's stupid," finn hissed.
"are you calling mr. billy joel stupid? at this time i'd like to continue my streak of doing only songs by jewish artists." puck looked to the band, putting his guitar strap onto his shoulder, "hit it."
☆
will came into the apartment later than usual that night. he sighed, wore out physically and mentally from the day he had. he saw blake curled up on the couch, reading a book, "what brings you home so late tonight?"
"kurt's dad is in the hospital."
blake closes her book, in shock, "what happened to burt?"
will crosses the room, joining the seventeen year old on the couch, "he had a heart attack."
"is he okay?"
will nodded slowly, "he's in a coma and they don't know when he's waking up."
blake couldn't help but think about what it would be like to be kurt in this situation, having your father that has always loved and supported him almost gone, forever. "will, do you believe in god?"
"i like to think that there's someone out there watching over us, helping us, keeping us safe," will confirmed, seeing the falter in her expression. "why?"
"because when i was little my mom used to take me to church all the time. she said that it was the only place that she felt safe and loved. i didn't understand why until i got older but i never understood how a god, who is supposed to love you and watch out for you could let bad things happen."
will understood her questions about god, he even asked the same question at different times in his life. he never got the answer, no logical or theological reason ever answered the question. "maybe he needed them to learn a lesson. that he thought they wouldn't understand any other way."
"then what did i do to deserve him?" she cried, thinking about what her father put her through. "he was not a father, he was my personal demon."
☆
the following day, kurt and a few others seemed to be functioning like automatons, not allowing themselves to feel the pain. mr. schue sees his sullen new directions, "hey, guys. our thoughts are all with kurt and i know it's sort of hard to really focus on anything else-"
"mr. schue?" mercedes called for his attention, interrupting him. "i've been struggling, trying to figure out what i wanted to say to kurt all day and i realize i don't want to say it, i want to sing it. this song is about being in a very dark place and turning to god. it's a spiritual song, mr. schue. is that okay?"
"it's fine."
mercedes turned to her classmates, "tina, quinn, can you help me out, please?"
mercedes finished singing "i turn to you", receiving a crescendo of applause before turning to her bestie for his reaction. kurt smiled kindly at the girl with the big beautiful, brassy voice, "thank you, mercedes. your voice is stunning, but i don't believe in god."
"wait, what?" mercedes was caught off guard by his profession of his lack of faith.
"you've all professed your beliefs. i'm just stating mine. i think god is kind of like santa claus for adults. otherwise, god's kind of a jerk, isn't he? i mean, he makes me gay, and then has his followers going around telling me it's something that i chose as if someone would choose to be mocked every single day of their life. and right now i don't want a heavenly father. i want my real one back."
"but kurt, how do you know for sure? i mean, you can't prove that there's no god," mercedes asked softly, disappointed at kurt's denouncing of her heavenly father.
"you can't prove that there isn't a magic teapot floating around on the dark side of the moon with a dwarf inside of it that reads romance novels and shoots lightning out of its boobs but it seems pretty unlikely, doesn't it?"
quinn was visibly upset by kurt, "we shouldn't be talking like this. it's not right."
"i'm sorry, quinn. but you all can believe whatever you want to. but i can't believe something i don't. i appreciate your thoughts but i don't want your prayers."
☆
somehow sue had discovered that the glee club had taken a spiritual detour this week and took the matter to principal figgins, who cancelled their assignment. mr. schue told his students and tina was extremely exasperated by the news, "last week we were too sexy. this week we're too religious. we can't win. now i know what miley feels like."
"the real tragedy here is that i found the most perfect spiritual song to sing this week and now it's been torn away from me like sophie's daughter," rachel groaned.
mr. schue saw the look of relief in blake's eyes and despair in kurt's, understanding why kurt told sue, "guys, you can still sing whatever songs you like that sum up your feelings about god, about spirit. you just can't do it on school time."
"i hope you're happy, kurt," santana hissed at him.
kurt forced a fake smile at her, "having the week of my life, actually."
"guys, back off kurt, okay? he had every right to speak his mind," logan told everyone, squeezing his friend's shoulder comfortingly.
mercedes took her friends hand, sadly smiling, "look, kurt, we're sympathetic to what you're going through but siding with miss sylvester isn't gonna do anyone any good."
"it's doing me some good. now i don't have to sit around listening to all you mental patients talk about how's there's a god when i know there isn't one," and with that kurt collected his bag off the ground and left glee.
☆
friday night. the titans were down and the other team was on them like white on rice. their opponent's left tackle was jumping the line every chance he got, killing sam. sue forbad blake from yelling like she normally would at a game, instructing her only to cheer their designated cheers. sam called a play and as the team broke from the huddle, finn beckoned everyone back.
at the break, finn and logan ran to the line, ready for the pass. but when sam started the play, the left tackle broke through the line slamming sam into the ground. sam yelped like a kicked puppy when he hit the ground, he had gotten hurt. the medics took him to the hospital, making finn the interm quarterback.
☆
"hey," sam's happy voice chimed as he leaned on his good shoulder against the lockers.
blake smiled at him, "hey. how're you feeling?"
sam chuckled at the sight off his arm, half shrugging, "fine. how're you? you seem upset."
"my friend's dad is in the hospital," blake breathed, staring at the inside of her locker.
sam awkwardly tried to comfort her, starting to hug her then quickly remembering that he doesn't know her that well, "that sucks."
"yeah."
"so, when can you and i hang out? we're friends, right?" sam asked childishly, making blake giggle at him.
"i don't know, i'm pretty busy with glee."
"and cheerios," sam reminded her, pointing at her outfit.
blake groaned, closing her locker, "don't remind me. i'll see you around, evans."
"i know things have been pretty morose around here this past week but i want to celebrate some good news for our little family. let's hear it for finn, on getting back his quarterback job and leading the titans to a win in their second game of the season," mr. schue led in the crescendo of praise for finn and the other football players.
puck clapped finn's shoulder, "too bad that sam kid had to have his arm basically ripped off for it to happen but it's good to have you back in the saddle, brother."
kurt raised his hand, clearing his throat, "mr. schue, if i may? um, i wanted to thank everyone for your kind e-mails and queries about my dad but for your information, his condition remains the same. i need to express myself so with your permission, mr. schue i've prepared a number for the occasion. on the day of my mom's funeral when they were lowering her body into the ground, i was crying. i mean, that was it. it was the last time i was ever going to see her and i remember i looked up at my dad and i- i just wanted him to say something- just something to make me feel like my whole world wasn't over. and he just took my hand and squeezed it and just knowing that those hands were there to take care of me- that was enough. this is for my dad."
☆
"you okay?"
blake slammed her locker, turning to face mike and her brother, "why does everyone keep asking me that? i'm fine!"
"clearly," logan breathed as she began to storm away.
mike chased her down the hall, blocking her from escaping them, "blake, you haven't made a joke all week, silence has replaced your sarcasm. you just dont seem like yourself. what's going on?"
"i'm fine mike. i'm tired, nothing else is going on okay."
logan laughed, "you're lying."
"excuse me?" blake inquired, shocked by the accusation.
logan sighed, "i know when you're lying cass, so just tell me what's wrong. we wanna help you."
"do you believe in god?" blake asked them, surprising them in the randomness of the question.
mike shrugged, "i don't know. i know what i've heard in church and what tina believes."
"but does that mean you believe that a god exists? that he's playing puppet master?"
"cass, why are you asking this? you've never cared about god or religion before," logan asked, realizing that religion was never something they discussed growing up.
blake tightened her ponytail, deeply exhaling, "you asked what was going on, okay? if you don't like my answer then leave me alone."
☆
finn came into glee a different man than he was the day prior, he began singing "just a dream" which confused his classmates. logan tilted his head at his friend, confused, "wait, i thought we couldn't sing songs about religion."
"evidently, we can't sing about faith but we can sing about losing faith," quinn questioned.
mr. schue got up in frony of his new directions, "that's sort of what i want to talk about today. earlier in the week, finn, it seemed like you felt differently."
"i used to think god was up there looking over me. now i'm not so sure," finn admitted sadly, staring ahead. blake knew what finn was going through, hell she was going through it as well. so she took her friend's hands, squeezing it comfortingly.
☆
"no."
blake turned to her little brother, "i'm sorry?"
"no, i don't believe in god," logan clarified, sitting on her bed. "no god would have put you what you had gone through growing up."
"maybe there is a god," blake whispered, surprising her brother. she had thought about her conversations throughout the week with will, mercedes, finn and kurt, and none really brought her comfort except what will had said. "maybe he put me through that to show me how strong i needed to be."