Author's note:
Check out that pic ⬆️
I spent hours trying to make it look realistic, which says how much I stink at photo editing. Ha ha!
Emmaline
I just stared at Shawn, shocked by the vitriol he was spewing. I understood he was upset, but for him to channel that anger towards me was completely unfair.
I decided not to engage with him while he was like this. Instead, I stomped off to our bedroom where I quickly removed my party clothes and make-up and took my hair down. Once I'd changed into pajamas, I sat down on the bed and started to cry the tears that I'd been holding in since the whole terrible encounter with Flint. There was a knock at the door right as I started to get myself under control.
"It's open," I said as I wiped off my cheeks with the back of my hand.
"Can you come back out?" Andrew asked from the doorway. "I want to talk to both of you at the same time since this involves you."
"Yes, but do you think it's possible for me to get my own room afterwards? I can't sleep here tonight."
He closed the door and sat down on the bed next to me. "That's not a good idea, Emmaline. If someone on the hotel staff leaks that you moved out of Shawn's suite, it could be a problem."
"I can't stay with him when he's this angry with me."
"Let's go talk. Okay? I know he's mad right now, but that's primarily because of the testosterone from the fight. It doesn't help that both of you were slamming champagne."
I knew all about raging male hormone levels from Mike. There'd be times after a particularly aggressive hockey game that he'd come home amped up and full of a strange kind of energy. It took a couple hours for them to work out of his body.
Andrew was also right about the alcohol. The adrenaline from the scene with Flint had sobered me up considerably, but it's not like it erased all the effects of the booze in my system or Shawn's. I was still probably legally drunk.
I followed Andrew out to the living area and sat on a chair as far away from Shawn as possible. He didn't acknowledge my presence since he was engrossed in his phone. Andrew walked over and pulled it from his hands, shoving it into his own front pants pocket.
"I need you focused, and you don't need to be on social media right now. If you say the wrong thing, it could hurt you."
Shawn just nodded sullenly.
"There's good news and bad news," Andrew started. "The good news is that you come out of this smelling like a rose. It's clear that Caddigan was the aggressor and that he attacked you. You're the victim, which in a PR nightmare like this, is an advantage."
"If I hadn't been pulled away, I would have beat the shit out of him," Shawn grumbled.
That's when it hit me that his pride had been hurt. He hadn't been allowed to defend himself, which was undoubtedly emasculating. Even though I knew it was best that they didn't get in a full blown fight, I could see why Shawn was so upset, and I couldn't completely hold how he'd reacted afterwards against him. That didn't mean I still wasn't hurt by his misdirected anger, but I knew this was about more than just me.
"It's a damn good thing that didn't happen!" Andrew barked. "As is, people will be sympathetic to you. That's what we want."
Shawn rolled his eyes.
"There is bad news, though. It's very possible that Caddigan will go public with why the fight started to deflect attention away from his guilt. He could release a statement that the dispute began because he and Emmaline were once lovers. People tend to be a bit more forgiving when a fight is caused by a love triangle since they romanticize the whole thing."
I felt sick. Jumping up, I ran to the bathroom and emptied the contents of my stomach, which consisted mostly of canapés and champagne. As my head hung over the toilet I was overwhelmed with guilt. Maybe Shawn was right; my poor choices seemed to bring him nothing but problems. If Flint decided to go to the press, I'd get judged harshly for being promiscuous, even though that was far from the truth. Since Shawn and I had gotten back together, his fans and the media had been surprisingly accepting of me. This could completely change that. Plus, how would it look to the literary world that I was fucking around during the biggest honor of my career? After I got cleaned up and brushed my teeth, I took my seat again.
"Are you okay?" Andrew asked.
I glanced over at Shawn and saw he was looking at me with concern, but when we made eye contact he cast his gaze to the floor.
"I'll be fine," I answered.
"I know this is horrible for both of you, but you'll get through it. There's actually a way that we could minimize the scandal."
Shawn looked up, "How?"
Andrew took a deep breath. "Hear me out on this, okay? You might not love this plan, but it makes sense."
"So I'm obviously going to hate it," Shawn mumbled.
"I think we should approach Caddigan and tell him you'll drop the charges if he agrees to keep his mouth shut about Emmaline."
"No fucking way!" Shawn shouted as he stood up. "He sucker punched me, I didn't get to fight back, and then he just gets away with it? How is that even a plan?"
I chewed on my lip unsure of whether my input was welcome.
"It's called damage control," Andrew fired back. "And I listened to you make your statement. You could have walked away. I know he was provoking you, but it didn't have to escalate like it did. I'm just grateful that you weren't the one to throw the punch!"
"I wish I had been. You have no idea how it felt for him to rub the fact that he'd fucked my girlfriend in my face. He didn't even have to say it outright. That bastard made it so goddamned clear," he said before he turned and looked out the large window.
"He's envious of you," I said.
Shawn swiveled around and looked at me. "What?"
"You were a winner tonight and he wasn't. Plus, you have me. I'm not saying he's been pining away for me, but I think it triggered something inside him when he saw us together because he was so drunk. He was blatantly pushing your buttons and trying to make you jealous," I explained. "It's almost like he wanted to get in a fight with you to prove something or make himself feel better."
"I think Emmaline is right," Andrew agreed. "Why he behaved this way doesn't matter, though. It's over and done at this point. What we need to do is ensure that the scandal is minimized. I need you to consider making a deal with Caddigan. I'm going to go to my room and try to sleep. We've got the winners brunch tomorrow morning, so I suggest you two get some sleep, too. We'll regroup in the morning to make a decision."
Andrew left, but Shawn and I stayed where we were for several minutes. Finally I spoke because the silence was killing me.
"We should get some sleep. I don't want us to go to bed angry, though."
Shawn walked to the bathroom, and I watched as he dumped the bag of melted ice in the sink before coming back out to the living area.
"I'm going to sleep out here. I'm not in a good place mentally and I want to be alone," he said.
I wasn't going to force him to share a bed with me, so I nodded and went to the bedroom by myself. Maybe a little space was what we both needed. Before crawling into the white sheets, I pulled my phone from my beaded clutch. There were a bunch of texts from Jordyn and my parents congratulating Shawn, but no mention of the fight. They'd probably gone to bed before it happened. I decided to rip the bandaid off all at once, so I went to google and typed in 'Shawn Mendes.' Dozens of articles came up about the scuffle with pictures accompanying them. No one had captured the actual punch, which was good. I knew it would have killed Shawn to see pics of that. The articles stated that Shawn and Flint got into an argument and that Flint hit him, which resulted in his arrest. I was only mentioned because I was there, so nothing had leaked about the fling yet. I agreed with Andrew that keeping Flint quiet was imperative, but of course I'd want that since it protected me. If Shawn refused to drop charges, I'd have to deal with it.
I got four hours of sleep, but I tossed and turned for most of them. When my alarm went off, I got up and took a quick shower. Then I did my hair and make-up before selecting an outfit for the brunch, which was being held at the Beverley Hilton. I decided on a long sleeved navy blue wrap dress that I paired with simple tan pumps. I wore silver jewelry to change things up, though it wasn't as flattering with my warm coloring.
Once I was ready, I went out to the living area where I found Shawn sitting on the couch wearing only a hotel towel. He'd apparently showered in the bathroom off the living area. His hair was wet and tousled and his cheekbone had a swollen reddish-purple mark that would undoubtedly turn into a nastier bruise soon.
He looked up at me from his phone. "Hey."
"Good morning. How's your face feel?"
"The pain's not so bad, but I can't decide if I should try to cover it with make-up or keep it visible."
"Maybe ask Andrew?"
"That's who I was texting," he said as he stood up.
His towel started to slip and I watched as he caught it. Even though things were tense between us, I couldn't help but admire the perfection of his body. This was supposed to be a sexy romantic getaway for us, and it saddened me that it had been ruined.
"Shawn, can we talk?" I asked.
"Yeah, but I need to get dressed. Can we do it while I get ready?"
"Of course."
I followed him into the bedroom and sat on the bed. He went into the bathroom first where he worked on his hair, then he put on a pair of boxers and took his suit out of the bag that hung on the back of the door. Tiffany had selected it with hopes that he'd be attending the event today, and I was glad it was getting put to use because I loved it. It was cranberry red which complemented his coloring perfectly, though it inadvertently matched the mark on his cheek.
"I'm sorry about last night," he said after he pulled his pants up over his slim hips. "I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you, because none of this is your fault."
I was a bit stunned by his apology. As I'd gotten ready earlier, I'd fully expected him to still be mad at me.
"Thank you for acknowledging that."
"I couldn't sleep, so I gave this a lot of thought because truthfully, I've never had a confrontation like this before. I don't condone violence, but I was full of rage after he hit me and I wanted to hurt him. Actually, scratch that, I wanted to hurt him before he threw the punch, but I wasn't going to," he said.
He was clearly struggling with how his anger had affected him. Shawn was always such a kind and loving person that it had to be unnerving to have that uncharacteristically aggressive side surface.
"I could tell you were working hard to keep things under control when he was taunting you, and I respect you so much for that," I told him.
"It was bad enough that he'd gotten to me with his comments, but for him to catch me off guard and get the best of me physically was humiliating. When we got back here, I was angry and embarrassed."
This was exactly what I'd concluded last night. His ego had been bruised along with his cheek.
"He fought dirty," I said. "He didn't dare try to start something when you were looking at him. Sucker punching someone is the act of a coward."
He stood there with his pants undone, holding his white shirt in his hand, nervously shuffling his feet.
"I kept thinking about something else last night. How could you be with someone like that, Em? Jesus. I just don't get it. You're so pure and principled and he's such an asshole."
I'd wondered the same thing while I tried to fall asleep. Flint was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, two completely different people wrapped up in one body.
"He wasn't like that when I met him. My guess is that he's just a bitter nasty drunk. Some people are the worst versions of themselves when alcohol is running through their veins."
"I'd been drinking, too, which didn't help. Even after we left, I couldn't shake those intense feelings of rage and shame coupled with the confusion over why you'd liked him. It was like a volcano inside of me ready to explode, which was why I took it out on you. I know that was wrong. I knew it the second I lashed out at you."
Then he dropped the shirt on the floor and ran both hands through his brown curls, his face contorted in anguish.
"This is hypocritical, but it kills me that he's touched you like I do. I know I shouldn't care, but I hate it. It's weird because it never really bothered me when it was Mike. You'd made a baby together but that didn't ignite any jealousy. Caddigan set off a fury in me that I can't explain, and I know that's what he was going for, but that doesn't change that I really wanted to hit him, and I hate that I became that person."
"But you didn't hit him, which makes you the better man. I'm so proud of you for showing restraint. And yes he touched me, but your touches are the only ones that matter and the only ones I want."
I got off the bed, picked up his white shirt, and handed it to him so that he could put it on. Then I did his buttons for him because I needed to be closer to the man I loved. As I carefully worked each small mother or pearl disc through the hole, I could smell the starch of his shirt mixed with his cologne, which was oddly comforting. When I was done, I raised my left hand and feathered my fingers over the bruise on his cheek.
"I love you," I told him.
"Even after I was so terrible to you last night?"
"It hurt, but if we're in this for the long run, there are going to be plenty of ups and downs, and they aren't going to make us love each other less. For the sake of our relationship, I really need you to work on thinking before you say things in anger."
"I know. It's definitely something I'm going to focus on. Em...I'm so in love with you that it scares me sometimes. I think that's why I got so jealous. I am truly sorry I hurt you."
"I know you are, which is why I forgive you. I'm sorry that my past showed up and ruined your special night, even if it was out of my control."
"You don't need to apologize. It was not your fault! I was so wrong to blame you for any of it," he said.
I did a deep cleansing breath. "I feel so much better now that we've talked."
"Same. Maybe in ten years we'll laugh about this."
I smiled up at his handsome but marred face. "Maybe. In the meantime, we need to get going. Aren't we supposed to be there in 20 minutes?"
"This was more important than being on time. Are we okay now?" he asked.
I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Yes."
He leaned forward and gave me a deep kiss before finishing putting his clothes on. Andrew, with perfect timing, knocked on the door right as we walked out to the living area.
"Shit. That looks bad, but you know what, I say leave it like it is. It gets you more sympathy," he said as he surveyed Shawn's cheek.
"I was hoping it looked kind of badass," Shawn said. "I don't want pity."
We went down to the lobby and got into the waiting car where Andrew posed the big question.
"What are you going to do about pressing charges?"
Shawn was quiet for a few moments, apparently giving Andrew's query some thought. I remained silent, because this was solely his decision since he'd been the one attacked.
"Em and I need to fly home today, but if you can arrange a meeting that I don't have to attend, and if Caddigan agrees to keep his stupid mouth shut, then I'm willing to sign whatever papers to drop the charges. You'll have to act fast, though."
"Got it," Andrew said with nod. "In the meantime, you're going to decline talking about what happened last night. I want you to pose for pics and enjoy the brunch, because you've earned this honor."
That's what Shawn did. He avoided discussing the fight and showed nothing but confidence at the party. By the time we boarded the plane for Toronto, the whole ugly mess had been settled.
~~~~~~
I stood at the door with Jax and watched Shawn tip each of the movers before coming back in the house.
"Well that's it," he said when he stepped across the threshold. "Everything is moved in!"
The new furniture had started being delivered the week before and had been put in place along with the beautiful rugs Shawn had purchased. Today his stuff from the condo had been hauled over by a team of four guys. Mendes Mansion still needed some additional pieces to fill in the empty spaces in the larger rooms, but for the most part, it was done.
The entire interior of the house had been painted, including the kitchen cabinets that went from a light wood color to a beautiful black. The counters and flooring had been replaced to coordinate with the cabinetry, so it was essentially a whole new kitchen. There were stair gates to keep Jax safe, as well as many other child-proofing features. Popping the little plastic outlet covers into each socket had taken forever with as many rooms as this place had.
Shawn's white sectional from the condo was now in the family room, and new furniture had been purchased for the large living room. Just as he'd promised, everything he bought came from green environmentally ethical manufacturers. It had been fun to pick things out together, and the results were incredible. The house was huge, but it was also warm and inviting.
Jax loved his playroom which housed most of his toys as well as a play structure with a fort and a slide that Shawn insisted on buying. My framed Fergie book covers adorned the walls along with posters of Jax's favorite movies.
"We should probably make up the beds if we're going to stay here tonight," I said. "Thankfully the linens were unpacked yesterday. You've got all your stuff from the condo to put away, but that shouldn't take too long. I'm really excited to see all your achievements on display."
Shawn had moved his upright piano to the basement, which was going to become his recording as he added more equipment. For the music room, which was connected to the living room, he'd bought a beautiful baby grand piano that he was going to set his Grammy on. His other awards were going to sit on the built-in shelves in the library and his gold and platinum records would hang on the walls in the recording studio. It was wonderful that he finally had room to showcase his accolades.
"Come on, buddy," Shawn said to Jax. "We're going upstairs."
Together we made up the king-sized bed in the master suite and the twin bed in Jax's room, which was just down the hall.
"Whose cool room is this?" Shawn asked once the Toy Story bedding was in place.
"Mine!" Jax said jumping up and down. "It mine!"
"You're going to sleep here tonight," I told him. "But you know how to find us, right?"
Jax nodded his head. I wasn't sure he'd be so confident in the middle of the night, so we'd be sleeping with our door open to make it easier, and the nightlight in the hall would be turned on.
We went back downstairs to the kitchen where I felt a bit overwhelmed. It was so big and intimidating compared to my tiny apartment kitchen.
"What's for dinner?" Shawn asked. "We can always get pizza if you're too tired from the move."
"I went shopping yesterday, so I want to cook. We can have either falafel or chicken salad sandwiches. Your call."
"Falafel sounds good. Do you need help?"
I shook my head. "No thanks."
I'd bought it frozen so it was a simple meal to make. While the oven preheated, I opened all the cabinets as I tried to remember where I'd put everything.
"I go play," Jax said.
"Why don't you bring some puzzles in here," I suggested. "I need to be able to see you."
"I'll go with him," Shawn said as he followed my son down the hall.
When dinner was ready, I called out to them and I could have sworn there was an echo. We sat at Shawn's old dining room table which was now in the kitchen. The new dining room table was so big that it sat 10 people without any additional leaves put in.
"I'm looking forward to the party," he said as he spooned some tzatziki onto a pita.
It tickled me how much Shawn enjoyed entertaining. He'd been planning an open house since he'd bought this place, and it was happening in just over two weeks. After that his focus would be on the tour, which was rapidly approaching.
I knew the housewarming party guests would ask a million questions about what had happened with Flint in Los Angeles since it had been huge news. Shawn and I decided that the official story would be that Caddigan was drunk and attacked Shawn after he tried to get him to leave. It wasn't an outright lie, though it did leave out a lot of critical information. Only those closest to us knew the truth.
"The food is all lined up and we've heard back from everyone who is coming," I said. "I think it'll actually be easier to host something in such a large space. We just need to make sure someone always has an eye on Jax. With people going up and down the stairs to check out the house, it would be easy to lose track of him."
"He'll probably be wherever Mikayla is."
This was true. Jax adored his baby cousin.
"Are you and Brian cool again?" I asked.
Shawn sighed. "Yeah, I guess. I fully understand that he's unable to tour this year, but I wish he'd given me more notice. I hope the new guy Andrew hired works out."
Brian and Jordyn had come over for dinner to check out Shawn's face and hear the real Flint story right after we we returned from the Los Angeles. When we finished telling them everything, Brian seemed visibly anxious, so Shawn asked him what was wrong. His best friend explained that Mikayla would not handle the travel of the tour given her sleep issues and that he couldn't be apart from his family for that long, so he was resigning. I understood completely since I wasn't committing to the tour for similar reasons. Jax and I would be doing weeks here and there, but not the whole thing. Shawn had been upset with the news, and the rest of the evening had been tense for everyone. The Craigens left as soon as we were done eating. After not speaking for a couple days, Shawn called Brian and they'd talked it out. I wasn't sure if things were completely back to normal, but I knew they would be eventually.
We finished dinner and Shawn did the dishes while I played with Jax. We both gave him a bath in his tub, took him into our bed for snuggles as we took turns reading, and then Shawn sang to him after tucking him into his new bed.
"I think we should stay upstairs in case he needs us," I whispered after I shut the door.
"Or we could take the video monitor with us," he countered. "Then we'd know if he got up."
I gave it some thought. "Okay. What do you want to do tonight? It's our first night in your castle."
"Welllll," he drawled as he pulled me into his arms. "I was thinking that it would be fun to have sex in every room of the house."
"Considering there are 14 rooms not including bathrooms, we're in for a very long night if that's your plan."
He laughed loudly and then caught himself since it might disturb Jax. "I didn't mean all in one night, but rather that it could be the goal to hit every room before I leave next month."
"That's hardly a challenge, but sure, let's do it. Where should we start?"
"Start at the top and work down, or start in the basement and work up?"
"Too methodical. I think we should start with the least likely place," I said.
"That would be Jax's room, so that's out. Maybe the kitchen?"
"We've had kitchen sex. Remember? It was at your condo before the whole paternity scandal. I was sitting on the counter and you-"
"Oh I'll never forget that night. Now we're definitely starting in the kitchen," he said as he pulled me towards the stairs.