Chapter 7
~Alyssa's POV~
I close the notebook for the hundredth time since I stopped writing. I keep thinking that reading over it will help me somehow but it doesn't. It's been over a month since I stopped.
"Hey Alyssa look what Peyton can do." Lilly comes running into my room. She's been staying with me because I need someone to watch Peyton while I work.
I look up at them. "What is it?" Peyton puts her fingers together and starts snapping them. "Impressive." I nod.
Peyton giggles and crawls into my bed. Lilly pushes her over and sits down. "Do you have to work tonight?" She asks.
"Yeah. I have to go in at three."
"You do realize it's already two right?"
I pick up my phone to see if she's telling the truth. It reads 2:03. Wow time flies. "Shit. I'm going to be late." I throw the blankets off me.
Peyton gasped. "Mommy that's a bad word!"
I look over at her. I forgot she was in here. "Yes it is. And I'm very sorry for saying it." I walked over to her and kissed her on the forehead. "I have to go to work. I need you to listen to Aunt Lilly for me alright?"
She smiled and pulled the blanket up to her chin. "Yes mommy."
I look at Peyton. "Lilly why isn't Peyton at school?"
"She had the day off."
I smile and nod. "Do you want to drive me to work and maybe take her to the park for a while?"
"Sure." Lilly smiled.
~~~~
I walk into work and walk up to Carly. "Good afternoon." I smile.
"Hello Alyssa. How are you?"
"I'm okay." I say truthfully.
I walk past her and enter Harry's room. I pick up the clip board on the end of his bed. I find that he's due for a refill. I quickly get another bag to put on his IV.
When I return to the room the door is cracked open. I don't push it the rest of the way because I hear a familiar voice. Louis?
"I'm so sorry Haz. I wish I was there for you like you always were for me. All you really need was someone to listen. I should have listened. This isn't about the band anymore. This is about our friendship. If I ever needed anything you were there. You were my rock. Sure we fought and argued all the time but no matter what you were always there for me." He paused. I almost opened the door but he started talking again.
"From day one on the Xfactor. I knew you boys were better than me. I felt like I didn't belong in the same band as you guys. You made me believe in myself. You're the only one that knows about that. It's so hard for me to even confess that to Andrea."
"I've never gone through what you were going through. I thought that was the reason I didn't try to help you find her. I've always had Andrea. I was so blinded by her that I never realized you were dying inside."
"That day that you had the accident I was going to ask her to marry me. I got a call from Liam right before I was going to do it telling me you got into an accident. I can't get married without my best mate there."
"I notice that we have grown apart over the years. I wish we didn't. You're the only one that's never made me feel bad about myself. Even Liam has. When he's stressed about new songs we are recording he is always yelling at me."
"I didn't want to keep recording songs without you but management had a point. We couldn't just sit around and let the band's reputation fall because of this. I've thought about quitting but then I think, what if you come back?"
"I've been hanging out with your daughter Peyton. She's the sweetest little girl I've ever met. She really likes watching our music videos. And she asks me so many questions about you. I wish you could hear her call me Uncle Louis. It's the cutest thing in the world. Isabelle has even taken a liking to her. It's a rare occasion when Isabelle likes anyone. But she likes you so I guess that she thinks the same thing I do. Peyton is another way to see our Harry's personality."
"I just want you to know that I love you Harry. You're my best mate and I need you right now. I've seen Alyssa and Peyton and they need you. We haven't all lost hope in you yet." He stops and I hear the sound of the chair moving against the floor.
I walk into the room to see Louis with a tear stained face. I set the medicine down on the counter and pull him into my arms. I remember what it felt like when I broke down. I relive it everyday. All you really need is someone to hug and listen to you. "Are you okay?" I ask after a few moments.
"No." He continues to cry.
I nod and don't let go. I might have convinced myself that I was hugging him to hold him together but in all reality he was holding me together. It's one of the worst feeling to know that a man lost his best friend because of you.
"Alyssa?" Louis says, his voice cracking.
"Yeah?"
"What did Harry say? Before he left?" Louis looked straight at me.
"His last words were 'if I can't have you then I don't even want to live'." I sighed. "I made a huge mistake letting him go that night."
Louis nodded. "Why did you let him go?"
"Lou if I tell you this you can't tell anyone." He nods. "I was pregnant with Dylan's child. I thought I was making the right choice staying with the baby's father." I couldn't talk. The lump in my throat wouldn't go away no matter how hard I tried to swallow it.
"Was?" Louis asked. "As in, you had a miscarriage?" I nodded but refused to cry. I'm at work. I'm not supposed to be crying.
"I'm sorry." He looks down at his feet. "I can't imagine how that must feel. I mean no offense but how are you still standing? You lost Harry and then your baby. And now you're mothering the one person on this planet that reminds everyone of Harry. That's got to be hard on you."
"It is but I'm still holding up. I have Lilly as support and I still get to see Harry everyday. Even if he is in this state because I know he's getting the best care he can get."
"People tell me I'm their hero all the time. But I'm nowhere as strong as you." He smiles.
"Thanks Louis it means a lot." I grab the medicine off the counter and hook it to his IV.
"You're welcome. Andrea and I are always here if you need us." He smiles.
"I'm here if you need me." I smile back.
I thought he was going to leave after that but he sat down. "Alyssa do you honestly think he's going to get better?"
I should have expected him to ask. It's one of the hardest questions I've ever had to answer. I sigh and sit in the other chair. "I know medically speaking that he has the ability to wake up from this. His bruises have healed completely which is a good sign that he can overcome this. But," I pause and look at him.
"But what?" He says on the verge of tears again.
"But he broke a few ribs. Unlike the cuts and bruises they haven't healed. And the longer someone is in a coma the harder it becomes for them to wake up from it. And Harry has been in this state for almost three months."
Louis looks over at the mans body that we have grown to love. He grabs Harry's hand and rests his head on the edge of the bed. "I'll give you a minute alone with the patient." I squeeze his shoulder before slowly walking back towards the door.
"There's still a chance right?"
I put my hand on the door knob and nod not being able to see the sadness written across Louis' face.
I walk to the next room to see one of our elderly patients. "Hello Mr. Johnson. How are you?" I put on my best fake smile.
~~~~
Before my shift is over I walk back into Harry's room. It's just a habit I guess. I sign a few things into the clipboard when I see his body twitch.
"Harry?" I step closer to him.
Nothing. "Ugh! Why do I even try?" He doesn't do anything. I'm losing my fucking mind.
"Harry I know you can't hear me but I'm going to change your medicine again before I go."
I get more medicine and hook it up to his IV. I'm not going crazy. I know I saw him move. I'm going to try talking to him again. "Harry?" I whisper.
Within seconds the door flies open. "Hey I know you're about to clock out but we have a emergency kid that just broke his arm and I'm extremely busy. Do you think you can go take care of it real quick?"
I nod and follow her out of the room. Maybe I am just insane.