wohoo! we're #8 now in paranormal so to celebrate i decided to upload two chapters today. enjoy and again, many thanks to all of you. k",)
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I regret coming back so soon. Seriously. I know we couldn't hide in the cabin forever but I should have milked that situation for all its worth. I should've took advantage of it because now I don't know when we'd have a chance to be alone like that again.
We're not even within view of the pack house and already I could feel the commotion and the disturbance inside. It's during these moments that I ask myself why I wanted to become alpha. Do I love problems and headaches so much? Do I perhaps have a masochistic streak lining my spine? Because only a well-seasoned masochist would be able to deal with all this pain and hassle on a daily basis.
"Oh for fuck's sake!" I groaned out loud. I couldn't help myself. This is just ridiculous!
One day... Just one fucking day! Can't I at least have that? Or even a few hours to spend with Ruari without having to deal with any distractions? To think of nothing but ways to seduce him or how to pleasure him, how to make him smile or just talk about the future.
I wanted to bang my head against a wall.
Can't we have just a couple of hours of peace and quiet to ourselves? It's like everyone has a radar or some shit. Every time Ruari and I start to feel good something really fucked up happens and we're back to where we started, sometimes we're even worse off. Shit, this is just insane!
"What the hell is it now?"
When Jean came out of the pack house with Cale, flanked by Bran and Prior, I knew in an instant we're in really deep shit. And from the look on her face I could guess what it could be.
"Wow! I was gone for one night and this is the enthusiastic greeting I get? I should go off alone more often." Ruari joked before taking Cale in his arms. His failed attempt at humor after seeing the dire faces of the people who came out to specifically greet us.
I was a bit worried he'd be stiff around the pack once we're back but he seemed to have forgotten about the marking completely. Bran and Prior took one whiff of our scent and immediately realized his scent and mine have changed. Mixed.
I could sense their hesitation and I can't fault them for being wary. Male wolves tend to be territorial on the first few days after the marking, not to mention the full moon is coming, so other males tend to stay clear of marked females if they value their lives and don't want to be torn into shreds. Jean seemed oblivious but she's human. She wouldn't be able to tell the difference unless we specifically tell her.
Personally, I'd kill anyone, and I mean 'anyone', without hesitation, who tries to touch Ruari in a wrong way from today onwards. But if they respect boundaries and keep their hands to themselves then I'm cool with it. I'm not going to go berserk on people who approach him for no apparent reason.
Bran was the first to break the silence. "Uh, welcome back and ah..." But he seemed a bit lost on what to say after that. He got stuck while looking at his oblivious mate with a painful expression. I almost pity the guy.
But Prior was there to save him. "Congratulations alpha," he said.
Ruari seemed lost for a moment until realization dawned on him and I couldn't help the smug look that crept on my face. It's too late for him to worry about that now. Of course, I will neither confirm or deny anything. Let them all think what they want as long they know he's mine, I don't care.
Ruari was blushing up a storm and was acting so adorably shy all of sudden I couldn't help but tease him a little. It feels good to finally put something other than a frown or a tear on his face. I look forward to more of this in the near future.
I was soaking up all the good vibes I almost forgot I still have a major problem to deal with. Thankfully I have Jean to remind me.
"They're here." She said shooting me down from my newfound high. And from the way she was clutching my arm it means they're here to cause serious trouble. Damn!
My other arm immediately circled around Ruari and Keiron's hackles shot up. All our senses are now on high alert.
"Ciaran?" Ruari asked in confusion when he felt my sudden change.
When I didn't respond he linked his mind with mine but I couldn't answer or focus on him. I have to know first what I'm about to deal with.
"How many?" I asked Jean.
She looked like she saw a ghost or something. I thought she'd be more calm about this visit since she knew about Ruari's family beforehand. But from her pale complexion and worried expression something about them spooked her. And I never thought I'd see the day that this seemingly fearless woman look utterly terrified.
"Three, his brother and two escorts." She answered looking at Ruari before turning back to me. "Lorcan is entertaining them right now. I told him not to let them wander around and I asked these two," she motioned at Bran and Prior. "To tell the pack not to say anything until you come."
Three. I don't know how I feel about that number. With such a small group I could almost hope they're here to just see and talk to Ruari. But I'm not naïve to believe that bullshit for one second.
Yes, they'd want to see and talk to him but if they didn't mean to cause trouble they could have announced their arrival instead of just showing up out of the blue. Unless we know what they're after, it's best not let our guards down.
"Go back inside the house," I told the others. "I need to talk to Ruari before we come inside and greet them."
I took Ruari's arm and pulled him away.
I should have prepared for this the moment Jean told me about them. Now what? What do I do next? Damn it I'm drawing blanks!
"I'm sorry I was ignoring you but I had to ask about the situation first."" I turned to Ruari once we were a good distance away from the house. "
"What's is it about?" He asked. "Who's at the house?"
I really hoped I didn't have to tell this to him, not this soon and not this way.
I wish I could just take him far away.
"Your brother." I answered.
I saw intense rage flare in his eyes and I felt my heart drop to my stomach. Shit, I knew it!
"Fuck you Ciaran!" He cursed before turning to walk away from me.
"I'm not lying! Do you really think I'd hurt you like that?" I tried pulling him back but Ruari just pushed me off.
"Everyone knows I'm an orphan goddamn it!" He screamed. He was so angry I could feel it cutting through me. "Of course you're lying and yes, it fucking hurts me when you do!"
"Damn it, I wish I were!" I snapped.
Oh gad he doesn't know. I can't even begin to explain to him how I wished this was all just a fucking lie! But it isn't. They're here and I'm running out of damned time.
"I wish your brother is not in the pack house right now. I wish he didn't come to Moonscape to try and take you away from me. But believe me I am not lying! I won't lie to you Ruari, not about something like this."
I could see his body visibly shake and I regret that he had to find out about his family this way. But its too late for regrets now.
"I don't know much okay, like you I'm figuring this out as I go. As you know Jean and I had a talk. She told me you're not an orphan and like you, at first, I didn't believe her either. But then she told me that we should make up before your family comes for you. She told me once they come and find out what happened to you here in Moonscape they'd take you away and there'd be nothing I could do to stop them."
"How come you didn't tell me before now?" He asked. I could see my answer matters to him.
Damn it! How do I tell him? How do I explain everything without making myself look like an asshole?
"I was going to tell you once everything settles down. I was even thinking of asking Jean to help me. But I didn't think they'd come so soon." I confessed, nothing but straightforward truth would do. "Honestly, I didn't think it was that important."
I could almost hear something inside him snap at my words and I mentally slapped myself. From the look of disbelief and disgust in his face I could only imagine what he must be thinking right now. I almost forgot how merciless he could be.
"Before you jump to false conclusions and curse me to hell and back." I started trying desperately to salvage the situation. This talk is not heading the way I hoped. "Let me just tell you why I thought this whole deal about your family was not something I considered safe to just dive into without proper ground work."
Ruari turned away from me like he couldn't stand the mere sight of me anymore. I don't know if he's even aware of it but he's now blocking me off his mind. And more than anything, that scares the shit out of me.
I could deal with anything they throw at my face but I wouldn't be able to survive it if Ruari shies away from me because of this.
I grabbed his shoulders and force him to look at me. I stepped closer, purposely invading his personal space so he wouldn't have a choice on the matter and in the end my arrogance and persistence won. Ruari grudgingly looked back at me.
"I did consider digging into your background but I remembered how you flipped when I listened in on your conversation with Jean so I decided not to. I didn't want this issue to be another thing that would come between us so I decided to leave it alone for now."
I held my breath as he digested my words. I could feel the anger slowly draining away from him, thank the spirits. But by the time Ruari stopped resisting me and rested his forehead on my shoulder, I was ready to collapse.
"Ruari believe me I didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry if I didn't tell you right away." I said gently, hoping he'd understand. "I thought that if you're interested to know more about your family or want to meet them we find could search for them together. If they want to see you or talk to you, I won't stop them. I'd let them come and visit you if you're willing to see them. But if they're going to come here to stir trouble between us, then fuck them! They could all go to hell for all I care. Please, try to understand..."
Maybe my mistake was taking too much time to decide on what to do. I was so confused and messed up after Jean told me Ruari almost died. But I should have taken this issue as my first priority.
Ruari has always been starved of affection. I don't know much but from the short time I spent with him I could easily guess that all he wants is somewhere to belong. People to love and call his own. In short term, he wants a family.
I could be high-handed and tell him I'm his family now. But I know that isn't enough, I alone is not enough. He doesn't know much about his past. To put it bluntly he doesn't really know who he is that's why he has so much insecurities. That's why he's so unstable. And even if his family is such a huge threat to me, to us, I'm willing to compromise if that's what takes to make him happy.
Ruari lifted his head from my shoulder. Our eyes locked, held. He gently traced the line of my jaw and the edge of my mouth.
There's a complicated look in his face that I've never seen before and it makes my heart clench.
Oh gad I don't know what I'd do if I lose him now! Just thinking about it makes me die slowly inside.
Shit now the thought is there I can't it out. Goddamn it! I need to focus. I can't t lose it now!
But try as I might, I can't stop myself from trembling. I'm deathly afraid. We barely managed to clear the air between us. I just got him back. I can't afford to lose him again!
"Ciaran I..."
I didn't give him time to finish. I captured his lips and refused to let go. I stole his breath away. I don't care if I'm devouring him. If I could I'd take him all inside of me and never let him separate from me ever again I'd do it. I'd consume him whole so I'd always be sure that he'd be with me.
I don't know how to make him stay. I can beg and cry, follow him to the ends of the earth but I don't know what to do or say to make him not leave me.
"What do I have to do to keep them from taking you away?" I whispered on a shaky voice. Holding him close to my trembling body. "Everyone seems to want to take you from me!"
Ruari wrapped his arms around me and kissed me gently.
"Ciaran, you seemed to have forgotten one important thing." He said touching his forehead to mine. "Nobody could make me leave you if I don't want to."
And with that simple affirmation my trembling finally stopped...