Friday evening, March 13th, 2020
Despite being early to help Sydney prepare for her party, people have already started to arrive.
Once Harry and I make it inside, I notice that nearly everything has already been set up. The DJ is in the corner, preparing his setup. The grazing table and pizza table are sitting right next to each other in the open-planned kitchen and living room area. There is a silver disco ball hanging from the ceiling and all the lights have been dimmed.
"Seems like we missed set up," Harry has to yell close to my ear, due to the loud music the DJ was already playing.
A slight shiver runs through me and I inconspicuously take a step away from Harry.
I spot Asher first, covering all the couches with plastic sheets to protect them. "The cavalry has arrived!" he booms once he spots us.
I walk over towards Kennedy as Harry starts to engage in conversation with Asher.
"Oh, thank god you're here!" she says, her voice shrill.
"What's wrong?" I frown. "Everything seems to be under control."
"Sydney doesn't think so."
Both our heads swivel over to Sydney who is furiously opening a packet of chips, her eyebrows pulled into a deep frown.
"What's wrong?"
"Well, it started when everyone started arriving an hour early. Then, Asher spilt beer on her mother's favourite rug and chipped her favourite vase."
"Oh," I nod.
"Yeah," Kennedy cringes, her face pulled into a grave expression.
"I always tell myself not to host any more parties. And what do I do? I host another party," Sydney mumbles to herself.
"Can I help you with anything?" I ask tentatively.
"Um, could you both help Cooper out the back? He should be covering the swimming pool and putting out some more chairs. I am not going to be responsible for another near-drowning this year."
"Near-drowning?" I question, eyes raised.
"Long story," Sydney mumbles, shaking her head.
Kennedy and I head out to Sydney's backyard where I spot Cooper rolling on the tarp to cover the pool.
"Hey, babe. Need any help?"
"I think I'm good here, Ken. Hey, Lonnie."
"Hey, Cooper."
Despite Cooper reassuring us that he didn't need any help, we both starting folding out the chairs and placing them at different places around the yard.
Once we're done, we all head back inside, finding a much calmer Sydney.
"I think she's onto her fourth vodka shot already," Kennedy whispers to me.
Sydney is smiling at someone that I recognise from our grade, looking a lot happier than she did minutes ago.
"Well, it is her night. She should be allowed to have some fun," Cooper says, wrapping his arms around his girlfriend.
"Speaking of fun," Kennedy says, her smile cast towards me. "Are you drinking tonight?"
"Um...I guess I hadn't really thought about it."
"Oh, come on! You have too!" she prods, lightly clutching my shoulder.
Cooper rolls his eyes at Kennedy's persistent ways, knowing that I was going to give in to her eventually.
"Maybe one."
She scatters off in the direction of the freezer whilst Cooper tells me he's going to say hey to Harry.
A real buzz was starting to form throughout the house with all the guests starting to mill around. At this point, there had to be at least 60 or so people already here.
"How many people were invited tonight?" I ask Kennedy once she's back from the freezer. She hands me god knows what to drink.
"About 150? Not sure exactly. A lot of people from other schools were getting plus one'd and it kinda just spiralled out of control before Syd even thought to put a cap on it."
One-hundred and fifty people? Some that weren't even from around here?
Shit. This party was like a death trap waiting to happen for me. I hadn't moved that far away. What if I knew people here from my past? Even worse, what if I was recognised?
I gulp down the rest of my drink, much to Kennedy's surprise.
"Don't take it too fast. The last thing you need is to try and sneak back into your house drunk."
I shake my head. "I'm fine."
"Did you want another one then?" she offers, even though she's just lectured me about not getting drunk.
"Sure. Why not?" I grin, already starting to feel the effects. It was safe to say I'd always been a light-weight.
Whilst Kennedy goes back to the freezer for me, I let my eyes travel around the room, trying to focus on anyone I might know. It doesn't seem like anyone is familiar but I still needed to keep my guard up tonight.
"Here you go, party animal," Kennedy thursts the drink in my direction, perching herself up on the kitchen counter.
The music suddenly amplifies to what must be full volume and people begin to cheer.
I chug down my drink, despite the sour taste that it's beginning to leave in my mouth.
"Wanna go dance?" Kennedy shouts, trying to be heard over the music.
I notice Cooper coming back towards us, his eyes focused on Kennedy. He reaches out a hand for her to grasp onto, pulling her towards the lounge room turned dance area.
"I'll meet you there!" I shout.
Kennedy nods before turning back to her boyfriend, swaying her hips to the beat. She spots Sydney and they begin to dance side-by-side with Cooper fist-bumping the air.
It would almost make me laugh if I wasn't feeling so anxious all of a sudden. I'd wanted to at least try and enjoy the night but now everything seemed to be crashing down around me.
First I had to worry about my parents finding out, which so far, didn't seem to be the case as I had already checked my phone for any missed calls several times. Secondly, I had to make sure that no one from Winterville was here, at the party of the century as Sydney had called it.
I make my way over towards the freezer, grabbing myself whatever I can find before exiting through the back door, leading to the backyard.
Despite a couple making out on one of the deck chairs, I was virtually alone out here.
I wrap my arms around myself, my drink still in hand. I can feel myself shaking and it's not because of the light breeze from the sudden cool change.
Despite there being plenty of seats scattered around Sydney's backyard, I decide to lie down on the grass but not before finishing off my drink.
Winterville had only been just over a half-hour drive to the city, which meant that the stars weren't out much at night due to the polluted air. But out here, virtually in the countryside, Bakley was able to offer me the type of sky that I loved.
I close my eyes, breathing in the fresh air, wishing that my life could always be this peaceful and refreshing.
"I can see it, Lon."
"What?"
"Sirius."
"The brightest star in the sky? From the constellation Canis Major?"
"That would be the one, nerd."
"Shut up, Nix. What else can you see? Oh! Is that Taurus?"
"What? Your star sign?"
"Yeah, look! Over there! I see it!"
"Huh. Oh yeah."
"They always did say it was best viewed in January."
"Jesus, Lonnie. How much research do you do on this stuff?"
"Don't make me poke my tongue out at you, Nixie."
"Oh look. Over there, Lon. I think I see a scorpion."
"That's Ursa Major, you idiot. It's Latin for larger bear."
"I knew that. I was just testing you."
"Sure you were, Nix. Sure you were."
I didn't feel the tears until one gracefully dropped off the side of my face, landing in the grass next to me.
I often tried my best to suppress the good memories that still floated throughout my mind about Nix. It was hard to remember that he wasn't always the person that we all saw printed across the news. It was hard to even remember that he had been real at one stage, human, even. Someone who seemed to care about others. Or was that all a lie?
It had barely been four months since he died and I was already starting to forget what my life had been like before last November.
"Hey, you."
I open my eyes, letting them adjust to the darkness.
Harry is standing over me, hands in the pockets of his jeans. His hair blows softly in the wind, covering his face from view.
"Hey," I whisper, my voice slightly croaky. I hope he couldn't tell that a stray tear had just left my eye.
"What are you doing in the grass?"
"Stargazing," I answer truthfully, not caring if I looked like an idiot.
"Want some company?" he asks quietly like he's afraid he'll spook me.
I reach a hand out to him, pulling him down beside me.
"Do you do this a lot?"
"Used to. Not so much now, though."
"How come?"
I shrug. "I guess it was just another part of me I left back in my old town."
It was as close I could get to the truth without oversharing. My love for the stars had pretty much been left buried with my brother back in the Winterville cemetery.
It used to be our thing, star gazing. No matter how old we were, we still did it every summer. I'd never been able to camp out overnight because I'd never been huge on the whole great outdoors thing. Nix used to give me a lot of shit for that but I didn't care. It was just the stars that got me to leave my room.
"You've got the look again."
I ball my fists, scared that I might yell at Harry, even though none of this was his fault.
I couldn't help if I had a look. It was just who I was and I was tired of people constantly looking for flaws in my armour, like they were preparing to find the truth.
Didn't anyone realise that I was just trying my best?
Harry was good at observing people, which did not help my case at all. I didn't want to be as transparent as I was but I didn't know how to work on that without becoming emotionless.
"I miss things."
"What do you mean?" he whispers.
"The face that you say I'm always making, the sad one, it's because I'm thinking about all the things in my life that I miss. All the things I wish I could change, too."
"What do you miss most?"
Nix. The person he used to be.
"I can't describe it as just one thing. It's like, I guess, missing half of yourself. Like not realising you're disappearing until you look down and you aren't even there anymore."
He's silent and at first, I wonder if I've completely scared him off with my psychobabble.
"I understand that feeling completely," he says, sounding out of breath. "I don't think I've been myself in a while either. Not since— since last year, anyway."
I always felt like a hypocrite when I started to push people to talk more. Especially when I was the one who always gave them answers without actually answering anything. So I don't push Harry. It wouldn't be fair.
"Nix always used to say to me—"
Oh no.
No, no, no.
I begin to panic, but when I look over at Harry he doesn't seem to have heard me say anything unusual at all. His eyes are so focused on the sky that I wonder if he'd even heard me in the first place.
"I always remember someone telling me that without our closest allies, we might as well have been nothing. Like if a soldier tried to fight a war by themselves. It wouldn't really be worth fighting for, would it?"
I pray that I've covered up my mistake. The cold sweat that broke out when I said his name has started to die down significantly.
"You mean like craving relationships? Needing others to rely on?"
"Yeah," I nod, "something like that. And not so much relying on people but just knowing that they are there to support you. I think that's what humans crave. Love. People who care and are compassionate. That's what we crave."
It's what shocked me most about Nix. He'd always seemed like this person with a head full of knowledge on how to treat people with kindness, yet he ruined so many lives.
I'd never understand and that is what keeps me up at night the most. Not being able to ever understand why he did what he did will haunt me forever.
"Sounds a lot like someone I used to know," he mumbles.
Lying side-by-side, our hands grazing each other was bound to happen eventually. When it does, it seems to pull me out of some trance.
I check my phone and notice that I've already been out here for an hour. I knew Kennedy was going to start getting suspicious if I didn't make a reappearance sooner rather than later.
"We should probably get back inside," I say, standing to my feet and brushing off the dirt from my dress.
I don't wait for Harry to stand up before I make my way over to the back door.
Truthfully, I'm scared to his reaction, to see if he's finally starting to work me out.
That was the last thing I needed and right now, I'd rather stay ignorant on the matter.
I've decided to post twice a week now! Which means four chapters a week! Yay!
So, that means look out for chapters on Monday's & Thursday's.
See you Thursday!